The Bay Area edition of Craigslist.org has been buzzing lately over one woman’s post in the Rants and Raves section. Apparently the number of responses she has gotten has inspired her to start her own blog. Normally I would never consider linking to a blog that is so young that it only has two entries, but I have a nose for controversy and thought I’d help this woman by sending some traffic her way (and start a gender war as a bonus). Yes, I am a troublemaker. From her post:
I can tell you the reason why most girls, desi or non don’t like to go for Indians. I have heard more than 100 stories in the last few years from every woman I know who has dated or tried a relationship with a desi guy.
1. There is always that, let’s have a relationship now and I love you and I want to marry you but I won’t tell anyone of my friends or family that you even exist. You are just a friend and then one fine day, make a trip to India to “visit” family and the guy either comes back married or engaged and his answer is “sorry but they forced me and now I can’t do anything.” Some get even worse and then say, I always told you my parents would never approve of anyone that I found and other b.s. things like that. My point is, desi guys tend to want to lie and are dishonest about long term futures even when things are going well and they don’t have the balls to stand up for someone even if they love them. <<<-------- This is the BIGGEST reason why I know most women wont even look at a desi as a serious relationship matter.. What good is it if he can't be a man?
2. They are too cheap. I have actually had a desi guy ask me to split a bill at Taco Bell.. I mean, hey I don’t mind going dutch but ocassionally it would be nice to see a guy actually making things a little romantic than finding the cheapest way to a date.
3. They are NOT romantic. They have no concept of how to treat a woman period. They don’t know about bringing flowers on special occassions or sometimes, just cuz. They don’t know how to show their emotions and care for someone. Their idea of a date is sitting at home or at Naz, watching a Desi movie over a dinner at an indian restaurant. They have no concept of doing something to please a woman and let’s face it.. desi or not, women love romance.
…
Have you heard enough or are you thirsty for more? Needless to say I think this girl is wrong in most of her generalizations. We are victims of our own designs when it comes to dating and love. I am also pretty sure that some Indian male is going to come up with a counter list. It won’t be me however 🙂
I don’t mean to generalize but most women will give you a reason or reasons between the above mentioned ones as to their experiences with a desi guy. Since there aren’t that many desis to go around, once a woman has one or two experience like this, they stay away from desis in general.. Hence, anyone who may not even fit in to this catagory will suffer because of your fellow desi men who have used and abused these above mentioned criterias too much.
You bastards!
Please don
t beat up on anonymous since I, Sluggo, and another poster called anonymous asked her to give us details. Boy, did she give us DETAILS! ;) But we didnt think wed get those kind of details. For once in my life, Im a little speechless. But I must add that the downtown issue is interesting. I think guys of all nationalities are either into it or not! I won`t say anymore because I might get banned from Sepia Mutiny 🙂what is all this poop????
get off of our backs yar… I mean, (D)EVOLUTION??? you’ve got to be kidding me. don’t even get me started on the difficulties of dealing with brown women
who wants to start a blog how good it is to be a brown guy right now. heavy shoulder movements and classic amitabh moves are in high demand at all the clubs. PLUS i’m seeing russell peters next monday.
stop all the hating, nobody wants to hear about how hard it is to find a “progressive guy who is South Asian” come on, just come out and say what you really want… a chiseled brown shtud who will kiss your feet, cook you subji, serve it to you in bed, and provide meaningful, windblown sharukh gazes on command. yuck
ugh. indian boys suck? what a load of bullshit.
all of the sweeping (generalizing) is irritating my allergies.
i’m not going to divulge more private matters like anonymous did(though i will state that i had no complaints there), but MY bengali ex-bf, whom i dated for over 18 months:
-taught me how to drive a manual transmission via his 1956 porsche speedster convertible, a car that meant the world to him, a car that had been on the cover of excellence mag
-brought me breakfast (including homemade cinnamon rolls!) in bed, every weekend, along with a copy of the sunday nyt
-bought me flowers, for no reason whatsoever
-overheard me tell my best friend that i couldn’t find a nail polish to match a certain indian outfit that i was wearing for a wedding– so he had his friends at a certain shop (think similar to “west coast customs”) create the most glorious enamel to surprise me with, shot with three kinds of pearl
-knew that i’d be heartbroken that my beloved siamese fighting fish died, so he desperately ran all over town trying to find an identical twin before i got home from work (unsuccessful– i got home early and found my little “triumph trident” belly up)
-surprised homesick me with a visit during my first semester of grad school (over two years after we broke up!!!) and even brought my fave bare escentuals peppermint shower gel to cheer me, after i absent-mindedly mentioned that i couldn’t find it out here.
i ONLY date indian guys. have some of them been assholes? sure. my sister tends to date white and asian guys. have some of THEM been assholes? you bet your sweet ass…hole.
everyone has an asshole, everyone occasionally IS an asshole. i will not stand by and let bengali boys get denigrated needlessly. same goes for punjabi, kashmiri, rajasthani, tamil and malayalee boys.
i’ve dated all of the above (and they spanned the continuum from boys who were in india until college but came here for grad school —> boys who were born here, who were brown only genetically) and there were plenty of sweethearts in the lot. i’ll compile a damned list of rockstar-gestures like the ones i shamelessly flaunted above, to counteract the unnecessary negativity that is getting batted about here. there are PLENTY of indian guys who are amazing. from every possible background.
ANY guy will disrespect a girl if they let him– every girl learns this the hard way, me included.
if you don’t want to wake up with something unpleasant in your hand, make that abundantly clear as a non-negotiable point. if he doesn’t agree to it, he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not the one for you (even if you “love everything else about him”) and you should move on. period. you and your friend have had bad experiences, but questioning an entire group of people for it is ludicrous.
there are good and bad in every community, in both genders, in all sexual orientations. ’nuff said.
I entered the fray a bit late. But check out
http://maniktahla.blogspot.com
for my own take on the crazy uptight beeeeyatch.
Please see my rebuttal to this post under my blog: http://indibloggers.blogspot.com
Hi one woman’s post in the ‘Rants and Raves section and Ur comments as well as many others has degeneraed into a wishy pornography.Dating and partnering are different.Again all dates need not end in the matrimonial tie.And what is the spciality of ‘Videshis’ ParthaKrishna
HAHA honestly i’m a indian guy and i was laughing so much when i read that…. i didn’t even know indian guys were like that; partly becasue there aren’t any near where i live hahahaha,
but split a tacobell meal? thats just sad….. yet very funny casue it happened to someone else hahaha.
man you maybe just found a wrong guy…but if this happened more then once….damn start up a application process.
to who ever wrote this was a great laugh
Bhupesh
You offer to pick up the tab, and its a women liberation issue. You offer to go dutch and its termed as unromantic. There is no pleasing some people.
A vast majority of my Indian friends are pole opposites of the guy described above.
I have to agree with what Anna said. If you state what you want in the relationship (hopefully not on the first few dates) and if he doesn’t deliver move on. I learned this from a guy friend who once said that if a woman lets a man treat her bad then he will continue to do so. Besides every relationship is a give-take ordeal and when that becomes violated it leaves either party wanting. I have mostly dated Indian men and I did have a bad experience with one of them but the others were wonderful. My only complaint being it’s hard finding one that isn’t a mama’s boy. But other than that I have seen some very sweeet ones.