I have been saving and saving and saving this post, since it seemed to me most appropriate for Walentine’s Day.
Cheap V- and W-switching jokes aside, as you may remember, I was recently in Singapore. Along with Preston Merchant, photographer extraordinaire, I made my way out to the Sri Senpaga Vinayagar Temple, on Ceylon Road in Katong. This temple, which just may be my favorite temple in the world, is gorgeous. It’s beautifully painted, clean, and welcoming. It’s got a huge collection of different Ganeshas, and all the priests are from Sri Lanka. Ceylon Tamils in Singapore built the temple over a century ago, but now Hindus of all backgrounds worship there. 
There are rules for worship on the wall that detail the kind of clothing to be worn, and the temple pamphlet specifies an order of worship. But the reality of the temple did not hew to the rules as they were written—indeed, no temple I know really does. Women came in dressed for work, toting children; live musicians played nathaswaram; priests served warm paiassam; people worshipped in the order that pleased them (or, at least, I did). They let Preston take pictures. I paid for prayers in my family’s name. The chief kurrukkal loaded me down with books about the temple and gave me a tiny statue of Ganesha, gratis. It didn’t feel like a place with many rules—just a lot of warmth.
The temple also has a store. I purchased many things there: a few Ganesha pendants, a five-faced Ganesha statue, Ganesha keychains, and some books. Among the books: guidelines to funeral rites for Saivite Hindus—and guidelines to marriage for Saivite Hindus.
I pointed at the display case on the wall and told the volunteer running the store that I wanted both.
“Both?â€
“I’m preparing for my whole life here,†I said. “Who knows when I’ll come back to Singapore?†I figured that hopefully I wouldn’t need the death one for awhile (is there a Hindu equivalent to crossing oneself? I don’t know it) and pulled the other one out to read on the plane home. I have long collected booklets with descriptions of marriage rituals, largely as book research (I am, after all, the author of a book called Love Marriage—or should that be Lowe Marriage?), but had never seen an English guidebook to the art of arranged marriages.
This one is called Guidelines for Marriage Proposals and Good Progeny for Saivite Hindus. The book was researched by a C. Tharmalingam and I didn’t find a date on it. It made explicit made things I had heard; it wrote them down. But even so, it is a book of guidelines, not rules. Are our forebears and elders, perhaps, more flexible than we give them credit for? Or should we be concerned that they wrote these things down at all?
It begins:
As a safeguard it would be best if the match-maker were to know the future bride and bridegroom in person. Otherwise one would be unwittingly matching a dwarf to a giant…. Generally, the young lady should be slightly shorter than the young man for better appearance.The physical appearance has been settled.
That’s right—uncle has settled the question of physical appearance on page one, line eight. If only we were all so efficient!
He goes on to place a heavy emphasis on astrology, warning that if the couple fall into the same category in a certain part of the Tamil Almanac,
in one instance the future husband will die, in another category the future bride will die, in another the children will die, in another loss in property and yet another the couple will be separated and living in far away countries.
He places great faith in astrology, but also in chemistry. If all is satisfactory star-chart-wise, he recommends a meeting in an isolated temple. (!)
Here again, there is a hurdle to be crossed. In this instance the couple themselves will have to decide whether there is chemistry between them. Usually one look would suffice.In Tamil it is known as “Manap Poruththam.” If there is not, it is best to drop the proposal right away—even if there is astrological agreement.
I find this frankly kind of sweet.
He skips straight over the wedding and goes to guidelines for the best times and ways to mate, in order to ensure a good, healthy, and virtuous child.
As per indications in the Puranas, if a man is physically stronger than a woman a male child will be born. If the opposite is the case the result will be female child. If the strength of man and woman is equal, an [sic] eunuch may be born.In respect of the attitude of the partners, during intercourse both should not close their eyes. They should further be free from any fear at mating time.
Predications may be made for the child including its sex and qualities depending on the day of intercourse counted from the commencement of menstruation.
I have to say that in all my research, I had never before seen any of this written down in English. Maybe I was not looking hard enough, or looking in the wrong place. He goes so far as to specify what kind of child you will get if you mate on certain days:
The best day for the expectation of a daughter is the fifteenth (15th) day as the female child thus born will be healthy, beautiful, charming with highest character. The child will become highly educated and be God-fearing. She will get married to one of equally high character and will be an asset irrespective of the place of birth and whichever family she goes to by marriage.Similarly the sixteenth (16th) day is the best day for expectation of a son. The child will be exceptional with qualities as described above.
The Upanishads say that if the conception is established for the first time mating with a virgin on the sixteenth (16th) day counted from the day of onset of menses a male child will be born having outstanding character and extraordinary capabilities. He will be almost a genius, loved and respected by all.
His intellectual achievements will be of the highest order and he will possess all material comforts without any great effort. However, chances of attaining this type of condition and conception are very very rare.
Seriously.
In the Appendix, we are given “How to Identify an Intelligent Child.†Again with the efficiency!
Look at the top of the child’s head. It should appear like a trapezium – i.e. the plan view [sic]. The shorter parallel side being the forehead and the longer side being the back of the head.Secondly look at the child sideways. The back of the head should jut out beyond the straight line of the neck.
Look at the child from the front. The front elevation of the face should look like an inverted triangle—the base being the top of the forehead and the summit being the chin of the child.
And there you do indeed have an intelligent child.
Look again at the child from the front. And if the top of the head slopes upwards from the front to the back of the head, then you have a sure bet that the child is second to none.
**
This book was probably written some time ago; it is gendered and heteronormative to be sure, and probably reflective of the society and time in which it was created. Not to mention that it is bluntly specific about some surprising things. Now, it would be easy to be glib about all this. I have to tell you that I am resisting with some effort. But even the researcher of this book is prepared to admit that although he has gone to the effort of writing all this down, he is not always right.
Please Note: Observations have been made where people with small heads and with no special features and on top of it with small foreheads have made the grade and are holding top appointments.Which again proves that destiny is supreme.
Anyway, these are the exceptions.
Destiny is supreme. Happy Walentine’s Day, Mutineers. Love in all its forms. Acknowledging that guidelines have existed. Going around them.
photo by Preston Merchant
Uncleji was pro’ly getting his tips from the K-sutra. I’m just glad he didnt delve too deep on the size of the lingam and that of the yoni. Here’s my earlier take on the subjet
LOL!….
This is the best v-day post I have read all day….
I dare question the puranas, but the 15th and 16th day logic was pure lmao. Not to forget the trapezium shaped heads!
ps: brilliant pic!
Nice post!
Good Progeny for Saivite Hindus
Given how we turned out, it is obvious my Saivite Hindu parents weren’t in on this booklet. 🙂 Also, a friend gave us a Chinese calendar which tells you on what day to get jiggy with it to ensure a boy or a girl. Um, shouldn’t this chart come with some fine print about Xs, Ys, ovulation, statistics, side effects, etc.?
Jokes aside, phrenology and craniometry were considered science in the west up until a few decades ago.
I like the part where it stipulates that both partners should keep their eyes open.
Except for this one:
The consequences are clearly too catastrophic to even enumerate.
Sweet! I’m one of those 15th girls. I dunno about the God-fearing, though.
Happy Valentine’s Day Sepia People!
🙂
4 · Amardeep said
yeah, in the Mahabharata, Dhritarashtra was born blind because Ambika had her eyes shut while getting it on with Vyasa, and Pandu was born pale because Ambalika became faint at his sight. But Vyasa had a better reception the third time:
What a story.
Do the Upanishads really say this?
According to the reference in the Wikipedia, the average age of menarche in the United States is about 12 years and 5 months, so . . .
Preston, I think ‘onset’ here refers to the the monthly beginning of the menses, not menarche. The other meaning would be pretty shady, no?
Ah, got it now! That whole virgin thing threw me off.
What was the dress code?
8 · portmanteau said
But since DESTINY IS SUPREME, he ended up being king anyway.
Which just goes to show that kings don’t make history, historians do.
Elsewhere in the book:
Re: Dress code:
From the temple pamphlet:
and we all know how wrong that would be.
Ah, assuming that men have no clue abt women’s onset of menstruation, the above statement implies that the choice of the sex of the child is actually in the hands of the women…
10 · portmanteau said
Portmanteau, way back in school when math was my nemesis, I used to confuse the word menstruation with mensuration
first,
now
you get the best deal everywhere you go. you should be on globtrekker.
I think Sugi got us a free cab ride in Singapore once, when the credit card reader didn’t work. I recall free beer somewhere, too, though things are little fuzzy. Of course, whatever freebies came Sugi’s way were more than offset by the soaking we got in Beijing.
Yeah, I hated that period too.
Great post, W.W.
High-larious!
Indeed. So, I’m thinking: if I were to take a child and reshape his/her head, could I make him/her more intelligent? Could this be done right after childbirth by carefully squeezing the newborn’s head using a forceps?
Where do I collect my two Nobels for Medicine and for Peace?
V.V., was there anything in the book about going around a peepal tree 108 times to become pregnant? I’m interested in when that belief got started.
23 · pingpong said
That you have to do with your eyes closed for it to work
The Upanishads say that if the conception is established for the first time mating with a virgin on the sixteenth (16th) day counted from the day of onset of menses a male child will be born having outstanding character and extraordinary capabilities Do the Upanishads really say this?
According to the reference in the Wikipedia, the average age of menarche in the United States is about 12 years and 5 months, so
Predications may be made for the child including its sex and qualities depending on the day of intercourse counted from the commencement of menstruation Ah, assuming that men have no clue abt women’s onset of menstruation, the above statement implies that the choice of the sex of the child is actually in the hands of the women…
Happy Valentine’s Day sadiq abad People!
🙂
first,
our whole meal, which included several curries, came to $2USD.
now
a tiny statue of Ganesha, gratis.
you get the best deal everywhere you go. you should be on globtrekker.
High-larious!
Look at the top of the child’s head. It should appear like a trapezium – i.e. the plan view [sic]. The shorter parallel side being the forehead and the longer side being the back of the head. …
And there you do indeed have an intelligent child.
Bump.