Author Archives: Ennis Singh Mutinywale

The Fresh Prince of Bombay

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Bush wasn’t the only imperial American to visit India last week. Mega-movie star, sometime rapper, and potential aspirant to the presidency Will Smith was also there as well. While he was in India to promote a new English language movie channel, he graciously complimented the competition, endearing himself to Indians with his love for Bollywood:

“The first Hindi film that I saw was Sarkar,” he explained, “and I was blown away by the Big B (megastar Amitabh Bachchan). I want to be known as Big W from today.” [Link]

“Just recently I got to know the number of films Bollywood makes a year – a whopping 800. And each with its share of song, music, dance and drama… I am simply enticed to be part of it” [Link]

Although his representatives denied that Smith had any concrete plans for a crossover movie, he did spend a whole day meeting with various filmi types, so something may be in the works.

For me, the highlight of Smith’s visit was his appearence on Indian Idol. There he imitated Tom Cruise by jumping up on the sofa (scaring the presenter Mini Mathur half to death) where he mugged and sang:

Telling the contestants how to deal with butterflies in their stomachs, Will said, “It’s hard going on stage, and I used to have a weird feeling in my gut too. Sometimes, I still do. And when I really want to make sure I’m ready for stage, I go to a really crowded place, like a mall or something, I just climb up onto something (jumps onto the sofa) and do this!” He screams his guts out, wildly, his lunatic expressions all over the place. [Link]

[To see a flip book animation of his performance, click here] While on the show, he not only performed “Getting Jiggy With It” but he also ventured a duet of “Aati Kya Khandala” with one of the contestants. Unfortunately, one of the male contestants was considerably more self-conscious than Smith was:

Will got off the couch to raucous applause, encouraging the lad right next to him, Sandeep, to do the same. “Go ahead, man, go for it! Your turn now!”

And this is where the Idol hopeful blew it. If Will Smith tells you to leap onto a sofa and yell your head off on television, you do it. Sandeep hesitantly got to his feet, perched atop the couch as if made to stand to attention, and then, instead of just shouting, he fumbled around for a microphone. Even as Will kept egging him on, Sandeep managed a lame ‘Woo’ sound, then stood there grinning haplessly. [Link]

Why am I not surprised? Continue reading →

Wicked Googly, Mr. President

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In President Bush’s most brilliant photo op ever, he invited members of the Pakistani national cricket team to the US embassy for a private lesson in cricket.

President Bush met Pakistani cricket captain Inzaman-ul-Haq and opening batsman Salman Butt amid tight security at the US embassy in Islamabad.

Watched by a crowd of schoolchildren, he was shown the correct way of holding a cricket bat before being led to the crease to face some bowling.

One of the balls from the Pakistani captain bounced high, striking the president on the shoulder.

Mr Bush also tried his hand at bowling. [Link]

No word as to whether batsman Butt was bestowed one of the President’s honorary nicknames when he was standing in the crease, but we can only hope.

Those of you concerned about the President’s safety while learning cricket will be pleased to learn that they replaced cricket balls with tennis balls for the purposes of this demonstration, so while the President was hit by a ball, he was not injured.

See a fuller squence of photos here; my favorite is this one of President Bush holding the tennis ball as if it were really heavy before bowling. And yes, he maintains his trademark tight lipped grin in most of the photos.

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Because they hate freedom! And debt!

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It seems that there’s a new way to become suspected of being a terrorist – try to pay off your credit cards. At a time when debt is all-American, the Department of Homeland Security gets called in if you try to balance your personal budget.

The balance on their JCPenney Platinum MasterCard had gotten to an unhealthy level. So they sent in a large payment, a check for $6,522. And an alarm went off. A red flag went up. The Soehnges’ behavior was found questionable… They were told, as they moved up the managerial ladder at the call center, that the amount they had sent in was much larger than their normal monthly payment. And if the increase hits a certain percentage higher than that normal payment, Homeland Security has to be notified. [Link]

DHS got notified for a measily $6,522 payment? I mean, I’m sure that Al Qaeda loves shopping at J.C. Penny, but still. And this happened to a white family with nothing else “suspicious” in their background. Heck, they were even from Texas (although they left after they retired). Can you imagine if they had an accent? Or a furrin’ name?

Here’s my favorite part:

After sending in the check, they checked online to see if their account had been duly credited. They learned that the check had arrived, but the amount available for credit on their account hadn’t changed…the money doesn’t move until the threat alert is lifted. [Link]

That’s right – not only does DHS get involved, but they stop your payment from going through. You’re performing a legitimate commercial transaction, and they’re preventing it. Do they pay your interest during the period that they’re pondering how much of a threat you pose to the country? What happens if they don’t get around to making a decision right away? Hey, if you have nothing to hide, why are you complaining? [Via Ishbadiddle]

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Mmmmmmmangoes!

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For me, the sweetest fruit of Bush’s bisit to India is that finally, after 17 years of trying, Indian mangoes will soon be available in the US. Thus far, desis in the US have had to settle for Mexican mangoes, which are neither as sweet nor as juicy as what one can get back in the sub-continent.

Perfection in a golden wrapper

While India is the largest producer of mangoes (41% of the world produce), and the US is the largest importer (29% of all imports), there was no convergence between the two. The gainer was Mexico which only produces 5 per cent of the world’s mangoes and has 25 per cent of the mango export market. [Link]

The cause of the decades long mango moratorium was a fear of alien invasion, a (legitimate) concern about nasty creepy crawlies that might infest America’s fecund farmlands. This concern has now been allayed via the miracle of modern science – Indian mangoes will be nuked, neutered and neutralized before they are allowed to immigrate:

Preventing Indian mangoes from entering US supermarkets was the strict Sanitary and Phyto-Sanitary (SPS) conditions imposed by the US. Pests like pulp weevil and fruit fly are alien to US conditions. And the US was never confident about India’s capability to make the harvest pest-free… Several meetings later, the clincher was irradiation, the method to be now adopted to make mangoes pest-free. Earlier, it was limited to vapour treatment and quarantine. [Link]

How sweet it is. M-day is roughly 18 months away and I can hardly wait!

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Where the mandirs are

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Harvard University’s Pluralism Project has many interesting resources concerning minority religions in the USA. Here, for example, is their map of mandirs across America:

To some extent, this map can be read as a proxy for the distribution of Hindus across the country, although only crudely. Because the map indicates the number of temples and not the size of their congregations, a state with a large number of small temples will show up as darker brown (I love their coloring scheme) than one with a smaller number of large temples. That is, there might be more Hindus in Illinois than New York, but they simply worship at a few very large temples.

Despite this limitation, there is still much to be learned from reading these maps. I was surprised to see, for example, that there were more mandirs in Georgia than in the state of Washington, or Michigan. Who knew there were so many mandirs in the south?

The site also includes maps of the 89 Jain temples, 236 Sikh gurdwaras, 2039 Buddhist temples, and the 1855 Islamic mosques that they have catalogued.

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World’s largest turban!

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Major Singh, a Nihang Sikh in India, is hoping to qualify for the Guinness Book of World Records with the world’s largest turban (via Mr. Sikhnet):

A Sikh cleric from Amritsar is all set to make it to the record books for wearing what he claims is the largest turban in the world… Major Singh… wears a huge tower-shaped turban using 400 meters of cloth, some 100 hairpins, and embellished with 51 religious symbols made in metal. [Link]

This style of round turban is known as a dumaala and is common to Nihang Sikhs. Most Nihangs wear a smaller turban than this, but there is a tradition of competing to see who can wear the largest. Major Singh’s 400 meter turban weighs around 35 kg, or roughly 77 lbs. Nobody else is in his weight class, the next largest turbans are 10 kg smaller.

If you’ve ever seen or met a Nihang Sikh, all dressed in blue, you’re not likely to forget:

Nihang Singhs belong to a martial tradition … Their way of life, style of dress, and weaponry has remained little changed since … three hundred years ago. Nihangs are a semi-nomadic people. They are organized into “armies” and live in camps known as “cantonments”. Men and women both train in horsemanship, swordsmanship, and in the Punjabi martial art known as gatka. During times of persecution in the past, the Nihangs defended Sikh shrines and the Sikh way of life and become known for their bravery against all odds. In times of peace they travel to festivals and fairs throughout India, staging displays of horsemanship and martial skills. [Link]

For those inquiring minds, my own turban is considerably more modest in size. It’s not the size of the turban on the man, it’s the size of the man in the turban, and that’s all I have to say on this topic . [Major Singh is, I’m sure, a lot of man in a very large turban.]

Related Sepia Mutiny Posts: Crisp or Not, As American as Gatka, Justice Department smacks MTA over turban ban, Da Star in dastar, This turban’s disturbin’

Related Articles: Nihangs, Learn How To Tie Different Sikh Turbans

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Waiter, there’s a fly …

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Whether sanctimoniously single or smugly encoupled, I find that most people suffer from a post-Valentines hangover. I don’t mean a literal hangover, although copious quantities of champagne are commonly consumed, I mean a reaction to the intensely saccharine and unidimensional portrayal of love. As a homemade remedy, I offer the hair of the dog that bit you – a reminder that love takes many forms.

Saheli tipped us off to this article by an American desi who went back to Karnataka to work as a medical volunteer at the “largest Tibetan refugee colony in the world,” an encampment of over 10,000 Tibetans:

I found out quickly that I had entered a place with entirely different notions about life purpose and productivity. Soon after I arrived I pointed out to a monk that a mosquito was sucking his blood. He nodded in acknowledgement and said something brief about the accumulation of merit and allowing another being to nourish itself off your own. (Luckily, we were in a region where the prevalence of malaria is low).

The second day I was there, a monk took me to the local Indian restaurant. A fly fell into my daal. The monk’s reaction took me by surprise. I wrote this poem about it.

There are those who
When a fly drops Plop! into yellow daal
it is not their bowl of food they worry about.
It is the fly and her wings
The ability of fire and spice
To sear wings
And with so much kindness
They place the fly in their palm
Unfold a white creased napkin
Clean the wings and the space
Between the wings
with water rinse away
Any hot yellowness
Place the fly gentle
On the edge of the table
Until
by the end
Of our meal
The fly has flown
made her way
Back into the world. [Link]

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Kali’s video game debut

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File this under “It’s only offensive if somebody else does it.”

Only desis could get away with making a video game about Emperor Ashoka that uses figures from Hindu mythology and art just to give you something to fight:

Kali is appearing in the forthcoming Emperor Ashoka … which recreates battles from the life of a legendary Indian king who lived in the third century B.C. The game allows players to engage in bloody historic battles based in ancient temples and other antique environments. Some mythical creatures are also thrown in — in addition to Kali, there are gargoyle-like interpretations of the voluptuous female statues that adorn sacred buildings in India, who come alive and fight. “We wanted to have an edge,” says Indiagames CEO Vishal Gondal. “It’s a storyline that hasn’t been seen before” [Link]

If the game makers had been white, the blogosphere would have been up in arms with people yelling “Temple of Doom, never again!” Continue reading →

No Ice Please

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One stereotypical but reliable way to distinguish a FOB from an ABCD is their attitude towards ice. Whereas an ABCD will load their drinks cup up with ice before filling it, a FOB will (usually) leave their cup entirely devoid of crushed frozen water.

Mmmmm … bacteria!

To some extent this is about thrift – why pay for ice when you could be getting more coke – but largely this is a vestigial health mechanism, left over from a childhood in a third world country where ice was unsanitary and teeming with dangerous bacteria. In the USA, it’s superstition, plain and simple.

Or is it? A 7th grader in Tampa Florida decided to compare the bacteria in the ice at a fastfood restaurant to the bacteria in its toilets. Her findings:

Roberts set out to test her hypothesis, selecting five fast food restaurants, within a ten-mile radius of the University of South Florida. Roberts says at each restaurant she flushed the toilet once, the[n] used sterile gloves to gather samples. Roberts also collected ice from soda fountains inside the five fast food restaurants. She also asked for cups of ice at the same restaurant’s drive thru windows.

Jasmine Roberts: “I found that 70-percent of the time, the ice from the fast food restaurant’s contain more bacteria than the fast food restaurant’s toilet water…” [Link]

Note that the ice is not necessarily more unsanitary than the toilet water because bacteria is not necessarily a bad thing. For example, bacteria in yogurt is good for you. Most types of bacteria are benign and the ice in question probably has high levels of harmless bacteria in it. Toilet water may have lower levels of aggregate bacteria (because they are regularly disinfected) but still higher levels of unhealthy bacteria, so you don’t want to start emulating your dog just yet.

In short, her study is far from an argument that fast food ice is unhealthy. Still, I suspect that the ice at a fast food restaurant probably is kinda gross (via Boing Boing).

Related Posts: How to befriend a vegetarian

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RTFT-shirt

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I am a very patient man. Still, even I sometimes get tired of explaining to people who I am, what I am, where I come from, and what I am not. I found this on flickr, and think it would be perfect for those days when I just don’t want to go through the song and dance. It would make a great t-shirt:

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