Author Archives: A N N A

Sam Arora is the anti-Sanjaya…

Posted on by

…and he shall redeem us, Amreeka.

As many of you may recall from the “Aviyal” post, I am fascinated by Facebook, and once again, I must insist that it’s not for the usual reasons (though I do enjoy throwing sheep at several of you). No, when I’m not discovering groups which specifically support inter-religious, inter-regional desi relationships, I’m reading this about Giuliani or planning to restock my iPod with these choons. I’m also discovering potential reality TV stars, via my News “feed”:

The show that Sam is auditioning for is called Tontine (Achtung! Pseudo-mystical yodeling awaits you, if you click that link…and you wonder why I went with wiki…wiki is silent AND it lets me copy text…take that official site!):

A combination of Survivor and The Amazing Race, Tontine follows 15 contestants as they travel to all seven continents and contend for the $10 million prize. Contestants each begin with a key, the final contestant who posses all 15 keys unlocks the prize. The show is hosted by “Boston Rob” Mariano, who was a contestant on both Survivor and The Amazing Race before signing on for Tontine. [wiki]

Doesn’t that sound like something our Abhi should have done? 😀

Here’s what the show’s casting director wrote in an email to Sam (and perhaps a few others): Continue reading →

Posted in TV

Unleash Your Inner-Joan Rivers

Posted on by

TMBWITW and some bad hair.jpg

One of you kind souls, who wishes to remain anonymous, sent me this picture of “India’s Brangelina“, because you were hoping we might play The Caption Game with it (ji, thanks!). Absosmurfly! What better way to draw off-topic commentary away from the Maximum Nerdery thread? 😉

Without further ado, let’s get snarky. To the left we see Abhishek Bachan and his bride strutting down the red carpet at Cannes.

Most of you are aware that Aishwarya is sometimes known by the unwieldy acronym TMBWITW. Well, now that she is part of a pair, I propose that her hubby get an acronym, too. It’s only fair, right? Damnit, I don’t want to propagate the hegemony of the pasty. Err, I meant…it’s only dark? Whatever.

How about TMFHITW? I’m sure you can guess what the third and fourth letters stand for, but in case you haven’t had two cups of coffee like I have, I’ll spare you from wondering– FH = fugly hair.

Unless your name is Esthappan and you’re rocking a puff, COMB YOUR HAIR. I’m guessing Abhishek get it from his Mama? Big Daddy Amitabh’s tresses seem a bit more manageable. Anyway, the entire point of this debacle of a post is to offer you tired, grumpy, three-day-weekend-missing mutineers a chance to play the caption game! You know how we do, and if you don’t, check out previous editions: ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf…

So, just what is Aish saying? What is her spouse thinking? Why are there suddenly so many Tamil people on SM? The answers to all this and more, will most probably not be found below, not that you’re disappointed at that. Now get to captioning! Continue reading →

Maximum Tardiness

Posted on by

This is the post, for which five of you have been patiently waiting. Finally, you get to dissect Maximum City, the first work chosen for the brown book club which I am horrible at coordinating.

If it’s any consolation, I have cringed and felt guilty that my work + ankle have delayed our exploration of MC, especially after reading two-months worth of comments and emails which asked about the fate of our summer nerdery. I know several of you couldn’t wait for this discussion which is so late, it is later than IST-late, and that is late my friends, yindeed.

Well, since I couldn’t get the job done, I got creative (read: desperate). I outsourced it to Uberdesi blogger Karthik. 😉 Here are his thoughts on MC; I look forward to reading yours in the comment thread below.

After weeks of procrastination and a few days of grim determination, I can finally, happily strike Maximum City off my list of books to read. I had borrowed a friend’s copy, and I left their house wondering why they were so enthusiastic about handing it to me, since they were supposed to be reading it for SM, too. Now, I know.
After putting myself through that, I was ready to express my thoughts, and so like many of you, I emailed ANNA about when we were going to start discussing the book. She said that if I wanted to “get the party started”, I was welcome to do so, since she still hadn’t been able to finish it herself. I know she’s busy, but that itself is telling, people.
One question kept popping up in my head. Why did he pick these people to write about? The answer was buried in the final chapter of the book; I wish Sukethu had chosen to add this to the introduction.
At times, Sukethu goes into details that in my opinion are not needed, and some are very violent. There is also a very haphazard way in which the book is written. I find this maddening, people come and go and scenes change quickly. Before you comprehend certain pieces of information, you are presented with new ones. Everything is a mishmash of thoughts and ideas.
There was also a lot of unnecessary repetition, reminding me over and over again of my old grandfather, who is like Mehta- also fond of telling us the same thing, repeatedly.

Continue reading →

Yay! More Suck-age on Celluloid.

Posted on by

On our News tab, Haldiram writes:

Noureen DeWulf (of “Americanizing Shelley“) is featured in a new spoof of sports movies (a la ‘Not Another Teen Movie’) called “The Comebacks” – while she plays a football player (who wears part of her sari over her uniform in one shot??) her character’s name (why do people think confusing American Indians and South Asian Indians is funny?) and the other bizarre scenes in the preview do not make one optimistic. Time will tell if it’s another Harold & Kumar-like breakthrough – or just offensive.

In The Comebacks, Noureen plays Jizminder Featherfoot.

Wow.

There are so many things wrong with that character’s name, my head is paining. But it gets better– they don’t just mash up Native Americans with desis; one scene depicts faux athletes training…while Jizminder gyrates like a belly dancer, up on a platform.

Maybe I am getting anxious about further filmy humiliation for no reason. Over at WorstPreviews, they don’t even mention Noureen/Jizminder, despite her memorably madcap adventures on the field, during which she tackles someone while wearing her helmet AND a chunni!

Eh, what am I so upset about…East is all East, right? Aladdin, turbans, Ayatollahs, Jasmine, Ali Baba, Taj Mahal. I wonder, since we’re conflating everything, could we claim Esther as one of our own? I have always loved her. Persian, Indian…close enough. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must wrap up this post. I’m running late– I was supposed to bhangra outside my teepee, for no discernible reason, a full hour ago. Continue reading →

Omnivores: More Dangerous Than SUVs

Posted on by

As someone who tries earnestly to be a better citizen of the planet (car-sharing, cloth grocery bags, no printing stuff unless it’s required, turning off faucet when brushing teeth/sudsing hands, obsessive recycling, impressive amounts of reusing, not so good on the “reducing”…sorry), I tend to fume at SUV-drivers and not bat an eyelash at my carnivorous and omnivorous peers, even though I am well aware of all the statistics which Esprit, Sting and other organizations drilled in to me in the 90s regarding how many acres or gallons of water beef requires blah blah blah.

Well, apparently I can’t give H3s dirty looks any more.

Via The New York Times:

EVER since “An Inconvenient Truth,” Al Gore has been the darling of environmentalists, but that movie hardly endeared him to the animal rights folks. According to them, the most inconvenient truth of all is that raising animals for meat contributes more to global warming than all the sport utility vehicles combined.
The biggest animal rights groups do not always overlap in their missions, but now they have coalesced around a message that eating meat is worse for the environment than driving. They and smaller groups have started advertising campaigns that try to equate vegetarianism with curbing greenhouse gases.

Oy, I don’t see this going over well with the public at all. Amurricans love their flesh. They like to eat meat, too.

Some backlash against this position is inevitable, the groups acknowledge, but they do have scientific ammunition. In late November, the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization issued a report stating that the livestock business generates more greenhouse gas emissions than all forms of transportation combined.

That sound you heard was my mind being blown. I knew raising animals was less than ideal, I never realized that it was worse than driving, let alone all types of transportation combined! SWEET. I can go back to having naughty dreams about the Veyron, sans shame or guilt. Anyone know how to type that sound Homer makes when he’s contemplating donuts or other yummy things? Because I’m totally doing that right now. Continue reading →

An Important Message, Which Has Nothing to do with Spelling.

Posted on by

Neale left an important tip on our news tab, about a video which erstwhile-funny-mang Jim Carrey made, in support of human rights. I have quoted the short, AP article, which I ganked from the NYT, below.

NEW YORK (AP) — Jim Carrey has made a straight-to-YouTube video. And it’s not funny at all.
The 45-year-old actor-comedian — in rare serious mode — appears in a new public service announcement on behalf of the Human Rights Action Center and the U.S. Campaign for Burma. The goal: To free Nobel laureate Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been confined by the Burmese government for 11 of the last 17 years.
”Even though she’s compared to a modern-day Ghandi or Nelson Mandela, most people in America still don’t know about Aung San,” Carrey says in the filmed message, posted Tuesday on YouTube.
”And let’s face it: the name’s a little difficult to remember. Here’s how I did it: Aung San sounds a lot like `unsung,’ as in unsung hero. Aung San Suu Kyi is truly an unsung hero.”
Suu Kyi, who is under long-term house arrest in the city of Yangon, received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1991 for her nonviolent efforts to bring down the oppressive military regime that rules over the Southeast Asian country.
The regime, led by General Than Shwe, has destroyed more than 3,000 villages in eastern Burma — forcing more than a 1.5 million people to leave their homes — and recruited more child soldiers than any other country in the world, Carrey says in his spot.
”People around the world need to come to her aid, just as they supported Mandela when he was locked up,” said Jeremy Woodrum, co-founder of the U.S. Campaign for Burma, in a statement Tuesday.
”This announcement contributes to an upsurge in activism around Aung San Suu Kyi in the United States and throughout the world.”

Now I am tempted to annoy our veddy good, veddy smart Sree-chettan (oh, would that I were three and could get away with calling him SAJA-chetta) and ask him a question which has nothing to do with spelling, at all. If I did ask him a question, which had nothing to do with spelling, I would be inquiring for my own edification about whether an august newspaper like The New York Times is allowed to tweak things which they get from the Associated Press.

I am tempted to bug him (and on what better day than Raksha Bhandan!), but then I remember, the only person who is smarter than a veddy smart Journalism professor is the wife of a veddy smart Journalism professor! And our Roopa-chechi, well, she has twin toddlers. She doesn’t have time for my nonsense. 😉

In any case, I will excuse myself and get out of your way, so you can debate and discuss this most significant news story; I’m being sincere when I say that Aung San Suu Kyi deserves your attention.

And a properly-spelled story. Continue reading →

Call the Wambulance! We have a pre-med allergy!

Posted on by

excellent kappi in the ATL.jpg A slightly Anonymous Tipster operating via the chimney which is our News tab gifted me with a robust cup of breakfast-reading which perked me right up.

How’s that for two utterly unrelated metaphors? Huh? Yeeeah, boyee.

Now you are surely not asking, “what got you all twitchy and agitated, Anna?”, but I am going to gift you with an answer anyway! I’m hyper thanks to the latest advice column from Cary Tennis, which is published at Salon.

Today’s edition of Cary-wisdom is inspired by a letter writer (LW) who can be neatly summed up by the title of the column:

I don’t want to be a doctor!

Fair enough, LW. A good number of us did or didn’t, but I want to know more about you, even as part of me groans, knowing I will regret it and get all uber-bitch on your ass by the end of this.

Aug. 28, 2007 | Dear Cary,
I am 20 years old, go to a state university, and am severely confused on what I want to do in life.
When I was little, I wanted to be an “artist.” With the beret, paintbrushes and canvas. Then, I moved on. Sure, I loved art, and enjoyed it, and was good at it, but I realized I wasn’t exceptionally creative in that sense. So I wanted to be a journalist. That idea left as soon as it entered my mind in high school. Then, toward the lag end of high school, I got interested in becoming a doctor. It wasn’t out of some desire I had to cure the world or make lots of money. It was because of my parents.
My parents and my family are from the Indian subcontinent and are Muslim. In their minds, the best thing to be is a professional. Especially a doctor. My father always tells me that I should be a doctor to help people and to be independent. My dad works away from home and flies back to my family every three to four weeks. It’s a hard life for him, because he misses out on our lives. It’s important to him that I become independent and have the ability to work wherever I want to. So, in high school, I took some medical classes. I enjoyed them; they weren’t my favorite classes, but they were, I suppose, “all right.”
When I started applying for university, for my possible majors, I would alternate between political science and English. My mother would ask me to write “pre-medicine” next to the others. Therefore, when I got accepted, I was put into the pre-professional advising. I never truly desired to become a doctor. The only reason I wanted to become one was to help people. To fix them. So I kept going. I took biology, chemistry, bioethics.
Then, my sophomore year, last year, I fell apart. I took physics and organic chemistry. I was doing terribly in both. I made a 48 on my first exam in physics and a 63 in organic. I had to decide whether or not to drop physics. I eventually did, and I was so disappointed in myself. You see, I did well in high school. I took many Advanced Placement classes, made A’s, and was an excellent student. And I got burnt out. I just couldn’t force myself to work. I tried, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t care enough. So I eventually made a C in organic.
It was during this semester that I would get these sort of panic attacks. I would just cry and cry when thinking about how badly I was doing in life, in organic, in everything. This is what really scared me the most. I always prided myself on not stressing out, not freaking out, and doing well in what I was studying for. But here was a class that just broke me down into tears. I couldn’t study when I was like that.
Then, the spring semester began. I took the second part of organic. Struggled through it and was averaging a C in the class. Then I fell apart again. I made a 48 on my last test, which dropped me to a D. I had to make an amazing grade on the final. I didn’t start studying for the final until the night before because I had basically given up. I failed the class with an F. In all my other classes that semester, I made A’s and B’s.

Continue reading →

Thiruvonaashamsakal!

Posted on by

Onam Aashamsakal.jpg

Take an extra long bath, put on your prettiest mundum neriyathum, look forward to some Kaikottakali and smile brightly– Mahabali is coming home, and we don’t want him to know we are forlorn without him.

What’s that you say? You have no idea what I’m talking about? Fret not, almost no one ever does. The tale of Onam and Kerala’s most beloved King is available for your edification, below.

The story goes that the beautiful state of Kerala was once ruled by an Asura (demon) king, Mahabali. The King was greatly respected in his kingdom and was considered to be wise, judicious and extremely generous. It is said that Kerala witnessed its golden era in the reign of King Mahabali. Everybody was happy in the kingdom, there was no discrimination on the basis of caste or class. Rich and poor were equally treated. There was neither crime, nor corruption. People did not even lock their doors, as there were no thieves in that kingdom. There was no poverty, sorrow or disease in the reign of King Mahabali and everybody was happy and content.
It may be noted Mahabali was the son of Veerochana and grandson of Prahlad, the devout son of demon King Hiranyakashyap. Mahabali had a son called Bana, who became a legendary king in his own right and became popular as Banraj in central Assam. Mahabali belonged to the Asura (demon) dynasty but was an ardent worshiper of Lord Vishnu. His bravery and strength of character earned him the title of “Mahabali Chakravathy” or Mahabali – the King of Kings.
Looking at the growing popularity and fame of King Mahabali, Gods became extremely concerned and jealous. They felt threatened about their own supremacy and began to think of a strategy to get rid of the dilemma.

Continue reading →

“Crook! Deport her! We’re not ignorant at all!”

Posted on by

rajinder kaur.jpg Mutineer Umair alerts us to a case of lottery fraud in Sacramento, via our news tab. Apparently, a cashier at a Roseville-area 7-11 tried to keep a winning “Mega Million” ticket for herself. Here’s the backstory:

…the customer whose ticket was stolen was unaware he’d won more than half a million dollars when he went to the store Aug. 16.
The man, who officials said has a language barrier, purchased five sets of numbers at the 7-Eleven market at 1900 Douglas Blvd. two days earlier and had used his own numbers to play.
He handed his winning ticket to the clerk to run through a validation machine to determine the amount won, Currier said.
However, after running the ticket, Kaur told the man, “You’ve won four dollars,” and paid him that amount, Currier said. The attorney said Kaur kept the winning ticket, apparently with designs to cash it later.
Currier said that in the ensuing days, the victim saw news reports about the prize money being unclaimed and that the winning ticket had been purchased at the 7-Eleven in Roseville.
On Tuesday, the man called the lottery office, which referred his complaint to its security and law enforcement division.
Working with Roseville police, the lottery agents, who are sworn peace officers, went to the store to investigate, Currier said. [SacBee]

Yeah, I bolded that last bit because I had no idea that lottery agents are sworn peace officers!

Getting back to the news and the tip which introduced me to it: the link Umair left was for a local television station, whose story had “comments” enabled, much like a blog. I read the entire thread, which at this point includes 40 comments. My, my…what a stunning display of hate. Some of the best remarks follow, for your enragement and edification.

BlueBlood, in Charlotte, NC pithily said:

one way ticket to the border

BOOMER of Tampa, FL charmingly declared:

DEPORT THAT 3RD WORLD TRASH. SHE SHOULD BE GLAD IT WASN’T ME SHE TRIED TO DE-FRAUD, SHE’D BE IN INTENSIVE CARE TONIGHT.

Booboo of Sikeston, MO has some interesting views:

Sorry, but the name sounds Hindi, and I am not surprised. Every time a hotel Patel or shop clerk has tried to rip me off to my face it was an Asian Indian. Muslims might kill you but won’t rip you off….

Continue reading →

Are you in an Aviyal Relationship?

Posted on by

sindoor.jpg My baby cousin at UCLA still hasn’t forgiven me for joining Facebook. His objection is not that I’m too old for it or that I lessen its “cool factor” with my elderly presence—he just hates the program and apparently I was the last person he knew and cared about, who was not on it. That had more to do with pragmatic causes than most anything else; I was happy on Friendster and consummately preferred it to MyAss or the more “global”/Brazilian Orkut. I didn’t have time to maintain profiles on a plethora of time-sucks. And most relevant of all, I couldn’t be bothered to get an “alumni” email addy from either of the schools I managed to graduate from…and once upon a time, you needed such official stuff to participate in the Facebook-orgy.

Not anymore. And so a few of you began inviting me to join it and I pointedly ignored such requests…until one of you was Facebook-stalking a guy you thought was sooo cute.

“What’s his friendster link?”, I asked.

“He’s not ON friendster…he’s only on Facebook!”

“Well, then I can’t see him.”

“But you just HAVE to see this one picture…I have a feeling you know his friend.”

“You know how I’ve never been a bridesmaid?”

“Yeah what does that have to do with anything??”

“I’m signing up for this bullshit right now, so A) you best marry his ass and B) I best be in some sort of poufy outfit, twitching out of boredom on an altar in a year or three.”

“Omg, whatever you want, just SIGN UP” Continue reading →