How he became a Patel

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The June issue of Khabar magazine has a touching first-person piece called “How I Became a Patel,” in which Rick Beltz, a onetime alcoholic, describes how he transformed his life. The turning point, he writes, came a decade ago, when Vipul and Bharti Patel bought the motel in rural North Georgia where he worked as a handyman.

As a Native American who had lived all his life in Toccoa, Georgia, before meeting the Patels, I had very little experience with other cultures. Indeed, my only exposure to other cultures came from my interactions with Hispanics. Other than that, what I knew about worlds outside my North Georgia cocoon came from movies, where foreigners are often portrayed as evil, scheming, greedy characters. To me, people from India were turban-wearing dolts working at the local 7-Eleven. [Link]

That’s the impression he had back then, as a non-turban-wearing dolt working at the local motel. The Patels, including Vipul’s mother, Gulaben, helped bring him around, saving him from alcoholism, as well as ignorance.

The Patels … would completely demolish my preconceived notions about Indians and foreigners; but that is the least they would do. Over the years, I would come clean with myself, quit alcohol, start believing in myself, in people, and in life—all because this one family gave me unconditional acceptance and love almost from the time I first met them. [Link]

It was a big struggle, but he finally quit drinking seven years ago, thanks largely to the acceptance and trust of the Patels, who he says “nurtured me and most likely saved my life.”

Somewhere along the way, we—the Patels and I—became a family. Before I knew it, I was calling Gulaben “mom”, and Vipul’s kids (they now had two) were calling me kaka (uncle). When she would have trouble talking to someone in English over the phone, Gulaben would tell the caller, “Hold on, let me give it to my son,” before handing me the phone.

The Patels have taught me the meaning of what a family is supposed to be. Vipul is more than a brother, Bharti is more than any sister could ever be. Gulaben, mom, is the very essence of motherhood. And the boys, 10-year-old Nikhil and five-year-old Aryan, are a combination of nephews and “my own children” (since I have none). Through all the ups and downs, they have taught me much, not the least of which is self-respect, self-reliance, self-worth, peace, harmony, and a greater understanding of life, as it’s supposed to be. [Link]

The Asian American Hotel Owners Association (AAHOA), whose membership consists mainly of desis, ought to give an award to the Patels, as well as Salinas, Calif., motel owner Siddiqi Hansoti, for showing that desi motel owners aren’t just about making money, aren’t just about helping their families and people of their own kind.

Through this experience, how I wish more Americans would forget their cultural and religious differences and focus only on the people. I, for one, consider myself fortunate for having been taken in as a family member despite the vast differences in cultures and traditions. I am proud to say I am a Patel—in spirit and soul. [Link]

26 thoughts on “How he became a Patel”

  1. Nice story. How compassion turned an American Indian into an Indian American!

  2. When she would have trouble talking to someone in English over the phone, Gulaben would tell the caller, “Hold on, let me give it to my son,” before handing me the phone.

    I especially liked this bit.

  4. true. all those vegetarian, unfit, swarthy, sweaty, parochial uncles, aunties, thathas, paatis with their old-world customs and all have made ‘indian’ a very strong brandname. this city being what it is, i sometimes meet up with people from all over – nigeria, tibet, egypt – and they ask, “are you indian” or “you are indian” – and I get the extra gravy. 🙂

  5. I guess this is the “generosity of spirit” that all the foreigners who write about India speak of – the wanting to make everyone your kid and fix their lives. I think we all see it in our parents and grandparents everyday. It just takes an outsider to really bring it into perspective.

  8. on a related topic and more narrowly just on the “patel-motel sucess story” in USA is documented by Parbai in his book – this is for anyone trying to figure out why the Patels are so good at running motels in general and what their business formula is – kind of a naive book in some ways (especially if you are a desi with a business family background), but still neat to see some one bring out the brown business story out there!

    Dhando Investor – http://www.amazon.com/Dhandho-Investor-Value-Method-Returns/dp/047004389X

  11. The Asian American Hotel Owners Association (AAHOA), whose membership consists mainly of desis, ought to give an award to the Patels, as well as Salinas, Calif., motel owner Siddiqi Hansoti, for showing that desi motel owners aren’t just about making money, aren’t just about helping their families and people of their own kind.

    You know that humanity has reached a new low when people “should be given awards” for acting in what were once considered normal ways.

    Have we as a species become so jaded?

    I guess we are so used to being treated meanly that when someone is nice, they need to be given an award.

  13. My guess is that Indians are not the only foreigners who have this kind of effect.

    India was very old when capitalism was invented, and Indians are still figuring out where capitalism fits into their value system. In the US, capitalism is the dominant ideology and, whatever it’s virtues in rapid technical development, it does not do much do much to promote compassion.

    That said, when I worked for NASA at Ames Research Center, we worked for a small company run by an Indian American, AMTI, {along with an American company, CSC}. They called a meeting right after Thanksgiving and announced that they were laying everyone in my group off, and would be gone before New Year’s Day if we weren’t rehired by the new manager. This was well before NASA had decided what it wanted, and they didn’t even have job reqs for us to apply for when they made this announcement. This was a year and a half after they took over so it wasn’t related to the contract change. The guy judging our resumes was a guy who left when they came in and had been rehired at US Government insistence. I survived, but in the end wished I hadn’t. So don’t kid yourself, Indians can be as brutal as anybody else. It is not a good idea to generalize

    In the unlikely event that you want to read more from me, I have a blog at: http://www.rememberjenkinsear.blogspot.com/

    Ray,

  14. So don’t kid yourself, Indians can be as brutal as anybody else. It is not a good idea to generalize

    In this forum, most Indians are with you (that Indians can be brutal)..and is quite critical of their own..in fact Indians are more brutal to their own in the job/real world that to others, maybe due to for survival with limited resources and extreme competition for those limited opportunities. That’s why its heartwarming to read such articles. Thanks Melvin. But maybe one thing that largely still stands in Indian community are caring and respecting the elders…maybe.

  16. The Native American probably got an understanding of what the soul saving (hehe) monotheists destroyed of his original culture…

  17. But maybe one thing that largely still stands in Indian community are caring and respecting the elders…maybe.

    The widows of West Bengal, Vrindavan UP, Varanasi and Haridwar are probably the most qualified to speak on that issue.

  19. The widows of West Bengal, Vrindavan UP, Varanasi and Haridwar are probably the most qualified to speak on that issue.

    I was saying ‘maybe’. But since you brought this up: The widows are minority (<1%) of elderly in India, whereas >90% of elderly live grudgingly in elderly facilities. But I agree we should do something for the Vrindavan vasis. Do you know any charities we can donate to improve their plight ?

  20. Re raymond and khoofi’s

    So sad that even when there is a pleasant story, sepia folk feel obliged to swear at the swarthy, unfit, sweaty uncles who were adventurous, successful and managed hardships, discrimination, failure laughingly. Their children are usually just average, provincial and insular Americans.

    Jewish and Chinese folk are unlikely to mock their community, possibly because they are smarter. Maybe if these people had been Muslim, or at least not Hindu, they would have had your approval. After reading Leaving India by Hajratwala and the treatment Indian origin kids got in parts of America for being brown, I can begin to understand why some of you hate being brown and can see nothing commendable.

  21. But I agree we should do something for the Vrindavan vasis. Do you know any charities we can donate to improve their plight ?

    I wouldn’t trust any “charities” in that area. Better to go there and put money directly into the hands of these women. They usually immediately buy the medicines they need with it. Or other items that they need. You can trust the women to know their own needs and spend wisely better than anyone else.

  23. I wouldn’t trust any “charities” in that area. Better to go there and put money directly into the hands of these women. They usually immediately buy the medicines they need with it. Or other items that they need. You can trust the women to know their own needs and spend wisely better than anyone else.

    It is not logistically possible for me to travel to give them money personally, hence the search for NGOs; but its sad if no NGO’s can be trusted. Why so ? There are plenty of ‘sponsor a child’ program; is there no such thing for Vrindavan widows ? If I sponsor, I would also be obligated to keep in touch (my letters) and visits, like it is done for sponsored child programs. And I would love to adopt a grandma!

    Sagarika @20: So agree with you. While it is important to be aware and change the flaws of one’s own community, it is also important to appreciate the positives. There should be a balance. On the other hand, there are some communities, who thrive on blaming others and making excuses for any and every flaw of their community. That’s not healthy either.

  24. Hi,

    Sagarika, I’m actually an ethnically European American, whose ancestors on both sides have been in the US since before the Civil War, so if you have objections to my attitude,, please do not project them onto Desis.

    I would also note that CMU West had a large number of very number of very good {or at least significantly better than me} Indian software developers studying there. The people I ended up disliking at NASA were mostly ethnically Caucasian Americans, not Indians.

    In short I’m not saying Indians are terrible, I’m just saying that they’re human. I’m also suggesting that is not an entirely individual or personality based issue – the structure of the system matters too. Finally, I think focusing on the fact that working for the Patels had a good effect on this Amerindian tends to lead people to acceptance of what is, rather than looking to improve things. I’ perfectly willing to accept that congratulate the Patels on what they have done for Rick Beltz and push for reform of NASA at the same time. Sorry I did not make this clear.

    Ray, .

  25. In short I’m not saying Indians are terrible, I’m just saying that they’re human. I’m also suggesting that is not an entirely individual or personality based issue – the structure of the system matters too. Finally, I think focusing on the fact that working for the Patels had a good effect on this Amerindian tends to lead people to acceptance of what is, rather than looking to improve things. I’ perfectly willing to accept that congratulate the Patels on what they have done for Rick Beltz and push for reform of NASA at the same time.

    Please provide some links and information. I could not find a whole lot on AMTi and it desi top management.