{"id":5036,"date":"2008-02-18T13:47:25","date_gmt":"2008-02-18T18:47:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com?p=5036"},"modified":"2008-02-18T15:28:16","modified_gmt":"2008-02-18T20:28:16","slug":"all_love_is_bro","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/2008\/02\/18\/all_love_is_bro\/","title":{"rendered":"All love is brown love"},"content":{"rendered":"

As desis we feel that the burden of meddlesome parents is uniquely ours<\/span><\/font>. Exhibit A, an email from Yo Dad to Abhi:<\/p>\n\n

Also please try and select life partner before next January !! Good luck !! Love\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6. Dad… [Link<\/a>]<\/blockquote>\n\n

How typical, right? How very … African<\/em>. The text that follows is from a BBC forum on the proper role of parents in childrens’ love lives in Africa:<\/p>\n\n

Should African parents stay out of their children’s love lives? Or should a happy medium be reached between traditional match making and modern dating? … <\/span><\/font>Is a marriage between two people or between two families?<\/span><\/font>… [Link<\/a>]<\/blockquote>\n\n

<<\/p>\n\n

p>That’s right, it’s not just brown parents that like to … help their children and who view marriage as being a partnership between two families, it’s African families as well. There’s a reason why Bollywood fillums are so popular across Africa.<\/p>\n\n

<<\/p>\n\n

p>Similarly, we feel that pressures to be pragmatic about relationships are uniquely desi. Well, what about these quotes from a first world writer:<\/p>\n\n

\n

What they understood is this: as your priorities change from romance to family, the so-called “deal breakers” change<\/span><\/font>. Some guys aren’t worldly, but they’d make great dads. Or you walk into a room and start talking to this person who is 5’4″ and has an unfortunate nose, but he “gets” you. My long-married friend Ren\u00c3\u00a9e offered this dating advice to me in an e-mail: \n

\n

I would say even if he’s not the love of your life, make sure he’s someone you respect intellectually, makes you laugh, appreciates you <\/span><\/font>\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I bet there are plenty of these men in the older, overweight, and bald category (which they all eventually become anyway). [Link<\/a>] <\/blockquote><\/blockquote>\n\n

Marriage isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a passion-fest …It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. [Link<\/a>]<\/blockquote>\n\n

<\/blockquote>\n<\/p>\n\n

That’s from a white American woman in the Atlantic monthly, giving exactly the same advice (with the genders reversed) that I got from a married DBD friend when I was 29. He told me that passion and hotness was all nice and good, but passion fades and hotness vanishes, so be sure you’ve got a woman you like to talk to and can get along with because, at the end of the day, everybody becomes an Auntie.<\/span><\/font> [His advice, don’t hurt the messenger!!!]<\/p>\n\n

I’m not saying there are no cultural differences, of course there are. What I’m saying is that even if the mean cultural attitudes are different, there’s a good deal of overlap in the tails, that cultural attitudes towards luuuurve are not distinct and separate, but fairly similar with differences in emphasis.<\/p>\n\n

Whether that’s a good thing or not, I dunno. But like it or not, lots of people sound just like uncles and aunties … <\/p>\n\n

Related posts: White American Christians Emulate Arranged Marriages<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As desis we feel that the burden of meddlesome parents is uniquely ours. Exhibit A, an email from Yo Dad to Abhi: Also please try and select life partner before next January !! Good luck !! Love\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6. Dad… [Link] How … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[10,35],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5036"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5036"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5036\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5036"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5036"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5036"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}