India has a reputation for producing a lot of doctors, but it may
also be gaining a reputation for producing a lot of doctoring. The fake-document industry appears to be flourishing like never before, which makes you wonder how many of those doctors have doctorates that were doctored. Not many, I believe, but every now and then, a fraudulent doctor is busted, perhaps after giving a patient reason to doubt his medical knowledge.
Patient: “Doctor, my angina is killing me. Please help me!”
Doctor: “Okay, lie back and spread your legs.”
A Bangladeshi man named Golam Kibria was recently fined for practicing medicine with no real qualifications — unless you count that high school certificate.
After interrogation, Kibria confessed holding no medical qualifications. He said he began his career as an employee at a pharmacy in Kushtia in 1991. Since he wanted ‘to become a doctor’, in 2003 he went to India and bought MBBS and MD (Doctor of Medicine) certificates at a cost of Tk 12,000 from a network of people there who specialise in sale of ‘fake’ certificates of different colleges and universities. [Link]
Only Tk 12,000 ($175) for a pair of medical degrees? Wow, I wonder if I can finally make my mother’s dream come true. Don’t worry: I’m not planning on practicing medicine — just practicing being a good son.
Imagine how pleased my mom would be to display my MD certificate on her bedroom wall, right next to my PhD from Harvard and MBA from Wharton.
Medical certificates may be the most coveted documents, but a host of others can also be purchased. The Canadian visa office in Chandigarh has been flooded with false documents, contributing to two-thirds of applications being rejected.
A presentation made by Chandigarh visa officers to Immigration Minister Jason Kenney during his visit this month highlighted the myriad tactics used to dupe Canadian officers.
One doctored bank document suggested a visa applicant had a balance of about $25,000 when he actually had about $7.50
A fake airline ticket submitted in another case shows an applicant had booked a direct flight between Toronto and New Delhi on a route Air Canada no longer flies.
Then there are forged letters from Canadian funeral homes, submitted by applicants asking to travel to Canada after a death in the family. [Link]
Applicants have also submitted photos from fake weddings, counterfeit letters from Members of Parliament, and, of course, congratulatory letters from the Nobel Prize Committee.
“Dear Mr. Kumar: On behalf of the Nobel Prize Committee, it is my distinct honour to congratulate you on winning the Nobel Prize for Culinary Science. You have been selected for this prestigious award based on your recent experience, helping to cook the books at Satyam Computer Systems.”
How the authorities are able to detect such forgeries is beyond me. Many of them are also experts at spotting fake passports, such as the ones that dozens of Jet Airways passengers have been traveling to Toronto with.
After pressure from Canadian officials, Jet has reassigned responsibility for passenger security checks to its security division from its customer service department.
“We want to root out this menace as much as anyone,” said Ragini Chopra, a Jet spokesperson.
In most cases, a person with an extensive international travel history applied for and received a legitimate Canadian visa.
The photo page of their Indian passport was then replaced with a doctored one and used by a different person. [Link]
Doctored? That reminds me that I need to make a phone call.
Me: “Hello, is that Chandigarh Doctoring College?”
Man: “No, this is Chandigarh Medical College. I am the vice-chancellor. What degree may I interest you in?”
Me: “I’m thinking of getting an MD degree.”
Vice-chancellor: “Excellent! But first you must get an MBBS.”
Me: “Can I get both together?”
VC: “Yes, of course. It will cost you only $1,000. We accept Visa and MasterCard.”
Me: “One thousand dollars! But it’s just for my mom. I don’t really intend to practice medicine.”
VC: “But you must practice. Practice makes perfect. That’s what I tell everyone.”
Me: “Well, I don’t want to practice with human lives.”
VC: “In that case, you should get our Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree.”
Me: “A DVM? My wife has one of those.”
VC: “Then you must get one, too. You must not let your wife be more qualified than you. That’s what I tell everyone.”
Me: “Good point. Can I get an MBBS, MD and DVM?”
VC: “Yes, of course. The more education you have, the better you will do in life. That’s what I tell everyone.”
Me: “Can you also give me a PhD from Harvard University and an MBA from Wharton?”
VC (laughs): “Please, sir, we can’t give degrees from other universities. We are trying to maintain a good reputation here.”
Me: “What if I pay you $3,000? Will you do it then?”
VC: “How do you spell Harvard?”
That is great news! I always wanted to hang an IIT degree on my wall to achieve tech sex symbol status 🙂
On a serious note, the Indian Government needs to make it mandatory for Educational Institutions to issue digitally signed soft copies of certificates. That will make verification easier, and reduce the menace at least to some extent. I guess I’ll shoot an email to the Indian Ministry for Human Resource Development (MHRD), and see what happens.
Not good Melvin! Yenna pa?? You paying $3,000 and Dr. Golam(Lord of the Ring?) paying wonly $175. This is too much I say. This mother is not happy with Amreekans being ripped off like this!
Hey, this is yet another area where the Chinese are waay ahead of us. Any degree, certification etc… from China, even American ones like the GRE and I assume that there was some golmaal. Guilty until proven innocent.
That said, you know back in late 90’s when the tech industry was all awash with the H1B learn Java in 21 days crowd, suddenly I would meet these Math majors from Bombay university or wherever who couldn’t tell you what a sine wave was.
I’m with the FBI..Female Body Investigators.. I have an official card..
The little known Indian agency The Ministry of Bribes (The M.O.B) needs to investigate this matter ASAP.
“We are trying to maintain a good reputation here”. lol
Melvin,
Wanted to ask you a few days ago but couldn’t get around to it…
As a comic writer, how does you think comedy will evolve to adapt to changing socio-economic conditions? In the depression era, comedy was substantially dark and wry(*) and post world-war II comedy was light and jovial. Sitcoms are already drafting changes to their lineup based on the current economic condition. During the 2001-2003 downturn, shows like Malcom in the Middle adopted this shift with success.
M. Nam
MD on Podiatry from Whart-on MD on Dentitsty from Dart-mouth MD on Gynecology from Virgin-ia MD on Dermatology(STD) from Au-burn MD on Cosmetic Surgery from Not-re-Dame MD on Dermatology from Prince-tone MD on Gastroenterology from Pur-due MD on Urology from Flo-rida MD on Urology from Water-loo MD on Vetenerary Surgery from Ox-ford
Hey. Are those my spare passports you sneaked across the border to your Dakota bunker? I was looking for them this morning…
Enough with these outrageous lies already. India has a severe shortage of doctors as anyone who has a clue knows:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2921262.cms
“India faces an acute shortage of manpower in the healthcare sector……..for every 10,000 Indians, there is one doctor. In contrast, Australia has 249 doctors for every 10,000 people, Canada has 209, UK has 166 and US has 548”
7 · MoorNam said
I am yet to find an Anpalagan with a sound mind. Malarvarnan, Which flower is black? Alagia Meenal was not so pretty. Singaram did not have any romance. Koteeswaran did not have any money in his pocket. Dhanasekharan had no habit of saving money. Ushapriyan Soorya never got up early. Kamalakannan had wild eyes. Nithyapriya was always a bitch. Mohanarangam was not very enticing.
NB: I had MahaBOOBuniz Suhra, Neelu Chutia(Oriya) in my class. They were living upto their names.
You can also get a fake Hawaii drivers license for free at http://www.mclovinidmaker.com/
Moornam wonders:
Those are Tamil names? The ones I am familiar with are Stalin, Lenin, Nova. Once Nova, our driver was driving a Chevy. So to differentiate him from the other Nova, we called him Chevy Nova.
Absolutely. Fucking. Hilarious.
MoorNam,
I do think you’ll see some changes, but I don’t think they’ll be drastic — unless we have conditions like the depression era. Working-class sitcoms like “Good Times” and “Roseanne” might do better than, say, “Friends.” People probably won’t find Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck humor as funny, whereas Lewis Black’s rant humor might be more popular, especially if he directs his ire at the Bernie Madoffs of this world. Humor about outsourcing isn’t going to be that funny to people who’ve just lost their jobs. An Indian-American comedian’s joke about how cheap his parents are isn’t going to work so well — if people in the audience are also scrimping. But joking about his own cheapness probably would still work, because the audience won’t feel threatened. Of course, if the economy really tanks, the comedian may not have an audience and might find himself living in his parents’ basement again.
It’ll be much worse…
Not so sure about that. People will always need to laugh – it’s an essential part of being human. A comedian will be all the more important to society.
M. Nam
Here’s a related article on WSJ today regarding depression era entertainment
M. Nam
And this is news??? Whahahahaha. Boy you can buy fake documents and certificates and degrees everywhere and in every country. It’s not that difficult. Hell even high school kids in America are making fake ID’s so they can buy booze.
Another variation on the theme- where the certificate is real, but the education fake. In the late 60’s (possibly into the 70s) there used to be flagrant, blatant and open copying and use of outside help during medical college exams in Calcutta. I tell my relatives in Cal- check when/where the doctor treating you got his degree, and if its 1965-1975 vintage from a Calcutta college, run, dont walk, away.