Ever since I got my nano, I have been obsessed with downloading podcasts. Since there isn’t a Sepia Mutiny podcast for me to download (ahem) I do the next best thing and listen to a Desi Dilemma, a podcast by a woman named Smitha Radhakrishnan. This week’s series on ‘Desi Love’ perked my ear up- seeing as how the search for a ‘suitable mate’ is always at the forefront topic for most mutineers (or so it seems).
“There was a clear message from the Indian community about dating, that it was somehow inextricably linked with the most dangerous, scary thing that could befall an ABCD kid; an identity crisis.”
As has been mentioned before on this blog, as an ABCD youth one often had to deal with the projection by your peers that the only people you were expected to date is that one other desi in the school, even though you had nothing in common with them. Forget the fact that you weren’t allowed to date; if you had been, there was no one there for you to date, in the often confusing bi-cultural high school years. For me, this reminds me of senior prom. And prom reminds me of how my mother wouldn’t let me go to prom unless I went with my gay guy friend because only then would she know nothing would happen to me on prom night. How’s that for bi-cultural confusion?
Though in the realm of desi pride now, growing up there was also the conflict of trying to fit in and be as American as possible. I recently received the following e-mail:
I came to US at a young age, I faced discrimination from those who were born here… they acted like they were too good for me…Then as I made closer friendship with Americans to avoid all the bulls***t south Asians were giving, the new comers from south Asia started giving me the same crap. Eventually I became this “white boy” among SAs..Of course, I have learned to deal with such issues as I’ve grown up …But this question has always lingered in my mind… why do SAs hate each other? What makes US born’s better than those who come here? And how is it that those US born’s turn SAs so quickly during college years, and see those whom they disdained for being SA in the first place still as different?
Now that I’m older and in the ivory tower I can use big words like assimilation and racialization to analyze the divide in the generations, but really, when you’re just a kid in school, all you are trying to do is fit in. Being able to analyze this factor of bi-cultural identity now doesn’t make dating for a 20-something female any easier. In fact, knowing the internalized identity issues simply makes searching for love all the more confusing. There’s desi chick lit trying to manuever around it, and I regularly read a various group of blogs by single desi females all talking about similar issues. We are bombarded with desi dating websites, as well as pressure from family. Until that tab for Sepia Destiny is created, what’s a single girl got to do?
As Smitha asks in her podcast, and I’d like to further pose to you on this lazy Saturday afternoon,
“Are there things about being desi that give us a different set of expectations about our love life and our marital lives than our non-Indian peers?”
CDG, you seem like a nice young man but I have to address this:
Attributing a woman’s vocalization of her opinion to a hormonal outburst/”it’s that time of the month” does not impress the ladies.
CDG-you just portrayed yourself as a sex-crazed commitment-phobic “TYPICAL DUDE” then proceed to ask for my digits (calm down-i know it was a joke!)!
way to make a good impression!
let me break it down (in the most generalized, stereotypical way possible).
most women want someone they can see themselves marrying; this doesn’t mean all women want to marry you, it means that we want someone who will be good to us. the bad ass isn’t gonna be good to us. neither is the womenbasher, the patronizer, or the dude without a clue. i’m talking, ideally here.
and keep in mind, i said women-not girls.
I apologize for that..it was out of line…
Oh it must be hysteria.
anupa….No..not the dude without a clue…noooooooo….
Maybe we’ve all been posting on this thread long enough that our cycles have synched up.
This must be a Sepia Mutiny commenting world record. And you know how we desis are about setting records. Score.
because really, what is there to say?
Apply that to “Guy’s only job: don’t knock up white chick”, and we have a deal.
while “don’t knock up the white chic” was indeed somewhat sarcastic.. i stand by the principle. its a lot harder to carry the culture than the last name.
Lay off those Fitty Cent videos, sis. Fathers do a lot more than bestowing their Venkatasubramanian.
i’m not going through all of this school just so i can get married and sit on my ass.
Good on you, and good on all the rest of you empowered Mutineergrrrls. And I’m glad that a flippant response to flippancy fuels your homoerotic fantasies. There’s nothing I like more than being a social lubricant.
Back to the point: The women who complain about the lack of alternadesis (visibly alternative ones, sorry, scientists don’t count) often still expect men to be the primary earners. And the number of careers where you can show off your dog collar, fro, tats and piercings and also support a family, pimped out autorickshaw style, is still pretty narrow.
does anyone want me working or not? đ
this thread has taken so many directions, it could well qualify to be made into a movie. complete with all sorts of characters. just make up a story why each comment was said, and there you go.
Pishposh, this is way better than work đ
Who are these women? Where do they exist?
Oh please. I think we’ve already addressed the idea that “alternative” is not referring to a person’s fashion sensibility. I know plenty of guys who fit the alterna-desi bill who have science-related jobs.
“Visibly alternative” is a synonym for superficial/shallow — and the women who want that, if they do in fact exist, probably deserve those dudes.
Bytwords: Did u read my Mind:)
Any aspiring Screenwriter/Director can take these different experiences and weave a wonderful story and make a great movie out of it.
Sepiates: Now u know whats your next goal is ‘400’. Go for it. I am there to cheer and all our sistas will join.
Hmmmm! I just luv lurking:)
and then you all complain there is no cure for aids and we still drive cars that run on gasoline :)…
most women i know earn comparable amounts to their husbands, gold-digger hardly ever comes to mind. a couple of my friends are married to women who are doctors. due to various visa issues that is meant to keep docs out of US, they have to jump through several hoops before they can start their practice. my friends see it as a five year ambush ooportunity— after five years their wives will earn 10x their salary, so they can “retire”. and mess up their kid’s brains :).
What a difference 24 hours makes! Somewhere near 190, Shruti writes:
Ok, here’s my theory, and maybe it’s a bit essentialist. I think that generally understanding racial privilege, compounded with understanding patriarchy and how one fits into it, is pretty rare. Perhaps they tend to date non-white (when they date interracially) because it’s assumed that men of color “just get it.” I’m not arguing about the veracity of this assumption, I just think that this is often the case. But I think it depends on your circle, too. There are definitely hipster desis who might not necessarily align with the kind of “lefty” desis. Oh well, just babbling.
I’m sorry, this was so funny it made me literally laugh out loud. Dude, bitter much? I don’t know WHAT kind of alterna-desis you’re talking about. I personally am not looking for someone who is so hipster that they can waft through a room being tragically hip. When I think alterna-desi I’m thinking of a desi who bends the traditional image a little, and bends the general stereotypes about desi guys and desi dating a lot. Maybe I’m crazy, but is it so much to want a feminist, progressive, social action oriented, cultured guy who you can have good conversations with or go catch an A’s game with? I mean, why can’t alterna-desi women have their cake and eat it, too? And, on top of this, who said anything about not being financially independent! I’ll be honest, I seriously do not follow your logic. There are such huge assumptions and leaps that it honestly just doesn’t jive.
Camille wrote:
Without being exclusive to the white guys that do “get it” (because they do exist) I have to agree with you on your point that, in general, men of color “just get it” and white men just don’t. At least that’s been my experience, and maybe it’s different for me because I’m an organizer dealing with RCG (race/class/gender) issues and my male friends are mostly men of color who are also organizers/activists. I’m also very sensitive to race issues, so men of color have won my affections with their natural understanding of these issues, as they are subjected to racism as much as I am (though not in the same way, of course). To a great extent, understanding the roots of racism facilitates understanding the roots of misogyny, so “getting” the race thing is something I require for any guy that I enter a romantic relationship with. The really down guys who get all these things… well, there aren’t that many that are straight or even bi. Booooo đ
Sorry, just to clarify real quick, because I did defend desi men earlier in the thread, I realize that there are a lot of down guys–desi at that. My last line in my last post was a reference to the fact that, where I am, they’re all either taken, or they’re not interested in me.
Like they say, all good men are dead, married [or gay]. =D
But seriously, what’s up with all the stereotypes that’s been bandying about?
Everybody has a different (hopefully, educated) idea of what makes them happy. I think by the time girls are older, we would have probably exorcised the bad ass punk jock guy who only wants to get laid by that interesting non white girl. Similarly, when guys get older, they pretty much would have exorcised the damn she’s hot, who cares what she’s talking about kinda girl. By then, I assume, your hormones pretty much stop ruling the playing field THAT much.
There’s no point having a long list of criteria of your future partner and grouping them up into various little boxes you have, crossing out metrosexuals and limp wristers. Because when you are too busy stereotyping and making a list, you’re too busy looking at the list to see what’s out there.
And seriously, give everybody a little credit. We’re all different individuals!
( oh god, I sound like one of those little counselling pamphelets we get in high school)
p/s: Nobody said no standa
oh sorry, excuse the “p/s” I forgot to delete it !
Its funny, all the women say there are no good men left, and all the men say there are no good women left. Obviously this is just a matching problem… because as a guy i can definately say after moving to NYC a vast majority of women i have met are self proclaimed urban divas sophisticates, when in reality their vapid – to good for you – personalities are tantamount to warm pasta on a peak day. ha, All this can be solved with a Sepia Destiny tab .
RC in #308
Yes, of course. But we’re, well I was, talking about the initial, superficial, first-impression check-list. I’m talking about sterotypes and minimum standards to satiate future in-laws. The guys needs a job and lack of baby-mamma-dramma. The girl get scrutinized a lot more closely.
Thus, because its easy for them, guys tend to buy into the desi ideals. Have your fun, sow your oats, then find a good girl. There are plenty of them and if you want even more variety, there’s a whole Sub Continent for your taking!
While girls, held to more restrctive standards, have greater incentive to buck them. Do you really not see this?
And how did 50 get brought into this?
Apologies for the bad block-quoting in my previous post. The “Lay off those Fitty Cent videos, sis. Fathers do a lot more than bestowing their Venkatasubramanian.” belongs in the quote. I’ll start previewing before I post.
Hi there. Other commitments got in the way of mutineering yesterday, and I guess I missedĂ⌠a lot.
Reality Check: I thought hard about whether or not I should respond to your comment and decided against it because I honestly donĂât think you want to have a thoughtful dialogue about the issue. It seemed to me that you were just trying to provoke me into a bout of angry name-calling (which, by the way, I am very good at so watch yoĂâself!) In any case, if you really do want to have a serious discussion then IĂâm happy to do so either publicly here or over email. In that case, I ask that you reread what I said, because I did put a lot of myself into that post, and respond with more than one piquant (your word, spelled correctly) or misogynistic (my word) line.
All: While reading the last 100+ comments one rather depressing thought occurred to me. Are we as desi men (or perhaps men in general) so flimsy and utterly pathetic that we must base our politics, our world view and even our hobbies on Ăâwhat women wantĂâ? CanĂât we play in a band because we love music, not because Ăâwomen want musiciansĂâ? CanĂât we write poetry to express our emotions, not because Ăâwomen want sensitive guysĂâ? CanĂât we play sports because itĂâs damn fun, not because Ăâwomen want jocksĂâ? I absolutely do not understand this desire to be a consumer-group-tested human being.
I also, quite frankly, think itĂâs incredibly insulting to think that if you have the right haircut, the right shoes and the right persona that women will fall to the ground writhing and convulsing with uncontrollable desire as you walk past. If thinking that women are so Pavlovian that you can manipulate them with the right stimuli is not misogyny then I donĂât know what it is.
Lastly, I would say that I think being an alterna-desi is really quite simple. ItĂâs about believing in what you do, believing in what you say, and believing in what you believe.
Masculinity-Shmasculinity can go to hell. I am quite fine with exploring a wider spectrum of gender and sexuality. There’s room to do that nowadays if you are willing to shed some inhibitions and stereotypes. And no, it doesn’t mean there are fewer women who find you attractive, but only different ones đ
Re” “…Its funny, all the women say there are no good men left, and all the men say there are no good women left. Obviously this is just a matching problem… because as a guy i can definately say after moving to NYC a vast majority of women i have met are self proclaimed urban divas sophisticates, when in reality their vapid – to good for you – personalities are tantamount to warm pasta on a peak day. ha, All this can be solved with a Sepia Destiny tab…”
Hola?? We have the distinction of being the second most populous country in the world. Come on now. =)
Achilles was gay…
Masculinity is only tangentialyl related to gender and sexuality (i.e. Dame Thatcher)
I find that as I get older and circulate in a circle of “older single desi chicks” this is something even I as a woman question. Women no longer want to do any “self centric” activity. Everything is “man centric”. Anytime a social event comes up the inevitable question that goes around the table is “Will there be cute boys there?” What the hay, I’ll be there, your friend, who’s been your friend for a long time, isn’t my company good enough?
I find it incredibly hard to find 30+ female friends willing to participate in activities that don’t involve “meeting a guy” or “getting their game on”. I have literally one or two girlfriends who are willing to go to art galleries or meet for breakfast in their sweats with just me without hoping they would meet a man as a result of it. All the rest of them will only show up at events where they can be half naked & ready to mingle. Sigh.
So it isn’t just men, women do it far more then men do IMO.
Based on what I know of The Illiad (along with…..er…..Brad Pitt’s recent movie on the subject), I thought that Achilles swung in both directions.
JoaT,
I’ve met desi women here in the UK rapidly approaching 30 who have also behaved in this way — and I’m talking about highly-educated professionals, including individuals who certainly weren’t so “feverish” and obsessive about this matter when they were younger (early 20s etc). It’s interesting (and sometimes tragic) what the biological clock, female peer pressure, and constant parental “get married quick” pressure can do to some South Asian women over a prolonged period of time.
It occurs to me that if we want to meet suitable boys and girls, perhaps we should be spending less intimate time with our komputers and more time out in the real world, where chicks can diss the men for not being a body-modded alpha male and boys can overlook us women for the prettier girl in the room. đ
Oh and PMG, regarding post #321 — Amen.
Hehehe I agree that’s why I only do it on my employeer’s time and when I’m deathly ill and unsexy and coupled up at home like now!
somewhere around comment #300, someone said:
up.
that is the funniest thing i have read all day! but then it struck me…if a guy had written that, i’d imagine that would have received a lot more (negative) attention?!
to JOAT (#325): yes, it happens to me too! i especially hate the question “Will there be cute boys there?” – first, it just sounds so shallow and after the #355th time, it’s hard to come up with a flippant response, and second, since when must every social activity be guided by this mission to find someone? in response to PMG (around #320)…no, it doesn’t just happen to men, women fall into the same trap.
Correct. I guess he was bisexual
yes, bisexuality was a common enough phenomenon in greek culture. achilles, as well as a lot of other greek figures (historical or characters) would have been bisexual.
still have the question in #185. while it is a carnatic piece for sure, but i can’t recognize the raga in the short duration. i strongly think the artist is prasant an abd from phoenix, playing with his band vidya. someone has to tell me the answer sometime soon, it is eating me up.
This is really problematic, on so many levels. I’ve seen this happen too, but I feel like it goes into the creation of this entire marriage myth. You know, the one where unless we are all vyaa’d (or shaadi’d) up by 30 our eggs will suddenly shrivel and we will die in twitching heaps. This is of course b/c the only reason women exist is to get married (and by extension, have kids). Of course this isn’t desi specific, but it’s really concerning. I mean, why can’t we all be fabulous bachelorettes if we so choose instead of being “old maids”? I guess these are really basic questions, but reading this makes me sad in that it seems that while things are changing, they’re changing v e r y s l o w l y
It is! http://www.prasantmusic.com
My point again: It is bad manners to dis men for not being visibly artsy while not acknowledging the reason, and the reason is that they’re working their asses off to support their families.
When I flipped the statement – “women are not sufficiently financially independent” – propamcg called it misogyny.
Then the original statement is misandry by definition.
propamcgandhi said>>
I ask that you reread what I said, because I did put a lot of myself into that post, and respond with more than one piquant (your word, spelled correctly) or misogynistic (my word) line.
You wrote: “this one is absoultely beyond my grasp.” Can we move beyond typos now?
You do realize that women’s financial independence is one of the core tenets of feminism.
Your argument about overly limiting gender roles seems misapplied here. Most people who cut paychecks are not vanguards of cultural change.
espressa said>>
I’m talking about sterotypes and minimum standards to satiate future in-laws. The guys needs a job and lack of baby-mamma-dramma. The girl get scrutinized a lot more closely.
The guy also needs a graduate degree and family members who are wealthy and non-divorced. The woman gets scrunitized more closely in the meeting, but the guy gets filtered out before it ever happens.
milli said>>
I think we’ve already addressed the idea that “alternative” is not referring to a person’s fashion sensibility.
Actually, you’re defining something more like “progressive”. Try searching on the number of times piercings are mentioned on this page alone.
Who are these women? Where do they exist?
All over my hood, clearly not in yours. Lucky you.
“Visibly alternative” is a synonym for superficial/shallow…
This is insulting to our pierced brethren, and not true either of the ones I know.
Can I get an amen.
RC:
1) You might want to invest in a dictionary. 2) Have YOU done a search for the word “piercing” on this page? It might serve you well to do so and then study the context in which the word is used. (And by the way, I believe the word appears most frequently in posts written by yours truly, with the qualifier that outward symbols such as piercings do not make a person “cool” or “alternative.”) 3) If a woman is actually superficial or shallow enough to demand that her significant other decorate himself in emblems of rebellion that say nothing about his character or intellect, then you’re probably right — they are silly enough to be dependent wives. 4) I seriously doubt that the reason men are not visibly artsy is because they’re working their asses off to support their families. No, a better reason might be because they were too scared to tell mummy dearest that they wanted to pursue liberal arts instead of business or science. Most of my desi male friends are working their asses off in the creative arts and making sh!tloads of money to boot. A truly “artsy” MAN would pursue his passions and turn them into successes, and I know plenty who have done just that.
Maybe you need to move to a different hood, RC.
disgraced lipsyncer wrote>>
You might want to invest in a dictionary.
Thanks for the advice, champ:
I seriously doubt that the reason men are not visibly artsy is because they’re working their asses off to support their families. No, a better reason might be because they were too scared to tell mummy dearest that they wanted to pursue liberal arts instead of business or science.
The way you phrased your post drips of misandry.
I’m too much of a hater
Exactly.
brotha-man….!
says dictionary.com of feminism: 1. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes. 2. The movement organized around this belief.
says wiki of feminism: Feminism is a diverse, competing, and often opposing collection of social theories, political movements, and moral philosophies, largely motivated by or concerning the experiences of women. Most feminists are especially concerned with social, political, and economic inequality between men and women; some have argued that gendered and sexed identities, such as “man” and “woman,” are socially constructed. Feminists differ over the sources of inequality, how to attain equality, and the extent to which gender and sexual identities should be questioned and critiqued. Thus, as with any ideology, political movement or philosophy, there is no single, universal form of feminism that represents all feminists.
Feminism is about voice and choice. Trophy-wife feminist is NOT a contradiction of terms.
A dictionary for definitions, not spelling, RC. Sigh.
ok. i kinda want a dude with a grad degree. mostly cuz i think i’m much smarter than i actually am and being with a guy who also thinks that is..just..uncomfortable. that said, i’ve dated college drop-outs who can out-wit me into a puddle of desire.
wealthy? i dunno. my fam is from the hood. and i DIG that.
non-divorced parents… hmmm… i think this is a fair element to consider. not dispositive. but i do believe that your parents set your expectations for a relationship and having a good example is a good thing. again… not dispositive.
and RC … stop mis-quoting milli.
Thus, as with any ideology, political movement or philosophy, there is no single, universal form of feminism that represents all feminists.
Feminism is about voice and choice. Trophy-wife feminist is NOT a contradiction of terms.
I disagree. Feminism is broad, like any other […], but that doesn’t mean that any choice a woman makes or any sentiment she articulates is by definition feminist simply because it is feminist to validate her right to make that choice. You’re confusing the results of feminism (greater choice and voice of women) with the pursuit of feminism (actions, behaviors, etc. undertaken to try to or that will allow women gain more choices and voice).
All that said, I understand that these issues are complicated and women need to navigate between a million and one different things, and all of their choices and sentiments should be taken seriously; I won’t argue with you there. I’m just saying that not all of those choices can reasonably be described as “feminist” if the term is to retain any sense of meaningfulness.
Catherine MacKinnon would argue that women who make choices ‘contra feminism’ have false consciousness and aren’t speaking with their own voice. She’s a little nutty, but I really dig her.
Conflating goals with actions…hmm.. I’d say RC did that. Financial indepedence can be a way to secure your voice but its not the only way–and its not necessarily so that if someone else is paying your bills, you have no autonomy over your life. And financial independence alone does not mean you won’t unknowlingly conform to other gendered roles. The goal is choice n voice, I agree. There are at least 3 branches of feminism who would make drasitcally different choices and hold drastically differnt views and want to be distinct from one another.
Then how you go about getting what you want is another thing, again, I’ll agree. But would you rather define a movement by its methods or by its vision? I stick with vision.
If you ask a majority of these women, me included, it isn’t always about “marriage” infact it very rarely is about marriage. And the “biological clock” everyone talks about isn’t about babies, sometimes it is simply about needing love/sex/affection. After being single, many of them, thru all their adult lives a level of desperation does set in, call it lonliness, call it society pressure whatever. Most want to just be in a steady and loving relationship, they don’t care to validate it as marriage.
And there are always trite suggestions like “read a book instead” or “go for a walk” by another sista. I think because there is so much stigma about “wanting to be in a relationship” and so many people are so confused by modern day feminism that they think it means rejecting men women are continually given messages by media/other women that say “what do you need a man for?” I think very few people stop to think that the need for a man is very rarely because a woman wants to have babies or have her rent paid, at least these days.
You wonder when you’ll meet someone and when you’ll ever date and eventually get married to ever have a family. Because we still live in a society/culture (Indian albeit being in the west) all these things can happen only if we get married. And a 35 year old woman feels that pinch because chances are strong that after the age of 25 she’s watched most of her friends find partners, get married and have babies and she’s been missing the boat.
I understand all of this believe me I’ve had these thoughts too. I just wish sometimes they’d give themselves a break from these stresses and just go hang with their friends and not worry about meeting the future husband.
Liked your comment, Jane. In the West, there’s no guarantee for the endurance of any relationship, whenever or however it is formed. Plenty of people are married for twenty years and then divorce. Imagine being fifty and suddenly being alone. If you can’t handle it at 30, what’ll it be like at 50? So women have got to get over the sense that their happiness/identity is bound up in a relationship. No need not to acknowledge how much a man can give you, but maybe we need to give up on the dream of ‘eternal love’.
Good God. This is the first chance I’ve had to sit in front of a computer in a week, and I’m definitely not reading through all 344 comments. However, I would like to address one very important thing to come out of this discussion:
espressa (#276):
I need your money. Which is why I’m auctioning off PropaMcGandhi to the highest bidder. Takers?
it isnt the posting but the tidal sway in the mutterings that’s the message. – subverted mccluhan.
heard on The Current (CBC.ca) hosted by Tremonti.
I paraphrase – because society can not continue down the trajectory of declining birth rates the need of the hour is a correction which will transition us to a strongly patriarchal society. The realaudio’s not been posted yet, but i’d recommend you listen in. Fairly controversial stuff running against the grain of the individual perspective, but well aligned with the frustrations expressed in posts on needing to run against the grain
do your observations reflect this swing? JOAT? DQ?
Madurai, as auctioneer you have to set the lowest bid.
We’re waiting with bated breath.
Dhaavak,
I don’t think my observation confirmed any ‘swing’ in society’s viewpoint. Rather, it reaffirmed something educated women have been haranguing themselves and others about for decades. Stop moping cause you don’t have a man. It’s not the first time, it’s not the second, and it won’t be the last. Get over it and stop taking relationships so seriously. I don’t think it’s about ‘running against the grain’, but acceptance of reality – you have little to no control over when your relationships start and end. They run their course, like streams and rivers. Sometimes they’re half a kilometre long, sometimes 10 miles.
Incidentally, everyone knows men who mope about not having a woman, it’s just not acceptable for men to mope in public. Hence the lack of mopey men on this thread. The popular image of men is of emotionless, purely sex-driven, commitment-phobic alphas – a lot of rot that does as much disservice to men as the Bridget Jones ‘I can’t live without a man’ stuff does for women.
I don’t need to imagine. I have a mother who divorced in her 20s and never got remarried. I see what it is like to be in your 50s with no husband. She lives well and is super happy but she still has 30something years to go. My problem is with being told “get over it because you might end up alone and you better get used to it”. My problem is the negative reaction a woman gets from expressing that she does need a man and love because of the current feminist climate.
At work we are a 5some, all girls, all of them are either married, engaged or in a relationship. Not me. If I even mutter a word about not finding a date I get “Oh come on you are fabulous you don’t need a man”. What does being fabulous have to do with wanting a man? Will I be less fabulous if I found one? And if you have a man and found one early on with ease how can you relate to me?
And DQ I’m an eternal optimist. Most women aren’t looking for perfection just something substantial. I don’t believe in giving up on that dream. It makes life worth living when you have hope for the future. I think it would be sad if I just gave up on finding love. On Valentines day I heard things like “Oh it’s so overrated you aren’t missing anything out” from women who got flowers and fawned over their jeweled V-day gifts. Thanx but I’d like to find out for myself at least once how overrated this is.
I’m a huge believer in family and the concept of ‘it takes a village’. If we are to improve the future of the society we live in and reverse some of the ills that plague society good family values are the only way to do it. I live on an island filled with self absorbed individuals who live in the now, who don’t believe in monogamy and don’t find value in the concept of marriage. I find that frightening.
Being in Manhattan is like being stuck in a Twilight Zone episode. Progressive societies in the world are starting to see declining birth rates, Japan has one of the most significant and a growing single population. At some point people start questioning the choices made by society. I liked where feminism asked to respect and hold a woman in just high a regard as a man. I liked the empowerment the movement gave to women on all levels. But I’m starting to see the current feminist climate tell me, a woman, that you don’t need a man or need to have babies now. This direction of individual existence is actually depressing to me because at this rate we’ll be a society of self absorbed individuals in the future.