Via Amitava Kumar, an article in the Telegraph UK about President Zardari’s recent move to criminalize jokes about himself in Pakistan circulated via text or email:
Pakistanis who send jokes about Asif Zardari by text message, email or blog risk being arrested and given a 14-year prison sentence.
The country’s interior minister, Rehman Malik, announced the Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) had been asked to trace electronically transmitted jokes that “slander the political leadership of the country” under the new Cyber Crimes Act.
Mr Malik, said the move would punish the authors of “ill motivated and concocted stories through emails and text messages against the civilian leadership”.
The step, which was described by human rights groups as “draconian and authoritarian”, came after government was particularly riled by a barrage of caustic jokes being sent to the presidency’s official email. (link)
Reading that makes one wonder what the jokes were — there must have been some good ones.
In the interest of encouraging Pakistani democracy, I thought I would follow Amitava in requesting readers to submit their own jokes about Zardari. If we have our act together, we’ll even compile them and send them to the Pakistani consulate to be forwarded via the correct diplomatic channels.
The Telegraph includes three sample jokes:
“Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding $5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five litres.”
To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.
Robber: “Give me all your money!”
Zardari: “Don’t you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.”
Robber: “OK. Give me all my money”
And in case you need some starter material, President Zardari used to be a polo player. He was also known as “Mr. 10 percent” for his enthusiastic skimming of public money when his wife, Benazir Bhutto, was President, years ago. Finally, he is affectionately referred to by many within Pakistan as “chor” or “daku” (if anyone is thinking of rhyming).
In the interest of subcontinental fairness, I thought I would also solicit jokes about Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, President Rajapaksa in Sri Lanka, and Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina in Bangladesh. Manmohan Singh is already comic fodder for many comedians in India; I don’t know about the others.
Note: Limericks and Haikus would be great too.
One request: there is a line between democratizing irreverency and bad taste. Try not to cross it.
A beggar is sitting on an Islamabad sidewalk.
Suddenly, Zardari’s motorcade goes past at high speed.
A few minutes pass. The beggar just looks on vacantly.
Then a very fat bank robber runs past slowly, clutching a heavy sack of money, wheezing from the effort.
A few more minutes pass. The beggar just gazes on.
Two cops arrive huffing and puffing.
“Did you see a fat thief pass this way?”, they ask the beggar.
“Yes, but you’ll never catch him on foot.”
All jokes aside, however, I have to object to Amardeep’s solicitation for parallel jokes about other subcontinental leaders for “subcontinental fairness”. Currently only Zardari has shown his lack of sense of humor, and it’s hardly fair to attack other leaders who have passed no such acts. Soliciting for jokes about politicians is always good, but calling for equal time for all politicians when only one of them has acted immaturely is really a misplaced sense of impartiality. It gives the impression that you’re trying to preclude anyone from calling you anti-Pakistani for lampooning Zardari, and I believe you’re going about it the wrong way by needlessly trying to involve other politicians.
Amardeep, by now he’s got to be at least Mr. 20 Percent, what with (a) inflation and/or (b) becoming President. (cue drum roll/cymbal crash)
Q: How many Zardari jokes are there on the Internet? A: Only one. The rest are all true.
guess that puts me out of business
Pingpong, How long would it take to turn a Zardari-only thread into Pakistan bashfest? I am curious about how de bredren take their politicians to task, local flavour and all that.
Pingpong, thanks for the joke in comment #1. However, when you say this, I have to wonder whether your comment is meant as a parody of such comments:
All jokes aside, however, I have to object to Amardeep’s solicitation for parallel jokes about other subcontinental leaders for “subcontinental fairness”. Currently only Zardari has shown his lack of sense of humor, and it’s hardly fair to attack other leaders who have passed no such acts. Soliciting for jokes about politicians is always good, but calling for equal time for all politicians when only one of them has acted immaturely is really a misplaced sense of impartiality. It gives the impression that you’re trying to preclude anyone from calling you anti-Pakistani for lampooning Zardari, and I believe you’re going about it the wrong way by needlessly trying to involve other politicians.
Yeah, ok, I wrote “subcontinental fairness” but really I meant, subcontinental funniness — the more jokes, the merrier.
GoriWife — thanks, that is very clever!
zadari: but why won’t you sleep with me? palin: i heard you only get 10% off
I agree with pingpong about including other south asian leaders, its totally unnecessary! Pakistani people have great sense of humor, I don’t think they would have been offended, if you solicited jokes about Zardari.
There was a BBC radio interview yesterday with a woman who related some Zardari jokes after jokingly requesting anonymity. I’ll try and find a link to it.
A comment from a thread about this article that made me lawlz:
“Pakistani prison just became the most hilarious place on Earth.”
:]
I found this very funny comment by Amit Verma on his India Uncut blog (and, no, I am not Amit cross-posting here ;-))
“…I think whatever the jail sentence announced for each accused person, Zardari himself should be made to serve 10 percent of it.”
Zaradari should charge Stewart-Colbert 10% for their next week’s material.
Khaike “zarda” sindh wala …
megan fox, because your name i automatically clicked your comment before i even realized i had clicked. lol.
Not really being qualified to crack Zardari jokes, I thought a Rahul Baba joke would add some masala.. So nosh farmaiye:
Rahul Baba says petulantly to Mama – “Mom, aapki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho rahi hai” Sonia : “But why, Rahul baba?” Rahul: “Kyonki sab jagah poster lage hain- Sonia Gandhi ko bahu-mat dein”
This joke is culled from the internets. And shockingly, it is the only Rahul Gandhi joke available. Perhaps the rest are all true. P.S..- Hilariously, the site I got this from had a huge Shaadi.com advert on top. P.P.S.. Apologies to non-Hindi speakers- I tried hard to translate but I just couldn’t.
He was also known as “Mr. 10 percent� for his enthusiastic skimming of public money when his wife, Benazir Bhutto, was President, years ago.
Prime Minister
Also, heard in the BJP H.Q after the election results: “Ab koi nahin hai Rasta….. Khana padega pasta”
This isn’t a joke about any of the individuals in question but is a bit of political doggerel that stuck in my memory. This was from Indira Gandhi’s comeback election campaign of 1980 and is typical election poetry ‘back home’ (apologies to non-Hindi speakers):
shakkar nahi, tel nahi waqt par koi rail nahi ek dooje mein mel nahi raj chalana khel nahi
http://www.zardarijokes.net/ under construction … need suggestions
I think joking about corruption in our own south asian countries serves the same purpose as baseball in the US. You might not have anything else in common, but it is always a shared reference point. What I am getting at is that Zardari jokes have little chance of turning into Pakistan bash fests because even the most hawkish Indian, who has without a doubt had to bribe some babu just to get his grandfather’s death certificate, knows that it would be throwing stones from a glass house. We are bound by venality and narrow plaque susceptible arteries (but as an Indian nationalist this is as about as much as I will own up to :-))
Slander
“The government has imposed a tax on all messages. This means that until now President Zardari was getting abused for free. Now he’ll get paid every time someone abuses him!â€Â
(Jacked from the above website, Zardari skillz)
” A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied ”Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM”
wish i came up with it. So Bad its Good! 😉
Two comics mocking Zardari here Added bonus: One of them has Manmohan.
Im sure many website like http://ZardariHaHa.com will show up now.
Have to agree with Kal in #9: If “PIA = Please Inform Allah” and “ISI = Invisible Soldiers Inc.” are any indication, Pakistanis have an excellent sense of humour, esp. when it comes to their politicians and institutions…
Zardari is feeling horny but his pet dog is not around. So he calls his army chief and asks him to drop his pants. Once the army chief pants are dropped, Zardari turns him around, bends him over and starts humping him. The army chief is giggling and laughing. Zardari is mad and asks” what is so funny? nothing says the army chief, I always laugh when somthing small tickles my bum.
Zardari is feeling horny but his pet dog is not around. So he calls his army chief and asks him to drop his pants. Once the army chief pants are dropped, Zardari turns him around, bends him over and starts humping him. The army chief is giggling and laughing. Zardari is mad and asks” what is so funny? nothing says the army chief, I always laugh when somthing small tickles my bum.