What is it about Princesses and Pakistanis? First Jemima Khan converted to Islam to marry Imran Khan. Then there was a whole drama between Princess Diana and her one true love, “Mr. Wonderful”, Dr. Hasnat Khan. Diana was reportedly considering conversion and possibly even a life in Pakistan. And now, the ever reliable Sun reports that Britney Spears is also considering converting to Islam and moving to Pakistan to be with her current boyfriend, paparazzi Adnan Ghalib.
But let’s back up to the Diana story first, because it’s the most interesting. According to her butler, Diana begged Khan to marry her:
“This was her soul mate,” he said. “This was the man she loved more than any other. It was a very deep and spiritual relationship.” Khan would often visit Diana and her boys at Kensington Palace, Burrell added, because the Princess was “adamant” that William and Harry get to know and grow to like Khan.Burrell revealed that he and Diana discussed giving Khan his own quarters at the Palace and that the Princess was so serious about marrying Khan she asked Burrell to find out if it was possible for them to have a private wedding.[Link]
She even met his family in Pakistan and kept in touch with his mother:
[Said Khan’s mother] “She was so nice, so friendly and down to earth. She met my mother, Hasnat’s grandmother, my nephews and nieces, all the family.” [Link]
Meanwhile she stopped speaking to her own mother because of her mother’s opposition to the relationship:
“She called the Princess a whore and said she was messing around with eff-ing Muslims and she was disgraceful and said some very nasty things.” It was after that conversation, he said, that Diana decided she didn’t want to speak to her mother ever again. [Link]
<
p>Dodi then, was just a rebound, a way to get Hasnat jealous after he said that cultural differences would make it impossible to marry. This explains why the relationship was so public, and why she courted the paparazzi whose attention would spiral out of control:
She started dating Dodi in part, said Burrell, to make Khan jealous. …”She knew very well what she was doing.” All those tabloid photos of Dodi and Di cavorting on his yacht? The Princess counted on the cameras watching them… [Link]
<
p>Britney Spears seems intent on proving the adage that history repeats itself, first as tragedy then as farce:
Meanwhile the fallen singer has been telling pals how much she’s in love with Ghalib, 35 and that she plans to marry him and convert to his faith, Islam. In her crazier moments she’s even been threatening to fake her own death to start a new life with him in Pakistan.The News Of The World also revealed that Ghalib’s respectable Sunni Muslim family in Birmingham are so horrified by his antics they have disowned him. One family member told the paper: “His parents … are devastated. This week his dad gave him an ultimatum, ‘Give up Britney, or you are dead to me,’ which Adnan ignored…” [Link]
<
p>
Meanwhile Pakistani women are wondering what they need to do to get a bit of attention:
“Look at the way they treat our women. I think they are so chauvinistic and full of themselves. I wonder what these women find attractive in them? May be they should launch their charm offensive on Pakistani women. That’s something we women will never complaint against,” Haq chuckled. [Link]
<
p>And Rasika is warning other desi men not to get too (ahem) cocky:
Move along guys, there’s no coat-tails for non-Pakistani desi men to ride here …
At ball-handling, so adept is portmanteau, she’s hardly tart, more like a gateau.
If bess with you gets her skate on, you’ll see she’s sweet all the way through like a bonbon.
A spicy gongura is that nala, she’ll hoot back to your holla.
Does Rahul only think about food, or are the best things in life just that good?
One you go out with a Telugu , you will experience the Electic Boogaloo.
Once you go DJ Drrrty, you’ll be singing “hurty-gurty”!
Shaad, you might be fully right with your math, but that line should be: For you’ve made all other Muslims the target of HIS wrath.
bess surely has a way with words, especially when she’s serenading them here surds.
(I hope the use of “surds” isn’t a verbal crime. I only did it because it helps the rhyme.)
Chee, chee, Bessie ji.
I must confess this bess is the belle jest of the SM family. Her loves not static, rather democratic and as harmless as she can be!
Thus ends the “poetry” slam, since everybody now has to say to The Man salaam. With everybody working off their kundi, it sadly seems sic transit gloria mundi.
242 · Camille said
Your lips you shouldn’t purse, For there’s always free verse.259 · Shaad said
…or haikus, if zimble rhymes you hate Or Friday55s, of which we’ve had none in ’08…
254 · Rahul said
Ah, but Clueless’ remarks are so warm and tender, I doubt HE cares a whit about gender.
Be careful what you insult with Bang Gully, it’s women, not Islam, he likes to sully.
If my verses here you have seen, you’ll realize main shayar to nahin. But juvenile rhyming is like crack, it’s hard not to keep coming back.
If you go Rajastani don’t expect a Nano from your nani.
If you go Kashmiri while away your time in a houseboat reading Lahiri.
If you go Punjabi be prepared for a lavish shaadi.
Watch your comportment, yo, around miss portmanteau There’s no assortment, no, with one so not so-so She’ll get you sorted bro, a sordid “I don’t know” Be a sportsman, though, she’ll rock your status quo
Once you go A N N A, you’ll come back bananas.
He gets me way high, he like the most mellow Harb, Believe; ‘cuz I seen him rock, I seen how he roll. Got proof; this ain’t no BS, no insincere blurb. That boy be so alpha, so far up on the totem-pole, A warrior-poet, a most impressive-progressive. Wimmen, get glad, get bad, when he get suggestive. Bess, have no doubt, mackdaddy knows how to skate, Get those hands on ‘im, before it gets too late.
Keep dreaming, Bong, for what (or who) Britney does will sadly have no effect on you and your schlong. It’s tough for a brown guy like you to be mutinous, when you’re hungover from last night’s power hour and late for calculus.
As for brown girls, it’s not just a trend to be excited at the sight of us. It’s quite natural. Sorry if my unthreaded face and un-lotioned legs make you hurl, but I’m getting the feeling that if you want some play you have to deal with pin pricks on the bus. Be careful not to make those ladies call on the forces of the supernatural.
On the subject of desi dudes I consider myself a minor expert, and project all you want onto other brown men, but some of them are also sexperts.
You actually remind me of someone I know, how old are you, and, um, do you have a big nose?
In Telugu, ‘drawstring’ is ‘bondu.’ To think up a word that funny you gotta be a pindu.
It’s ok if you speak Punjabi like a toddler, as long as you, and I hope you get my meaning here, make some delicious cobbler.
I’m disappointed that no one caught the Britney ref, I’m so sad I think I’ll go take my clothes off for Hef.
But wait, I’m desi! First I gotta take care of the hairy.
nala, do not forget to work the thread, lest you fill the Indian man with dread.
251 · Rahul said
My appa be a hunk of prime man-meat Never be skimping on juicy portions Chennai superstar, dem lemurs never cheat Nimble playa, mos def spinnin my notions Krishna-toned, not faded Scythian wheat Rahul, baby, unleash them killa-motions ‘Cuz Port be craving her delishus-treat Daddy, demand rigor-ras muruga-devotion Shorty’s taal shud match ur slick-beats.
oh, such a mutiny this is but quick – what rhymes with is? maybe i’ll randomly say metastasis that was only the second line, you fool bessnalarahulportharbeer rhyme so cool there, thats how its done, see? should i now say mississippi masala? no thanks. but nala says hers is garam cuz a bang in the gully rocked her decorum now you are just trying too hard this musing should i then discard? no- just interject a big word quickly. peloponnesian? was that out of consternation? but whats that got to do with pak and britney? cuz once you go britney you have no part in this mutiny. uh.. crimini?
‘Indian,’ huh? What happened to ‘South Asian’? All hotties make me go uhh, Especially if they are of the brown persuasion.
For them, I shall gladly at my bush hem.
gemini!
not as in jiminy cricket. but in the bud you’ll still want to nip it.
if you wanna go nala, best be brown, dusky, or wheatish…cuz you ain’t gotta shot, if you look swedish
Bro, don’t whine, desi women are fine It’s no crime if they give you no time
No man should be proud he’s now with Britney Her brain’s been stepped on, dig me
If you worked out that frame, you wouldn’t be so lame listen to a woman’s mind, maybe she’d let you touch that behind
Be more secure and your game won’t be full of manure take the time to be one of a kind and you’ll find yourself in a bump n grind
Heed my advice and there will be plenty of vice then there will be too many women to bear and you’ll reminisce on when you were a square
You’re right, I don’t have much fondness for white. This white-on-brown trend, I never did portend.
And if you want to go frolicking with carnivorous playboy Manju, I hope it’s enough that my curves are rollicking, and I follow the Dow Jones like a Jew.
It’s not because he’s ‘with’ her that Bang Gully feels a pang, but because at any time of the day, their headboard may against the wall be going, bang, bang, bang!
portmanteau’s peans to rahul make me blush, for to me she is like an akka. she leaves me confused when she is such a lush, oh who am i kidding, i am also a ladki bohut pakka.
Once you go atheist, all other folks gonna seem like the craziest.
By Gully’s logic, Paris is a hot pick That’s a shame cuz there’s no fame if he got sick after he used his bic I hope his problem isn’t that he’s too quick?
Once you go Jangali, baby, he gonna make you go JUNGLEE!
Quick with wit is Jangali Jaanwar, He’s sure to have even more fans if he’s anything like Anwar.
Once you go Southie, all the others will look dowdy.
Once you go northie, the rest just seem like shorties.
Many white hipsters go east, to find their inner beasts.
Let’s just hope that in the process, they don’t also find some yeast.
I have a dream, it involves boxer Amir Khan, and cream.
I guess it’s true, once you go Pak, all other men make you blue, and to Pakistan go you back.
Nala, a female hunter is a rhyming wonder she slays with her words like shots at birds Boys beware before your caught in her snare You’ll never want to leave this site for her rhymes, that are never trite
What a feeling! It’s lonely in here. But bein”s believin’! I’m stag like a male deer.
I’m a good Hindu, I would never shoot at chilakalu*.
*in Telugu, chilaka = bird, chilakalu = birds.
I rhyme like I’m running on batteries, when I’m worn out I may have to go for a dip in the Godavari.
To #290 I would like to amend, by cream I mean something like this, Everyone needs someone to tend, If they want to be living in bliss.
Once you go mutinous, to count bottles of rum you’ll need an abacus.
If you wanna go Telugu, you better be a fan of my man Chiru.
Speak for yourself, Rahul, Unlike you lot I’m still in school.
Actually, I’m on holiday, so with my free time, the boards of Sepia Mutiny with chee-chee rhymes do I pollinate.
Now I’m gonna stop, in favor of pop lock and drop it.
Finit.