Five years ago, I attended my first and last HOKANA FOKANA, the conference which is held every other year for Mallus who really want to marinate in Malayaleeosity. At the time, I was working for a non-profit and one of the organizers was interested in some of the post 9/11 stuff I was doing, so I was invited to speak at three of the week’s “Youth†panels.
Since they offered, and the woman who had contacted me was just wonderful to work with, I accepted. Thanks to her, I was treated to one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had, once I arrived at the hotel in downtown Chicago, only to find myself among the most Malayalees I’ve ever seen in one place. It was a little bit bewildering, but it was edifying and fascinating, too.
There was so much to absorb: the regional cliques, the cousins from different coasts squealing as they spotted each other among the crowds, the Uncles strutting about, moustaches in full effect, declaring random things in voices so loud, the three or four white people who dared venture in to this quagmire jumped each time another Malayalee shout rang out. The energy (and scent of Drakkar mixed with Chivas) was potent. I’m glad I went. Everyone should, at some point.
I’ve often referenced my relatively “isolated†childhood– which so many of you share, according to what you confide via meetup and Gmail– and how unlike the other Malayalee Christian kids who grew up here, I never attended the Jacobite or MarThomite religious conferences which seemed to happen every few months, in different regions of the United States. Twenty years after my parents consciously blew off all of my Uncles’ recommendations that we attend that year’s FOKANA, my mother had a Eureka! moment in our kitchen, when during the one and only fight she and I ever had about my “settling downâ€, I shouted at her that if it were THAT important to her that I marry someone who was Malayalee and Orthodox, then perhaps they should have exposed me to actual Malayalee people while I was growing up.
“You never took me to FOKANA!â€, I snapped and there it was, the look of recognition and acceptance. “How was I supposed to find this elusive dream son-in-law of yours, Ma?†I had a solid point. Every wedding we had attended in the two years preceding that argument had one thing in common besides parents who were attempting to one-up the last event by inviting an additional 100 guests; the bride and groom had met at church, at one of the regional denomination-specific conferences or yes, FOKANA. My mother never broke it down like that again. Yindeed, instead of the now familiar barrage of “Is he Jacobite? Marthoma? CATHOLIC?? Ehm…Malayalee at least???â€, I was greeted with, “Found a nice boy yet?â€
So these strange mega conferences, they have their place in our imperfect, carefully negotiated lives lived in on the hyphen. Sometimes, they can be an opportunity for pure good, like when one of you coordinated a massive effort to “Get Out The Marrow†at the TANA convention which was held in DC this year. What better place to rep Sameer and Vinay’s cause, than at an event which had several thousand potential matches?From the news tab, a TOI story (“The dharma of diversity“), which I’ve included the majority of, here, so you don’t have to go there (thanks for the tip, Nanopolitan):
The United States and India both brag about their diversity — their respective diverse, multi-ethnic, multi-lingual societies. But what happens when you put 2.6 million Indians in the US? They bring their full range of plurality with them to a country that, much like India, allows full expression.
No Indian state or group or caste is too small or too big to form a representative association in America. So, we have everything here from NAMA (North American Manipuri Association) to BANA (Bhojpuri Association of North America), from the Bruhan Maharashtra Mandali to the Bangla Samaj.
Oh, how they multiply and divide. When one Andhra caste began to dominate TANA (Telugu Association of North America), the other went on to form ATA (Association of Telugus of America). GANA could not contain the forming of the Gujarati Leuva Patel Samaj and nor could KANA hold back the birth of the North America Nair Society. When Bihar split to make place for Jharkhand, folks here made sure everyone heard it by forming BAJANA (Bihar and Jharkhand Association of North America).
Sometimes, there are so many associations for a given state or community that they form an omnibus association of associations. Thus, we have JAINA (Federation of Jain Associations of North America) and FOKANA (Federation of Kerala Associations of North America). Conversely, a mere Tamil Sangam was not large enough to accommodate the voice of Chettiars (to which belongs our finance minister P Chidambaram) who formed the Nagarthar Chettiar Sangam of North America.
What would Aishwarya Join?
A majority of people from Karnataka express themselves linguistically through 33 Kannada Kootas across North America under the umbrella of AKKA, which stands for Association of Kannada Kootas of America. But that does not account for Karnataka’s Bunts, who speak Tulu (think Aishwarya Rai), or Kodavas speaking Coorgi (think Robin Uthappa).
So, we have a Bunt Association of North America (another BANA) and a Kodava Samaja of America (KoSA). Can Konkanasthas, who come from up and down the west coast of India, have their nose cut? They have their NAKA (North American Konkani Association).
I wouldn’t ever recommend cutting a Konk. They’ll mess you up. Confront one of them and the only person who will get cut is you. 😉 I have no idea what the next two groups mean:
Linguistic identity doesn’t fulfill caste affiliation. So, there is also a Vokkaliga Parishat of North America and a Veerashaiva Samaja of North America. And try this for size — a Bangalore geek in Boston is a member of both NEKK (New England Kannada Koota) and TIE (The Indus Entrepreneurs).
There are also professional bodies such as AAPI (Association of American Physicians of Indian-origin) and AAHOA, which is the Asian-American Hotel Owners Association, but might well be called PAHOA to account for the dominance of Patels. More recently, journalists and lawyers have opted for the larger South Asian identity with groups such as SAJA and SABA.
You know I love coffee, right? Well the best association ever is coming up, below:
Nothing holds a mirror better to our diversity and our penchant for forming groups than AIENA (Association of Indian Entomologists in North America). Think you’ve heard it all? Beat this. There’s even a Volleyball Association of Jats in America, called JAVA (because they meet over coffee), which is an offshoot of AJA (Association of Jats in America). Talk about boosting diversity in America.
Talk about boosting, indeed. If it weren’t for these groups, how would our Dads have an opportunity to puff out their chest and feel veddy important? When else would they get to wear the sort of “prize†ribbon I am more accustomed to seeing on elementary school Science projects or award-winning livestock, at the California State Fair?
I wonder if we’ll be like this in a few decades—lobbying for another office to be created within one of these orgs (“How about Vice-President of Online Outreach and Promotional Strategies?†) or splintering off to create a competing faction of Nairs of Northern California, so that we can be President of something too, since that bastard Sreedharan stole the election and shouldn’t be running things anyway. Goodness gracious me – no disrespect to all my Uncles—but…I sincerely hope not.
I think they are respecting technology and do you know how much one of those things can set you back?
Amitabh, your and I are only one vote, but I like Muralimannered, and I learn from him. I think it’s a matter of taste for combativeness.
Currently most undergraduates of Indian descent in the US are 2nd generation. On college campuses we do form associations that are pan-south asian….So I think the trend will clearly be the reduction of regional/caste associations and the strengthening of an already existing south-asian identity.
Dear ANNA,
I would like to second Jasmin and say keep doing what you do, and keep presenting the different points of view. I really enjoy your stories and columns, especially because I’m also a child of two cats from Kerala who moved to the US (Dallas) in the ’70s and didn’t engage in the FOKANA or many other Malayalee organizations– although I believe the big thing was we went to the American Catholic church, as opposed to the Indian Catholic ones.
For whatever reason, if you look at the social groups of the Malu kid in the Marthoma/Jacobite/SyroMalabar church, a great number have nearly all-Malu social circles. I’m not saying there’s something wrong with it, it’s just different than the Malu kid who attends Roman Catholic/non-Indian church. A friend from grade school, also Malu, attended Indian church— and despite attending the same school for ten years, we had notably different levels of “integration” in friends. Dallas has a large number of Malus, a large Malayalee association, a number of Indian churches, and with it comes pressure or judgment on those not necessarily in the circle.
We had a lot of Malayalee family friends, and some family in the city, so we weren’t shut out, but my sister and I didn’t participate in as many Malayalee things or have as many Malu friends as the Indian Church-ers. And like Jasmin, I suppose I also felt like an insider at times and an outsider at times, but always equal parts Indian and American.
Anyway.
Keep fighting the fight, chech.
Somebody needs to read that TOI article to Robert Putnam – he’ll be delighted to hear it.
just waiting for the first news report of ABDs destroying the temples of their beleaguered parents!! newly minted South Asian prophet Abhi desecrates Hindu temple. Sepiamutiny rejoices.
Heh–I guess so–or, more likely, you don’t just get it–I (an ABD) would never do that–I still do what my Moms tells me, religoulsly-speaking, and I don’t object too much, b/c I think there is a spiritual need in the genome, so–only someone who cared too much, and then went to the oppoisite extreme of caring too little, would be so vulgar (as much as I like the DMK–sorry, Mom).
ANNA – ” These cousins weren’t very integrated and that bothered my mom and dad a lot, because they felt like if you were going to raise your children that way, why leave India? In fact they thought their relatives were doing their kids a disservice by enclosing them in this Malayalee bubble. “
I’m not sure it’s actually possible to grow up in India the way you describe some of your cousins’ upbringing in the US. I grew up in Delhi and there are all sorts of people everywhere. Maybe in the villages/outback it’s slightly different but think it’s a lot easier to ghetto-ize and insulate/insularise yourself in the US than in India, broadly speaking.
Wow. I don’t know whether to feel guilty or powerful. Again, I refer you to the doctrine of personal choice–if you regret a personal choice there is always the other side of the coin which does not involve doing it.
Polite people, as we all know, are out saving the world while all the rudesters are busy clubbing baby seals. yes, yes…good old common sense.
No, that’s the unfairness of a Rahul-Moornam scuffle. If you’re humiliated by my pitiful attempts at injecting levity into discussion, perhaps re-immersion into that ‘youth culture’ you never seem to understand is in order.
On the rare occasion that I’ve made truth-claims or sweeping generalizations to the contrary of common knowledge, I do, but in response to such a generalization, asking for substantiation is the accepted practice. If I claim that drinking urine is an aphrodisiac or that poverty really isn’t so bad, it is incumbent on me to substantiate this statement with a link or two. This Superbad fellow was intimating that as an atheist libertarian, who thinks the Western world to intrinsically be better than any other part, he felt that reading SM was alienating–this is a remarkable claim, as there are libertarians, atheists and western-hemisphere chauvinists reading the site and I’ve certainly never heard the puerile complaint, “oh man I don’t fit in here, i don’t comment and that is enough to invalidate the entire enterprise” from any of them.
A marxist would have quite a lot of trouble at a business school. So would the hapless career petty criminal at the criminal justice variant. Thankfully for Superbad, though he doesn’t quite realize it, there is a place on the web where he can talk about how he sees the world–SM.
Well then, the good Lord bless you for your courage. I am of the opinion that astoundingly bad opinions, especially ones which are not argued in a particularly convincing manner, do deserve both barrels at the outset of any discourse. They stunt the growth of any discussion by diverting it into flat-earth, we-played-kickball-with-Stegosaurus land. But I suppose, Amitabh, that in your world it’s quite alright to let these dominate the discussion. It’s always fun to debate a flat-earther while on the last flight from Heathrow to Dulles, but does it deserve inclusion in an academic journal?
And my apologies if my tone hews too closely to the general tone of the blogosphere these days–however i’m not a product of that. What gave me my voice today is a life you and perhaps many others, who feel so aggrieved at seeing my handle, are incapable of understanding. Yes, you who champion the cause of ‘civility,’ know not enough of it to comprehend the words of someone who grew up as an anomaly in nearly every category of desi life.
What, are you going to send me to the time-out corner, now? How ironic is it that in a vain (and I mean preening, mirror-watching, what will the other say?) attempt to chastise another commenter for acidity, you resort to no less than 14 personal attacks on me (SM intern, are ye reading?). Seriously, your paternalistic condescension is sickening and I’d like to break my commenting fast to complain to everyone about it. Amitabh is this. Amitabh is that. But I don’t have to substantiate either of these claims because doing so would be bowing to the meanie, combative blog-bots who oppress me so.
Enough is enough. The wholesale murder of Muppets must stop!
Thanks rob (and Dari). Social graces are hard to come by in the wilderness.
There is only one way to settle the muralimannered-Amitabh tiff. A cyber hug!
I shouldn’t but I must- Splitters!
I have that shirt but I also have a CCCP “I love Raas Garbachev”.
Getting back to goa sausages, there is a lady in Texas that still makes them, I am not sure if she will mail them but the details are here. For our friends in Australia who want to try it, details here. Goacom used to be excellent as they used to sell everything from balchao to sorpotel to reichad masala and I guess we will have to wait for someone to revive it.
“I think there is a socio-economic aspect to it, too. If you’re from a “bigger” city back home, you experience more linguistic/religious diversity…if you’re from the tiny ass town my mom is from, where everyone is Malayalee…not so much. 🙂 “
“I think their point was, if you’re going to live in America and act like the only people who are “decent” enough to associate with are other Malayalees”
ANNA,how modern must we(indians)be to act like an american?
To an average indian,modernity means reaching out to western values,western standards of living,western codes of social conduct -all these even at the cost of everything that is Indian.It doesn’t matter whether you are from a bigger city or a tiny ass town
This thread is so interesting, and it really made me reflect on my parents’ experience. When they first came to the U.S. there weren’t any Punju associations in their region (Midwest). I think I’ve said this before, but I do feel there’s a “tipping point” at which organizations/associations flourish. I always think of the stark difference between the desi diversity (religious, regional, etc.) of my parents’ friends in Phoenix vs. their friends in the Bay Area, where there is a MUCH larger Punjabi and Punjabi Sikh population. When we first came to the Bay my parents dragged us to Punju parades/festivals, but they always seemed to end with someone beating the crap out of someone else. I remember my parents had hoped they would get to meet more desis, but ultimately they stopped going because they felt the experience simultaneously overwhelming and trivializing. I think many of these associations were an attempt to build community, but that meaning changes over time.
Superbad, I actually think SM’s comments run the gamut (although they may lean [insert political leaning here]) depending on the crop of commentators at a given time. I probably feel this way because of the all-out, throw-down, duke-it-out debates we often have! With respect to postings, I actually think this is a great argument for why commentators should also blog. There are often guest writers at SM, but it’s hard to guest write if you aren’t writing yourself. 🙂 Vinod can’t be expected to shoulder the entire laissez-faire, neoliberal market discussion on his shoulders. As an aside, I don’t think SM claims to represent everyone — they claim to create an OPEN and RESPECTFUL community in which dialogue can take place.
With respect to whether or not murali is caustic, I actually feel like the overall tenor of conversation has devolved pretty rapidly the past few months. (and, in general I don’t think muralimannered has been acerbic, although he has definitely been more curt in the very recent past). This happens all the time though — things ebb and flow.
Det, I don’t know if interacting with others can be classified as “modern.” 🙂 It’s entirely possible to embrace diversity and maintain one’s sense of values/culture — it happens all the time all over the world, including in India.
Det, I’m a bit confused, in part because I think you might have taken two of my comments just slightly out of context. Since I wrote this post yesterday, I’ve felt super anxious about trying to explain what my parents decided to do 30 years ago. It’s so difficult for me to successfully articulate what are essentially feelings or vibes coupled with random comments uttered here and there. I’m not going to touch the “modern” bit or fall in to that other trap; I don’t know what “acting American is, just as I don’t know what acting “desi” is, since the range is so vast. I also don’t know what’s happening in my mom’s tiny ass town; she left it when she was 16 and that was over four decades ago. I don’t expect anything of Indians or anyone for that matter, beyond respect and courtesy…kindness wouldn’t hurt, either. 🙂
Because I’m not being eloquent, I know that I’m probably not making sense, so let’s just drop that entire point, shall we?
I understand what my mom is getting at…I was talking to one of you about a current manifestation of it, last night. Like them, I have Aunts who barely leave the house now that they have this Malayalee-language satellite channel. All they do is watch addictive serials, in their “house outfit”-nightgown-like things and then gossip to each other about said serial– when they’re not playing one-upmanship on back-home home building (McMansions which will be lived in for a quarter of the year in Kerala! Yay!). There’s nothing wrong with any of that, but some of us don’t fit in to that slot. It’s part of the Malayalee bubble and my mom never felt comfortable in it, so I don’t know that it’s reasonable that she could have raised her kids to thrive in it.
Spectacular post, superb thread. Thanks ANNA.
I liked Razib’s comment 28, and Superbad’s 121 — those of us who were born/arrived in the 70s have had very different experiences than the kids who were born/arrived in the 90s/2000s.
Floridian — thanks for comment 129.
I think the main issue and the trigger for all the debates and discussions related to this post and comments is still what are the cultural traits that defines a desi ( ABD ,DBD or any other kind and whatever generation ) and how much of those do you want to stick onto, retain and morphe to suit your thinking, upbringing and priorites.
I have not been to any of these gatherings in all my years here. I did not come to this country to solely hang out with people who were exactly like me. In Maine where I went to school the “Indian community” was tightly knit and not divided along regional lines, even so these Indian parties got boring quickly. The parties would quickly segregate along gender lines with predictable conversations among each of the groups. Food more than anything else was a big focus of these parties. I remember processing 20 pounds of spinach to make palak paneer after a final exam in my little apartment for a party that I knew I would not enjoy. It was then that I decided that I did not need other Indians to enjoy Indian food and swore never to go one of those things again.
While growing up in Bombay, my best friend in high school was a Malyalee who was born and brought up in Bombay while my best friend in college was a Gujju who was born in Sudan and had lived in UAE and London before coming to Bombay, my parents friends came from all over India too. One of our family friends was a devout muslim who went to Hajj every other year. I did not think this was in any way out of the ordinary till I met some Indians who have lived in the US forever but only choose to associate with people exactly like them and live in their own bubble which Anna has so eloquently described.
“Because I’m not being eloquent, I know that I’m probably not making sense, so let’s just drop that entire point, shall we? “
ANNA,I didn’t mean it .Im a malu girl living in India.I got what you meant by that.
My aunts are not much different from yours(don’t forget my 75 year old granny).
that’s the paradox called malayali. Sometime ago my family hosted a small group of people from the West.We took them to our ancestral houses.After the morning walk across the small hills around ,they were aghast at seeing so many palacious houses around.They couldn’t believe it was poor india they had heard of!.Moreover,there were at least two cars in the car porches.we told them that these houses were the gifts of women from the christian families there,who went to the UK,US and Europe and worked as nurses ,for their parents or brothers whom they couldn’t take to the West.And I believe that’s certainly an interesting aspect of modern malayali’s existence.
172 Det “we told them that these houses were the gifts of women from the christian families there,who went to the UK,US and Europe and worked as nurses ,for their parents or brothers whom they couldn’t take to the West.And I believe that’s certainly an interesting aspect of modern malayali’s existence.”
Brij in #170 asked what are the cultural traits that define a desi. Det just gave us one.
168 ANNA “Like them, I have Aunts who barely leave the house now that they have this Malayalee-language satellite channel. All they do is watch addictive serials, in their “house outfit”-nightgown-like things and then gossip to each other about said serial”
Almost 5 million Americans (not Mallus, mind you, but “real” Americans)watch “The Young and the Restless” every single day. The top 5 soaps have a net unduplicated viewership exceeding 10 million people – every single day! They then gossip about it, read the soap blogs, buy soap tabloids at the grocery checkouts, write letters to the soap stars,and rush to see them at the local malls where the soap stars are usually hired for promotional stunts.
My point is that most people live in a bubble. It is not a particularly Malayali or desi problem.
People who do break out of the default mode of mindless existence endemic to mankind are characterized by: a)a broader bandwidth of interests, b)genuine intellectual curiosity for new ideas and activities and, most importantly, c)the stamina to get up from the couch and do something. Obviously only a small percentage makes the cut.
Now you may say that you have a hundred friends and none of them watch the soaps. Of course, not. They are socioeconomically different. But that doesn’t mean they are not trapped in their own unique bubbles. I have a friend who does nothing but work, eat, sleep and golf. That’s a bubble. Sometimes I think I am in a bubble, despite my attempts to bring more variety into my life.
My final comment on this desi association business is that we need to put it in perspective. You people seem to have bought your parents’ propaganda. Take it from me – I am one of them. These desi meet-ups are not a panacea, not meant to be the guardians of desi culture, not morally responsible for making one and all fit in and feel coddled, and certainly not for everybody. It is just a little bit of entertainment, a little camaraderie, a little reliving of old times. It is the desi equivalent of the Elks and Moose Lodge meetings. It caters to a certain desi demographic segment, and that probably doesn’t include most of you.
I better give up on this thread now or else I will be living the rest of the day in an addictive bubble of my own creation.
lol! I thought your post was so funny.. I am another Mallu Catholic who went to a non-brown church because we didn’t have a Syromalabar church in our city. Of course that prompted my father & the other uncles to create a malalyalee association which we were “strongly encouraged” to participate in 🙂 I don’t think my parents had any grandiose strategies about how to raise us? There just were not many people who could speak their home language in our city, so as a result the community was quite small & diverse & we also hung out with all types of Mallu Christians, Hindus & Muslim – basically if they could appreciate malayalam & good south indian home cooking it was all good 😉 I have cousins in Texas (who doesn’t eh?) who basically hung out with other Mallu families in the same religious & professional sect they were in (ie: Malayalee Syromalabar Catholic Doctor/Engineer families), but again I think that’s a function of having a large group of people that they could cherry pick who were most alike to them & were going through similar things to what they were.. I would probably do something similar if I was in that boat.
I went to my first FOKANA about 10years ago now & was also blown away about the sheer number of mallus around.. but I did go again as well and had a good time. There is something strangely comforting and exciting about being in a ballroom with thousands of people who look similar & speak a language you know in a country you are familiar with outside of India.
Anyways to your comments:
I am one of those couples & the answer is that you celebrate both cultures & have fun! I attended my first Tamil Sangam and did not feel so out of place at all. Tamil is basically Malaylam with an additional “ma” at the end of everything 😉 Seriously though, the food & language & culture are more alike than not & the conference was fun but it was a lot more tame than Fokana was imho. My better half wants to check out Fokana this year which should be interesting. But he shouldn’t feel out of place since he’s with me. So don’t worry – Aviyal is all good 😉
It’s a long way from those blue Airmails which came so rarely from the other side of the world, to our mailbox in California.
the aerogrammes.
That, and yelling into the phone when making an international call.
“That, and yelling into the phone when making an international call.:
unfortunately, that still happens, despite crystal clear phone connections 🙂 old habits die hard.
How true, that’s what my Tambram in-laws are like, they have lived in Bombay all their lives but they can’t speak a word of Marathi or Gujarati, as far as I can tell they only like to hang out with other members of their extended family, which would all be OK if not their constant complaints about feeling like “outsiders” and woe is me attitude which is pretty to similar to what I have heard at the Indian gatherings in the US with old timers lamenting about the so called American lack of “family values” and how about how great things are (or were) in their little corner of India.
Granted that it is always difficult when you uproot yourself from the familiar and try to make it in a new environment, whether it be a new city or a new country but if you don’t make any attempt to do something about it, I feel you lose the right to complain about it.
BTW ANNA I think you and the rest of the bloggers do a great job and don’t let some naysayers convince you otherwise. Also Sepia mutiny is most certainly not a caste because it is open to anyone. There have been many times I haven’t agreed with all that the bloggers have said but I have felt free to disagree and have my opinions heard.
” As venues for matchmaking, they are worthless. You will have a better chance of finding your life partner in the produce section of your local supermarket or on e-harmony.com (not that I would know , married 35 years to the same auntie) than at a Gujarati or Bihari shindig. No ABD over the age of 18 goes to these things. And if a 24-year is found lurking at one of these places, he/she is either a mama’s boy or a daddy’s girl, neither a prize catch in my humble opinion.”
Hillside:
I have no interest in engaging you in further discussion because you have no interest in treating me fairly, not when the inaccurate caricature of me which you’ve created is more fun for you to attack.
No more straw men, no more ad hominem, no more of any of it. I can’t stop you from commenting on my posts, though I wish you wouldn’t and I find it vaguely hostile that you do.
I can, however, stop responding to you from this point onwards and I can delete comments which violate our policies. I plan on doing both. It takes two hands to clap, I’m withdrawing mine.
This is even a bigger problem in Canada with the punjabi community. Many are more loyal to the punjab then to Canada, which has given them a chance at a better life then there homeland ever could.
How many major desi communties are there in the States, I know it not has bad has its in Vancouver and Toronto, where in the last 10-15 years many newcomers are completed isolated from rest of the country in there brown neighborhoods.
Newsflash
A new association has been formed that provides legitimate reasons for you to start your own association! Please call BAHANA for details.
and now the weather report ..
You are uninformed and thus, in no position to judge. Clearly articulated flames or slander are still flames and slander. No one has to “like” the bloggers or the commenters here, they just have to be respectful. We ban and or delete based on the totality of someone’s remarks, we don’t base assumptions on a single incident like you just did.
Back on topic or the thread closes.
I kind of agree with hillside except for one major issue. No offense, I’ve always viewed Fokana as a sleaze fest of low brow Malayalee, or “malu” (Oye I hate that term) culture. I don’t understand the point of it, other than it being another excuse to host a big ass party (see generally, Every Kerala/Malayalee Association/Samajam event) and give t[w]eens a venue to hook-up under the noses of unsuspecting parents.
I love my heritage. I only wish that these organizations reflected it beyond the typical fanfare, for example using whatever clout they have to mobilize South Asians and specifically Keralites to become more civically involved in their communities.
No offense taken, but I can’t believe I’m the one who got attacked for being a “smug” elitist and looking down on FOKANA, Malayalees etc. Despite what the person you kind of agree with spuriously alleged, I never said that the first gen shouldn’t meet at these sorts of events. I didn’t begrudge them anything. I never said a word about “sleaze” or narees. But I’m the one who got tarred with the “you think you’re different and better” bullshit.
I await with bated breath the next troll who alleges that I am a hyper-emotional dictator who unjustly purges the brave, strawman-laden comments which articulate the TRUTH! Know what this is like? This is like having a stranger walk up and slap me in the face and then when I say, “ouch” or “stop!”, having people DEFEND that act and praise my assailant for “doing the right thing”.
I have to add this– to be fair, the reason for which I was flown out to the Chicago edition of FOKANA back in 2002 was exactly what you just stated: to talk about the importance of activism and voting, to be a resource for the youths who might be interested in getting involved. So sometimes (one time?) they try.
I hear you, though. There’s a lot of opportunity at these conferences, and much of it is often squandered.
They will come at you next with ‘honest’ and ‘caring’ suggestions to look into a course of Valium or some other sort of ‘chill pill.’ Naturally, if one is right and forcefully asserts themselves, they must also be raging anger-sluts with a penchant for oppressing the brave freedom-writers who battle evil moderating overlords with thoughtful ad-hominems and Tirupati-sized straw men.
So if the Indian cricket team played a charity match against the Canadian national team (which does exist) in Toronto and Canadian citizens of Panjabi heritage came out to the match and cheered for the Indian side, what would you say? Would you apply the Tebbit test and apply penalties for doing so?