The other day, my wife, a research scientist, returned home with a major finding, one that may soon be published in a scientific journal. “The Irish accent,” she announced, “has to be the sexiest in the world!” She had been listening to National Public Radio in her car and some Irishman had gotten her a little, shall we say, revved up. SheÅ½d been totally charmed, even without seeing his face, smelling his cologne, or exploring his views on politics, literature and the theory of evolution.
Needless to say, I was envious. IÅ½ve always wanted to have that kind of effect on women. Just open my mouth and have them falling at my feet, begging me to say more. But as luck would have it, only one woman has ever fallen at my feet after I opened my mouth — and she was begging me to try a breath mint.
IÅ½ve tried enchanting women with an accent, but the only accents that come naturally to me, the only accents I can pull off, havenÅ½t endeared me to a single woman, even when IÅ½ve gone so far as to say, “Vat a lowely voman you are!”
If I were Irish, IÅ½d be sweeping women off their feet every chance I got: “Whart a lurvely worman ya arre!” Of course, IÅ½d save my best line for my wife: “Whart a sirksee marn ya mahreed!”
Melvin has an idea though of how to get mainstream America to grow to love the Indian accent.
… the Indian accent may not seem particularly sexy, but wait until NBC produces a reality show called “The Programmer.” Ten Indian computer experts compete for the chance to get a job at Microsoft, joining ten zillion others. Soon every woman would find her heart palpitating whenever she hears the words “softvare enjunyer.”