I take my duties as an aunt very seriously. Ever since I became a massi a year ago, I’ve started reflecting more and more on the important role that my aunts and aunties (the female family friends and mothers of friends) played in my life, both when I was a kid and in many cases, now. 
So, I’m not exaggerating when I say that one of my life goals is to be the best massi ever. I can’t help it that I want to be adored and worshiped by my nephew in the same way that I adored and worshiped my aunts (the sisters of my mom and dad who I called tata-French for aunt–or simply by their first names, as in Dipika or Poupee) and aunties (I can never forget the glamorous Auntie Veena in Ghana who baked cheese sticks for our picnic at the Tesano Sports Club in Accra when I was 10) throughout my childhood.
Which is why when I first heard about the UK bestselling tribute to the institution of aunty-dom, The Complete Book of Aunts, by Rupert Christiansen with Beth Brophy, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. It even includes “ten golden rules for aunts”! From the book jacket:
Of all our blood relations, an aunt offers the most potential for uncomplicated friendship. THE COMPLETE BOOK OF AUNTS is an entertaining and touching exploration of aunts in all their guises and varieties, culled from real-life, literary and historical sources.
The book was inspired by a kid’s question to the author: “Why are there aunts?” In response, Christiansen takes a thorough look at the etymology of the word aunt, the many words for it that exist in world languages, and great aunts in (mostly Victorian) literature. He also highlights various aunt types: Bargain Aunts, Mothering Aunts, Damned Bad Aunts, X-Rated Aunts, and Honorary Aunties (think of all the older desi ladies you call ‘auntie’). We’ve all had most of these varieties of aunts in my life (perhaps not the X-Rated Aunt!). And, I definitely know a little something about mothering aunts. From the ages of 6-11, I lived in Pune with my grandmother and my own massi (the fact that I called her by her nickname Poupee, rather than using a title of respect indicates not a lack of respect but just our level of intimacy), while my mom shuttled back and forth between my father who could not leave the politically tumultuous Ghana and her children, who were getting a “good education” in a relatively stable India. My aunt Poupee was, in effect, my surrogate mother. Throughout my childhood, I saw my mom and her as different sides of the coin of grace, protection, discipline, affection, and unconditional love.
While reading The Complete Book of Aunts though, I was also especially interested in the “Honorary Auntie.” (How many of us when we meet an older desi woman–even if it’s someone working at a shop–want to call her ‘auntie’?)
“The auntie is a particularly potent figure in India, crossing several complex linguistic and cultural domains. Probal Dasgupta’s study The Otherness of English: India’s Auntie Tongue (1993) explores the auntie as “a significant fact in the domain of English usage,” quoting Kamal K. Sridhar’s view that she “functions as a marker of Western sophistication among the upwardly mobile middle classes in urban and semi-urban India.” In Indian English, it emerges, “middle and upper middle class children who got to English-medium schools address their friends’ mothers as Auntie.” This cannot be new: In The Raj Quartet, Paul Scott’s novels about the British withdrawal from India in the 1940s, the ingenuous Daphne Manners shyly asks whether she can call Lady Chatterjee auntie.”
I’m not so sure that only kids who attend English-medium schools used the word “auntie.” I’ve had salespeople and hawkers call me “auntie” when trying to draw my attention to their wares. And, of course, street kids who knock on the windows of a car or hang out by the autorickshaw asking for a rupee or two — they’ve called me “auntie” too …
At wikipedia, the entry on Indian English had this to say about the use of the word auntie:
Use of the English words ‘uncle’ and ‘aunty’ as suffixes when addressing people such as distant relatives, neighbours, acquaintances, even total strangers (like shopkeepers) who are significantly older than oneself. E.g., “Hello, Swathi aunty!” In fact, in Indian culture, children or teenagers addressing their friend’s parents as Mr Patel or Mrs Patel (etc.) is considered unacceptable, perhaps even offensive—a substitution of Sir/Ma’am is also not suitable except for teachers. On the contrary, if a person is really one’s uncle or aunt, he/she will usually not be addressed as “uncle”/”auntie”, but with the name of the relation in the vernacular Indian language, even while conversing in English. For example, if a woman is one’s mother’s sister, she would not be addressed (by a Hindi speaker) as “auntie” but as Mausi (Hindi: मौसी). It is interesting to observe that calling one’s friends’ parents auntie and uncle was also very common in Great Britain in the 1960s and 70s but is much rarer today.
I want to know: What are your aunty or auntie memories? Are there any great aunts and aunties you know of in Indian folktales, mythology, contemporary literature, art, and movies (yes, I mean Bollywood too!)? Me thinks it’s time to pay tribute to the desi aunt and auntie.
Here is the UP/Bihar nomenclature on aunty: Mausi = mother’s sister Bua or Phua = father’s sister Maami = mother’s brother’s wife (mama’s wife) Chachi = dad’s brother’s wife
Each one can be further qualified by bari or chhoti (older or younger). When Abhi writes an uncle piece, I will be back.
Is that the origin of the phrase ‘aunts in your pants’?
In Marathi culture:
Maushi (mom’s sister) Atya (dad’s sister) Kaki or Kaku (dad’s brother’s wife) Mami (mom’s brother’s wife)
“Mothi” is added for elder aunt and “Choti” is added for younger aunt.
sandhya – great post! i too am a masi and bhua and always wondering how i can be a better one for my nieces and nephews. now for a twist on the different names of aunts in indian languages…how about niece and nephew in these languages~! for punjabi it is:
bhaynji = sister’s daughter bhaynja = sister’s son
pitheeja = brother’s son pitheeji = brother’s daughter
(punjabi speakers, if i have reversed these, pls advise!)
not sure if different for niece and nephew in-laws…
In my family, when it comes to aunts & uncles older than my parents, we were taught to call them by the titles my parents used for them & append uncle or aunty after it.
My mother calls her elder sister Tai (older sister in Marathi). I call her Tai Maushi (Maushi- mother’s sister). I call my mother’s brothers Dada Mama (Dada- Older brother in Marathi, Mama- mother’s brother) & Anna Mama (Anna– older brother). It even extends to my parents’ uncles & aunts. E.g. Maushi Aji (Aji- grandmother) or Kaka Ajoba (Kaka – uncle, Ajoba- grandfather)
Does this happen among people from other parts of India? Is it common among other Maharashtrian families? Or is this peculiar to only my family?
Yes, but only for a very small number of (generations old) family friends. 🙂 I have a Jit Masi who is in no way related to me.
I know exactly what you mean. A Mottai madi brings back some fond memories 😉
victor: i love that this extends to different generations in marashtharian culture (or maybe just your family!) in any case, it’s nice that it goes back so far. within punjabi culture, or at least my family, it usually stops at just the first generation of family relationships. meaning, i call my mom’s bhua, bhua (+ her name) as well and do not have any sort of indication from a title that she is actually my maternal grandfather’s sister. anyone else? but we do have titles that delineate relationships for sis-in-laws/bro-in-laws…from every direction!
db, my family makes up titles. So we call my nanaji’s sister (my mother’s bhuaji) “nanibhuaji” and my nanaji’s brothers (all older) “thiananaji.” My naniji’s sisters are “nanimasi” and her brothers are “nanamama” or “vade mama” 🙂
In the part of Kerala where I am from, this is what I call my aunts:
Mema/Cheriamma–mother or father’s younger sister Veliamma–mother or father’s older sister, or older brother’s wife Amai–mother’s brother’s wife (I think this can be older or younger)
I think it’s because of our matriarchal culture that the only person who has a special different name is the mother’s brother’s wife, bc she was a pretty significant person in the family. I am married to a Gujarati, and I was amazed at how many different ways they have to say aunt! All the words are different depending on whether someone is a paternal or maternal relative. In my family (caste, community, whatever), it’s almost exactly the same on both sides.
My mema is my favourite and most important aunt-mother’s younger sister, but I am lucky enough to have a whole battalion of beloved aunts, on both sides of the family and now in my husband’s family too, not to mention legions of family friends. Now that I am a mom and have friends and relatives with kids, I am auntie/kaki/masi/cheriyamma/veliamma to a new little generation, which is fun and awesome. Also cool to see my younger sister & sister-in-laws develop a relationship with my daughter.
Aunts are definitely the best.
Camille, my family does the same! My masi’s granddaughters call my mom MasiBa. But I guess we do it in the reverse order you do…
We also use masi/phoi generationally, which I think most other Indians do. My cousin’s daughters call me masi and fiya and I call them my nieces. But to Americans she would be my second cousin – when you say it like that, the relation sounds so distant…
Also it’s so easy when talking to other indian people and you say masi or phoi or mami and they know exactly what relation you are talking about. You don’t have to explain my mom’s sister, my dad’s sister or my mom’s brother’s wife. I guess it practically made sense to do that because of the joint family system. I mean who wants to be confused with the mean Jyoti Kaki and when you are really the sweet Jyoti Phoi. Does anyone know of any other cultures that have specific names for relations? I’m sure there are others…
People living in the honorific subcontinent are trained to read age and do so better than most western-raised folk. A young-looking (by American standards) friend who goes back every few years recalls that she started out in the marketplace as “Didi” (older sister), was promoted to “Mashi” on the next visit, and the last time she went was hailed by the hawkers as “Dida.” Maybe that’s why I keep putting off that India trip …
Two other notable SM posts on Aunties: An Ode to My Favorite Auntie and An Ode to My [Least] Favorite Auntie.
since ppl asked, the telugu aunts:
Athamma – fathers sister pinni – mother’s younger sister (or father’s younger brother’s wife) pedhamma – mother’s older sister (or father’s older brother’s wife) Athaiya or Atha – mother’s brother’s wife
51 · Floridian said
Sometimes, there are separate terms for older and younger (and not just the qualifier ‘badi’ and ‘choti’) Chachi = dad’s younger brother’s wife (i.e. Chacha’s wife) Taayi = dad’s older brother’s wife (i.e. Tau ji’s wife)
In my family, we always used to add the ‘ji’ in the end. So it was always mamiji and chachiji, and never mami and chachi. Another interesting use of ‘ji’ was to sometimes begin the sentence with it (when talking to elders). “Ji mein 10th class mein hoon”. Adding ‘ji’ in front of yes (haan) and no (na) made is sound very sarcastic.
In Kannada it is
Sodara Aththe- Father’s sister [Interestingly one’s mother-in-law is also called ‘Aththe’!!]
Doddamma- Mother’s older sister/Paternal uncle’s wife
Chikkamma- Mother’s younger sister/Paternal uncle’s wife
There are a couple of south Indian movies (in Kannada it’s called ‘Aunty No.1’), which revolve around this 40 something ‘Aunty’ who moves into a neighbourhood and catches the fancy of the neighbourhood boys, who desperately try to win her ‘affections’.
Plus, there’s the ‘Aunty’ reference in the Aaamir Khan starrer ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ (the Akshaye Khanna- Dimple Kapadia romance) 🙂
19 · lmc said
In Bengali, there is a religious aspect to it. Khala and phuphu (sounds similar to the gujarati version, same root? ) are primarily used by muslims, hindus tend to use maasi and pishi. Chachi as well, would be a bit of an outlier. I’ve heard that used by my probashi cousins, I would probably have used kaki-ma. Even maami, can be substututed by maamima. However, masi-ma has a different connotation. It means exactly auntie. You would call a stranger, if she is noticably older, as masi-ma; unless she is really old, then dida, perhaps?
Masi, as well as the similar sounding mausi and cognates from North Indian tongues ultimately originate from Sanskrit Matri-Sasa (Sister of mother). Which also explains the Pishi for fathers sister in (hindu) Bengali. Of course, roots of Mami, Chachi etc are pretty clear, though I don’t quite know the roots of the masculine forms (mama and chacha/ Kaka ). I am also curious about the terms primarily used by muslim Bangalis: phuphu and khala. Though this is probably not the board to ask about this.
What do Heather‘s cousins call their uncle?
Kilo same with my family. I have a Anna mama and everyone calls him Anna+title depending on if he’s someone mama or kaka. I also have a Bhayyia mama and a Dada kaka and my grandfather was dada and Aai while mom and dad were mummy and pappa.
I thought it was just me till I got married. My husband has a Appa kaka, his father is Anna mama or kaka to everyone, and there is tai maushi. I got my own taste this summer when my first niece on my mom’s side called me Rupataimaushi hehehe because I’m the oldest and all my cousins call me Rupatai.
BTW I noticed that in Punjabis and Gujju’s there is a title of Mausa or Masa for Maushi’s (Masi’s) husband. We don’t have any such thing in my family. All the maushi’s husbands are kaka. Same with Atya, no title for her husband so in my husband’s family they call atya’s husband kaka and in my family we call atya’s husband mama. Is that true with your family?
Oh also Kilo both great grandparents were known as Tathya by everyone and their kids as well as grandkids and us great grandkids all called them Tathya.
It’s the same with my family. Most of us call our maushi’s & aatya’s husbands kaka but some people in the extended family do call the aatya’s husband mama. Incidentally, my relatives from Vidarbha use the aatya-mama nomenclature while the Mumbai-Pune crowd uses the aatya-kaka nomenclature.
there’s a turkish saying ‘teyze anne yarisidir’ which basically means an aunt is a mother’s other half (and so, by extension, will care for you like your own mom). glad to see the massis are getting some (due!) representation 😉
Camille, I’ve heard that too. When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me that after your mother, the people who love you most in this world are your mother’s sisters.
On that note, I remember visiting India when I was 17, after MANY years. I met some of my mom’s cousin sisters, who had last seen me as a small child…they told me that they were my mom’s sisters and therefore just like my mom. I think this theme is strongly woven into the culture.
Honey, they call him gone.
As for literary aunts, there’s Baby Kochamma – nothing like an aunt who thrills at another’s downfall. And then there’s sad, bitter Carmen who married gay uncle Aires.
Happy Vernal Equinox, kids! (From your aunt bess, you know, the one they talk about in hushed tones.)
67 · Corporate Serf said
you’re right about the religious component. i was going to mention it but i don’t know all of the terms for hindu bengalis so i didn’t want to get it wrong. after meeting muslim indians and (perhaps?) pakistanis, i realized that the terminology (khaala and phuppu/phuphi) must have a muslim connection. urdu perhaps?
so hindi, gujarati, kanada,tamil, punjabi, marathi, bengali, telugu has been added to sandhya’s list….what abt mallu,oriya,konkani,rajasthani, etc…where is the diversity amongst readers ?
‘Khala’ is Arabic for ‘masi.’ It seems the male/paternal relations terms didn’t really travel from Arabic though (3am or 3amah), neither did grandparent terms or those for brothers and sisters. Abu or Baba for ‘father’ and Ammi for mother are used by many desi Muslims though.
14 · rocko9 said
78 · Narasimhan said
Sandhya…I really recommend that this would be an excellent spin-off from this post that there arises a wikipedia article on aunty in various desi languages compiled from the posts here and your own research ( though at the expense of your time 🙂
All this relational talk is reminding me that when I lived in Bangladesh, women were happy to introduce me to their (pronounced) “sho-theen,” or husband’s wife. Their children called their father’s other wife or wives “shoth-ma.”
Here’s a page from a book called “Kinship in Bengali Culture” telling you more about that if you’re curious.
In my family, we have only one non-immediate family member that we call masi – my mother’s best friend from childhood who literally grew up with her in the bhind and went to college with her as well…and eventually, the States.
On a related note, I was one of those kids who would jokingly call the younger friends of my parents (30 – 35) aunti or uncle when they would visit and act all fresh. I’m so afraid I will become that target in the immediate future…
In my Muslim Gujurati family, the pateral aunt is Faiji and the maternal aunt is Masi or good ole Auntie.
68 · Rahul said
Doner Kebab.
For some reason, I was thinking they called him David Crosby.
stoner donor
I remember the first time I was called “uncle” in India. I was 14 years old, and couple of 12 year olds said “Excuse me, uncle”. It felt so wierd because I thought of myself as the same age as the kids. I guess I had physically matured faster than I had matured mentally. But, it was like crossing a threshold “I am a uncle now?!”
I have 7 maternal aunts & my cousins & I all call them ammu (begali for mum). So it would be Nupur ammu, Rina ammu etc. It’s just something that developed in the family, probably because one sister’s kid was brought up by another sister while she studied overseas & that sister’s kid was brought up by another sister, so I guess the kids (us) ended up all confused & decided that it would just be easier to call all of them mum.
77 · SP said
Or Abuji and Ammiji if you’re a Punjabi Muslim. Though those terms are often used for aunts/uncles or grandparents too.
Anyway, here are mine:
Phupho is paternal aunt (though you can also say “bibi” in Pakistani Punjabi; my parents call their paternal aunts bibi and I call them that too). one of my own phuphos, I just call “Aunty” Khala is maternal aunt(though you can say “maasi” in Punjabi too; my parents call their maternal aunts maasi)
Chachi is your chachu’s wife (dad’s younger brother). I call mine “Baji” ’cause she’s young Tayi is your taya’s wife (dad’s older brother). I call mine “tayi ammi” and her husband is called “Taya abu” or “Tayaji”)
I sometimes call my parents by there names instead of mom or dad.
Malayalam: Ungle & aanti to be sprinkled liberally across the Maternal and Paternal spectrum; it’s that simple.
Yes, you mean aanti pronounced “andy” of course.
Alternative acceptable catch-all terms are Achayan (for older male relatives) and Kochamma (for older female relatives). Other more specific terms for aunts that I have heard: “Ammamma” (I think that means any aunt on your mom’s side) and “Ammai” (not really sure). Your term of choice depends on if you’re a slightly-anglicized-malayali-from-the-“pind”-trying-to-appear-sophisticated [like my grandparents’ generation] or if you’re an anglicized-malayali-pretending-not-to-be [like my parents’ generation].
I am with Pooja on that one!
I grew up using Mami and Aatya for my REAL aunts. But we also use Akka for an “aunt” who’s younger than your mother but still closer in age to her, Didi for an “aunt” who’s younger than your mother but closer in age to you. Both of these applied, in my family, to older female cousins too. Also, we had Paachi for an “aunt” who is older than your mother.
Don’t know if these are the real definitions of the terms, just how they’re use in my family.
OMG!
Reacting to ‘Namesake’ (the movie) which I just watched for the first time last week (rather late, I know), I had this to say about it on my blog:
‘For a character that is so obsessed, tortured and defined by the arbitrariness of names, Gogol Ganguli exhibited absolutely no irony when he advises his future (Caucasian) brother-in-law to address all the sari-clad, middle-aged Bengali women by the generic label “aunty.” “That will keep them happy,” says he non-chalantly. As someone who is on the cusp of being called aunty (even though I don’t feel like an aunty) by hordes of unreflecting kids, I want to officially register in writing my protest at this one-sided and selective understanding of the complexities of personal identity and nomenclature.’
That being said, I am troubled by the fact that my children have to address the parents of their playmates (usually non-desi as we live in a blue collar, ethnically diverse neighbourhood with little desi presence) by their first names. ‘Aunt’ and ‘uncle’ makes those adults uncomfortable. Mr&Mrs So-and-so makes my kids stand apart. But we are going to have to live with that. I want my kids to grow up with an appreciation for inter-generational dynamics.
So curious to run across this site as I am looking for the origin of the inflection “ji or jee” to some arabic nouns.
The usage is not grammatically correct Arabic but coloquial. Kundarji – (kundara= shoe) shoe repair kahrabji – (kahraba = electricity) electrician makwaji – (makwa = iron) one who irons clothes karakhanji – (karakhana = brothel) basically a pimp or brothel owner
There are many examples. They all seem to indicate a profession except for one that I know and it too is not Arabic in orgin: Brenji – Which is used as adjective to say that something is of good quality. As in ‘the rice is brenji’.
If I may add to your list here, the Arabic equivilants to aunt and uncle are not so elaborate and deliniated as in Hindi but I saw one form used by one of your contributors in Bengali and that I recognized:
Khala: to describe mother’s sister.
We don’t differentiate between older or younger aunts or uncles in Arabic. They are just either maternal or paternal as follows: (examples are in the coloquial)
Maternal aunts : khala or kahlti (my aunt) Maternal uncle : khaal or khali (my uncle) maternal uncle’s wife: mart khaali (mart = wife of)
Paternal aunt; 3amma (the ‘3’ sound has no equivalent in English) So just say ‘a’ sound. Paternal uncle: 3amm Paternal uncle’s wife: mart 3ammi
As kids we never referred to elders as Mr or Mrs but as uncle and aunt. Every unrelated male elder was 3amm (paternal uncle) but every unrelated elder female was khala (maternal aunt). I think this stems from the tribal life of the ancient arab tradition. People of tribe were more or less related by family and clan and respect was shown by refering to elders as uncles and aunts.
Is it possible in marathi culture that can i marry to my father’s mavshi’s daughter’s daughter????
Reply… Plz….