For my 16th birthday, we had a sheet cake from Sam’s Club, and maybe a couple of balloons. It was small with just family, and a few of my school friends. It wasn’t elaborate, but in those days, we didn’t have MTV to show us how ‘the others’ celebrate their Sweet 16. Maybe that’s why I have a sick, sick obsession with watching MTV’s reality TV show Sweet 16, where in the span of a half an hour segment you see thousands and thousands of dollars being thrown down for a measly birthday. From the SM news tab, we’ve now learned desi teen girls haven’t missed the wrath of this reality TV show either.
…Dr. Srinivasa Rao Kothapalli, a prominent cardiologist in Beaumont, Tex., is more than willing to relinquish his checkbook. His daughter Priya turned 16 earlier this month, and she is in the throes of planning a joint birthday-graduation party with her elder sister, Divya, 18. “If you can afford to have a grand celebration, then why not,” said Dr. Kothapalli, who immigrated to the United States from India in the mid-1980’s. “It’s the American way. You work hard and you play hard.”Their Bollywood-themed party for 500 guests will be held in the family’s backyard — all 4Å“ acres, behind the 10,000-square-foot house. The Format, their favorite band, will perform. And they will make their grand entrance on litters, during an elaborate procession led by elephants…”We both want to lose three pounds,” said Priya, who received a Mercedes convertible and an assortment of diamond jewelry for her birthday. Her sister’s graduation gift package included a Bentley, diamonds and two homes in India. [link]
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p>Can you believe this ridiculous consumption? Elephants, diamonds, Bentleys and homes? If this is what they got for their Sweet 16/18, can you imagine the weddings? I can’t wait till the show airs, which unfortunately, has no links up yet on MTV-but I’m sure the mutineers will keep us posted. So let’s see, there were first those two desi girls that secretly partied, Kaavya gets half a million to write a ‘plagiarized’ book before turning 17, and now, we have these girls. Sigh. Such a contrast from the girls, girls, girls earlier this month.
Priya added, “It’s pathetic when people suck up.” Still, dealing with sycophantic classmates and a bit of teasing is a small price to pay for the spotlight. “We both love attention–that’s one of our main motives for having the party,” Divya said. “The more attention the better.” [link]
At least I have something in common with the girls from Sweet 16…I’m kidding. KIDDING. 
If anyone knows when this will be re-aired, please inform. Will get one of my Tivo-hoochies to tape this.
Cant wait to watch it I liked the one with Ava, half Iranian-half Jewish.
As a long time lurker, I just want to say ‘thanks’ to Madurai and brownfrown for posting what I was saying in my head as I was reading this long comment thread.
i watched it last night, having been alerted to it by Taz’s TV Guide Service (TM). it was pretty depressing. the protagonist was some vapid whitegirl called chelsi. surrounded by her vapid whitegirl friends and her vapid whiteboy boyfriend whom she was ignoring to go dance with some other vapid whiteboy. (“but i didn’t make out with him!”) moreover, it was a toga party. who the hell has toga parties in this day and age? there was a rumor that a bunch of juniors were going to crash, which would have been interesting, but they didn’t, because the police were there to protect the event. the police? jeez. miss chelsi came in on some sort of litter, like a roman empress, carried by two studly boys that she recruited by going to the gym with her girlfriends and asking boys to take off their shirts.
there were no people of color anywhere, and there was a lot of garish make-up and a mercedes coupe at the end.
oh wait, the dressmaker was east asian.
peace
Yeah, sid, the very original toga party episode aired last night. The bollywood party is next week y’all.
jeet:
my cousin was at avas party (friends from high school i guess) and she told me a lot of it was scripted..but i can stil hear that gals squeals… remember her paris escapade for the dress… oh god.
hey metric, are you the artist formerly known as metric ang?
just curious.
Yes, I’ve had a few metamorphoses (sp) starting from my real name… to now metric (like the band AND that’s our Canadian measurement system). Don’t ask me how – it was a natural evolution… heh heh… nah, I just got tired of typing both names when switching between computers.
Cant wait to watch it I liked the one with Ava, half Iranian-half Jewish. Ridiculousness! A show about how bratty, spoiled kids can have their ways with mummy and daddy. Cry, when not presented with a Benz or a Range Rover. Make sure to kick out the “losers” from the party. Perform a dance routine or a song, better yet get an artist to perform. and I thought only girls get to have SweetSixteens. This show also has guys…hmm
He should def stop makin movies and come out of the closet already!
Can we make a pledge to try to refrain from sexism for the rest of this post, in line with what MV and Deepa seconded (and I third) and Abhi tried to brush off?
Hey, they showed a brown girl twice at the party! I think she was Indian.
Jeet ~ Ava is my fave so far =) I hope they film her wedding when that day comes.
Mr. DD told me once that the reason Desi Dads spoil their daughters so much is so that whenever suitors and would-be-dates come sniffing around, they’ll never be able to deliver the kind of pampering and luxury that Daddy could provide. Nothing will stop a guy in his tracks like the phrase “my daddy could buy me a better one…” Instant cockblock. It’s an insurance policy, really… 😉
as for me and my pampered sweet 16, my dad said “if you want a driver’s license we’re throwing you no parties.”
I needed the wheels or else I couldn’t sneak into the bars underage… vutt to do.
DD,
I definitely think there’s some truth to that. Once in high school my dad told me that he never wanted me to feel obligated to some dude because he got me a nice gift or something, so if I wanted anything I should just ask him. [Dad, are you reading this? BENTLEY! I like the black convertible one Paris just got. Heh heh just kidding.] And that extremely weird 10 seconds was the only relationship conversation I’ve ever had with my dad. Parenting!
DD you went to bars under age? Consider our friendship over, CRIMINAL.
I like that word, cockblock. Remind me to use it more frequently in day-to-day speech.
Give me a break. I didn’t try to “brush it off.” I just don’t like threadjacking to pursue an argument that you aren’t going to get anywhere with in a post about spoiled rich kids.
Rupa – LOL
I never even got a ten second relationship conversation with my Dad. I got handed a big yellow book titled ‘The Teen’s guide to sex and relationships’ or something. My Dad also secretly stole my copy of ‘Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret’ to make sure it was ‘alright’. He told me later that it got his stamp of approval.
I can feel this thread morphing into Sepia Destiny part II.
Bong Breaker (#82):
Well no, it’s not all natural – the responses we have to various stimuli like ideals of beauty are socially conditioned (as are, of course, ideals of beauty). I don’t think you can call a wolf-whistle or catcall (reactions to stimuli) “natural.” Now, whether there’s something wrong with discussing someone’s physical attributes? I suppose it depends largely on the context. That’s all I’ve got on that one. If someone else wants to chime in please, I think this could do with a more critical eye.
There is something about the sentence in bold that I found unsettling, and that’s the shifting of responsibility. In saying, “maybe it’s because I’m this way that I…” we create an easy escape for ourselves where we might otherwise have to confront the possibility that we’ve messed up somehow. We all do it in various different contexts, and it takes a lot to confront the possibility that we’ve made a mistake and work through it, but really that’s what has to be done. I’m not saying I always work through it – I know for a fact that I sometimes don’t – and I can only hope that people will call me out on it when they catch me.
To be clear, BB, I’m not saying you did anything wrong. I’m sharing my thoughts on the possible implications of that sentence.
Dear Abhi: for brown’s sake, post something about rassling or mud or cliffjumping or something with missiles… – the sequins and pumps are doing a major cockblock here.
Actually, Abhi, I also think you tried to brush it off. Take some constructive criticism and move on.
Actually you can. Primates in the wild do the equivalent all the time. As much as we would like to believe differently, humans are little more than well-trained animals.
How about this: I am leaving for Augusta in twenty minutes and will be off the grid until Monday. There will be no Abhi to push around. Problem solved 🙂
true. i believe apes and the bonobo monkeys have been known to commit rape and sodomy.
let me see if i can rustle up a kinky link for you animals you.
Madurai
No, a wolf-whistle isn’t natural (or if Abhi’s right, it’s junglee! Hence not nice). But saying a girl has amazing legs in confidence is natural, at least I think so. Hell when I think a girl is good looking I tell them because I’m confident in me not coming across as a perv. As I have no desire in bedding them, they normally take it the right way, as a compliment. I hope!
When you say you hope someone will call you out, I would say the same for myself too. One of the things I’ve learnt with blogging and commenting etc is that there are many types of people out there. Some of them will find things I say or do objectionable and I welcome that because in real life it’s easy to socialise with people like yourself.
I’m not trying to shift the blame in that sentence, when I say I’m unsophisticated I’m perfectly happy with that fact. I quite like being a horny guy, I like talking about girls and sex and I also quite like people thinking I’m unsophisticated. I tend to say what I think and if I think a girl has amazing legs, a gorgeous smile, nice hair or pretty toes I’ll say so. The same way if I think a girl is intelligent or admirable I’ll also say so, irrespective of her looks. I take back my earlier question about whether any of this is wrong or right because I don’t think it matters to me. Some people are ok with me saying these things, others aren’t. That probably won’t change.
oy ! buddy – i wasnt pushing … just the voice of desperation.
abhi is coming to hotlanta 😉
Huzzah! Thank you for finally providing the validation I needed to fling my own poop around. In a well-trained manner of course.
pet peeve rant (ppr) warning–ignore if you don’t care about bonobos 🙂
i believe apes and the bonobo monkeys have been known to commit rape and sodomy.
As someone who has a picture of a bonobo on his blog and once tried (unsuccessfully) to volunteer at the Great Ape preserve in Iowa, I have to take issue with this. Bonobos are among the closest living relatives to humans (they’re actually apes, not monkeys) and are reputed to be gentle, social, highly sexual, and fairly timid (allegedly a bunch of them died from fright during the Dresden firebombings in WWII). They’re like the hippies of apes, and it’s hard for me to imagine that they engage in chimp-link behavior.
Please don’t diss the bonobos without backing it up!
/end ppr
Huh!? Why aren’t men’s legs ever the topic of discussion or worthy of bestowing compliments upon?
What’s unsophisticated? Catcalling or telling someone they have a nice ass? When I do think a guy has an amazing ass, a gorgeous smile, nice hair and pretty toes? (why is it that it doesn’t “naturally” occur to me to check out toes), why doesn’t it naturally occur to me to tell him that, thus placing priority on his looks? The need to dissect a woman’s body and hold it up to the scrutiny of your socially-conditioned preferences about people’s bodies is something you maybe want to explain in some more detail?
I agree with you and Madurai because social conditioning definitely has a huge part to play in how we place our boundaries between natural and the ‘not nice’.
If I was a dude who was born and raised in a climate where it a-ok to catcall girls and quite rare to actually compliment them on non-physical attributes then I too would be more inclined to whistle like a total tapori (I’m not excusing it, just saying that I would be pre-disposed to do so). Similarly, if I was brought up in say Sweden, I think my tendancy to praise female body parts to a woman’s face would most likely arise within the confines of a familiar relationship.
I’ve got nothing against my male FRIENDS complimenting me, its the goddam whistles and jeers and the ‘hi sexy’ and ‘wanna come to mine, sweety’ and all that bullshit from complete fucking strangers on the street that I find inexcusable, no matter where they were grown.
The training must have gone wrong somewhere if there are men out there that think whistling is going to land them a mate.
i’m confused. how did the thread get here?
Humans rape and practice anal sex.
I haven’t done any research on bonobo rape but I once wrote a massive paper on homosexuality in nature and not only do bonobos have male/male – female/female intercourse but they also create lasting relationships based on these physical relations. However, I can’t give you any links to back this up, the research journals I used were not online, sorry…but mei kasam khati hoo for sure 🙂
Similarly, if I was brought up in say Sweden, I think my tendancy to praise female body parts to a woman’s face would most likely arise within the confines of a familiar relationship.
or if you’re shit-faced. i’m not being flippant either, i am to understand that scandinavians are shy so the only way they ever behave as obnoxiously as italians is by drinking (which they do a lot).
So, if you knew this family and they invited you to this lavish 16th, you’d decline their invitation?
Well, assuming that this didn’t come out of nowhere, and that this is in line with their normal spending habits, then yes, I probably would. In fact, I have declined invitations to lavish events on a much smaller scale precisely because they seemed infused with exactly this type of boring ostentation and nothing redeeming. More likely, however, I wouldn’t be socializing with these people in the first place. I don’t think I’ve ever rated a party particularly positively because of any of the physical objects there, excepting perhaps flaming sandbags–but they were being danced with, so it was still about the people. Based on what I’ve read, take away all the props and this party would be deathly boring. Why go? I have friends who can throw a party in an empty room with a jug of water. Who needs Bentleys?
If this this the most interesting thing you can think of doing with that much time and money, you’re not very interesting to me, quite the opposite. It’s really that simple. I don’t see why this is so hard to understand. They’re putting themselves out there, in a TV Show and a NYT artice, and I’m responding with a resounding “yuck.” Simple transaction.
Awww, Abhi. . .don’t be like that. 🙂
and so do hippies for that matter…
Okay, last post I swear. I am literally out the door (running late) but have to say one last thing. No decent (as accepted by our social norms) male in our society is going to condone cat-calling or think any other similar behavior is okay. I was simply responding to what is “natural.” Natural means pertaining to Nature of course. If our laws broke down and anarchy followed you would soon see what was “natural.” Our base human instincts and behavior would be revealed for what they are. Catcalling and a plethora of misongynistic behaviors would become the rule. Don’t take my word for it, just take a look at some truly awful places around the world. As a scientist (who studies evolution) I like to sometimes stop and point out the non-PC facts as I know them. My personal idealogies have nothing to do with that. Brownfrown, I expected your response. You might not like what I am saying, I don’t even “like” it, but that doesn’t make it untrue. MV was looking for an explanation. I was attempting to provide one even if you think it is unsettling or not leftist enough.
Okay, now I’m out for real. peace.
word, saheli. declining invitations might be impolite in some cultures, but in this country in this day and age, it’s an essential survival tactic.
Ya, I hear what you’re saying Razib but when booze enters the playing field shit gets even. Women, men, we’re all obscene when supremely drunk.
I just use Sweden as an example because all the Swedes I know are really p.c. and it is on a bit of a pedestal in my mind. Except for the price of alcohol there ($18 canadian for a pint!!!!) it seems like a cool place for the ladies…
Must you all take apart my cult of the bonobo? I know that the humans are bad (even the hippies)–but I can’t have an iconic representation to strive for that’s not Jesus? 🙂
I dunno. Catcalling doesn’t bother me unless it’s men in a group. Then it’s intimidating. Enjoy the ‘you’re sexy’s and ‘hi sweety’s while you can – you won’t hear them forever. I don’t see why they are demeaning. I’ve heard women call out too – girls driving by screaming ‘great ass!’ at guys, girls bragging about their boyfriend’s abs. A guy I knew once had his penis size discussed openly by a bunch of girls in a bar (one of them had slept with him and raved about his cock to everyone else). Objectification, especially these days, is becoming equal-opportunity.
except for the price of alcohol there ($18 canadian for a pint!!!!) it seems like a cool place for the ladies…
you know that scandinavian guys regularly complain that their ladies prefer loud-mouth swarthy southerners though (includes southern europeans), right? 🙂 at least that is what i’ve heard from finns (my gf lived there for 2 years).
Sorry, this is the most hackneyed line. It’s wheeled out every time this topic comes up. I don’t like men’s legs, so I don’t talk about them. If I did happen to find a man’s legs attractive, I would think it acceptable to mention it. If you like men’s legs, no one’s stopping you talk about them. I severely doubt men would have a problem with you talking about their legs. If they are being judged solely upon their legs, that’s unfair – but I would never dream of judging anyone on their looks, male or female.
Why don’t you feel the compulsion to express your opinion on a man’s anatomy if you find him attractive dilmunite? Well that’s a question for you. Would you like me to say that you are far superior to me and that I am a base individual with an inability to raise my mind from the gutter? Perhaps that’s what you’re looking for. Why do you think it is so bad that I would want to mention a girl being attractive? I don’t “dissect” anyone’s body. I think people need some context here, instead of assuming I say things I don’t. It began with Madurai’s comment above (incidentally, there’s your answer Razib!) and I decided to take the opposing view. Regulars will (I’m reasonably confident) testify I’m hardly some misogynist thug. But to put it in a nutshell, I can’t see anything wrong with me saying a girl is pretty if she is. The argument that girls don’t say a guy is good looking is poppycock in that you’re simply illustrating differences in male and female behaviour and as witnessed recently on the Charming Man thread, plenty of girls DO express their opinion on a guy’s looks.
Neha, just to clarify, I don’t tell complete strangers what I think of their looks(!) And at no stage did I say that I DON’T compliment women on non-aesthetic attributes.
Does anyone have contact info. for Divya….or even Priya, but wait, shes not legal….yet 😉
No, it’s not.
I get what your trying to say, that everyone does it now, verses how before guys only objectified and girls had to take it. But it isn’t equal opportunity because when a single guy objectifies me on the streets, I get scared. He is larger than, he is a man, and he has the power to overpower me in ways that by pure size I wouldn’t be able to fight him off. But if a woman objectifies a man, the guy doesn’t get the same amount of fear.
When I used to live in DC, I was involved with the a group that worked on awareness around “street harrassment”- for those in DC or from, you realize how bad it is out there. I would literally walk around with my back all tense and walk across the street when I saw any guy on the sidewalk. I moved out to LA and for the first few weeks, I would do the same kind of cringing, but I realized that it was unneccessary here becuase the street harrassment was notably less. Street harrassment is demeaning, because it makes you feel gross, and scared, and fearful– and seeing as how it is still Sexual Violence Awareness Month– and seeing as how the difference isn’t that far from ‘street harrassment’ and ‘sexual violence’ — I mean, DQ, come on, saying that you aren’t going to be called beautiful forever is a horrible reason to condone being harrassed…
Arey maro baap! Ha, damn, I’ve always wanted to write that…no RoRo, I really wasn’t implying that that was your method of expression. I was just ranting against dudes that do that. Just saying that it’s a cultural thing, while you compliment both physical and non-physical those damn bhaiyaas in Porbandar who probably list “kidnapping little girls” as a hobby usually just stick to the cat calling random chicks on the street. Seriously though, Gujarat has left me with some serious scars, I have a hard time defending random cat calls on the street, once you felt someone stranger’s sticky breath in your ears declaring “hey sexxxy!” the attention just ain’t worth it anymore.
Haha. Of course you did. I’m not at all unsettled by what you’re saying – too many people say exactly what you are, way too often. It surprises me that this volume of people who are perfectly happy to not wander the streets naked in summeer because “it’s animal instinct to stay cool” or eat nits out of each other’s hair because “love means you’re happy to groom” will always fall back on the biological determinism argument when it comes to bad behaviour that relates to sexuality or violence. As for “true” or “untrue” – sorry man, I think we have vastly different understandings of what constitutes “truth” and the impact of that. Who cares if we’re primates and baboons show off their inflamed asses to other baboons they like? What’s you’re point?
*** correction- I realized there is a LARGE difference between street harrassment and sexual violence, but often street harrassment leads to sexual violence, and I would further suggest society acceptance of street harrassment may legitimize the harrassers to become sexually violent.
(Interesting to see how this post turned this way considering we have no idea how the the Sweet 16 girls even look)
It doesn’t mean that much to me when a guy gives a compliment – but sometimes when a lady compliments me, I love it cuz it’s real. Last year a girl walked up to me at a party and gave me a compliment that made me sheeplishly grin from ear to ear for days, and I still remember it. She wasn’t trying to pick me up and that made all the difference. Just a wholesome compliment. Love it. We should compliment each other more often, ladies.
I don’t like cat-calling – it’s a power thang.
Sorry, street harassment is SO not cool. It does not make me feel beautiful or appreciated and it never makes my day when it happens. I feel encroached upon, helpless and angry at my vunerability. People who who make a big show of stopping their tracks or yelling “hey baby!” as you walk by? Lame. Lame and a little scary. And are they the ones I’d like to have “appreciate” me in the first place? Ugh. The last thing I need is strange men on the street hollaring at me to make me feel attractive.
Taz,
There’s frank admiration and then there’s the desire to heighten one’s sense of virility/masculinity by objectifying a woman. I just don’t find a single guy smiling pleasantly and sayin ‘hey sexy’ or ‘hey beautiful’ or ‘hey sweety’ to be scary. Maybe it’s the cities I’ve lived in, all fairly low crime. Maybe different people have different thresholds of fear, as well.
One of the women I worked with would complain about how when she walked past a construction site, men would no longer whistle. This was a high-powered, driven business woman, with a house husband at home. Women want to be admired for their looks, just as men do. They don’t to be belittled or intimidated, of course, and I agree that the chances of a man’s comments being framed to do that are still a lot greater than a woman’s comments to a man…