Porno for Goopers

GOP Babe of the Week‘ Govindini Murty also starred in a student film called San Pedro in 2001. Murty may otherwise be quite intelligent, but this potboiler is howlingly bad. Slamming a student film? Fish in a barrel; but the director, Murty’s husband Jason Apuzzo, graduated from USC film school, Stanford and Yale, so the movie shouldn’t be as awful as it so eminently is.
 
Murty, playing a hotel maid, flashes a lingering cleavage closeup at 24:31, a truly atrocious Latina-meets-Borat accent soon after. Then the script hurls this gem, a bumbling, literal translation of an English idiom that no Spanish speaker would ever utter:
‘He might want his statue back so he doesn’t get into agua caliente!’
… followed by:
‘It is a real statue. It has the ancient Chinese key inside.’
Ah, so: ancient Chinese secrets, that deus-ex-I-Ching. Yes, it really is that bad. The plot is pure Republican porn, putting forth a Vince Foster-esque conspiracy theory involving Men’s Wearhouse pitchman Al Gore:
On the final night of the 2000 Democratic Convention, a hard boiled bounty hunter must recover an ancient Chinese statue, and clean up a trail of big money that threatens ‘bad buzz’ for Al Gore. But when a sexy immigrant maid stumbles onto that trail first…
Murty hit a well-trodden dead end as ‘a sexy immigrant maid,’ which is actually an entire genre of Chatsworth porn. It’s like the self-ruin of the lovely Paz Vega, an edgy Spanish art film star who thought playing a maid in a mentally-challenged Adam Sandler flick counted as crossover. Or like Jennifer Lopez, who subjugated herself to Ralph Fiennes in vacuum and apron. Exoticize us, boink us, make us your willing slaves, as long as you pay us wets in greens.
 
Watch the film. Keep a clothespin handy.
 
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7 thoughts on “Porno for Goopers

  1. god… that movie was BAD. Not as bad as THX1138 but i suppose that actually bodes well for the crew 😉

    a couple nitpicks –

    • the “lingering cleavage closeup” was actually her rubbing the crucifix b/t her thumb & forefinger – a VERY common silent prayer gesture – particularly in Latin Catholic cultures. It demonstrates her piety & a call for strength

    • the Democrat/GOP thing is a very very very minor plotline… it’s quite a bit of overshoot to call this “porn for goopers”

    • the ancient chinese key is the central element of the plot & is established in the opening to the movie

    • you forgot about the music – TOTALLY cliche and made me gag everytime the “sinister” track played

    • the accent is horrible but she’s still hot! 😉 If I was married to her and filming a movie that requires a maid stumble upon an archeological treasure, I’d be tempted to cast her in the lead as well 😉

    So, there’s a part II to this flick floating around somewhere….

  2. why you gotta be a hater? So she did a bad movie cast as a maid… far better than all the other desi actors out there who do great TV / movies cast as terrorists…

  3. San Pedro couldn’t have been all that bad as it was the most watched on ifilm.com for some time. Something else is bothering you. What is it?

  4. I completely agree with Manish.

    To address vinod: the GOP/Democrat thing is intended to be the centerpiece for the plot, therefore it would in fact count as porn for GOPers; akin to raising rent money by holding a naked carwash. The ancient chinese key is the McGuffin. As a fan of noir–back when it was done well–the music was actually the only thing I liked about the short. The accent was so stereotyped, it bordered on insulting. And her actual degree of hotness, for what it’s worth, is questionable in my mind.

    re: fark she says agua caliente, dude. Have some self-respect, man. It’s a poorly written line and it reflects a lazy mind.