Navi Mumbaikar

I’m off to Bombay for a few months for a change of scene. (Switches to the deep sepia ink and sharpens the nib.) If I don’t come back in waxed chest, brown highlights and mirrored shades yelling ‘call me, yaar!’ into a trick GSM, I’ll be deeply disappointed.

These juths were made for walkin’

Some of you have asked why I spend far less time slamming Bollycheese than American exoticism. The answer is that I walk past the exoticism every day. Now the lazy susan turns, the juthi is on the other foot, &c., &c. Sunil Shetty, a.k.a. Funky Hunky, you’re goin’ down.

I’ve gotten some great advice from Mumbaikars who are big fans of our ‘South Asian’ blog. They told me the best place to live is east Mumbai, stay out of Colaba because it’s not safe after dark, and if you’re on the Bandstand late at night and a policeman approaches you, pinch his buttocks — it’s a friendly Mumbai greeting. They also told me Parsis are the poorest Mumbaikars, Haji Ali sells authentic electronics, the women’s carriage is the safest way to travel and the best time to avoid traffic is from 3 to 6 pm on Marine Drive.

Please god, let me survive the Sepia readers of Bombay.

Related post: Livin’ la vida Sepia

63 thoughts on “Navi Mumbaikar

  1. It’s 80 degrees, I’m munching on mooli paranthas and looking out over palm trees and the sea!

    Damn you. Damn damn damn you.

    M. Nam

  2. It’s 80 degrees, I’m munching on mooli paranthas and looking out over palm trees and the sea!

    A 40 degree Monday morning just got a lot worse :-( And do NOT stay away from Colaba – especially after dark. Its filthy and sleazy, yes, but also has a hustle that is irresisitible…

    Miss it awfully…

  3. enough with the food people..i am drooling…sheesh

    arZan on March 30, 2006 05:28 PM · Direct link Have a great time. And frankly there is no part of Bombay you gotta stay away from. It ain’t Delhi !!

    Why you shittin on delhi man? leave dilwalon-di-dilli alone

  4. people, stop talking about food!!!! I’m starving!!! mmmmm mooli parathas…mmmm

  5. It’s 80 degrees, I’m munching on mooli paranthas and looking out over palm trees and the sea!

    It’s not often that MoorNam and I agree. damn you.

    returns to paperwork with the consoling image of a ghee-fattened manish. A relaxed, carefree, sunkissed, ghee-fattened Ma…no, this is not working. damn you

  6. manish: How long you’ll be there? I am coming down in May.

    Will be here, drop me a line.

    It’s not often that MoorNam and I agree. damn you.

    Oh, it gets even better :) Think looong morning seaside walk with fresh coconut juice and a Coffee Day mocha at the end. And onion-dhania paranthas, ubiquitous mango juice, spicy Kurkure doodles…

    Man, this so beats my old morning routine.

  7. I think Moolie Paranthas should be banned. Come to think of it Moolie itself should be banned.

    By the way Manish are going somwhere near Navi Mumbai ?

  8. Man, this so beats my old morning routine.

    Whatever, buddy. ‘Scuze me while I step outside to soak up some urine-steeped, concrete ambiance…. I mean, “vibrant, energizing urban grit”.

    What’s an Ayn Rand guy like you doing on the beach anyway? Don’t you have master plans to implement? Phallic towers to build? Stock exchanges to vandalize?

    Are you getting soft on us Manish?

    returns to happy thoughts about ghee fat

  9. What’s an Ayn Rand guy like you doing on the beach anyway? Don’t you have master plans to implement? Phallic towers to build? Stock exchanges to vandalize?

    Copper mines to self-destruct? A mogul’s gotta exercise :)

  10. pssstt… I take it all back.

    You’re a swell guy, Manish. Deserve all the sun and coconuts you can get.

    Just, um, drop me a line when you’ve picked the most suitable girl, a’ite? Abhi and I have a tiny, inconsequential wager going. Nothing important. But I’d appreciate an inside line, capice?

  11. Sorry man, you’re not allowed to drink mango juice, eat mangoes, eat anything with cardomam or other spices, or go anywhere near a sari. Just not allowed.

  12. waxed chest like those new beau heroes of bollywood, and brown shades like mr. colombo (malinga) ha ha ha…