Grind me down sugar salt

Standup comic Aziz Ansari recently did a sketch about how the ‘gasam blew him off at her Knitting Factory show. He re-enacts several far-fetched scenarios about what he wishes had happened instead:

M.I.A.: ‘Actually, I have a lot of experience with hard disk recoveries on Macs…’ (Lowers eyes seductively) ‘Maybe tomorrow I could come by your place…’

It’s a cute schtick, but overly long as a video. On the other hand, it’s the first time I’ve heard Tamil spoken in a comedy sketch and the first time I’ve seen a tall, pasty white guy stand in for Aziz’ ‘Sri Lankan princess’

Does Ansari merely want to jump M.I.A.’s bones, or is it also a great publicity gimmick? I surrender. Watch the low-budget video. Here’s the site.

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Buzzword bingo

Abhi posted earlier about The Bollywood Beauty. If you’re in the mood for a light, pulpy read, here’s what’s currently on the chick lit shelves at my local bookstore. While we’re at it, let’s play Orientalist buzzword bingo!

Bollywood Confidential by Sonia Singh

Raveena isn’t having much luck in Hollywood as an Indian beauty, so when her agent nabs her a starring role in a Bollywood film, she jumps at the chance and relocates to Bombay.

The Village Bride of Beverly Hills by Kavita Daswani. Exotic!

… Priya… finds herself the one chosen for matrimony and life across the seas in Beverly Hills… Luck lands her a position as a receptionist at the tabloid Hollywood Insider, and her exotic politeness wins over the red carpet community.

Singh previously wrote Goddess for Hire. Curry-scented!

A hip chick from Newport Beach… discovered she’s the incarnation of the Hindu goddess Kali… Saving the world, though, may prove to be a curry-scented breeze compared to dealing with her extended Indian family.

Daswani also wrote For Matrimonial Purposes. Cardamom-flavored!

… the Prada-loving fashion publicist still finds herself “oddly drawn to the age-old system of arranged marriage…” The only flaw in this heady, cardamom-flavored confection is the rushed happy ending…

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An OED to desis

All my bindaas desis, both words just made the dictionary of record for the Queen’s English. U-S-S-A-A! This is the giant dictionary every would-bee spelling prince and princess lugged around as their sole form of exercise. It was the only one which had all the words in it, and at $50, nine inches thick and 30 lbs, it was a sizeable investment.

On Wednesday, the Oxford Dictionary of English… revealed its new cache of linguistic treasures, including ‘bindaas’, ‘tamasha’, ‘ mehndi’, ‘desi’ and ‘lehnga’. Lollywood… finds honorable mention. So does ‘kitty party’, the chaat-and-chatter mainstay of bored Indian housewives for decades.

It even includes feather-to-dot crossover:

The dictionary’s co-editor Catherine Soanes told TOI she was particularly pleased to have been able to include the Indianism ‘tom-tom‘, defined by the ODE as “verb (chiefly Indian) proclaim or boast about.” [Link]

The Statesman points out words still missing (hello, Mumbaikars? Bindaas sans jhakaas?)

“What’s your good name?”… “Let’s go have some chai-vai” (tea, obviously, with snacks thrown in) or, “There’s a lot of this fighting-witing happening here every day…” A proud mother announcing to all and sundry about her ladli beti getting “cent per cent” (meaning 100 per cent) marks in math or an executive having to “prepone” his meeting… “business-baazi” or “cheating-giri…” “freak out…” In Kolkata, “enthu” replacing enthusiasm is old hat as also “sentu” for sentimental… “Funda” for fundamental, “intro” or “appo” for appointment are freely used… “Tux” has no relation with the tuxedo — who wears it in our country, anyway? — but with a baldie which must have originated with the Hindi word “taklu”… “timepass” for whiling away the hours… “hawala” (illegal financial dealings), “badla” (revenge) or “eve-teasing”… [Link]

And those already added:

India-origin words have dotted the English language for a long time. Words like bungalow, cashmere (from Kashmîr), cheetah, coolie, cot, cummerbund, cushy (from the Hindi khush), dinghy, dungaree, juggernaut (from Lord Jagannath’s huge rath-yatra, perhaps?) jungle, khaki (dusty), loot, punch (the drink made from paanch or five ingredients), pajamas, shawl, verandah, etc. In the latest Oxford English Dictionary, words like Angrez (Englishman) and Badmash have already figured. Earlier, it had added adda, bundh, dal puri, bandobast, chutney, bandana, chamcha (aren’t we familiar with them!) neta and dhaba. [Link]

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Rize and hustle

Do I even need to say it? Mangal Pandey / The Rising, the film about our namesake rebellion, comes out in the U.S. today. It stars Aamir Khan, Toby Stephens, Rani Mukherjee and Amisha Patel. A.R. Rahman did the music, Ketan Mehta (the director of Mirch Masala) directs this story. Watch the trailer and do your mutinous best

In 1857 Mangal Pandey (Khan) is a sepoy, an Indian serving under the command of Britain’s East India Company, which by then had controlled the subcontinent for a century with its own laws, military and government. Mangal’s a close friend of the sensitive British captain William Gordon (Stephens), but the introduction of a new gun cartridge drives a wedge between them. Greased with cow and pig fat, it’s deeply offensive to both Hindus and Muslims. And a small standoff develops into a full-scale indigent rebellion. [Link]

It’s the McDonald’s beefy french fries scandal writ large!

Gordon’s character has been written with great care, so as to present a saner side to the British who would all otherwise fall into the stereotypical category of moustache-twirling villains. [Link]

Check U.S. showtimes here. American prints are usually subtitled.

Here are photos from the premiere in Bombay. Here’s the movie’s official site.

Previous posts: 1, 2, 3

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The tyranny of a transposition typo

Nwo thye wnat ot renmae Delhi (via PPP):

The Indian capital should be renamed Dehli to correct a 150-year-old mistake, according to historians in India. They have launched a campaign to correct the “mis-spelling”, which they say happened during British rule because the colonialists could not pronounce Hindi names.

K M L Misra, a former head of history at Agra College, said: “For 800 years Delhi was called Dehli but the British couldn’t manage the breathy sound of Hindi and the spelling of the city later came to reflect this.”

I presume the city would be called Newer Dehli. It isn’t a new idea:

What the British knew as Cawnpore is now Kanpur, the northern city of Muttra is Mathura, and the Ganges is known once more as Ganga… In 1995, Bombay became Mumbai after pressure from Hindu-nationalists to reinstate the original Marathi name. Contrary to popular belief, this was not a corruption of the British name but almost certainly derives from the Portuguese Bom Bahia, meaning Good Bay.

A year later, the southern city of Madras – possibly a corruption of the Portuguese Madre di Dios – reverted to Chennai, the name that had been used by Tamils throughout the British period. Then, in 2000, the spelling of Calcutta was officially changed to Kolkata after pressure from the Communist state government to revert to a spelling that more closely reflected the Bangla pronunciation.

I’ve got no fondness for badly Anglicized names. Even old New York was once Nieuw Amsterdam. But the new name wouldn’t be entirely accurate either:

… even Dehli was a corrupted word. The pre-Mughal name was Dilli, which was derived from Dhillika, a Rajput name for the area which dates back to the 8th century.

I have the rename to trump all renames: let’s call everything Gondwanaland. It’s an Indian name after all. Problem solved.

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Sri Lanka’s foreign minister assassinated (updated)

Perhaps the Tamil Tigers are showing their cuddly face (thanks, Abhi):

Sri Lankan Foreign Minister Lakshman Kadirgamar was shot in the head Friday night just outside his private residence in Colombo and died an hour later after emergency surgery… The assassination is bound to further strain the shaky cease-fire agreement between Sri Lanka’s government and the Tamil Tiger rebels. The truce, in place since February 2002, has been threatened by recent violence and the suspension of talks in 2003. [Link]

Earlier this month, two LTTE members were arrested outside Kadirgamar’s official residence — about a kilometer away from where he was shot — after conducting surveillance and videotaping the area. Kadirgamar had just returned to his private residence late Friday for a swim, after attending a function for the release of his new book, police said. As he walked toward the house from the pool, a sniper fired three shots, striking him in the head and chest. [Link]

… Kadirgamar, 73, who is from the ethnic Tamil minority and a close aide of President Chandrika Kumaratunga, was taken to the National Hospital for emergency surgery after being shot in the head… Kadirgamar, a Tamil Christian, led an international campaign to ban the Tigers as a terrorist organization. [Link]

Kadirgamar’s background:

He was educated at Trinity College, Kandy, and obtained a Bachelor of Laws… from the University of Ceylon… He also has a B.Lit. from Oxford University. He practiced law at the Ceylon Bar and in London until 1974, when he became a consultant to the International Labour Organization in Geneva.

Kadirgamar is a long-time supporter of the Sri Lanka Freedom Party (SLFP)… Despite being himself a Tamil, he strongly supported the Bandaranaike government’s policy of not negotiating with the Tamil Tigers insurgents in northern Sri Lanka. [Link]

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Bhutanese Gothic

Grinchness continues to cut its green swath across the subcontinent. First Pakistan and Afghanistan banned Indian films. Then, just a couple of months ago, the idyllic Buddhist kingdom of Bhutan banned Indian entertainment channels (via Desi Flavor):

Telecast of some Indian news and entertainment channels has been barred by cable operators in Bhutan, after local media labelled them as a threat to their cultural values, the Lok Sabha was informed on Thursday. “… the above decision was taken by the cable operators themselves, following a series of articles, which appeared in the media in Bhutan,” Reddy said. He said it was alleged in most of the articles that some of these channels were “culturally degrading and were undermining Bhutanese cultural values, besides distracting students from their studies…” [Link]

“Bhutanese kids… suddenly saw these big men [pro wrestlers] beating each other up on television,” he added. “They couldn’t understand it. There were several pained letters from kids saying ‘why are they doing this?’… “[Young people] want and need what they see on television – the fashion, the clothes, the whole changing lifestyle, going to bars, drinking,” Kinley Dorji said. “A lot of these ideas have come from television. And they want more now.”

Others, though, see the whole debate as largely irrelevant. They point out that the vast majority of Bhutan’s population – 70% – do not even have electricity, let alone television. [Link]

You’d think if Bhutan really cared about moral degeneracy, they’d ban public drunkenness and penis art. ‘Culturally degrading’ and ‘distracts from studies’ is kind of the whole point of watching TV. I’ll grant the argument if the Powers That Be take crappy reality shows off air. Leave Beauty and the Geekthat isn’t a reality show, it’s fantasy

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The Engrish Raj

Author Sujata Massey writes hapa mysteries set in Japan (thanks, tilo). Her Bengali father once lived in Cambridge — alert Jhumpa Lahiri!

Her mother is from Bonne, Switzerland. Her father is a Calcutta-born Bengali. They met in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and she grew up in Philadelphia and Berkeley… she spends each day writing about a half-Japanese, half-American antiques dealer cum detective living in the seedier streets of Tokyo. [Link]

Her books’ titles (‘pearl,’ ‘kimono,’ ‘samurai’) pitch Asian exoticism, which, to be fair, is common in mass-market mysteries. One booster disagrees, but the name of his bookstore undercuts his argument

“Sujata really evokes a modern, quirky Japan that most Americans aren’t familiar with,” said Joe Guglielmelli, co-owner of The Black Orchid mystery bookstore in New York City. “She’s the only mystery writer out there who’s doing modern-day Japan…” [Link]

Massey chose a Japanese father and an American mother for Shimura to go against the grain. So often, Massey explains, it’s the other way around: The wife is Asian and the husband is American. “Asian women are exoticized,” she sighs… [Link]

She writes about the baffling and often funny Engrish popular in Japan (Hinglish ain’t no slouch either):

She prefers collecting the details of Japanese life… a “Milk Pie Club” sweat shirt; a brand of chocolate pretzels called “Pickle”; the “That’s Donald!” slogan on another passenger’s clothes. [Link]

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India’s best states

Taking a page from inane metro surveys in the U.S., India Today just published its third annual ranking of best Indian states to live in (thanks, Razib). Comparing cities would’ve been just as inaccurate, but much more entertaining. Subscription required, but here’s the raw data (XLS).

A big balle balle! for the breadbasket state, proving that tractors beat coders, at least for now. Gujarat is tops in economic freedom (XLS), Kerala in education (XLS), Bengal ranking surprisingly low.

Large States

  1. Punjab
  2. Kerala
  3. Himachal Pradesh
  4. Tamil Nadu
  5. Haryana
  6. Maharashtra
  7. Gujarat
  8. Karnataka
  9. Uttaranchal
  10. Jammu & Kashmir
  11. Andhra Pradesh
  12. Rajasthan
  13. West Bengal
  14. Madhya Pradesh
  15. Chhattisgarh
  16. Assam
  17. Uttar Pradesh
  18. Orissa
  19. Jharkhand
  20. Bihar

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Ferengis invade the Gaon Federation

I never thought I’d see the day…

Graduate students from top schools in the United States, most from [MBA] programs, are vying for internships at India’s biggest private companies… Bypassing internship opportunities on Wall Street… they went to India to spend the summer at an outsourcing company in Gurgaon, a suburb of New Delhi…

Infosys Technologies, the country’s second-largest outsourcing firm after Tata Consultancy Services, discovered how popular India had become as an internship destination for Americans when the company began recruiting: for the 40 intern spots at its Bangalore headquarters, the company received 9,000 applications… [Link]

This brings a tear to my eye. It also makes me want to warn Gurgaon (‘the village of gurus’) and Bangalore (‘lots of banging’) of the mercenary MBA hordes of Genghis Cant. During the Net bubble, they descended en masse upon our quaint silvered shire in their X3s, treating the muscular engine of history like a poodle to be shorn, bobbed and bowed. Like life-sized Edna Modes, they declared technology first supernova-hot and then old and busted within months, fleeing back to Manhattan with hype in tow.

The final 40, who cut a wide academic swath from engineering schools like M.I.T. and Carnegie Mellon to business schools like Stanford, Wharton and Kellogg, have since arrived on campus for average stays of three months… They live in a 500-room hotel complex on Infosys’s expansive campus in the suburbs of Bangalore, exchanging coupons for meals at the food court and riding the company bus downtown to decompress at the many pubs and bars… Many are in India to study globalization firsthand, Mr. Karnik said; that is often not possible in China because, unlike India, English is not widely spoken there… [Link]

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