One of my closest friends is getting married this Thanksgiving. We went to the same high school in Maryland and were roommates at the University of Michigan. I know his lovely fiancé as well (she coincidentally has the same last name). With two months to go I was starting to look for a present for them. Then, both FOBish and Neha sent in this tip. In Neha’s words “Kaliyug is upon us for sure.” The Telegraph reports:
Young Patels getting married in Britain apparently expect the most expensive wedding gifts from their guests, according to research conducted by John Lewis, the Oxford Street department store.On their “wish list” are items such as plasma television screens — they alone cost £5,000 each — Royal Doulton crockery, champagne stoppers and top-of-the-range fridge-freezers.
John Lewis picked four of the most common surnames in Britain by consulting the Office of National Statistics — Patel, Jones, Smith and Cohen — and compared their wedding gift lists.
Ha! Patel is the new Jones. I’m a bit skeptical of the so-called “research” cited in this article though. To be fair, my friend and his fiance are not at all like the couples described in this article. If they secretly are then they are going to be sorely disappointed by their broke-ass friends.
… research done by John Lewis reveals that Indians are becoming as shameless as the English. Young Patel couples come into the store before the wedding and draw up their ideal list by choosing from the 500,000 goodies that are available. They think nothing of sticking the priciest gifts on their list…Mr and Mrs Jones tend to ask for cheaper gifts such as hammocks, champagne buckets and coffee makers, with a £500 barbecue the most expensive item asked for.
Mr and Mrs Smith go for sofas, board games and microwave equipment for the kitchen. Although John Lewis would not dream of saying so, they seem even duller than the Jones.
Mr and Mrs Cohen request items such as fondue sets, Le Creuset pans and egg poachers from their wedding guests. Again, their taste leaves much to be desired.
I’m sorry but I’m with the Patels on this one. If someone brings me a board game or a fondue set then they are dead to me. Here is the take-away message:
McCulloch said: “Our latest research has highlighted some fascinating insights into wedding list preference, including the fact that couples with the same surnames are more likely to have similar wedding gifts. If you are after the ultimate and most opulent wedding lists, full of luxury goods and sensational extravagances, then it’s keeping up with the Patels that really counts.”
The Kali Yuga is upon us all.
They had the Catholic wedding in Montreal, the desi one in Toronto. And actually his parents (and hers) are uber cool and didn’t impose anything on the couple. As was stated earlier (by DD I think) they made suggestions, and the couple were free to pick and choose what they wanted.
And no one complained about anything at the time even though (tauba tauba) the couple kissed on the dance floor and had various pictures from their Catholic wedding/reception of them kissing.
This may not seem like a big deal these days, but most of my family is [normally] very conservative, and this happened about 13 years ago. I think the reasons the relatives didn’t riot (or gossip about it even) was because the parents basically put the word out beforehand that this was the couple’s day, and NO NONSENCE would be tolerated.
Jai
Having lived in both places, I feel the need to explore this further. This may be an overgeneralization. There are many here (overseas)too who feel that merely sticking to outward expressions of a spiritual heritage is all that is required.
Similarly, there are many people in India too, who, while lacking external sophistication of language, clothing and expression, have a wonderful depth to their beings, it is hard to find in a more material society.
These are interesting dynamics to watch.It is very easy to distinguish a person who has a hollow core and needs a lot of external affirmations. similalry, it is also very easy to dismiss people on the basis of clothese, taste in music, jewellery, language and expression, not giving importance to what lies within.
These are ponderable thoughts for all of us, young and old, desi or overseas Indians. Not for nothing, is there an association of a spiritual heritage with our region. It may very well be our USP, now that economic and social progress seems to be on its way forward.
Sumita
My theory is that large guests lists in Indian weddings are a hold over from the days when you needed to get as many witnesses as possible to prevent marital fraud. Mostly to protect women, given the huge ‘Pavitra Bandhan’ gig.
Sub-cultures that had looser constraints on divorce and remarriage (e.g. Nairs ) seem to have had much simpler ceremonies.
Just a thought.