No Exclamation Points Were Harmed in the Blogging of this Post.

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Yay commodification.JPG

I yam still convalescing, which means I don’t feel guilty for phoning this one in. 😉 I love the random, and when Nux2 posted a link on our News Tab to a fabulous pillow you can purchase for your home, and he/she described his/her find as “random”, I was on it like Oprah on Obama. It’s mutinous because the pillow has Bollywood on it! And it’s just a mere $19.99? Wheee! Fire up the maroon Camry and let’s go!

Bombay blockbuster. Coming to a sofa or chair near you. Bollywood film clip, remastered in black and white on 100% cotton. Hidden zipper closure; feather-down insert. Machine wash. Imported. [CB2]

If you’re a fraudulent brownie like me who neither speaks Hindi (mein kya karoon?) nor watches Bollyfun, you probably won’t know that the gorgeous woman whose face will soon be under some hipster’s ass* is BhanuRekha Ganesan, the effulgent star of the legendary phillum Umrao Jaan (“the real version”, which came out in 1981 when I was six).

If you click the picture above, you can see a huge version of it, to better appreciate the edginess of it all. Once you do that, you might find yourself considering the severed hand tchotchke I’ve included a screen shot of(“adaa hand sculpture”), which is a steal at just $49.95. Think of all the money you’re saving by not buying the whole body!

One in the hand. Is worth a lot of design karma. Adaa, aka “the charm,” gestures in classical Nritya dance form. Exaggerated sculpture in dark cast sandstone/resin suggests perfect harmony, perfect balance…perfect soap dish? [CB2]

Hold up, wait a minute– how am I offended? Let me count the ways. This sculpture is “dark”, and thus obviously not representative of desi mores. Why isn’t it fair? What if people who read that think it’s African, and thus confuse us with people we may or may not be darker than, yet still consider ourselves superior to?

And why is it considered exaggerated? Don’t impose your Americanized-Westernized-PseudoSecular norms on us! We’ll do with our fingers whatever we choose! Maybe we’re not exaggerated…maybe the terminal members of the copywriters’ hands are repressed!

And why does the word “karma” have to pop up in everything? About the only thing CB2 got right was the soap dish bit. Of course a desi hand would be holding soap! We have a never-ending tape in our head, starring our Mother’s voice hissing, “Cheee!” at regular intervals; obviously, we wash our brown– but not dark! Well, unless you’re a fellow Lemurian– hands often.

Maybe I’m being too harsh on CB2, which is Crate and Barrel’s “younger” incarnation. For all I know, some of you might have these objects in your home. Who am I to judge you for that? If I am so petty, it is entirely possible that my design karma will bite me in my callipygian kundi and you will mock me for my abiding fondness of this humble object, should you ever visit. Hmmm, I wonder if Swedes think we’re odd for buying their amusingly-named furniture…

*Am I the only one who is supremely grossed out when people sit on pillows, especially bed pillows? Especially someone else’s bed pillows?? I don’t want your ass where my face later goes, thanks.

29 thoughts on “No Exclamation Points Were Harmed in the Blogging of this Post.”

  2. *Am I the only one who is supremely grossed out when people sit on pillows, especially bed pillows? Especially someone else’s bed pillows??

    There’s a belief among some people that sitting on a pillow will cause you to go into debt. My parents certainly fall in the category of using that story to actively dissuade their kids from sitting on pillows. Their logic was that if you sit on a pillow long enough, you will weaken and rupture its stitches, let the cotton out, inhale the cotton dust, get respiratory illnesses and have to borrow money to pay medical bills. Rationalization is a fine thing, but I like the ass-face explanation better.

  8. If you’re a fraudulent brownie like me who neither speaks Hindi (mein kya karoon?) nor watches Bollyfun, you probably won’t know that the gorgeous woman whose face will soon be under some hipster’s ass* is BhanuRekha Ganesan, the effulgent star of the legendary phillum Umrao Jaan (“the real version”, which came out in 1981 when I was six).

    “Whenever you bring pillow beside my ass” song

  9. The pillow bugged me, though I second the “who am I to judge” sentiment, Anna. A little too something-something for my taste, given the unbearable whiteness of being of the purveyors at CB2.

    But then again, I suppose Everybody needs a bosom for pillow. Why not one as fulsome as that belonging to Ms Ganesan?

  11. I wonder if Swedes think we’re odd for buying their amusingly-named furniture…

    Or training methods for that matter; got to say that it works though.

  13. Um, the market commodifies everything – go to the nearest Museum of Art and see Van Gogh on a coffee mug or mousepad. I think Bollywood kitsch is cute as any other kitsch like Hello Kitty 🙂

  14. I guess someone needs to fill in the missing exclamation points. You had to blog about this?!?!?? This is not such a big deal, and there’s perhaps no need to make a bigger deal out of it than we need to! Reminds me of the furore about the images of Indian gods on toilet seat covers a while back. The reality is that marketeers tend to use cliched imagery to capture mindshare, and that’s the way it is.

  15. I’ve been getting depressed about the “fraudulent brown” label being slapped on due to lack of Hindi skillz. It’s not as if the chances are high that I encounter another mallu and can show off.

    So much so that I’ve decided to learn . . . .

  16. you might already know about it, but if you want some beautiful desi but none exotifying pillows, check out OM Home. it’s pricey but i’m saving up!

  17. Arvi, why can’t she blog about whatever she damn well pleases? I’m not even going to go down the Gods vs. Bollywood stars route.

    ANNA, saw that pillow and vomited a little. CB2 takes everything I like about CB and makes it ugly, (even more) overpriced, and somehow feels very mass produced. Every time I look at their site I feel like I’m ordering a lifestyle or design concept (a la Ikea, but somehow less fun, interesting, affordable, or dynamic) the way one would order a personality 🙂

  18. pingpong said: Their logic was that if you sit on a pillow long enough, you will weaken and rupture its stitches, let the cotton out, inhale the cotton dust, get respiratory illnesses and have to borrow money to pay medical bills.

    Or fart on it, hence releasing sulfur and other noxious substances into that which you will later lean or, heaven forbid, sleep on. When I was a kid, my parents had a thing about me placing plates of food and books on the chair and sofa because that’s where people’s bums had been.

    Also, sandstone and resin and curves like that to hold soap? These folks may have design karma, but not much in the materials and utilitarianism departments. Then again, the market seems to demand this stuff.

  19. …although i’m told that if I get off my lund vallas and just fartlek more it just might happen. What is the rationale in spending time commenting on a post’s blogworthiness ?

  20. My question is how is there a Bollywood product out there without Amitabh Bacchan getting his grubby paws on it, at least to the extent of a voice-over pimping the charms of this phillum pillow (and he should know about Rekha’s delights)? Here’s a delightful song from the life-imitating-art movie about Amitabh straying on his wife with a Rekha-come-lately.

    As a further aside, Rekha is her stage name, and the one that most people will recognize her by, although she was born as Bhanurekha Ganesan, the daughter of a big Tamil star, “Gemini” Ganesan, who was quite the ladies’ man, and a Tamil actress, Pushpavalli. Gemini Ganesan never really acknowledged his paternity as Rekha was born out of wedlock, and as a result, Rekha too disowned him till the very end, I think.

  21. 12 · Raj said

    have you gotten any better Anna? (from being sick)

    That is so thoughtful of you to ask– yes I am better. 🙂 Still need lots of rest though, since Pneumonia is apparently serious or something. Thank you for inquiring!

  25. Specially when I told them, as mentioned in the website, “Lund is Sweden’s most popular study destination for international students”

  26. This sculpture is “dark”, and thus obviously not representative of desi mores. Why isn’t it fair? What if people who read that think it’s African, and thus confuse us with people we may or may not be darker than, yet still consider ourselves superior to?

    I think this is a bit over the top. I don’t begrudge the Chola Dynasty for their bronzes, which are darker than my skin tone.

  27. 26 · tamasha said

    I think this is a bit over the top.

    I was joking. 🙂 I’m mildly obsessed with our collective stupidity regarding skin tone*, so I couldn’t resist throwing it in there. I was trying to sound ridiculous, I wish that had come through better.

    *Also, our collective stupidity regarding being anti-Af-Am. And anti-Muslim. And especially Anti-Af-Am-Muslims. Oh, and complimenting babies. I’m anti- our collective prohibition on that. I get the evil eye thing, but I’m sick of getting the silent, deadly pinch when I am my American self and I thoughtlessly coo, “What a beautiful little girl!”, thus endangering the child, enraging the mother of the child and embarrassing the mother of me.

  28. I just received the pillow as a gift and thought it was no worse than any other movie or art print on textile — and appealed to my interests. Like one poster said, everything is commodified — Van Gogh is no more sacrosanct than anything else. I just wish the shot was from “Bobby,” as it has truly amazing outfits.

    I also was in love with these hand-painted Bollywood posters that were in Urban Outfitters a while back. I had no idea that they used to all be hand-painted — what a gorgeous tradition. Sometimes stores for hipsters have little gems.

    However, I completely agree with the cheesy description of the soap dish (or whatever). And if I see another trailer for The Guru I might have to stab someone in the eye.

  29. Well if you think this printed pillow is rad, take a look at the funky hand painted stuff these guys have to offer: http://www.hippy.in (Indian Hippy)

    I found some pretty cool purses and chairs hand painted with the same Bollywood film poster art. They have the same Rekha lady featured here hand painted on an amazing clutch purse.

    Note to self: Thou shalt not use credit card unless last year’s shopping bills have been cleared.