The Misdirected Mail Bag Vol. 1

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I was probably among the first wave of netizens that signed up for Gmail when it first came out years ago. I selected a personal email address that was pretty generic and therefore regularly receives email obviously meant for someone else. At lease twice a week, beautiful Indian models send me their modeling portfolios. At some point soon I will just pretend to be the famous modeling agent they must think I am.

Sepia Mutiny also receives much email that is obviously meant for someone else. I have decided to start a new (but infrequent) series here titled “The Misdirected Mail Bag.” These are all real emails we receive and politely read. Enjoy.

From: Customer

My site: http://

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Message:

the owner,

I eat your bread Moghulai Nan regularly. Now I think you are ripping of people by cutting the quantity of flour in one single bread. total weight of the packet is 795g.now which never use to be before This is completely cheating.Please correct it immediately before I take further .

Customer

<

p>I am dying to know what that “further” action might be? Burn down the nan factory?

From: Abdoulie



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Message:

Hi i want to join the Us Army but i am not a us citizenship. i am from the gambia but i dont how to work

My site: http://

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Son we only recruit for the Mutiny…not the U.S. Army. We won’t allow their recruiters to contact our readers until they allow homosexuals to serve. Oh damn. Just jeopardized my future Supreme Court nomination.

From: chenappa

My site: http://

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Message:

hi, shammi, yanda onji paridina chaddi undu boda? bodanda address koru kanape, ijjinada tojavonde uppu enkleg tooyere kushi apundu

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Can someone translate please? The question sounds scandalous.

srinivas prasadi

My site: http://

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Message:

i am hiv positive patient i need to marry female positive will u pls sugest me how to approch how it is possible

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For many years now we have contemplated starting a dating service called Sepia Destiny. This was kind of sad. Wish I could help but we don’t have all the answers.

From: karim syed

My site: http://

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Message:

I NEED TO SUBSCRIBE ILLUSTRATED WEEKLY OF INDIA MAGAZINE.COULD YOU HELP ME?THANKS

Buddy, that is like walking up to Hugh Hefner and telling him that you really dig Penthouse Magazine and need his help getting a subscription. No.

And this concludes our first edition of The Misdirected Mail Bag.

14 thoughts on “The Misdirected Mail Bag Vol. 1”

  1. ***hi, shammi, yanda onji paridina chaddi undu boda? bodanda address koru kanape, ijjinada tojavonde uppu enkleg tooyere kushi apundu ***

    Looks like Kodava/ coorgi.

    Hilarious! Good series!

  2. ***hi, shammi, yanda onji paridina chaddi undu boda? bodanda address koru kanape, ijjinada tojavonde uppu enkleg tooyere kushi apundu ***

    Thats not kodava/coorgi; its Tulu…

    It means, I have a torn undie with me, do you want it? if you want it, give me your address I shall send it to you. If not, do keep showing it to us, we are happy to see it.

    weird message that 😛

  4. Mithun is right… The language is Tulu, spoken in parts of Coastal Karnataka and the translation is spot on….

  5. That Shammi email must have been directed to Shamita Shetty, sister of Shilpa Shetty, who once pulled a Britney Spears at an awards function. So the man is generously offering his chaddis.

  7. I think it is probably intended for Shamita Shetty since the Shettys are Tulu-speaking Bunts.

  8. The one about the Illustrated Weekly of India is especially odd, since that magazine has been defunct since around 1993.

    (I think this person found us because I once wrote about Khushwant Singh’s editorship of the magazine)

  9. “Son we only recruit for the Mutiny…not the U.S. Army. We won’t allow their recruiters to contact our readers until they allow homosexuals to serve. Oh damn. Just jeopardized my future Supreme Court nomination.”

    Technically homosexuals are allowed to serve… technically.

    They’re also technically allowed to marry… it’s just got to be someone of the opposite sex… technically.

  10. “i am hiv positive patient i need to marry female positive will u pls sugest me how to approch how it is possible”

    really having a difficult time seeing the humor here.

  12. That Shammi email must have been directed to Shamita Shetty, sister of Shilpa Shetty, who once pulled a Britney Spears at an awards function. So the man is generously offering his chaddis.

    i just went back and read that e-mail with shamita shetty in mind – the last sentence makes so much more sense (and is way funnier)

  13. our first edition of The Misdirected Mail Bag.

    Mutinous needs to be in there somewhere. Maybe the mail is mutinous or something I don’t really know.

    Maybe you can find some letters from the Rani of Jhansi and post those.