![](\"http:\/\/www.sepiamutiny.com\/sepia\/images\/AmirKhan_new.jpg\")
<\/a><\/td><\/tr>\nAmir Khan, Starbucks menu item<\/p><\/td><\/tr><\/table><\/p>\n\n
\n[Boxer] Amir Khan is a slender 19-year-old with smooth skin the color of caf\u00c3\u00a9 con leche. [Link<\/a>]<\/blockquote>\n\n
That particular style was original before Starbucks was big, when light-skinned black girls calling themselves ‘Mocha’ showed up on prime time to tease the Fresh Prince of Bel Air<\/a>. Only thing is, everyone now knows that coffee beans are actually harvested by poorly-paid brown people. Awkward.<\/p>\n\n
Personally, I say we bring the brewless fuck<\/a> back in style. It’s so darn cute, so dang-diggly underused, that the NYT<\/em> should apply it to everyone they profile. And the metaphor should evaluate whether the subject is bangable, through coffeerotica.<\/p>\n\n
‘Oscar de la Hoya<\/a> is a 33-year-old with skin the color of espresso.<\/p>\n\n
<\/a>‘Avril Lavigne<\/a> is a 21-year-old with skin the color of a double tall, no-whip vanilla latte.<\/p>\n\n
‘Alan Greenspan<\/a> is an 80-year-old with skin the color of curdled whipping cream.’<\/p>\n\n
Hey, if you’re good, kick it up a notch into cocoarotica: milk chocolate, caramel, dark chocolate with almond bits. Make the paper of record sound as subtle as hip-hop lyrics<\/a>. Bam, now we’re cookin’ with gas.<\/p>\n\n
![<\/a>‘](\"http:\/\/www.ehills.co.jp\/rp\/dfw\/EHILLS\/morishop\/ark\/starbucks\/images\/dish_photo.jpg\"){kind=link}