Creep

A new biography argues that the British commander who ordered the Jallianwala Bagh massacre on Vaisakhi day, 1919, was every bit as sadistic as reputed. Nigel Colletts’ damning take on General Reginald Dyer is rightly called The Butcher of Amritsar (via Amardeep Singh):

… Indians… were also incensed by the General’s notorious “crawling order.” In the street where a female missionary had been left for dead, Dyer decreed that between 6am and 8pm Indians could only proceed on their bellies and elbows and were to be beaten if they raised a buttock… a series of outrages… ensured that the indigenous elite would seek fulfilment in a government of their own race… [the book] helps retire the notion that the end of the Raj was anything but a good thing.

Surprisingly, Dyer’s instruments of butchery were desi soldiers from remote areas, not Brits. (The U.S. has pursued a similar strategy by using Kurdish soldiers in Sunni areas in Iraq). You’ve got to wonder what the hell Dyer’s soldiers were thinking as they methodically murdered their countrymen with manual rifles:

He chose from the troops at his disposal those he thought would harbour the least compunctions in shooting unarmed Punjabi civilians: the Nepalese Gurkhas and the Baluch from the fringes of far-off Sind… His “horrible, bloody duty”, as he called it, consisted of ordering his soldiers to open fire without warning on a peaceful crowd in an enclosed public square. The General directed proceedings from the front, pointing out targets his troops had missed, and they kept shooting until they had only enough ammunition left to defend themselves on their way back to base. While Dyer made his escape, a curfew ensured that the wounded were left to linger until the following morning without treatment… nearly 400 had been killed, including 41 children and a six-week-old baby, and around 1,000 injured.

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Politics across the pond

I thought that it would be a good idea to take a quick look at politics in the land of crumpets and soccer hooligans. Unless you’ve been living under a rock you are probably aware that England held parliamentary elections last week. How did South Asians fare? IACFPA reports:

Seven of the eight sitting members of Parliament (MPs) –– all of them from the Labour Party –– were re-elected in the British general election on May 6, while one, a Liberal Democrat, lost his seat. But that loss was compensated by the victory of a debutant Asian MP on a Conservative Party ticket.

Two of the winners, veteran Asian-origin Labour Party MPs on May 6 celebrated their victories and said they would continue to represent IndiaÂ’s interests in the House of Commons.

Is that being reported correctly? They will continue to represent India’s interests? That seems like a rather lame statement.

Speaking to Indo-Asian News Service, Khabra and Vaz exuded confidence and pledged support to India. “I would very much hope that the government will treat India on par with China,” Khabra said. “Gordon Brown (Chancellor of the Exchequer) has already shown his interest in China. I hope there will be further interest by the Government in India, which is emerging as a major global economic and trading power.”

It seems to me that South Asians elected to England’s parliament should be concerned FIRST with issues facing South Asians in England. I understand that they were speaking to an India media outlet, but sound-bites like that get recycled out of context. Evidence of divided interests are exactly what the conservatives there use to stoke xenophobia. Sunny Hundal, founder of Asians in the Media, fills us in on some of the issues facing South Asians in England:

At 5am last Friday I staggered out of BBC White City, satisfied once most of the election results had been announced, yet saddened by the political campaign.

This has been an election defined by one issue other than Iraq – the continual attacks on immigrants and asylum seekers by the Conservatives. It is also a stark reminder that despite all the talk of Asians making it in business and media, we are remarkably powerless when it comes to politics.

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The changing face of wealth

The Washington Post features a story on the shifting strategy of large brokerage houses to recruit minority investors, particularly from amongst the South Asian an Hispanic communities (where they see the most opportunity):

A handful of well-dressed professionals gathered in a gallery at Christie’s auction house here the other day to listen to a South Asian art expert discuss works soon to go on sale, including several by Maqbool Fida Husain, considered India’s Picasso.

No one in the crowd planned to buy any art. In fact, few even cared about it. They just wanted to sound smart at a cocktail reception later in the evening.

The Christie’s event provides a snapshot of Merrill’s aggressive effort, replicated to varying degrees among Wall Street firms, to harness demographic shifts in American wealth.

The Merrill effort, headed by three-time cancer survivor and former star financial adviser Subha V. Barry, has so far focused on wealthy South-Asian Americans and Latinos in a handful of big cities, including the District…

According to the article the sudden shift in strategy is tied to the fact that as baby boomers retire they will only be withdrawing from their investments. Thus, Merrill is targeting South Asians because, “25 percent of South-Asian Americans earn more than $100,000, far more than the average.”

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MIA and Diplo sittin’ in a tree studio

Yesterday, Ennis reported that NPR had featured yet another story on hot chocolate MIA. A few of us wondered about the identity of someone mentioned in the “teaser” for today’s story, “the man who helped to spark the MIA Buzz.”

Let me kill your non-existent suspense: it’s Diplo, the 26-year old producer/turntablist out of Philly, whom MIA apparently “fancied”. 😉

Here are my futile attempts at transcribing NPR as fast as I can (clip here):

Maya called last year and asked (Diplo) if he would produce a cut for her debut record…he wound up producing two tracks for the album and they started dating.

From the baile funk-consumed DJ’s mouth, about the mixtape “Piracy funds Terrorism, Vol. 1”, which started it all:

“This is me and Maya, two artists doing it from the street, we didn’t have like her manager with a bright idea, her label with a bright idea…this is purely, like, in the hands of the artist which is where it should be anyway. It’s like the perfect music because it’s everything, you know?”

Yup, I know. 😉 Continue reading

‘Times of India’: jewel of journalism (updated)

Apul posted about a satirical article by The Spoof where Aishwarya was supposedly going on Jerry Springer to wrestle a woman over a mullet. And the infamous Times of India reported that same story as straight news! Hilarious!

Aishwarya Rai is slated to appear in a special version of the American show ‘Jerry Springer: Too Hot For TV’ episode in which she will contest with a 380 pound woman. Simone Sheffield, manager to Aishwarya Rai, said, “Miss Rai would be appearing on a special version of ‘Jerry Springer: Too Hot For TV’ episode where the beautiful actress will fight with a 380 pound woman in a trailer over some guy with a mullet, no teeth, and a 7th grade education…”

[In Blind Date] Aishwarya will date Lorenzo – a former stripper who… wants to form a love connection and score on the first date.

And then the ToI reporter felt compelled, compelled, to add a topping of snippiness and whipped cream to what s/he believes to be an actual story:

We’ll just have to see how far he gets with Aishwarya.

The reporter virtually defines the phrase ‘irony-challenged.’ Great Bong has me rolling

Now let’s consider the TOI staffer who wrote this. He stumbles across an article in a webzine called “spoof.com”. No warning bells ring. Evidently he does not know what “spoof” means. Nor does he want to find out… Does TOI have an editor or do correspondents just barf anything they want to?

Previous posts: 1, 2, 3, 4

Update: The reporter with the Times byline, Soumya Menon, disclaims any connection with the story. Dal mein kuch kala hai

Update 2: The Times pulled the story from its site. Cached copy here.

Update 3: A commenter on CSF says, ‘She [the reporter] has quit ToI but I do not know if it is related to this incident.’

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File under “Senseless”, #4972

Nusrat Parsa

35-year old Nusrat Parsa died in Canada, a few hours after being involved in a fight which lead to a deadly fall down the stairs.

Parsa was approached by fans outside his hotel after the performance at Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Theatre and scuffles broke out, police said.
The singer is reported to have fallen downstairs after being punched.
He sustained head injuries and died in hospital a few hours later. A man has been arrested in connection with the incident late on Sunday.
…Mr Parsa’s brother, Najib, told the BBC the attack followed trouble at the concert, when some in the audience called for faster, livelier songs.

A singer from childhood on, Parsa recorded a total of ten albums; he had studied music in India. Continue reading

Clueless Cartoonist inadvertently infuriates Millions

Wow, the folks at WaPo must love sharing my city with a stellar pub like the The Moonie Times…

Parliament in Pakistan is urging the government to seek an apology from The Washington Times newspaper over a cartoon that depicts Pakistan as a dog.
The cartoon shows a US soldier patting a dog holding Libyan al-Qaeda suspect Abu Faraj al-Libbi who was recently arrested in Pakistan.
“Good boy… now go find Bin Laden,” the soldier urges the dog.
Cartoonist Bill Garner says he meant no offence and the misunderstanding was caused by a “cultural gap.”
…”We are disgusted with the insensitivity of the editors of the Washington Times,” Pakistan’s charge de affaires in Washington, Mohammed Sadiq said on May 6, the day the cartoon appeared.

via the Beeb. Continue reading

Sex and the City of London

Photos of the Life Isn’t All Ha Ha Hee Hee three-part TV series are now up (thanks, Sapna). The first part will be broadcast in the UK tonight, lucky sods.

Here’s a roundup of the characters: the author’s voice Sunita, played by… the author. (Nobody said Meera Syal was big on subtlety.) Her husband Akaash, played by… her husband Sanjeev Bhaskar. The bad girl Tania, played by Moroccan-Indian actress Laila Rouass. The naïf Chila, played by Queen of Naboo Ayesha Dharker. And the playa from the Himalaya Deepak, played by Ace Bhatti. That cast reads like the Bombay Dreams unemployment list.

Watch the clip of Tania getting hassled by clucking aunties. It’s pretty choppy — can’t the Beeb afford bandwidth these days?

Previous posts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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Jessica Alba works in Karachi

A couple of months ago, I had a delicious lunch (at Manhattan’s Jaiya Thai, which seems to hold a monopoly on the Thai-food-for-desis market) with a friend who had just been to Pakistan on business. He told me about a company in D.C. which had outsourced its receptionist to Pakistan via videoconferencing. Today, our mutual friend Mitra Kalita published the story in the Washington Post:

In a chic downtown lobby across the street from the Old Executive Office Building, Saadia Musa answers phones, orders sandwiches and lets in the FedEx guy. And she does it all from Karachi, Pakistan.

As receptionist for the Resource Group, Musa greets employees and visitors via a flat screen hanging on the lobby’s wall. Although they are nine hours behind and nearly 7,500 miles away, her U.S.-based bosses rely on her to keep order during the traffic of calls and meetings…

She turns the camera — which is usually focused on her face — to offer a view of her surroundings in Karachi: a lounge, a cafeteria, a pool table… Just then, a phone call interrupts her. It is 1:15 a.m. where Musa sits. “Good afternoon,” Musa says brightly. “Thank you for calling the Resource Group.”

Musa went through Stepford Wife-like call center training:

“A smile can be heard,” Musa recited in an interview via her flat screen. She worked as a call-center operator before being promoted to secretary. “Posture can make a difference. A dress code makes a difference.”

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DiCaprio and the 300 dwarfs

Albhudhadweep.jpg

I know you are wondering, so let me be clear from the start. This is not an attempt by Disney to win a seat at India’s table. An upcoming movie by director Ron Howard will involve Leonardo DiCaprio and 300 South Asian little people. Yahoo Movies India reports [tip from Kishan Thomas]:

Leonardo DiCaprio, the Titanic hero is to play the lead role of the Hollywood remake of a Malayalam film Albhudhadweep. Prithiviraj played the role in the original version.

The story is about four navy officers Hari (Prithiviraj), Joseph (Jagathy), Jagadish and Indrans being marooned on a remote island after their helicopter crashes in the sea. They reach this island where all men are dwarfs but the women are normal and beautiful. According to the folklore, some local deity has cursed the men who became dwarfs!

About 300 dwarfs have acted in this film. The fantasy fairy tale directed by Vinayan was a slow starter but gained momentum later.

This is some straight-up bulls*it. Don’t you guys see the hidden message here? This is just a plan by “Whitey” (a.k.a. the Man) to rub in the fact that South Asian men are somewhat shorter. They think they can just come to our “island” and take our beautiful women from us. I am totally going to protest this. In the meantime I am trying to decide who makes a better leading man.

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