Blood marriage

The idea of paying blood money to settle murders in rural Pakistan reaches its logical conclusion, since women are still considered nothing more than chattel:

A village council in Pakistan has decreed that five young women should be abducted, raped or killed for refusing to honour childhood “marriages”… The marriages were part of a compensation agreement ordered by the village council and reached at gunpoint after the father of one of the girls shot dead a family rival. The rival families have now called in their “debt”, demanding the marriages to the village men are fulfilled. [Link]

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p>Shall the sins of the father be visited upon the sons daughters?

The Human Rights Commission of Pakistan condemned the “barbaric custom of vani”, – the tradition of handing over women to resolve disputes – and called on President Pervez Musharraf to enforce a ban. Last year a three-year-old girl near Multan was betrothed to a 60-year-old man in a similar settlement. [Link]

Her father had killed someone, and she had to marry a member of the victim’s familyHer father had killed someone and she had to marry a member of the victim’s family as compensation under a centuries-old custom of Pakistan’s ethnic Pashtun tribes. Known as swara, the custom calls for a girl to be given away in marriage to an aggrieved family as part of settlement for murder perpetrated by one of her relatives… the custom is still prevalent in the semi-autonomous tribal regions where Pakistani law seldom applies and where jirgas, or councils of tribal elders, settle disputes the old way… “Sons are never given away in settlement because we women folk are easy target…” [Link]

Once married their in-laws often treat them with cruelty seeing them as symbols of the original hurt done to their family… In another vani case another village council decreed that a young woman should not only marry a man to compensate for a murder but that her three brother-in-laws should rape her on her wedding night before her new husband – an obscene and degrading sentence that was carried out. [Link]

Most girls married under swara spend their lives in torment because their in-laws consider them symbols of a rival family, activists say. “They are treated like enemies,” said Samar Minallah, an anthropologist who produced a documentary highlighting the plight of women married under swara… [e]ntitled “Swara – A Bridge over Troubled Waters”… [Link]

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p>The arrangement leaves girls widows at early ages and unmarriageable thereafter, since the sum of a human being’s intelligence and wisdom is reduced to an opened soft drink can. The girls’ father has stood up for them:

He added that his family had already paid blood-money to the aggrieved party. “I have refused to give into the council’s request as it is un-Islamic. I cannot hand over my girls like goats to marry these illiterate boys,” he said. [Link]

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p>The girls themselves are taking refuge in the eternal desi symbol of sacrifice, immolation:

“If the government does not help us, we will commit suicide,” says Abda. “We will burn ourselves alive to protest vani.” [Link]

Related posts: Punishing the Victim: Rape Victim Must Marry Rapist, Punishing the Victim II: Hindus do it too, Diplomatic finesse, Tribal ‘justice’, The Mukhtaran Bibi case, Blaming the Victim, Mukhtar Mai Update, Mukhtar Mai Update Part II, “I Decided to Fight Back”, Stand up for Mukhtaran Mai, Want to yell at Mushie?, Dear Mushie: Shut up, Join the chant

29 thoughts on “Blood marriage

  1. I wonder why manish chose to point out that this is a Pakistani thing and not a “South Asian”?

  2. I wonder why manish chose to point out that this is a Pakistani thing and not a “South Asian”?

    Because the story is about Pakistan and not the region.

    There is help for dyslexia, you know.

  3. Can we start a fund to send guns and weapons of mass destruction to these women? I know I would like to cause some damage to more than egos! I know violence is not the solution to everything, but god damn they will think twice about forcing a girl with an AK47 to do anything against her will!

  4. As you know I often like to play Devil’s advocate so here goes:

    Suhail says:

    It is absolutely disgusting to read these reports from Pak time and again.

    Yes, I agree. But more importantly I am wondering what good it does to keep focusing on this same problem over and over again by writing about it here. You can only shake your fist at it and curse Musharraf so many times. Either you do something about it or you talk about other issues you can do something about. I am reminded of this comment on one of my posts a few days ago.

    15 · angrydesi on January 10, 2006 03:43 PM · Direct link This comment has nothing to do with the post. I just want to let Sepia Mutiny know that I’m deeply dissapointed in their biased showcase of stories that affect the “South Asian” community. Apparently South Asian only qualifies Indians who are Hindus. Mentions of Muslims only come in the form of honor killings and such. There should at least be some post talking about Eid-al-Adha and Hajj. Shame on you!!!! And guess what? I’m only a 16 year old Pakistani girl in New England! ugghh…

    I guess I’m just wondering if simply reiterating how bad something is by repeated examples of it is pointless. At worst it can serve to dehumanize an entire population in addition to the way that the individuals mentioned in the story are dehumanizing their victims. As a counter-example, when we have multiple stories of civil rights violations involving South Asians here in America, we CAN do something about it. Writing about every one of those stories on SM can affect a change.

    Let’s count and see how many commenters we get in this thread that just come by to shake their fists.

  5. Things like this just further my resolve against Pakistan. Although I was born there, I am truly ashamed to admit it. Oddly enough, I’d much rather that “India” was listed as my country of birth (someday, perhaps….). It never fails to amaze me that both countries were “started” in the late ’40s, but look where each is right now.

  6. Why are you blaming Musharraf?

    Because he has done zilch to contain such crimes repeatedly. Read his statements post Mukhtaran Mai about why not to protest outside Pakistan (inorder to protect the country’s image) or his statements where he implied some Pak women are crying wolf(getting raped) just to get a US/Canada visa. His complicit approval by lack of any action and more humiliation for Dr.Shazia after she was raped. And then you have these kind of news about village councils ordering someone to be raped and bartered in exchange and such like. It shows a complete lack of any justice system. All this is not to say that I am silent on those who commit these crimes. Those devils need to be hanged upside down naked in a public square just to make them realise how humiliating it would be for a rape victim to be paraded naked. But I can only say so much in a one line comment. Perhaps you’d want to explain me why you picked up on that line of mine.

  7. … I am wondering what good it does to keep focusing on this same problem over and over again…

    We actually have not written about vani / swara before.

    At worst it can serve to dehumanize an entire population…

    True, if there isn’t context– like all sati stories on India and no stories on anything else. But we’ve written plenty on Pakistan outside the rural NWFP.

  8. At worst it can serve to dehumanize an entire population in addition to the way that the individuals mentioned in the story are dehumanizing their victims.

    If this subcontinental/South Asian/Greater India thing is such a priority then why not bring on a few Muslim bloggers–Pakistani, Indian, Nepali–it doesn’t matter. I’d recommend Razib but I don’t think he accepts even a cultural Islamic identity. Then we get the Islamic emic perspective to balance the Indo-/Hindu-centric etic perspective.

    Surely theres SOMEONE out there besides Sri Lankans who wants to be part of the larger family?

    Cheers!

  9. Let’s count and see how many commenters we get in this thread that just come by to shake their fists.

    I was “shaking my fist” even before this story was posted, while reading about the Tabla girls.

  10. Suhail,

    Because he has done zilch to contain such crimes repeatedly.

    He can do zilch. And it’s not only because he has to have two hundred people protecting him while he goes from the living room to the bathroom. More on this later on in the post…

    his statements post Mukhtaran Mai about why not to protest outside Pakistan…

    Agreed to some extent and disagree as well. Normally, I am not a fan of airing dirty laundry in public. Hence, I am not a supporter of, say, protesting against Narendra Modi in US and other such stuff, because there are enough venues within the country(India) to air your dissidence. However, since Pakistani press is only semi-free, I can see why people chose to protest in the US. But then, what good does this protest do?

    His(Musharraf’s) complicit approval by lack of any action…

    Sorry – this is a recipe for anarchy. Lack of action cannot be construed as approval. More on that below…

    A very common public problem in that part of the world, India/Pak etc, is that people look for a scapegoat at the very top for all problems. Lack of attributing proper responsibility, and even accepting some part of responsibility in one’s own domain, could be the reason for that. Most countries all over the world which have come under colonial rule suffer from this trait.

    When the British were around for a couple of centuries, any shortage(food/water), any economic hardship, war, pestilence etc etc were blamed on them. This blame was well deserved, because, by and large, they were the cause of those problems. Over 8-10 generations, this became second nature to the people, and this trait intensified during the Independance struggle. Remove the British, the cause of all the problems, and everything will be allright. This was the mantra. While this attitude did help us in gaining independance, the mental havoc it has wreaked on our colonised minds is visible day in and day out, even on SM boards, where mostly educated, intelligent folks post.

    After the British left, Partition happened. Hindu rightists blamed it all on Gandhi and muslim appeasement. Remove Gandhi, and muslim appeasement will end and everything will be allright, went their mantra. They succeeded in removing Gandhi, but did appeasement end? Tens of thousands of Indian muslims are performing Hajj as I type this, using the Indian taxpayer’s money.

    If there is a stock market scandal(like in early 90s), and many people lose their money, they want the Finance Minister’s resignation(then it was Manmohan Singh). Not the stock exchange chairman’s. Not just Harshad Mehta’s. Not the resignation of managers of various nationalised banks who colluded(who still have their jobs). Not the dozens of middlemen who were kingpins(and who are still around). Finance Minister’s resignation. Remove the Finance Minister Manmohan Singh, and eveything will be allright.

    If there is a train accident in Orissa, they demand the central Railway Minister’s resignation. Not the linesman whose responsibility it was to check the tracks. Not the regional manager of Railways. Not the private contractor who did a shoddy job. The Railway Minister’s resignation. Remove Laloo Yadav, and all the trains will run properly.

    If the onion prices shoot up, they want the resignation of the Minister for Agriculture. If the diesel prices go up, they want the Transportation Minister to resign.

    If there are communal riots in Gujarat, they want Narendra Modi to go. Because he is responsible for everything. If he is gone, then Gujarat will become a beacon of communal peace and harmony. So they want the Chief Minister’s head. Not the mayors(who were from Congress party) of Surat, Ahmedabad and other cities were the riots happened(who still are sitting pretty). Not the police commissioners of various towns(who are still in the same bunglows). Not the Home minister of Gujarat. Not the individual mullahs and VHP leaders who incited the common man. The chief minister. Because once you remove him, everything else will fall into place.

    Same goes for this situation. Instead of blaming Musharraf, are there any people who go after the people who are actually supposed to implement these laws? Such as the District manager of Multan? The Chief minister of Punjab? The low level administration officials who are supposed to carry out their tasks?

    Attack the low level people. This is not a war, where if you get rid of the Generals the foot soldiers will run away. This is a social problem, where the leaders need the support of civil society in order to implement various laws. If the common man is not willing to accept equal treatment of men and women (as it seems to be the case in this blighted region), then there is precious little Musharraf can do. Social changes cannot be brought about at gunpoint. These people need social reformers like RamMohanRoy, Vivekananda etc who argued for an attitude change in the common man. A debate is needed among the civic polity to eradicate this scrouge. It is not a law and order problem – it is a cultural problem. Centuries old habits cannot be wished away by waving the Pakistani Constitution.

    Tom,

    I was “shaking my fist” even before this story was posted, while reading about the Tabla girls

    Hey, careful there! I heard it could make you go blind!

    M. Nam

  11. Abhi, it all starts with words and denouncing the easiest way we can..ie writing back and commenting on such stories and signing e-petitions etc. And when enough people raise a hue and cry it makes news and some corrective action IS taken. I’ll speak for myself that I’ve become more socially and politically aware after I came online and more so after I started blogging. You read, read and read. Then you find organizations who help such victims and you contribute to those. Though I agree with you, every once in a while it all feels futile to be commenting from our cushioned seats on such gut wrenching news and using it as a discussion point, but who is to say that some of us are not going into full time activism or even contributing to the causes we comment about. For that matter even those who are not commenting. Continue asking such questions. It’s always good to realign our objectives and motivations periodically and see where we are going with all this.

    And btw what a coincidence, Mukhtaran Mai coming to NY?

  12. I’d recommend Razib but I don’t think he accepts even a cultural Islamic identity.

    I guess the rest of his moniker “the Atheist” tipped you off 🙂

    It does not really matter who writes about what. Or how much is written.

    I am always peeved when jumpy sophomores in book-readings/talks/seminars ask novelists/senior journalists questions like — Why don’t you write about X? — where X can be anything ranging from global warming to HIV in Africa, to the extinction of Amazonian bullfrog.

    I have always held that if you think something is not being written about and you think it should — go write it yourself. Pen and ink are cheap. No one person or set of persons can possibly write about everything. Sure, they might be interested in a whole lot of things, but each person has his own interests and focus areas. Write a blog about Islamic subcultures in South Asia if you feel you can do that justice, or if you feel that they are not being adequately expressed here. Better still, link back here and at every other desi blog.

  13. If this subcontinental/South Asian/Greater India thing is such a priority then why not bring on a few Muslim bloggers–Pakistani, Indian, Nepali–it doesn’t matter.

    that would be diversity by representation. but i am not sure whether that is what you want. you don’t need a muslim to write about muslim issues – frankly i don’t think this forum requires someone to write exclusively about muslim issues. i am more interested in speaking out against injustice whether it is against muslims, hindus, christians, whoever…

  14. A small, yet relevant question:

    What can we, as bloggers, readers and commenters do to participate in or help with this protest?

    Does anyone know of any links for donations or petitions or anything?

  15. “what good it does to keep focusing on this same problem over and over again by writing about it here.”

    I have to say I agree with Suhail. Action begins with awareness and awareness is spread by speaking the true word (all philosophical discussion around what “true” is aside). Forums like this one are useful in creating awareness and pushing some folks to ask really hard questions. Even if none of you ever do anything about the issue except discuss it here, others, like me who read what you have say may.

  16. General question to everyone…

    All scarcasm aside…what can those of us who live in North America do about this type of particular situation, assuming most of us are involved in giving back to our own communities in our backyard???

    As far as fist pounding, should we not react and move on when we encounter these stories ??

  17. Does anyone know of any links for donations or petitions or anything? Nickolas Kristoff from New York Times efforts have led to following [quote from one of his article]:

    Times readers responded with a torrent of contributions, more than $130,000, and Mukhtaran has used the money to improve the schools and ”endow” them by buying cows, which will generate income to pay expenses. She has also bought an ambulance for the area and built a police station that provides security, and now she’s preparing to build the first high school in the area, along with a clinic and a women’s shelter. (If you want to help, please don’t send money to me; contributions can be sent to either of these Web sites: http://www.4anaa.org and http://www.mercycorps.org.)

    Sure, you can do something if you really want to. Mukhtaran Bibi would have never been heard but for the tenacity of Kristoff to begin with.

    Abhi,

    Probably, I am going to Pakistan (Lahore/ Himalayas) and India in June. I am looking forward to notice the contrast, and just compare.

  18. These people need social reformers like RamMohanRoy, Vivekananda etc who argued for an attitude change in the common man. A debate is needed among the civic polity to eradicate this scrouge.

    Exactly, MoorNam, I have told you in past many times most of the time my thinking is exactly opposite of yours, but sometimes, you do make very lucid points that I have to agree. I guess you have a new female equivalent for here, Divya. Same for her – Here and there, she made points that I thought were quite insightful, at least to me.

    Don’t forget though, most of the time, I will oppose you.

  19. Moornam, I agree with you on that we also need to target the local officials incharge of whatever the situation and the need for social reform. But you are probably extrapolating my comment to mean that I don’t already call for it. As I said earlier there is only so much that can be said in one line. At the same time some situations demand a heavier hand from the top. And I believe this is one of them.

    Kush, it’s an official or personal trip? Will be looking forward to your updates if you do blog it.

  20. MoorNam,

    Have you heard of the phrase “The Buck Stops Here” ?

    These kinds of issues require both a “top-down” and a “bottom-up” approach. Musharraf is in a position to implement and enforce change due to his present status right at the top of the food chain; however, you are right in stating that there also has to be a change in the mindset, attitudes, and behaviour of the “common man”.

    I don’t necessarily agree with people blaming everything on the Brits — India was not exactly a democracy before colonial times — but that’s an argument for another day.

  21. Mooranam: With all due respect – have you lost your f*&($#g mind?

    Have you heard of the concept – the buck stops here. If the person on top can’t even agree that a problem exists. Then get the f out of there.

  22. I’d recommend Razib but I don’t think he accepts even a cultural Islamic identity.

    Steady on there old chap. Have you read Razib’s blog? I’m probably the world’s fourth cleverest man – maybe fifth – and I find it hard going!

  23. REMEMBER YOU BOYZ, Be careful if you make a woman cry,because God counts her tears. A woman came out of a man’s rib,not from his feet to be walked on and not from his head to be superior;but from his side to be equal,under the arm to be protected and next to her heart to be loved. Women are gift of Gods offered to you men.Now if you guys cannot protect,care for women,so you are just made for nothing!!!You are dull!!! So,be aware because women are the second form of God!!!