{"id":3778,"date":"2006-09-12T21:57:16","date_gmt":"2006-09-13T02:57:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com?p=3778"},"modified":"2006-09-12T20:50:31","modified_gmt":"2006-09-13T01:50:31","slug":"the_importance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/2006\/09\/12\/the_importance\/","title":{"rendered":"The Importance of Being Arranged (A Literary Remix)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Add one part AC<\/a> and one part Oscar Wilde’s “The Importance of Being Earnest.”<\/a> Mix well, plagiarize liberally, and try not to try too hard. And voila…<\/em><\/p>\n\n

Note on characters: Deepak and Varun are two nondescript desi guys in New Jersey, in their late 20s.<\/em><\/p>\n\n

Varun:<\/strong> Chandramukhi Baba<\/a> says, ‘These days unnecessary things are our only necessities.’
\nDeepak:<\/strong> I thought that was Oscar Wilde.
\nVarun:<\/strong> The British steal all our best lines. Anyway, he is referring to the transient nature of material possessions, and encouraging their immediate acquisition in the interest of achieving inner peace. I think it makes a lot of sense, actually.
\nDeepak:<\/strong> All that religious talk gives me a headache. So, anyway, what happened last night?
\nVarun:<\/strong> With Smiti? Yaar… what can I say? (smiling, smug<\/em>)
\nDeepak:<\/strong> Really? Man, you seem to have really hit the jackpot with this ApniShaadi thing.
\nVarun:<\/strong> I know. A different kuri every week! Too bad you gave up the game, married guy. This internet thing is fantastic.
\nDeepak:<\/strong> I don’t miss it. I actually don’t think I could be happier. Incidentally, how do you work it?
\nVarun:<\/strong> How do I work what?
\nDeepak:<\/strong> I mean, the desi scene in New Jersey isn’t that<\/em> big. Aren’t you worried you’re going to run into some girl from the Bridgewater mandir on one of these dates?
\nVarun:<\/strong> Oh — different names. On the internet I’m Arjun.
\nDeepak:<\/strong> Arjun, huh? Nice. And the picture?
\nVarun:<\/strong> It’s called Photoshop, dude. Arjun has a big nose and puffy cheeks…
\nDeepak:<\/strong> And no zits, presumably? Don’t the girls notice that?
\nVarun:<\/strong> No, definitely no zits. And they don’t say anything, ’cause all their pics are doctored too.
\nDeepak:<\/strong> I like my system better.
\nVarun:<\/strong> I know, it’s crazy. You must be the only guy to have met the girl of his dreams on an arranged marriage date in some remote village in central Punjab…
\nDeepak:<\/strong> Word — but you know, it was time to pull the plug. I was tired of the bars, the soul-killing NETIP scene, the websites… I was even tired of having to fork over $100 a week just to get my hair done by some puffed up dude who calls himself a “stylist.”
\nVarun:<\/strong> Hey, I like Jorge. As Chandramukhi says, ‘Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.’ What’s $100 if you end up with hair as good as mine? (runs hand through hair)<\/em> But don’t forget the most important thing: you were tired of your mom calling every five minutes…
\nDeepak:<\/strong> …With the email of some random desi girl studying dentistry in Iowa, yeah, that too. But really, it was just time to roll the dice, and say, ‘it’s going to just be this one girl, no more waffling.’
\nVarun<\/strong>: You don’t miss being single? The thrill of the chase?
\nDeepak<\/strong>: Let me put it this way: my sex life has never been better. What about you? Don’t you get tired of lying to all these girls?
\nVarun<\/strong>: Lying, who’s lying? As Chandramukhi says, ‘Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.’ Actually I sometimes think I’m more myself when I’m Arjun. I’m so bored with just being Varun.
\nDeepak<\/strong>: Wait, isn’t that Oscar Wilde again?
\nVarun<\/strong>: What’s with all the Oscar Wilde? And hey, is your cousin sister coming over tonight?
\nDeepak<\/strong>: Gayatri? You still have the hots for Gayatri?<\/p>\n\n

To be continued, possibly. (Along these lines<\/a>)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Add one part AC and one part Oscar Wilde’s “The Importance of Being Earnest.” Mix well, plagiarize liberally, and try not to try too hard. And voila… Note on characters: Deepak and Varun are two nondescript desi guys in New … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3778"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/11"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3778"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3778\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3778"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3778"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/sepiamutiny.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3778"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}