April is National Sexual Assault Awareness Month. To promote this important issue Lifetime Channel has descended upon Washington DC for “Stop Violence Against Women Week” going on now (April 3rd-7th) with a list of events worthy of Capitol Hill. This past summer, Lifetime dedicated a week around issues of human trafficking and they are interestingly using their media access to promote issues affecting women. I think this is great. It is rare that a television channel will make that kind of a commitment to their viewers. Violence against women is not just important to Lifetime viewers, but is an important issue in the upcoming midterm election as well:
According to a new “Lifetime Women’s Pulse Poll,” conducted for the network by Roper Poll, when women and men vote in the mid-term elections this fall, expected issues such as homeland security, jobs and the economy and the war in Iraq will be very important, but an issue that receives far less attention — preventing violence against women and girls — will be just as, if not more, important to them.[link]
As we all have read, violence against women can often hit closer to home than can ever be expected. It takes a powerful woman to live through the experience and an even more powerful woman to be able to share their personal story. In addition to the personal experiences, the statistics out there on violence against women are alarming:
- One in three women worldwide will be beaten, raped, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime.[link]
- One in four girls will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18.[link]
- An estimated 1 million women are stalked each year in the US, with about 1/4 of them reporting missing an average of 11 days of work as a result of the stalking.[link]
- Researchers Anita Raj and Jay Silverman discovered that more than 40% of the 160 South Asian women living in Greater Boston they surveyed indicated that they were victims of intimate partner violence, and only 50% of women who experienced intimate partner violence were aware of services available to help. [link]
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p>What is unfortunate to see is the taboo in the South Asian American community when there is violence against our women. But the important thing is, you are not alone. There is a national network of South Asian women’s organizations out there to support our survivors of the trauma of sexual assault.
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p>Sakhi, based in New York City and a partnering organization to the Lifetime campaign, provides language specific culturally sensitive services to South Asian women because..
- Abused immigrant women may hesitate to reach out to police, shelters, courts, and mainstream violence agencies due to barriers of language, financial constraints, and fear of deportation;
- Women that reach out to Sakhi may be abused not only by their husbands, but also by in-laws and other family members; and,
- Survivors may face the cultural stigma and shame of divorce in the community, and be told that it is their “duty” to keep the family and marriage intact, despite abuse. [link]
But New York City isn’t the only place with with access to these South Asian specific organizations, there is a national network of organizations listed here, and for our Canadian sisters here, here, and here. In Chicago, there’s Apn Ghar which has served over 5400 clients since 2000. SAHELI Boston is working on a newly launched Men’s Initative, to bring men into the dialogue. Maitri in the San Jose area has volunteers that speak Bengali, Gujarati, Hindi, Kannada, Kashmiri, Konkani, Malayalam, Marathi, Marwari, Oriya, Punjabi, Sindhi, Sinhalese, Tamil, Telugu, and Urdu. ASHA in the DC area has recently intitated a partnership to find employment for survivors of domestic abuse. There are a lot of resources out there specifically towards our community, and almost all of these organizations have a toll-free hotline, multi-lingual support, assistance to find shelter, and referral to social, legal and mental health services.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from reading the comments to Anna’s post and thinking all day about how undiscriminating sexual violence is, it is how ill-prepared for a sexual assault I am. Here are a list of resources, should you need help now, but as always, in case of an emergency, call 911. From here on out, and I hope you all do the same, I will carry in my wallet the Rape Incest Abuse and National Network (RAINN) 24-hour rape crisis hot line, 1-800-656-HOPE. Every state has their own toll-free rape crisis line as well, and they are listed here. As Rupa said,
Even if you live in a state like Iowa that does not offer support services specifically for South Asian sisters please PLEASE PLEASE do not hesitate to use these services if you need to talk to someone, even if you don’t feel like discussing your experience, even if you need to process your feelings about something that happened to a loved one. These hotlines are for you, they are for everyone.
In the meantime, what does need to happen is the creation of a dialogue, “where women and men can feel free to discuss their experiences without praying they won’t be blamed or judged.”[link] Sexual assault does happen in the South Asian community. It was amazing to see the dialogue and compassion that arose through the comments of the readers of Sepia Mutiny, a place that I come to when seeking out linkage to a virtual South Asian American community. This is the start to a much needed dialogue and awareness of a very important issue affecting our mothers, sisters, and daughters.
Hopefully, Sepia Mutiny has now made you a little more aware of the sexual assault affecting the South Asian American women in our community, as well as some resources you have at your disposal. So tag, you’re it. It’s now your turn to make the people around you more aware about sexual assault issues too.
suguna:
As I stated in my response, I don’t know YOU or the facts of the situation. I don’t think there is anything wrong in my response to what you wrote, only to show that some of the language you used are used QUITE frequently by father’s rights groups. If you think I am immature, by all means, you have the right to think that. This is not the thread to accuse one of immaturity v. maturity. Rather, I was discussing my hesistance to words you chose in your comment #30, not to your personal situation.
And, suguna, to defend anti-violence activists, I must vehmently disagree with your constant bashing of “dv agenda.” Most anti-violence, particularly anti-dv activists will say that their agenda is to help the survivor, whoever him/her is. Ironically your response to me (that there is this dv agenda) negates your idea that you think that dv organizations do good work (your conclusion in #30). Or maybe dv organizations do a little good work, eh?
and to clarify- chai is rversde23, rversde23 is chai. thanks. 🙂
Thanks for your supportive comments Suguna, and everyone else, and peace to you too. I agree with you that DV cases need to be more carefully dealt with, and that it is certainly possible that you, as a man, could have been the victim. But I was disturbed and surprised by what I thought was a slight condescension in your sentence, “Sure, it would be nice if partners never disagreed, shared all likes and dislikes, and never carped or nagged.” As a professional and full-time mother, I deal with tons of crap at work and keeping domestic life afloat single-handed. And my problem was hardly not being tolerant, but being too tolerant. You don’t really know all the facts of my case, so that seems somewhat judgemental especially coming from someone who has been in the position of feeling abused. There is a definite polarization and disconnect between different perceptions of reality, relationships, emotions, etc and I can’t help thinking that gender plays into it. I have been very sensitive and compliant with plans for childcare that my ex came up with. I have a terrific relationship with my father and would not want to deny my daughter the same. And no, it isn’t about winning, but realizing that an insensitive and controlling co-parent can throw everyone’s life off the rails. All my friends, well-wishers, and therapist think I am finally taking charge of my life and my daughter’s and need to.
Chandi: I don’t know the facts of your case any more than what was in your posting and from that, it seemed clear you strongly felt you experienced verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse from your partner. I agreed, and emphasize again, they are DV too. I am sorry you found my message somewhat judgmental and condescending (however slight) and feel if you look at the spirit and full context of my message, you’d find me empathetic to DV victims (regardless of gender) as it is indeed traumatic.
It looks like you deal with tons of crap at work. You have a child to take care of too. An abusive partner is the last thing you (and the child) need.
You clarified what was confusing in your first posting. It is nice to see you have taken charge of your life and broken off from a dysfunctional situation. That takes awareness and courage. It also requires a belief in, and respect for, oneself. I am happy for you that you took that step. As difficult as it must have been, the alternative seems worse (especially for your young daughter growing up). It took me too a long time to act and I can’t think of a better decision I made in my life so far.
It is nice also to see you are out of a bad situation and yet mature to ensure your daughter has a healthy relationship with her father. What more can one say or want?
Chai: Just so it is clear, the language I mentioned in my postings are from the evaluation report, medical documents, and court orders. However….what is wrong with someone (mother’s rights groups, father’s rights groups) reusing language used by trained independent custody/healthcare/family court professionals? You seem to react very much only to the latter’s usage.
You even suggest something preposterous: “most dv victims/survivors exhibit borderline personality disorders mostly due to the dv they have felt from their partner.” So you are proposing those abused by borderline patients are responsible for DV that produced those borderline patients! Ever considered the possibility that they might have suffered DV earlier in their lives, perhaps from their parents, relatives, or prior relationships? That it might have nothing to do with the partner at all? Your assertion simply tells a lot about your mindset: men are always the perpetrators and women never. The bar is always much, much higher for men to prove DV and always conceniently lower, even if the reasoning is inconsistent and self-serving, for women. Thank you for confirming so vividly the agenda of most DV orgs and activists.
To your other question I am convinced there is some good that comes out of the DV orgs and activists. There is some harm too (because of the above agenda). A lot more good can come out, and the harm contained if not eliminated, if assertions and claims like the one you made are thrown out the window. Society (and esp the children) will benefit when these orgs and activists help the survivor regardless of gender. You pay lipservice about men being survivors and deserving of help but reveal your bias and prejudices with preposterous claims such as the one above.
Sonia’s response showed empathy, understanding, professionalism, and a sincere desire to help those affected by DV. Your’s confirms empathy for women and apathy to men, a bias to twist everything to suit your agenda, and a desire to help those affected by DV as long as they are women (which, given your reasoning will always be the case!)
From this exchange I sense hope for the future because of folks like Sonia. I also sense it will take a long long time for they and their work will have to overcome the bias you confirm so readily.