The New York Times runs excerpts of three winning selections from the American Conservatory Theatre’s “Write Like Mamet” contest, including my brother’s “Mamlet.” I have no doubt that if Shakespeare were alive today, he too would pepper his prose with an occasional f-bomb:

“MAMLET”
By Nihar Patel (Los Angeles)

An empty stage. All performers are dressed in modern business suits.

CLAUDIUS (Ricky Jay) You are a gentlemenly fool. And you haven’t closed a castle in months. You’re old hat, and that comes from downtown.

MAMLET (William H. Macy) Old hat? Old hat. Let’s wait Claudius. Claudius, wait, back up here … I can close, all I need are those Elsinore leads. I want them and I want them posthaste.

CLAUDIUS Go to Norway Mamlet. Will you.

MAMLET Give me two good leads. Anon.

CLAUDIUS Just go to Norway.

MAMLET I don’t want to go to Norway.

CLAUDIUS Go to Norway, Mamlet.

MAMLET Where does he get off to talk that way to a Prince? It’s not …

CLAUDIUS Will you get out of here. Will you get out of here. Will you. I’m trying to run a kingdom here. Will you go to Norway? Go to Norway. Will you go to Norway?

MAMLET You stupid [expletive] [expletive].

Mamlet stabs Claudius.

The New York Times: Channeling Mamet (free registration required)
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