45 thoughts on “Splinter cells

  1. -in case you haven’t already created enough addicts to the mutiny, now you’re making it possible to mutineer on-the-go??

  2. If I was getting SM on my cell phone it will only add to failures in my personal life in addition to the failures in my career as a direct result of SM in which case SM will be directly liable for me being a big ass failure!!!

  3. Isn’t all this mentioned in the “Revelations” section of the Bible ? That one man will rise to power and wreak havoc worldwide via his ability to exert his influence on a global scale ?

    I wonder if Manish is mentioned in the Nostradamus prophecies too…..

    Someone should shave his head and see if it has a “666″ anywhere…..I bet SM staff, including “guest bloggers”, are already walking around with an “SM” tattoo on their hands or on their foreheads…..Truly the mark of The Beast…..

  4. Well, THAT would explain the “SM” scab on my forehead. I’m never going to be the first one asleep at the drunken monkey toga party ever again.

  5. I reckon “SM” tattoos on the lower backs of foxy female Mutineers would look quite saucy. Especially when combined with those low-rise jeans which would be mandatory in Desistan, as mentioned in the other thread.

  6. Jai:

    I reckon “SM” tattoos on the lower backs of foxy female Mutineers would look quite saucy. Especially when combined with those low-rise jeans which would be mandatory in Desistan, as mentioned in the other thread.

    In that case, all of the Desi men are required to wear and walk around in tight Leopard print Speedos, even if massive amounts of hair are peeking out in a unruly manner. This is too bad, but as mandated under the new laws, Desi men are prohibited against removing body hair.

  7. CAD you paint a gruesome visual, ala Mr. Kohli in his red-white-and-blue speedo in Bride & Prejudice

    [DD cringes to admit having suffered previously-mentioned shite movie]

  8. DesiDancer:

    CAD you paint a gruesome visual, ala Mr. Kohli in his red-white-and-blue speedo in Bride & Prejudice

    It’s not as gruesome as you think. Eventually, when you get your shaadi done, you’re going to have to see a Desi man butt-naked. Might as well establish a new custom, where we can now see everything a Desi man has to offer. In this manner, it’ll be easier for us Desi Ladies to scope out the products before we decide to make any long-term investments/commitments.

    Besides, have you seen any Desi men in tight Leopord print Speedos? It’s not too bad. Tight Speedos with the Indian flag printed on it– with the notorious spinning wheel right in the middle– is my personal favorite. Yum.

  9. Ding, ding, ding!

    Latest Sepia Mutiny product that should be found on the SM gear shortly! Speedos with the SM logo!

    Just for you CAD, we’ll make sure they are CHEAP ASS…

    -t

  10. PB Fan: Cheap Ass Desi is like a female Punjabi Boy :-)

    I don’t understand your comment: are you saying that Punjabi Boys like men wearing tight Speedos with the Indian flag printed on it, with the spinning wheel artistically and strategically placed right on the spot where it matters the most?

    Taz:

    Latest Sepia Mutiny product that should be found on the SM gear shortly! Speedos with the SM logo!

    Just for you CAD, we’ll make sure they are CHEAP ASS…

    “Cheap Ass” in my book means “for free”. So if they are for free, that’s great. I’ll save the SM speedos for my wedding night and make my husband wear it for me.

  11. CAD,

    We’re trying to make Desistan a paradise on Earth, not a place where there are millions of “banana hammock”-clad versions of Mr Kohli strutting around like John Travolta at the start of “Saturday Night Fever”. Bear in mind that I didn’t say the hot ladies of this nation should be wearing bikinis 24/7 ;)

    Not that anyone would complain if the aforementioned women decided to do so, of course. Desistan is a progressive, enlightened, and liberal country, where the hotties have complete freedom to be Saucy Wenches* if they choose to be so.

    I don’t understand your comment: are you saying that Punjabi Boys like men wearing tight Speedos with the Indian flag printed on it, with the spinning wheel artistically and strategically placed right on the spot where it matters the most?

    “Punjabi Boy” is the username of one of our long-lost heroes on SM. Do a ‘search’ here and you’ll find out who we’re all talking about.

    *Re: Saucy Wenches. There are multiple definitions of the term “wench”, but not all wenches are saucy. However, there is no point being a wench if you’re not going to be as saucy as possible too. Therefore, it should be the aspiration of all true wenches to aim for the Saucy ideal.

  12. Jai:

    -I reckon “SM” tattoos on the lower backs of foxy female Mutineers would look quite saucy. Especially when combined with those low-rise jeans which would be mandatory in Desistan, as mentioned in the other thread.

    -Not that anyone would complain if the aforementioned women decided to do so, of course. Desistan is a progressive, enlightened, and liberal country, where the hotties have complete freedom to be Saucy Wenches* if they choose to be so.

    Jai beta, I think it’s time that your elders find a nice girl for you and arrange your marriage.

  13. CAD,

    I’m holding my breath for a Bad Indian Girl “Good Indian Girl” who has all of the above in her biodata.

    No doubt I will find myself beating David Blaine’s recent record. It’s not the kind of stuff people put on Shaadi.com ;)

  14. Jai beta:

    I’m holding my breath for a Bad Indian Girl “Good Indian Girl” who has all of the above in her biodata.

    No doubt I will find myself beating David Blaine’s recent record. It’s not the kind of stuff people put on Shaadi.com ;)

    You won’t find any of the nice, seedhi saadhi girls that you’re looking for on shaadi.com. If you want to look at biodatas that fit your type, click here.

    http://www.hoes.com/indian.html

  15. DJ Poonaani-jaabi

    Hey— I was writing up my comment. When I finished, I clicked and your comment came up and you put the same thing as me!

  16. Maybe you’re looking for someone like:

    Around most Indian girls, I always end up feeling that I’m talking too loudly, laughing too much, viewed as an ungainly combination of tomboy and slut… I’m not interested in meeting people with too many rules and hypocrisies, whether they’re Indian girls or not. But they usually are. [Link]

    THE STREET LAWYER, By Neeraja Viswanathan, Esq.: Don’t get busted, get wise! The debut of a new column: The lowdown adventures of a pot-smokin’ street lawyer. [Link]

    … lawyer Neeraja Viswanathan… lays the rules bare. Exactly how much pot do you need to have in your possession to warrant a felony conviction? What merits a strip search and exactly how much is an officer allowed to inspect? Can you really have sex in a cab? [Link]
  17. How the hell do you guys insert links with names, like in #19?

    And how do people get the vertical line of stars to indicate quotes, like in # 22?

    I have been trying for some time now.

  18. Uncles and Auntiejis,

    Thank you all very much for your input with regards to the future Mrs Jai.

    I hope everyone realises that in real life I’m actually a lot quieter and better-behaved than I may appear to be here ;)

    However, a sneak preview of what Jai aka LLCoolJai is really like and his preferences for the aforementioned “life partner” can be found on an archived 55 thread involving “fake biodata”. I can’t remember the name of that week’s 55 extravaganza but I’m sure regular Mutineers can remember what I’m talking about.

    Nevertheless, racy tattoos and saucy-but-tasteful attire are more than welcome ;)

  19. DJ Poonaani-jaabi Hey— I was writing up my comment. When I finished, I clicked and your comment came up and you put the same thing as me!

    Not exactly the same thing, the page I linked to doesn’t have gems like “Girls From Hayward Want To Fuck You!”

  20. How the hell do you guys insert links with names, like in #19?

    Either something into the email or web site fields with your comment and then your handle will have a link.

  21. PS CAD, I’ve realised that your post #17 was a fiendishly diabolical plot to try to get me married off to a nice homely girl in order to keep me on the straight and narrow. I’m afraid I’ve seen through your stratagem and have thwarted your nefarious agenda — uncles and aunties everywhere have been trying to pull the same stunt with me for years ;)

  22. Jai Munna:

    I hope everyone realises that in real life I’m actually a lot quieter and better-behaved than I may appear to be here ;)

    Sure!

  23. Jai beta:

    So, did you choose a couple that interest you? Let me know, so I can go conduct an interview with her and her folks.

    You must choose someone soon… we don’t have all the time in the world, and you know how complicated and long it takes to make preparations for a shaadi!!

    We are you going throw you one pimpin’ shaadi, my boy. Tighten your speedos…..

  24. DJ Drrrrty Poonaani-jaabi and ANYBODY ELSE:

    Either something into the email or web site fields with your comment and then your handle will have a link.

    No, I know how to do that. And anyway, don’t want to give away my identity!!

    I meant how people provide links with phrases written into them. Like how you wrote: Look no further, my good man; and then one clicks on it and it directs you to a website.

    And also quotes: how do you get the vertical line of stars when you’re citing somebody?

    I’m asking for help. I just want to fit in (sniffle, sniffle).

  25. It all depends on the browser you’re using. For me, right where it says “Comments: ” there is a row of symbols. The first one looks like this “-> That means indent the quote The second one is to hyperlink The third, fourth and fifth ones are to bold, italicize and underline respectively.

    However, if you can’t see them, you can always type in what you need in html.

  26. Ennis:

    I know about the row of symbols, and have been abusing the bold,italics, underline, and strike out ones. But when I click on the link and quote symbol, I am brought to the beginning of the webpage. I have tried to fiddle and experiment with the two aforementioned links which has failed to be successful.

    Help.

  27. CAD,

    I think I know what the problem is. You have to highlight the text concerned with your mouse, and then click the appropriate symbol.

    I had the same problem as you when I first started visiting SM, until I figured out what I was doing wrong.

  28. Msichana on May 12, 2006 11:18 AM · Direct link Guys may claim that wearing a raincoat prohibits them from feeling anything, but I’ve seen a female condom on TV once, and those things look so thick that even an asteroid could not burst through it. How could a girl/woman feel anything with something exponentially smaller than an asteroid when she has a female condom on in? Maybe the fact that the opening and the first 4 inches or so of the female genital opening is where the most sensitivity is? That is why penetration is often not the way to see stars. ;-)

  29. No, I didn’t get it.

    I selected the text, and then clicked on the quotes symbol. The end result is posted above.

  30. I think I know what the problem is. You have to highlight the text concerned with your mouse, and then click the appropriate symbol. I had the same problem as you when I first started visiting SM, until I figured out what I was doing wrong.
  31. I’d like to thank the Administrator, Jai, Ennis, and DJ Drrrty Poonaani-jaabi for schooling me in the ways of SM (wipe away tears).

    I hope I’ve done you proud.

  32. CAD Auntie,

    Good to see you’ve finally managed to crack the SM symbols malarkey.

    With regards to other matters:

    So, did you choose a couple that interest you? Let me know, so I can go conduct an interview with her and her folks.

    Not quite. I’m afraid I’m not an arranged marriage kinda guy. Also, a Saucy Wench is naughty but not cheap or nasty. Pertinent examples of suitably Saucy Wenches are as follows:

    Edie (Nicolette Sheridan’s character) in Desperate Housewives. Julie Cooper in The OC. Lois Lane in Smallville.

    And so on and so forth.

    I hope everyone realises that in real life I’m actually a lot quieter and better-behaved than I may appear to be here ;) Sure!

    No, I really am. Okay, apparently I don’t look or sound the type, but I assure you that I am, despite the fact that I can’t even politely talk to a young Indian woman at a desi get-together without her parents getting paranoid that I’ll be giving their precious daughter a “happy ending” by the close of the evening…..

  33. despite the fact that I can’t even politely talk to a young Indian woman at a desi get-together without her parents getting paranoid that I’ll be giving their precious daughter a “happy ending” by the close of the evening…..

    Ahhh…but what is she thinking?

  34. Jai:

    Not quite. I’m afraid I’m not an arranged marriage kinda guy.

    Beta, why?! Look, I think you have the traditional conception of arranged marriages, ie. you see the woman you are going to spend the rest of your life with only on your wedding day. Things have changed in India, beta. We’re modern now. We show you pictures and her biodata; if you like her, we bring you to her family’s home and you see each other; then, if you still like, you two get to go out on one chaperoned date to find out whether she is the ladki for you. If you like her, we’ll arrange the shaadi as soon as possible. If you don’t like her, then we start the process all over again with someone else. Some may say that this is like a highly specialized meat market, and that the agency of the individual is compromised. This is not true!! This is Western propaganda.

    This is how we do it, beta. This is the way it was done, it has been done, and it will be done. It is in our Desi culture. This is the ways of our people. Arranged marriages have worked for centuries, there is no reason why we should change this now!

  35. Sorry CAD Masi, I have a little too much life-experience and am too much of a romantic fool to be the right victim candidate for a CAD-facilitated hookup ;)

    Never mind. I’m sure there are lots of other SM commenters here who would be willing victims participants in the usual CAD-arranged tray-full-of-ladoos-and-coy-shyness “introduction” meetings that have worked so spectacularly well for countless desis across the aeons ;)

    After all, copies of biodata and a handful of meetings is all that is required to make an informed decision on whether one can happily spending the rest of one’s life with someone and have a deeply emotionally-fulfilling relationship with them…..This is common sense. Any uncle or auntie could tell you that !

  36. Jai:

    Sorry CAD Masi, I have a little too much life-experience and am too much of a romantic fool to be the right victim candidate for a CAD-facilitated hookup ;)

    What is all this baqwaas about being “romantic”? In our culture, we say “marry first, fall in love after. Not the other way around”. We are not Amreekans and Vesterners, beta.

    If we don’t follow a carefully organized and highly systematic mating ritual that has passed the test of time, how the hell do you expect to get married? Oho, you’re a “romantic fool”– do you imagine yourself frollicking around in tight jeans in a lush garden while your beloved coyly hides behind tree trunks and flirtaciously attempts to thwart your attempts at grabbing the end of her sari so you can reel that wench towards you to have pre-marital sex?!

    Don’t be fooled by Bollywood filums beta. That is not reality.

    Tighten your speedos and get ready munna. According to our timetable, you are going to get married in India by the end of this summer. Plus, we are all looking forward to having grandchildren. We are getting old now and we don’t want to die without seeing our line extended.