As in all things, advertisements depict a rosier world than the one we actually live in. The Kama Sutra references in Manish’s post below make it seem like India is becoming more sexually liberal, but a recent story from the BBC points out that India is still quite repressed. In this case, a couple was threatened with jail for public indecency. 
What did they do? They kissed … at their wedding:
An Israeli couple being married in India have found that you may not kiss the bride – the pair were fined $22 for indecency for their wedding embrace. A court in Rajasthan imposed the fine after Alon Orpaz and Tehila Salev had decided to get married in a traditional Hindu ceremony in Pushkar. Priests were offended when the couple kissed and hugged during the chanting of religious verses. The apologetic couple said they were unaware public kissing was banned.
The couple, who had met in India while travelling separately, paid the 1,000-rupee fine for “committing an act of indecency” to avoid a 10-day jail sentence. [Link]
[UPDATE: Reader Dhaavak points us to a recent AFP file photo of a young couple making out in a Delhi park. Check out their body language: he has his hands on his hips, and she’s fixing her dupatta.]
Nor is this the only case of legal action for absurdly minor PDA. Three years ago, Pune university enacted a ban on kissing, hand-holding or even cuddling on campus:
Action will be taken against couples found holding hands!
An Indian university has declared its campus a strict “no love” zone, declaring a ban on kissing and hand-holding on its grounds. The vice chancellor of western India’s Pune university, Ashok Kolaskar, says courting couples could damage the reputation and social values of the 100-year-old institution.
“Action will be taken against couples found holding hands, kissing or indulging in any form of public display of affection,” warns a notice signed by [sic] the Mr Kolaskar. [Link]
Apparently, the campus had become a magnet for canoodling couples:
The sprawling 411-acre grounds with their lawns, trees and shady spots even attract young lovers from outside who masquerade as students to get into the campus.
“Unlike the city parks the university campus is even free from voyeurs. It is safer and more comfortable a place for us,” said one student, speaking on condition of anonymity.“During class-breaks on a stroll in the campus very often we stumble on entwined bodies in carnal positions,” said student Angela Pires. “What do these people think – do they want to turn the university into a love hotel?” she said. [Link]
However, one of the campus cops had questions about the enforceability of these regulations:
“We can stop the outside couples from entering the university …but it is difficult to take action against our own students; they can immobilise the university by staging a massive demonstration … After all, the courting students and their supporter friends far outnumber the students who oppose the intimacy of lovers in the campus…” [Link]
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p>Student hormones coupled with the tradition of collective action. Sounds like the sixties might yet reach India 
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p>p.s. does anybody know how these regulations have fared over the last 3 years?
p.p.s. Do you know how few photographs come up if you google phrases like “India kiss” “India kisses” “India kissing” ?
That’s what I thought the Sepia HQ would be… but the rules just can’t seem to keep Vinod and Abhi away from each other.
sees tastefulness in the rear window. Waves good bye
If students actually studied instead of cuddling and holding hands in college, there would be no more inspiration for hindi movies!
Everyone has been so raunchy lately! There’s something in the air, I tells ya.
From the way Bollywood movies were changing, I thought maybe Indians were finally coming around. I remember being stunned a couple of years ago watching a really long, sloppy kiss in some Bollywood movie. It, like, violated the laws of physics to see those two brown faces smoosh together like that on-screen. But it’s becoming more and more commonplace, isn’t it? Maybe public attitude about kissing will soon follow. Didn’t I read a post on SM about plans for an Indian Sex and the City? How’s THAT going to work if everyone’s grossed out by a little smoochin’?
I get the idea she’s exaggerating.
oh, it’s there all right – but … – the need to reinforce personal faith by projecting beliefs onto another isnt restricted to a land or creed – deeper q in the collegiate context is if this is faith or sexual frustration – send in the penguins personally – i think the pundits were right to object. the police was right to intervene – the judicial system was right to allow the newlywed to get off with a token slap on the wrist… – and yet i’m deeply, deeply sorry the couple had to go through this.
Rupa, I think Hindi movies are changing, but ever-so-slowly. Every day there is a piece in the Indian entertainment press about how such-and-such actress isn’t going to kiss on screen. And when there is a kiss on screen, it’s a huge, huge deal.
They take their kama sutra instruction very seriously in western Pune, I tell you…
Now that’s an interesting concept. Carrie: Kareena. Miranda: Mira. Charlotte: Shalini. Samantha: Sameera. Mr. Big: ok, thats a tough one. I’d gladly watch the desi version of SATC just to see lots of long sloppy kisses, but no sex please, I couldn’t handle that.
i think its absolutely hilarious,
i got 3 things to say
1)now those stories in india about teens getting caught having sex in internet cafes are beginning to make sense
2)students in india study enough anyways, let them do what they want
3)hindi movies have gone to shit in recent years, many of the big hits basically are scantially clad women like bipasha basu doing pelvic thrusts in the rain to roided up, short, clowns like salman khan
Maybe if all the indian students got laid once in a while, we could go back to days of dishoom dishoom when amitab was young and the stories still had plots.
Tragically this is true, i can think of very few times i have seen real passionate kisses between indians, i mean you always see some nasty gross indians groping each other and making out all wasted at the club.
Perhaps there is some bearing on why the majority of desis in america have warped perceptions on sex, love and relationships.
And who can’t be kept away from ya, Cicatrix beloved ??
oh minegawd! How scandalous!
Am guessing we didnt get to be a billion strong by avoiding sex altogether.
cmon, you cant beleive all this hoopla in the media. Its so lame..so not in line with reality
Sumita
seriously! perhaps the mutineers are planning to turn this into a pay site, and you know there’s only one content-driven internet business model that works!
peace
Let the kids do it when they’re young. sex is never fun for the pros. old whore’s don’t do much giggling
Hardly. Haven’t you heard Cicatrix? I don’t mix blogging with pleasure.
I dunno, Abhi. You’re talking about founding a monastic order – what do you think they do up there, anyway? What Cic@rix is describing sounds very … aposite.
true… but i don’t think of indians as particularly amorous people like say… the italians? i think the importance of family has made sex this occasional ceremonial practice in indian culture instead of a sport like it should be 😉
The no public kissing rule, along with the no public hand-holding, no public affection, etc., was another stressor on my crumbling vestern marriage in Trivandrum. Just one among many, but still.
I couldn’t kiss my husband in public, but I remember a female friend picking up my hand, holding it and playing with it in an office. That felt truly bizarre and confusing. Intellectually, I understood the Asian same-gender PDA thing, but decades of American physical and social conditioning against it made it very weird.
Cicatrix, you forgot the proverbial “not that there is anything wrong with that”.
I want to understand it a little better, do you have any pictures 😉
et tu! I don’t even see the need for a disclaimer…of course there’s nothing wrong with that.
O’Ya Bula Bula Bi, sadly, no one is chasing me. They’re awfully strict with the guest bloggers you know. High security precautions and such. Especially since I’m Sri Lankan and they were confused about the Tamil Tiger suicide bombing thing…Why, Ennis still tries to frisk me for explosives!
Do you guys think the amount of sex a couple has is relative to the amount of pda that same couple exhibits? That seems to be implied by a few of your comments. I didn’t think there was a relation.
Is it really just a ceremonial practice in India? If it is, don’t move in with your folks!
That is a bit bizarre. I had no idea that was the norm!
Angie, I think more research may be required in this area.
It really freaks me out how comfortable men are with other men in India (and I’m referring to straight men). In 2 weeks my husband and brother-in-law still could not get used to seeing 3 guys up against each other on one scooter .. with their arms wrapped around each other!
It really freaks me out that people are so homophobic in the US. Why are people so insecure with their sexuality?? If you are a man and hold hands with another man , you will turn gay ?? ridiculous
On same sex PDA, physical affection has taken new forms right here in NYC. (not merely exotic India)
http://www.cuddleparty.com/
Sumita (highly amused at stereotypes)
I like it. It’s just affection, and I rather hate the way touching is seen as a sexual thing in the West. I freaked out so many girls in high school when my family moved here. If some girl said something sweet or funny I’d automatically reach to touch her face or arm…everyone secretly thought I was a total dyke. I’m not (not that I wouldn’t like to be convinced otherwise), but I though people wouldn’t be uptight here, only to find that they were as bad as anti-sex south asians. pffft.
I have highly reliable evidence that Cicatrix is concealing a weapons of mass destruction related program on her person. If I fail to inspect, the UN will lose all credibility! Interestingly, I have similar intelligence about DD too 😉
Personal space is a function of culture and geographical data.
When 1 B polulation is squished in a smaller area, people get used to each other’s physical being a lot more, out of sheer necesity. I for one find it very funny when in a New York crowded subway, people are so ” squeamish” about being close to each other, that they will do anything to avoid eye contact.
The eye contact things cracks me up.
Sumita
You’re trying to avoid provocation, actually. Staring is considered hostile here and not so much in India.
Manish
LOL, of course I know that. What I am asking is why should a look cause a person to feel so defensive. It is amusing. a lot of times people are merely staring into space and not at someone, and yet people get all knotted up. Its very funny. Its avoidance of human contact in a way, all of which is considered suspicious. People find it impossible to relate to strangers for the most part, something which may be very amusing and sterile to folks who have grown up in friendlier atmospheres (this is specific to New York though)
Sumita
Sumita:
Staring is considered offensive in India as well. If you’re getting a scolding, you’re not supposed to look the other person in the eye (that’s insolence), you’re supposed to look away. The US is far more glance friendly in terms of normal interactions. What varies is the interpretation of staring amongst strangers.
Ennis ya lucky dog !!! How does one apply for a guest security guard job at SM HQ ????
Staring is considered hostile here and not so much in India.
this sort of thing varies by region in the USA. in big cities a lot of the friendly banter and eye contact between strangers seems lacking (unless both strangers find each other attractive or something). also, an immigration lawyer my dad retained in the 1980s told him during his sponsorship to make eye contact with any officials who interviewed him, because many asians wouldn’t do that out of respect…but in the USA that was an indication you were hiding something.
Now this homophobia – do you guys think it applies to the West at large or US specifically??? I do not think that Europeans are that homophobic.
And btw, Ennis you married to DD??? or is it just a crush thing 🙂
My understanding is that the uproar was because the Israeli couple kissed at a religious ceremony in a temple in Pushkar, and that was why the priests were offended. Generally, public kissing would be no-no in most parts of India, but I don’t think it’d get you arrested, unless you did it in some sacred space…
Sumita,
In US, friendly stare/ hi is very common (more in mid-west, South, west coast than on east coast) on the street. However, a big NO NO in the restrooms and public transport.
Same sex friendly, casual contact is a taboo in public except father-son or in the sports arena (football field, basketball court, etc.) or you want to make statement about your preferences.
I agree with Ennis on scolding. However, opposite-sex staring is very pronounced in India. Same sex friendly contact is not a issue in India or in Middle East or in South America or even in Europe yet – it might change with MTV, all the Amrekan TV channels.
Everyone Else,
Public display of affection has always been there in India (even if it was frowned upon) and now it is more. Guys, go to any Indian University library, you will know.
“but in the USA that was an indication you were hiding something.”
That is 100 % correct.
Kush
I worked for a whole year in the south and yes, was blown away by the warmth and the friendliness(however stereotypical it sounds) Compared to NYC, it seemed like I was in a different country.
Now, am used to it, but NYC is a little bizarre in terms of human contact at first. Very amusingly self important.
Razib My grand ma used to say the same thing(in India ). She disliked people who didnt look her in the eye.
Ennis
There is way to look at someone older and more respectful without it being disrespectful, and actually showing attention.(and hence respect)Your point about scolding is well made.
Desmond Morris would have a field day with this discussion
Sumita
Yeah, I hate it too. But it’s how I was raised; it goes beyond intellect. Heck, I was raised in the frosty Midwest and had to teach myself how to hug as greeting when I lived in California. I still can’t cope with the French “kissy-kissy” greeting; I instinctively pull my face away from any non-intimate who tries to kiss it.
I thought my hand-holding friend was very sweet, and I was truly touched, but all kinds of involuntary alarms were going off in my brain that I had to suppress. Social conditioning is a powerful thing. It is sad; I imagine being less physically isolated would be healthy for me.
Argh, @#!! blockquote tags.
NYC is very friendly, just busy. But people talk to strangers all the time, unlike in the ‘burbs. They’re comfortable with human contact.
Heck, sometimes they’re not even hitting you up for spare change 😉
NYC is very friendly, just busy. But people talk to strangers all the time, unlike in the ‘burbs. They’re comfortable with human contact.
i’ve visited new york city a several times in the past few years, and i agree. i think the reputation for unfriendliness is bullshit. that being said…there is a lot less shootin’ the shit. being from oregon, i was on the other end of the spectrum in the south, i would always get pissed at the time wasted by the clerks bantering with customers who were buying something. but down there that was normal behavior…. (depends on city-rural thing too, houston ain’t small town, though smaller cities like nashville seem to maintain for the southern charm).
Hardly. Haven’t you heard Cicatrix? I don’t mix blogging with pleasure.
Then Valentines Day happened.
Angie, I think more research may be required in this area.
His monastic resolve crumbles already.
Well NYC obviously consists of myriad experiences. (The village experience being different form upper east side being different from brooklyn being different from mid town office world. and so forth)
But the eye contact thing as being seen as hostile is a very typical NYC thing(I think). I actually read it years back on a list of NYC quirks on some website and found it funny.
check No 12 on the foll list. This is the list I found this fact on and laughed for the first time.
http://www.artsandmusicpa.com/NYC/nyc.htm
Maybe the stereotypical, fast-talking, eye contact-avoiding New Yorker is mildly autistic. More likely just typically male.
Manish
Thats hilarious!!
(and deliciously stereotypical)
Sumita
Actually, I find NYC (where I’m from) far friendlier than small city / suburban middle America (where I live now). In NYC, strangers will talk to you. Out here, not so. I can go weeks without talking to somebody who I haven’t already been introduced to (with the exception of waitresses and checkout clerks). It’s very insular. When I’m in NYC, I can’t say that I go a day without talking to somebody random that I’ve never met before.
O’Ya Bula Bula Bi:
A gentle-blogger never kisses and tells. You’d have to check with
the missus, I mean you should ask a certain Ms. Desi Dancer herself if you want to know.“During class-breaks on a stroll in the campus very often we stumble on entwined bodies in carnal positions,”
Man, this is the ultimate testament to my geekiness. I spent 4 years at Pune University and NEVER once came across such scenes….I was always rushing to the next class and never “strolled”.. 🙁 Of course , this was in the mid 90s, and I believe a lot has changed in Pune since then. The growth of call centers and the huge software industry has brought in an influx of non puneites.
I am trying to find out if the ban is still on in Pune…will keep you guys updated.
SP – I don’t think that this person actually stumbled upon people having sex, I think that she’s a prude and was objecting to encountering couples cuddling on the grass.