That’s your cousin?

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Last week Anna posted about some “controversial” statements made by a British politician with regards to inbreeding within the British Asian (i.e. Muslim) community. Specifically cited was the practice of marrying one’s first cousin. Coincidentally, a friend of mine from L.A. (Amyn Kaderali) has just finished a movie (awaiting distribution) titled “Kissing Cousins.” It is not a documentary but rather a “Relatively Romantic” comedy that tries to make the audience feel just a bit uncomfortable. Here is the trailer:

Amir is the last bachelor in his group of coupled-up friends. When they accuse him of being incapable of having a relationship and replace him as the best man at an upcoming wedding, Amir and his visiting long-lost cousin hatch a plan to prove them wrong. [Link]

Among the cast of actors is the gorgeous Rebecca Hazelwood as the hot cousin, Gerry Bednob, David Alan Grier, and…Urkel (sorry, Jaleel White…respect). Amyn also previously released the short film Call Center. Keep an eye out for Kissing Cousins at upcoming film festivals and let SM readers know how it is.

46 thoughts on “That’s your cousin?”

  1. So that’s where Rebecca Hazlewood went. She’s such a babe. I noticed on her IMDB she’s going to be in ER playing Parminder Nagra’s cousin from England. So it goes. All desi actors in the UK end up playing family members or friends at some stage in their careers.

    (only half joking)

  2. Just watched the trailer. Another quirky desi multi-culti romantic comedy. Great.

    The only thing missing is a sub-plot about a gay or lesbian Indian struggling to reconcile his or her sexuality and family / culture.

    Oh wait! Rebecca’s got one of those coming up too.

    A young, gay Indian flees to Hollywood, away from an overprotective mother and memories of his father’s violent death. A successful banker by day, at night his life unravels in a blur of alcohol, drugs, and sex as he grapples with love, loss and ultimately, forgiveness.

    Like the migration of birds in winter, no year is complete without at least one cutesy multi-culti romantic comedy about desi gays and lesbians or Woody Allenish straight brown people struggling to find a girlfriend / boyfriend in the diaspora, complete with larger than life Aunties, Bollywood references, etc etc etc

    We would be listless without them, what would we do?

    I JUST WATCHED LET THERE BE BLOOD WHY THE F*** CANT ANY OF YOU INDIAN FILMAKERS MAKE INCREDIBLE MESMERISING MOVIES LIKE THAT!!! ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!!

  3. What’s the big deal about marrying a cousin? As they say, the family that lays together, stays together.

  5. 3 · abdul said

    What’s the big deal about marrying a cousin?As they say, the family that lays together, stays together.

    Ewww! If that’s how you roll, then that’s how you roll…just don’t come crying to us if your kids from your cousin/spouse, start developing flippers or and extra hand.

  6. Do these cousins actually kiss?!?!?!?

    Sorry, answering this question may actually reveal the climax of the plot … but if they do or do not completely changes how I view this movie!

  7. Or … is their introduction as “cousins” really a plot by the guy’s parents to actually get him to meet a girl they like?!?!?

  9. 8 · Suki Dillon said

    Hazelwood???? What kind of desi last name is that. Is it Bengali or something?

    I nominate this for “Funniest SM Comment of 2008” or something. We really need a “Best of” section… 😉

  10. Hazelwood???? What kind of desi last name is that. Is it Bengali or something?

    She was born to desi parents and was adopted by a white English family as a baby.

  11. 8 · Suki Dillon said

    Hazelwood???? What kind of desi last name is that. Is it Bengali or something?

    Ouch! Granted, Bengali parents (particularly Hindu Bengali parents) do tend to come up with rather bombastic first names for their children, but this is balanced by the utterly inane nicknames that they encumber us with too.

  12. Other folks might not care about this, but the white Buddhist friend in the preview was the yellow-eyed bully Scut Farcus in A Christmas Story, one of my family’s traditional holiday-season watch-togethers.

    (He was also Moody Spurgeon in the Anne of Green Gables miniseries, but I’ll put that in parentheses since it shows how much of a movie geek I am — and how much I love/d those movies.)

    On topic: this looks cute. I’d see it. Also: is it possible to be unrelated by blood to one’s cousin? Like, is the nephew-by-blood of my uncle-by-marriage my “cousin”?

  13. Also: is it possible to be unrelated by blood to one’s cousin? Like, is the nephew-by-blood of my uncle-by-marriage my “cousin”?

    I don’t think so – I think the thing about a cousin is that you share some ancestor further up the family tree. First cousins share common grandparents, second share common great grandparents, etc.

    Of course, at some point the relation becomes very distant. Obama and Dick Cheney are “cousins” (Lynne Cheney found this out), but if Obama had married into the Cheney family, nobody would have worried about incest. If you go back far enough, we all share common ancestors.

  14. 12 · Lizzie (greeneyed fem) said

    On topic: this looks cute. I’d see it. Also: is it possible to be unrelated by blood to one’s cousin? Like, is the nephew-by-blood of my uncle-by-marriage my “cousin”?

    Lizzie, that’s actually a difficult question to answer, because in Bengali at least, there isn’t a good catch-all word that covers what “cousin” means in English. The related Bengali terms are far more specific about relationships, for instance “mamato bhai” which means your mother’s brother’s son. Obviously, there are specific terms which would describe the relation you mention, but since there isn’t really a generic word for cousin, that’s neither here nor there.

  15. Thanks for the info, y’all. 🙂 I guess now my question is, what possible relationships are covered by the word “cousin”? (I’m just trying to figure out how this film could head where it looks like it’s headed without being squicky.) If Amir’s mother introduces Zara as his “cousin” — does it have to mean she’s a first cousin by blood? Could they be third cousins? (That would be much less squicky.)

  16. Maybe the film does introduce Zara as a more distant cousin. I mean to Americans cousins are cousins despite the degree of closeness. If the film made Zara a first cousin then maybe it’d be a little too weird for American audiences. Just a question do desi parents still suggest (maybe as a last resort)to their children to marry distant cousins? I know my mom always jokingly says she wants me to get married to second cousins of mine who are at least 5 years older than me but then draws the line definitely at first cousin marriages. If first cousin marriages that are love marriages occur, I think the couple should agree not to have children just because there is a high chance of unhealthy offspring. I’m not sure how people can conduct first cousin arranged marriages with all the news about birth defects.

  17. btw – wasnt there a side story in monsoon wedding about the two cousins [one of whom was the australian with the broken hand] making out and all. i never quite figured that out, but it seemed very odd to me. heck, if i remember right the families even seemed to encourage the flirtation. anyone in the know if they were first cuzns in the movie.

  18. If Amir’s mother introduces Zara as his “cousin” — does it have to mean she’s a first cousin by blood? Could they be third cousins? (That would be much less squicky.)

    Most desis know all their first cousins very well. To be introduced to a random “cousin” usually implies second or third. Still, I wonder if the movie is salable of if the ick factor will be too high no matter what.

    I thought the opening was funny – he’s a relationship termination specialist – he does the breakup for you and gets your stuff back. Nice premise.

  19. because in Bengali at least, there isn’t a good catch-all word that covers what “cousin” means in English.

    nor in Tamil or Malayalam or Hindi. I suspect this is the case in most desi languages. Happy to be corrected.

  20. nor in Tamil or Malayalam or Hindi. I suspect this is the case in most desi languages. Happy to be corrected.

    In malayalam, there is a word used only to refer to a cousin whom you can get married to. “Muracherukkan”(he) and “Murapennu”(she). I think, this usage is common only among hindu families – but i could be wrong.

  21. 20 · najeeb said

    nor in Tamil or Malayalam or Hindi. I suspect this is the case in most desi languages. Happy to be corrected.
    In malayalam, there is a word used only to refer to a cousin whom you can get married to. “Muracherukkan”(he) and “Murapennu”(she). I think, this usage is common only among hindu families – but i could be wrong.

    I’m Christian, Malayalee and I’ve never heard those phrases being used. Then again marrying my cousins hasn’t really come up in conversation. Yet…eek.

  22. Man, that looks kinda tacky and bland.

    Some pretty fugly cinematography (looks like an expensive student film) and when your ‘trailer moments’ have bad sound, flat dialogue and someone-punch-me-in-the-face sidekick characters… ‘Nuff said.

    Damn, when are M.Night Shyamalan or Jay Chandrasekhar going to grow some balls and do a flick with some lead Asian talent?

  24. btw – wasnt there a side story in monsoon wedding about the two cousins [one of whom was the australian with the broken hand] making out and all. i never quite figured that out, but it seemed very odd to me. heck, if i remember right the families even seemed to encourage the flirtation. anyone in the know if they were first cuzns in the movie.

    Weren’t they non-blood cousins? (like Lizzie’s description)

  25. I thought the opening was funny – he’s a relationship termination specialist – he does the breakup for you and gets your stuff back. Nice premise.

    Although it seems weird that women hire him (all the terminations shown are guys getting dumped by women), yet his friend says his job is why women won’t date him. I would think people in general would appreciate a nice clean break made possible through a third party. 🙂

    God, I am really reading too much into this preview. It looks cute. I hope it comes to a theater near me. That’s all.

  26. 21 · noon ennui said

    20 · najeeb said
    nor in Tamil or Malayalam or Hindi. I suspect this is the case in most desi languages. Happy to be corrected.
    In malayalam, there is a word used only to refer to a cousin whom you can get married to. “Muracherukkan”(he) and “Murapennu”(she). I think, this usage is common only among hindu families – but i could be wrong.

    I’ve heard those terms a lot, mostly in malayalam movies of the eighties and the nineties; the hero is typically the good guy who is pining to marry his cousin; the main obstacle is the uncle, who thinks his daughter could do better.The happy ending is well, really happy and appropriate to the local culture.

    Regarding possible effects on the children of such unions; some malayalam movies of the seventies feature um, mentally challenged relatives in the joint family………..

    I don’t think the connection is exact, however.

  27. One can’t help but feel reminiscent of Arrested Development’s take on the kissing cousins and the french film they saw called “Les Cousins Dangereux” ha.

  30. I’ve heard those terms a lot, mostly in malayalam movies of the eighties and the nineties; the hero is typically the good guy who is pining to marry his cousin; the main obstacle is the uncle, who thinks

    Amazingly, they show this in Pakistani movies too. There was a big Punjabi movie (Pakistani) from about 10 years ago called ‘Chudiyan’…city boy goes to live with his maternal uncle in the village…falls for his cousin…but his aunt (step-mom to the girl) wants him to marry HER daughter (also his cousin) and won’t let him marry his other cousin…crazy stuff…finally everyone goes Rambo on each other and he marries her.

  31. 21 · noon ennui said

    I’m Christian, Malayalee and I’ve never heard those phrases being used. Then again marrying my cousins hasn’t really come up in conversation. Yet…eek.

    I’m Christian and Malayalee and I have heard Muracherukkan used…but then again, one of my Aunts really did dare to go there wrt a “potential” boy for me (whom I had neither heard of/nor met, who was either a third or a fourth, but still ). 🙂

  32. This thread has expanded my Netflix queue substantially.

    Anyone here seen/heard of the practice of (and pardon the bad transliteration, per usual) thai mamaan? To my understanding this was (is?) the practice of a woman’s brother having first claim on her daughter (as a bride, that is). I’ve never been a big Tollywood man, but the person who told me about it said it even appeared in some Tamil movies.

  33. Anyone here seen/heard of the practice of (and pardon the bad transliteration, per usual) thai mamaan? To my understanding this was (is?) the practice of a woman’s brother having first claim on her daughter (as a bride, that is). I’ve never been a big Tollywood man, but the person who told me about it said it even appeared in some Tamil movies.

    The Thai Maaman (and no, it’s not that seedy Bangkok returned relative) meme is fairly common in rural Tamil movies. I think sister’s daughter is called “murraiponnu”, which means “your girl by custom”.

  35. 8 · Suki Dillon said

    Hazelwood???? What kind of desi last name is that. Is it Bengali or something?

    I nominate this for “Funniest SM Comment of 2008” or something. We really need a “Best of” section… 😉

    I’m glad somebody here likes me.

  36. 35 · Suki Dillon I’m glad somebody here likes me.

    Suki/Clueless, I love your blunt and wry commentary–keep it coming!!

  40. What makes some cultures agree to cousin marriages easily and others not so easily? Is it more than just knowledge of potential birth defects?

  41. Suki/Clueless, I love your blunt and wry commentary–keep it coming!!

    Thanks, and I will keep it comming.

  42. What makes some cultures agree to cousin marriages easily and others not so easily?

    I don’t have any data on this, but my hunch is that it may be more prevalent in minority cultures. The shortage of prospective grooms/brides together with the desire to continue the family line and contain wealth were probably propelling this trend.

  43. bess, i love you – please, please don’t be a never-nude.

    Oh, port-sister, I’m never never-nude but I am a total surfboard, so I got nothing to show but my low self esteem. hehe.

  44. And does anyone else feel like they’ve “met Amir” already? Yeah…um…he works for the California Highway Patrol, goes by the name of “Ponch”.

  45. 41 · Suki Dillon said

    I will keep it comming.

    I guess that’s what the kids are calling it these days 🙂 Right, bess? I’m sure the only thing surf-board about you is those abs, and even if that’s not the case, I’m sure we can work it out. With the help of our infamous interns, of course.

  46. 40 · bengali disgrace said

    What makes some cultures agree to cousin marriages easily and others not so easily? Is it more than just knowledge of potential birth defects?

    It’s because of tradition, largely based in the desire to maintain unity and to keep wealth/land within the clan.

    Remember that marriages in these traditional cultures are seen as a union of the couples’ families, rather than the couple themselves. Individualism is a foreign concept, so even arranged marriages between non-relatives are focused around making/maintaining familial connections.

    I don’t think it’s an issue of a ” shortage of prospective grooms/brides ” for most cultures that continue the practice of cousin marriage.

    “My seeds grow with his seeds marry his seeds, That’s how we keep wu-tang money all up in the family” – ghostface killer from glaciers of ice.