How to befriend a vegetarian

This anecdote about Google cofounder Sergey Brin is part of a startup PR launch, but it’s interesting. I wonder what the dare was. ‘I cook, you eat’ doesn’t sound like a very interesting bet:

The victim

[Anand] Rajaraman and Harinarayan were co-founders of Junglee, an early Web database company… In 1994, Rajaraman proudly told Brin he’d acquired a new computer with the latest version of Microsoft Windows. Brin… went over to Rajaraman’s apartment and installed Linux… on his computer…

Brin even took on Rajaraman’s practice of eating vegetarian, a family tradition. One evening, Brin went over to Rajaraman’s apartment, baked a fish in his oven, and served it to him with some lemon. Rajaraman ate it. [Link]

Tamarind once served me the lamb version of the paneer dish I ordered, two large, flat white squares. I downed the whole thing thinking it was the worst paneer I’d ever had and didn’t catch on until I saw the bill. Gross.

By the way, your bagels contain an extract from human hair and chicken feathers, your milk contains cattle hormones and pus, your beer was clarified with fish extract, your miso soup may contain fish broth and your Kiwi Strawberry Snapple is colored with a dye from ground beetles. Perfect recycling. I see some aren’t taking this meatitude lying down. Bon appetit!

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Anatomy of a List

Every year, the men’s website askmen.com releases a list of the 99 hottest celebrities on this planet. Millions of people vote to pick their favorite celebrity, and men the world over are more interested in the results of this poll than ones that pick the majority leader in the House of Representatives. I know, men are shallow. However, I am not one of those men. I care. I am also against the crass commercialization of women. But sometimes, one has to make sacrifices for the sake of an audience, and so this year, I am setting aside my usual apathy to take on the unpleasant task of scouring the list for hot desi women.

There is something in this post for everyone, though: the righties can be indignant about the clothes these women wear; the lefties can fume about the list being predominantly white. The others can gawk.

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The end of an era

R.I.P. Loews State

The Loews State cinema, the last cinema on Broadway and the biggest Bollywood theater in Manhattan, closed last Friday, a victim of the AMC-Loews merger. This Times Square theater was so central that it showed up in movies ranging from Kal Ho Naa Ho to Phone Booth. As far as I know, the much smaller ImaginAsian is now the only theater on the island regularly playing Bollywood flicks. Where will I go to get my regular phixx?

I loved and hated you, my State. From playing telephone with the non-Hindi-speaking ticket window to watching tripe masquerading as film, you brought me the best and the worst on giant screens. You brought me up with Parineeta and down with Deewane Huye Paagal, up with Mangal Pandey / The Rising and down with Bluff Master; you brought me sold-out crowds (for Pandey) and a hall to myself (for everything else). Not three weeks ago, I ran backward down your escalator to retrieve a scarf and met two cuties doing the same. In recent years you were a second-run theater, but watching desi flicks at the center of the world was its own distinct thrill. And your location in the Virgin Megastore was so Bolly-apropos

When I lived in S.F., a friend of mine hosted stylish, witty desi parties for the mid-20s to mid-30s set. She had a baby, the parties stopped, and everyone felt the loss. Some things are as much community services as profit-making ventures. The Bollyrun at the Loews State was such a creature.

Fifty years ago, the neighborhood was the world’s largest showcase for cinema — the area housed over a dozen grand movie palaces, including the Paramount, Roxy, Capitol, Strand, Warner, Rivoli and the National. In late 2004, the Loews Astor Place closed on 44th Street (it is now a concert venue, the Nokia Theatre), and a few years before, the area lost the Embassy two-plex and the Criterion Center. Much of the blame can be laid at the feet of increased rents for commercial space, the recent AMC-Loews merger, and the flourishing new multiplexes on 42nd Street near Port Authority, the AMC Empire 25 and the Loews E-Walk. [Link – NSFW]

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Oh no! It’s another M.I.A. post!

The Village Voice’s “Pazz & Jop” supplement is out this week. It’s the only annual music survey that counts; tallying votes from 795 critics, it’s a clear statement of the prevailing wisdom in US pop criticism. Online you can check out each critic’s list, and search to see how your favorite grime, electroclash, nerd-hop or screamo fared. So, how about the desis?

Albums
2 – M.I.A., Arular
149 – Kronos Quartet f/ Asha Bhosle [thanks Sajit]
231 – Anoushka Shankar, Rise
Songs
29 – M.I.A, “Galang”
30 (tie) – M.I.A., “Bucky Done Gun”
61 (tie) – M.I.A., “Sunshowers”
313 (tie) – M.I.A., “Bingo”

And, unless you count Devendra Banhart (album: 90; song: 313) as an honorary desi (ahem), thatÂ’s it.

ItÂ’s also interesting to search for desis among the critics. Gauging by name, I found only two: Nikhil Swaminathan of Creative Loafing, the Atlanta weekly, and Joseph Patel of MTV. I donÂ’t know either cat; for all I know Joseph may be Trini or Guyanese. He placed M.I.A. on his list of mainly Black music; Nikhil is an indie-rock cat who didn’t find room for a sista. [UPDATE: Also Geeta Dayal! My bad. Thanks, Neha.] Continue reading

Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen

Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair!
Shoulder length, longer (hair!)
Here baby, there mama, Everywhere daddy daddy

Abhi at age 3: Nice hair runs in our Indian family.

-Lyrics from the musical Hair

You know what I love me most about South Asian women? Long, beautiful, black hair. Yep, I’m a hair man. Last Friday Brian (followed by a few others) tipped us off that NPR’s Day to Day ran a story about the hottest beauty trend to hit Los Angeles. “Indian Temple Hair.” As everyone knows, L.A. sets the trends for the rest of the nation to follow. Look out middle-America:

In most big American cities, almost any luxury item can be had for a price — real champagne from France, truffles from Italy, and in Los Angeles, human hair from India. Whether it’s individual clumps or full wefts, true human hair is available in beauty salons across the city, and selling very well.

Take, for example, Vared Valensi. The walls of her salon on a busy corner of Melrose Avenue are plastered with pictures of Valensi with some of her celebrity clients, including Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Tara Reid and a nest of Playboy bunnies. Each one is cute, skinny and has someone else’s hair attached to her head. Valensi put it there.

This story is absolutely ridic. The interview they do with the woman from the temple in India (where they import this hair from) had me speechless.

…so-called “temple hair” comes from India. It is a byproduct of a religious practice many faithful Hindu women have observed for generations. Pilgrims cut off their hair as an offering to the gods. The hair is then cleaned, processed and exported.

Tiripati temple is where most of the Hindu offerings take place. The hair trade is a boon for the temple, now commonly known as the richest temple in India. Much of that money is coming from places like Los Angeles, where advertisements for Indian hair dot utility poles and storefront windows across the city. With demand for Indian hair growing, more and more Indian companies are advertising to Americans directly, hoping to cash in on the trend.

Ummm. I’m not sure…but isn’t it kind of blasphemous to take hair offered to the Gods…and then turn around and sell it to Tara Reid?

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TODAY: Kiran Desai reading

SAJA and the Rubin Museum of Art present
Kiran Desai reading from The Inheritance of Loss
Today, Wednesday, February 1 at 7pm
(how’s that for notice?)

Rubin Museum of Art
150 West 17th St. between 6th/7th Aves., Manhattan [map]
$11 / $5 SAJA members
(includes admission to the museum of Himalayan art)

The novel wears the tricolor on its sleeve and savages wealthy immigrant privilege:

The Indian student bringing back a bright blonde, pretending it was nothing, trying to be easy, but every molecule tense and self-conscious: “Come on, yaar, love has no color…” He had just happened to stumble into the stereotype; he was the genuine thing that just happened to be the cliché…

Behind him a pair of Indian girls made vomity faces.

And yet she lives in…

Kiran Desai was born in India in 1971. Educated in India, England, and the United States, she received her MFA from Columbia. She lives in Brooklyn.

Related posts: The tree groom, ‘The Inheritance of Loss’

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I’ll try the canned fish curry, please

The word curry is a topic sure to rankle desis; the debunking of this colonial category is the rare cause that can unite desis of all origins and persuasions in a chorus of righteous indignation. And rightly so: The reduction of the subcontinentÂ’s rich foodways to this one invented label has caused any number of ills, not least the viscous glop known as tikka masala, and more than a few upset stomachs.

But just because curry isnÂ’t authentically Indian doesnÂ’t mean it isnÂ’t authentically… something. TodayÂ’s New York Times has a review of a new book called “Curry: A Tale of Cooks and Conquerors,” by Lizzie Collingham — a book I’m excited to read, despite the kind of horrible cover art that has Manish breaking out in hives. It invites us to follow as curry spread around the world, picking up bits and pieces from each culture like some syncretistic religion. Curry may or may not be Indian, but it sure is global:

Samoans make a Polynesian curry using canned fish and corned beef. … Lots of diners would balk at curried chicken Kiev, but not Ms. Collingham. … One of her goals, in tracing the evolution of curry and the global spread of Indian cuisine, is to pull the rug out from under the idea that India, or any other nation, ever had a cuisine that was not constantly in the process of assimilation and revision.

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Star of David Brooks

Sajit shredded Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World as being unfunny and culturally inastute. I come bearing a lukewarm defense: having seen the movie, it is much better than its trailer and is on balance good for the South Asian brand launch.

The main flaw of the movie, a simple-minded farce, is that it’s done by Albert Brooks. Brooks is the Jewish Bill Cosby, his character a throwback, a Mr. Smith Goes to Delhi; his humor is suburban, family-friendly, with all its edges rounded off. The centerpiece of the movie is a comedy show Brooks performs in Delhi, funny to neither the Indians on-screen nor the American audience off-. He does have some choice one-liners, though none stray beyond the safety of stereotype (he gets neither green M&M’s nor a greenroom in Delhi). Even the inevitable outsourcing jokes happen only as background chatter. It isn’t insightful, but for the most part it isn’t brain-dead or offensive either.Sheetal Sheth plays a clueless, shiny-haired chipmunk. I couldn’t decide whether to smack her or take her home

You also get a Brooksian touch like Sheetal Sheth’s character, a wide-eyed naïf. Sheth plays the role like a shiny-haired chipmunk with saucer eyes and a bottomless supply of perk and oblivion. She’s Clueless in Connaught Place; I couldn’t decide whether to smack her or take her home. Sheth gets second billing in the credits. My college buddy Shaheen Sheik also got two brief closeups; it’s always cool seeing someone I went to school with.

The central elision is intact, India is not the center of the Muslim world, and the exculpatory hand wave fails even on screen. But the India-Pakistan subplot is cute in a Sleeper kind of way. And in one witty riff, the sitar on the score switches from desi ishtyle to ‘There’s No Business Like Show Business.’

There are some cultural oddities about the script. Brooks is way overdressed in formal sherwanis for a day at the office. A Native American teepee makes a baffling appearance and leaves you wondering whether exposition was cut from the script; it’s not Brooks’ style to make you think. The Iranian boyfriend’s accent sounds like a cat in a blender, the unhappy coincidence of an inflated resume (‘Dialects: Hindi’) and actually landing the role. Sheth’s own accent is painfully inexact, but you get used to it as the movie wears on. At least they’re attempting Indian accents (Casanova: the Venezians speak in British accents? Really?).

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Bollywood Passions

Growing up in what was initially a one-TV household, I was often forced to watch what my mom and sister were watching. From the 3-4 slot, this usually meant a heavy dose of Luke and Laura, Edward and Lila, Frisco and Felicia, and Tony and Bobby. For those of you that I know what I am talking about, we were General Hospital addicts. I hate to admit it, but I knew I had a problem when I started referring to it as GH, and would have conversations, that to anyone not familiar with the soap, would seem like jibber-jabber. I finally kicked my soap habit my sophomore year after studying abroad and now of course, work thankfully gets in the way. But when tipster Noelle (and all the other SM tipsters) informed us awhile back that television’s newest soap opera Passions was going Bollywood, I thought why couldn’t GH do that? Anyway, we over here at SM headquarters apologize for not mentioning this earlier, but most of the mutineers aren’t usually home to watch the show during the day, and for that reason we also wanted to wait for a video clip of the Bollywood item to be available before posting. So, now that the clip is available, you can find the video here. More information on the shoot, the clothes, the song, the choreography, and the video is available here. (The video only opens up in MS Explorer.) From what I gather from my five minute perusal of the show clips, the Bollywood triangle involves three characters: Ethan, Gwen, and Theresa. Gwen is scared of Theresa’s attempts to lure Ethan away from her, and convinces Ethan to travel with her to India so they could renew their vows. This is where the dance number begins and then turns into full on Bollywood melodrama. Featuring an ensemble cast of desi background dancers, Gwen and Ethan’s impending infinite bliss, and romp around the tree of life (I have no idea what that is about) is interrupted by the appearence of temptress Theresa in a ‘minimalist’ version of a sari and a black veil.

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