Sugi’s post on how to make babies who will possess certain characteristics via Sarkai lo khatiya jaada lage on prescribed days of the month (with both of you keeping your eyes open, got that? no eyelash fluttering out of unbearable ecstasy) is so much more mutinous than what I’m going to post, but I believe in diversity, so while she brought the funny, I’m bringin’ the schmaltz. No, not schmaltz as in rendered goose fat which can be spread on bread as is done in German and Jewish cuisine, schmaltz as in the unbelievably literal “Every Kiss begins with K”-schmaltz.
Still with me? No? Perk up. It’s tea time, lovers.
Last night, I watched “Deal or No Deal, for the first time, ever. That show is mesmerizing with its repetition and stupidity. I wanted to tell the firefighter whom they were featuring that his response of
$100,000…wow…that could do a lot…it’s like, two years salary
in response to Howie’s ridiculously leading question
How would that change absolutely everything for you and your pregnant wife, who has to put up with you working two jobs?
was actually incorrect, since taxes would eat nearly half that amount and so it was really more like ONE year of his salary, but whatevs.
Though I had an hour to waste, I still couldn’t understand why I was watching such garbage while waiting for my dirty-little-secret-TV-cocktail of “Super Nanny” and “Cashmere Mafia”– which is on an entirely different network. But you know what mutineers? It turns out that everything happens for a reason.
During one of the commercial breaks on NBC, my browndar went off like police sirens in Adams Morgan on a Saturday night. Through my keen peripheral vision, I saw a brown face sinking and then looking up. I whipped my head around (oww) and realized that some random Desi had just proposed to their future Karva-Chauth-hostage (KIDDING).
What the-?
Visit NBC.com/Love for more about this couple…sponsored by Kay Jewelers…every Gambia-Senegal session after Applebee’s begins with Kay…
Well, that’s not how they ended their come-on, but they totally should have. I was typing “random marriage proposal NBC” in to my Google toolbar but when I overheard this, I dutifully jumped…to an awful, cluttered page which didn’t work. As in, the desi dude’s links were not active, and his story was not featured, even though they said we could go to this terrible page for more information. LIARS. What is wrong with NBC’s interns? If they need me to come in and consult re: how to get your interns to WORK IT, I’ll see what I can do.
I was irritated. This would have been the perfect Valentine’s Day post! Fine, NBC. Be that way. I made sure that I left that tab untouched in Firefox so I’d remember to check it today…and I did. Lo, the desis were finally visible (is that a metaphor or what). I watched the 5’30” proposal video and I’m not ashamed to admit I was tearing up at the end, even though I don’t really like engagement rings, the getting down on one knee or any of that.
Hey, I’m not heartless! I yenjoy seeing people get deliriously happy…I also once infamously cried during a diaper commercial, so make of that what you will. Anyway, I suddenly LOVED this story, because I found out that Lavina was older than Kabir!
I know, I am the last person who still thinks “the girl being older than the boy” is a big deal, but I totally do, especially when it comes to Desi couples, who often follow my least favorite Aunt’s formula of “4 inches taller, 3 years older, 2 degrees earned”. My obsession with this dynamic is rooted in self-interest; at the wizened age of 33-going-on-dead, I know that I’m far more likely to settle down with someone who is younger than me. The existence of Lavina makes me feel like I’m not the only Cougar prowling for Male Makhni.
If you think I’m weird for my hang-ups, you should know that Lavina wouldn’t judge me:
When Kabir first asked Lavina out, she rejected him because he was a younger guy, even though they’d known each other quite awhile. [NBC]
Quite a while = seven years. He’s 28 and she’s 31. They have been dating for the last 18 months and they are from San Francisco.
It’s all very sweet and before anyone dares to go there, I want to explicitly state that none of the sarcasm in this post is aimed at the blissed out couple– how could I hate on anyone named Kabir or his lady-love who is older than him (and toe tweeee)? If I smirked or snarked, it was a reaction to NBC, their shitty web design and their LYING about the availability of information, which, during this uber-interactive age when I’m never in front of a television without my iBook, I find inexcusable. I am brown. I need my gossip information on demand!
So, huzzah, Kabir and Lavina. And Kabir, props for proposing to the girl you fell in love with so many years ago in such a gorgeous setting; then again, I wouldn’t expect anything less from such a suitable boy.
you are not 33 going on dead,anna! i know u said that tongue in cheek, but i think more and more professional women are postponing marriage to age 35-36 and kids to age 37-39
ahhh i hate to admit it but that made me sooo happy! 🙂
and i loved the slight accents, so precious!
1 . tarta said
And thanggahd for it. I’ve been mildly obsessed with babies lately– not like you might think. 🙂 Last night, I read nearly every entry on a blog called “Take Back the Island“. I’ll just put it this way– one of their running features is “Dead Baby Joke”. I found TBTI via a NYT article from Feb 11th which introduced me to a curious world called Park Slope, which is in the Brooklyn…apparently thoughtless bitches run wild there with humvee-sized strollers and similarly-sized senses of entitlement to the sidewalk, an establishment called “Tea Lounge” and finally, all the space in a bar called Union-something which has Bocce courts. The article had 300 comments about the self-absorbed shittiness of it all, and I found myself coming down on the so-called “baby-hater” side of things, which is just amazing.
I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was in first grade, which is when my teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, “Supreme Court Justice. And Mommy”. I looooove babies. I started taking Folic Acid supplements when I was 18, because I was so sure I was going to get married right after graduating, to my college sweetheart. Baby, baby, baby.
Now, I want to throttle women on the Metro who brutally force their double-wide, p.o.s. strollers (which hold more bags than babies) wherever they can, as if wielding a battering ram through innocent commuters, only to block the handicapped seating (which I needed to use for the majority of last year) as if it’s their deity-given right to do so– and woe unto anyone who dares look askance, because that will be be the catalyst for the “HOW DARE YOU!” heard ’round the monuments.
On the rare occasions when I go to starbucks in certain nabes, I’m certain to be slammed in to by some hyper-active, three-year old animal who is careening about the store while doing his best impersonation of a pinball– and I’m even more certain to get a haughty, “EXCUSE YOU. You need to look where you are going”, from his Mother, after which I am absolutely certain that I will have to stifle my urge to throw my $5 latte in her stupid face.
And best of all, when I go home to CA, I’m no longer allowed to attend my mother’s prayer meetings, because in 2003, I picked up an exceptionally demonic species of crotch-fruit who screamed and kicked me while I attempted to take him in to the other room, to thrown him in to his worthless mother’s fucking lap.
“What happened?” she trilled.
[continued on my blog, look for “He decided to…” in huge letters :)]
ANNA, if you like Dead Baby Jokes, just let me know. I am a PRO 😉 [seriously, I used to traumatize my friends until I realized not everyone found this brand of humor entertaining. Although I prefer when the babies stay dead throughout the whole joke — a girl has to draw her standards somewhere]
That story was cute (albeit cheeeeeeeeezy, and I am allergic to dairy). 🙂
4 · Camille said
I’m a newbie to the genre, Camille darlin’. 🙂
Some of the other ones here make me cringe. Then again, ask me the next time some asshole lets their unsupervised, under-disciplined offspring slap the back of my head with a macaroni-covered-hand in a restaurant…I might be ready for Camille-level hilarity…
I totally just cried – I’m such a sucker.
6 · Sonia Kaur said
DUDE. I hella knew you would. 😉
Hey Anna! Great vid- and cute couple! BTW can you recommend some good restaurants (not too pricy) in DC-area? My dad works over there now, and lives in VA, so I’m gonna visit soon. Thanks, EMMA.
I am an avid listener to CBC’s ideas radio program, a forum where leading thinkers of our times are invited to speak on topics closest to their heart. This Monday, I was listening to Theodore Dalrymple holding forth on the notion of emotional drunkenness. He described this state as one wherein adults express their most sordid thoughts and beliefs without any thought to the societal implications or the impact of their public incontinence. His beliefs run against the grain of contemporary psychology wherein it is believed to be cathartic to vent one’s ugliest beliefs as a public purging. The moderator, Michael Enright debated him on this. Anyhow, there’s more on Dalrymple’s thoughts in this article. I was reminded of that via the exchange here.
4· Camille said
That entire video was sappier than a gushing peepul tree. Which I guess is appropriate given they were in a plant conservatory and all…
Talking about brown and NBC, Rusell Peters is on Leno tomorrow night.
That explains everything!
That was nice. Good luck to them. Bit outraged she likes James blunt but that is just the musical snob in me. Age does not matter, it means nothing, when all is said and done, love conquers all.
“I will shamelessly admit my self-interest in all this because at the wizened age of 33-going-on-dead, I know that I’m far more likely to settle down with someone youngerâ€
Well Hi, Hiya!!
Oh and by the way, I was thinking that was a silly way to propose, but watching the video again made me think even that does not matter, her reaction was all you need to show that it was right. Heck he could have had nazi ss troops do a funny but offensive dance, or worse have james blunt sing, if her reaction was the same its all worth it.
I am going to go listen to the penguins’ “earth angelâ€, oasis’ “slide away†and to top it off Prince’s “erotic cityâ€. I’ll throw in a ravi shanker hit just to make it a little desi.
“was actually incorrect, since taxes would eat nearly half that amount and so it was really more like ONE year of his salary, but whatevs. “
but his salary as a fireman (assuming $50k?) would have been taxed as well. so net net, he was right to say 100k is two years’ salary – it’s just two years’ salary pre-tax. being pedantic here but i’m bored, that’s why!
Male Makhni– HAHA! LOVES it. Perhaps my favorite Mutinous phrase of 2008. I will be injecting this into regular conversation from now on.
Wery cute couple indeded, congratualtions:) Please Anna, your 33 going on fabulous and fierce. I love the fact there are desi girls, on this site especially, who don’t want the HummerStroller as a wedding gift before they hit 3-0. But to all who do not feel the same way, I wish them the best. It’s just not for me, not now at least.
Dead baby jokes, though at first traumatizing, have grown on me.
14 · thisdesicancount said
I thought money you win (lotto etc) isn’t taxed at anywhere near the same rate as someone’s salary. If we want to be pedantic…
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little… Why does EVERY moment have to be videotaped/photographed/done in front of a crowd!
well…good luck to those two incredibly boring kids.
Say Paneer!
Male Makhani !!! ….ha ha ha ha ha….
thank you!
I ♥♥♥ it!!!!
Dude, don’t be a jerk.
Banned and deleted. Beyond the abusive language, the blatant stupidity is offensive. She didn’t know she was going on National Television, for anyone else who is comprehension-impaired.
I never knew there such a things as dead baby jokes until I read this post… and somehwere in A N N A ‘s comment was looking for a dead baby joke but realized it was actually on the link (hahaha duhhh)… dead baby jokes (like CoffeeFace) have found a special place in my heart hahahaha… and to add to that HumveeStroller wanting smug face thoughtless bitch story… a friend of mine proudly announced the she finally fulfilled her life long dream.. to be married and have a kid before she turns 30.. ahhh yes, now on the eve of her baby’s baptism, she pulls me aside and tells me…
“I am so fulfilled… I have a husband who loves me, a job, and a beautiful (now this is purely relative.. you should see her baby… dingos ate my baby indeed) baby boy.. you’re 31 don’t you think it’s time to settle down, stop dating and find someone to share your life with?? I mean, you’re not getting any younger…”
where was a dead baby joke when I needed one??
Hi guys,
This is Kabir from NBC my future sister in law told us about this blog post. Thanks for the positive comments and to the guy who made a negative comment I am guessing you are a small child. But really funny blog post, I do agree age is nothing but a number and all I will say it to the ladies out there give us guys a chance and we might surprise you. I am glad I went after Lavi and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her.
~Kabir
Good lord. Hubris, ego, blah-blah-blah. Almost thought the clip was going to end with them frolicking in bed.
Hey Anna, for what it’s worth i’m 22 and think ur beautiful….. i’d take u over any of the girls i see here up in our local clubs….. age is just a number anyway; you may be 33 but i’d honestly guess late 20s…… i don’t know what it’s like where you live, but there are lotz of guys up here in seattle that’d luv to find a girl like you……
6 · Sonia Kaur said