Via a tipster, the Telegraph (UK) has something on The Compulsive Confessor, a Bombay-based blogger:
In breezy postings, the 25-year-old girl-about-town – India’s answer to Bridget Jones – told thousands of readers of her partying, smoking and binge drinking, along with candid musings about sexual techniques and escapades. Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan writes her Sex and the City-style blog under the pseudonym “EM”, aware that although her material would not seem outrageous to a British audience, in India sex remains a taboo and anti-obscenity laws are strict. (link)
This particular article tries to play up the salacious content of the blog, and seems hell-bent on finding “controversy,” though this angle falls a little flat at certain moments:
Madhavan, a Delhi-born writer for a news magazine, Outlook, launched The Compulsive Confessor during a dull day at the office in 2004.
While her critics grow daily more scandalised, her thousands of fans believe she is changing the face of modern Indian womanhood. Her blog is among the most popular in India, receiving 400-500 hits a day, although only two per cent of India’s 1.1 billion population have internet access. (link)
(I would make a comment about how “400-500 hits a day” is actually not a lot of hits, but I’m sure that number has spiked since this profile appeared.)
The most interesting part of the article, of course, is in the concluding paragraphs, where it’s revealed that The Compulsive Confessor now has a book deal with Penguin India:
Unsurprisingly perhaps, the publisher Penguin India has commissioned Madhavan to write a semi-autobiographical novel, hoping she will rival the success of Candace Bushnell, the American author of Sex and the City, in giving voice to a new generation.
Meanwhile, Madhavan is apprehensive that news of her real identity will spread even further when the book is published, making it harder to be frank in her internet journal. “It will be harder to write when you’re no longer anonymous,” she said. (link)
Hm, she’s worried about news of her identity spreading after her book’s published? What about when she’s profiled by a major British newspaper, where the reporter uses her real name?
(Note: I hope this isn’t one of those situations where the reporter used Madhavan’s name against her wishes, thereby outing her… Something about this profile doesn’t quite smell right…)
Take a look at The Compulsive Confessor; what do you think? Is she the next Shobha De? Or merely the next Amy Sohn?
Is anyone else uncomfortable with the allusions to eM’s supposedly ‘average’ looks? And that too in connection with the more salacious content of her blog, and the subsequent disbelief that is expressed. Seems like India does need such bloggers, considering the rather primitive mindsets of some menfolk on this thread.
Amen, brother! There’s no need for us to start dissecting if she’s “hot or not.”
Bunch of haters..you all! I mean come on! Shes a writer..she never claimed to be a model, to call her out on her looks is BS, a lot of you assumed she was attractive, its like those phone sex lines, you assume its the hot girl in the newspaper ad in lingerie you are talking to but in reality its usually the 300 lb gorilla with the husky voice in her PJs.
The other thing is comments which rant like “If I knew someone in my family/friend/sister…” I mean would it be such a big deal if your friendly neigbor Jane’s college going kid came out with a similar book deal? No? but its different??? Because shes in Bombay?? Ohh talk about double standards
OK, I browsed through her blog a little…I completely stand by all my comments above. No more on this from me (if I can help it). Those who get it, get it…if you don’t, then I guess I’m just not as americanized/westernised as you are. And I won’t apologise for that.
kannan, is that a compliment?
i don’t think anyone was holding their breath over whether you would change your mind or not. Props for cutting yourself off, though.
I wouldn’t rush to equate being ‘americanized/westernised” with knowing the probability of contracting STDs from sex with a condom and then blogging about your test results. that’s a bit specious.
yay, my measly word offerings found a place on her blog. celebritydom beckons anon.
i am so far western the sun don’t shine a lick around me.
???
I haven’t cut myself off…I try to keep an open mind…that’s why I went to check out her blog…and if others can convince me I’m wrong I’m usually willing to admit it and change my way of thinking…but that hasn’t happened here (yet).
amitabh, so which bothers you more? that she does these “immoral” things, or that she writes about them? would it be ok if she did the former but not the latter? would you give a brother who went out drinking every weekend the same silent treatment as a sister? what is the violation of indian culture that upsets you in this entire affair?
and i was all excited…
but really, morality is contextual, so when your morality does not match up with hers’ (assuming that she buys into a code of morals) you should just note the differences and then move on. It’s not a constitution that both of you are living under, but rather some sense of a national morality that simply doesn’t exist in reality. She’s not doing anything illegal, nor is she risking her life needlessly. I don’t see any direct or proximate causes of harm to her family in any of her writing. Your main point is that her writing harms her family, right?
by being as judgmental as you have been, you have totally shown how desi you are – lage raho (keep it up)!
amitabh, i don’t disagree with you because i agree with her behaviour – i disagree with you because you made a judgment on somebody based on activity that essentially only affects her own life (though that drunk driving thing – wtf?). i try not to judge people (with the above caveat) for two reasons :
i think it’s not my place – different people have different ways they choose to lead their lives. so long as it is not hurting people, i really have no right to put a judgment on a person for their personal views and ways.
it is ultimately hypocritical, because once you start judging people by your own values, people can start judging you by their own personal values – and even if you disagree with them on the values, you opened yourself up to their (and others’) judgment – and it’s just as fair for them to judge you by their subjective values as it was for you to judge them similarly. it is a very slippery slope. on a more personal note, i have a friend who judges people for even the slightest departure from her moral code – and she just did something that is by her own values far more immoral; seeing as she is the last person i would have expected to do what she did, you never know when you are going to become the object of your own judgments.
Intern?
Loisiana, feel free to take another look at my comments. I was unimpressed with the writing style of the author, and that was about it. I’m not sitting here passing judgment on what she’s up to — more power to her.
At first nobody liked eM. Then Amitabh popped in to agree, only to be met with howls of protest. Why? Because he was a voice from the Ancient Regime, where modesty is the female virtue and her lack thereoff trivializes, de-eroticizes, and demystifies sex, at least in Amitabh’s dispensation.
But while the mutineers cheer eM’s removal of the veil of modesty, since this is clearly a tool of the patriarchy, they are not too pleased with the results…not unlike feminism’s displeasure with the sexual revolution. She smokes, she drinks, she has sex, she’s materialistic. She affirms nature in all its unfairness, where youth has advantages over age, beauty over ugliness, the rich over the poor. If only she would “stage a protest against censorship in the media,” she would be truly liberated.
At least Amitabh knows nature is dangerous. The New Regime’s still trying to figure that out.
Given the number of comments this post has generated(166++), i think she does have appeal. I’m sure other successful writers who ‘sell’ like Ms De, have had liberal doses of public censure at the onset of their careers- and besides negative attention of this kind often helps move books off the shelf.
Now SM dragged me there and i really like her blog. For one she’s unpretentious, fairly honest and her blog gives off a feeling of genuine intimacy that is rare in these parts. Its funny that i’ve read so many of her posts and find absolutely nothing in there to justify harsh tags like ‘promiscuity’ or even ‘immoral’? It’s got a distinctly Judy Blume feel to it. Maybe that’s not the most mature stance to take, but in all counts it’s a Far Cry from S&TC.
But since i don’t normally venture much beyond the existential terrain of nietzsche, mann and kafka, i guess i’m no great judge of popular taste . But for smoe mad reason, I’d like to see this girl go places.
I think it was more the writing content and the fact that this gets rewarded with a book contract. If she were your classmate, she wouldn’t be a topic of convesation to this extent. I think it’s more about the other factors than her personally.
Pradeep – are you Pravin under a different handle? I’m just wondering since your comments have a similar tone.
I’m glad that judging her looks got nipped in the bud. That is seriously low, Doubtful. Why don’t you put up a picture of yourself and we’ll all sit here and judge you?
thanks for the rundown on the thread, Manju – I still don’t like her writing style (it’s not to my taste) and while I may not necessarily ‘approve’ of her lifestyle*, I tend not to give a fuck about some things, this being one of them. And I still think it’s just plain ‘wtf?’ that anyone would read this story and think, ‘I’d be ashamed to have my sister or daughter writing this blog.’ I don’t expect one woman who is just living her life and blogging about it to be the hallmark of the sexual revolution in India, but I think something that needs to be understood is that publishers will want to market her as something that people are already familiar with, and the media will want to present as something people are already familiar with, and things like Sex & the City will be at the top of the list of ‘things we are already familiar with.’ (Like in this article that Amardeep links). Sex & the City was considered ‘groundbreaking’ for women, so it’s likely that eM’s book will be presented as the same in India, even if she herself doesn’t see it that way. At that point, I think it’s legitimate for feminists, or anyone, to say that they are disappointed with the commercialization of the ‘sexual revolution’ in India. (My personal response is a general ‘what the hell did you ever expect’-type cynicism. Which is why I was disappointed with that post of hers about feminism, because I get a feeling that she will become the face of ‘Indian feminism’ or whatever-again, whether she likes it or not-and the same mistakes that have occurred in the U.S. will occur in India).
*I do think it’s interesting how ABDs seem to have such a drastically different idea of what it means to be ‘Indian’ than upper class Indians do (including all this talk of ‘her references are all American’). Personally, I’m just thinking the situation over: my parents immigrated to the U.S. when I was 8, and my personal experiences ever since have steered me clear of wanting to, or being able to really, live the party lifestyle. I just think it’s strange that there are people in India who live much more carefree lives than I (supposedly the ‘spoiled American kid’) do. I know that there are other women in New York City who live the same kind of carefree lifestyle, but the fact that eM is among brown women in India who live similarly just gives me some pause. It’s hard to explain.
That said, I’m honestly glad to see stories of brown-brown lovin’ out there. That, we need more of.
I want to clarify that by saying that it gives me pause in a ‘whoa, weird, the universe is ironic, deeeeep man’ way, not a ‘indian women in india should leave the fucking up to ABDs’ way.
I think this conversation is getting way too sanctimonious. I particularly find the castigation and judgment here quite shocking…..its OK to disagree with her style but a lot of the comments here are vicious. Also, having been raised in India and living here for the last 15 years – I know that there are lifestyles in India that are like eM’s – so not everyone does it – but if it works for her so be it.
And, all the ma-bahen comments are completely umwarranted – what are we defending here in the name of culture? India and Indians are way more individualistic than we are stereotyped to be in America. Somebody mentioned Protima Bedi – yes there were and are people like her in India — iconoclastic and mighty proud of it….and they do fine, thank you very much. I find this whole nostalgic clinging to ‘our culture’ and how ‘our morals’ should be strange — guys – just look at India — at every level people end up doing all kinds of things — there are enough instances of ‘immoral behavior’ in all classes in India (as my friend from Delhi used to say: the upper and the lower classes don’t have any trouble messing around – its the middle class morality that restricts people although they want to do the same exact things — am not saying that his statement is a fact but many of you who’ve lived in India for a while know about these stories – which maid is carrying on with which watchman – which neighbor is a lech etc, etc ).
I think not liking her writing doesn’t have to degenerate to personal attacks on her morality or her looks….its unnecessary hate….and reflects one’s own inability to accept others as they are….more tolerance, please, folks! peace!
I think two guys were sanctimonious. Out of many commenters. We could care less if she did the train if that makes her happy. Most of the others, while not sanctimonious, certainly felt free to give their judgement. And if she doesnt like it, she should stick to private blogs and stay away from book dealing with semi autobuigraphical accounts. And don’t use the DBD thing to act like she is getting criticism only because she is a DBD. If you noticed, Sex and the CIty didn’t exactly get accolades and that deals with ABWs(whites).
I thought that market was already cornered by Basic Instinct much before SATC, no?
A simple rule which I wish more of you folks would follow- if you wouldn’t say it to her face, don’t say it here.
Comments on appearance? Wholly inappropriate and low. It’s one thing to say her blog isn’t your cup of tea, quite another to Orkut stalk someone or make some of the comments I’ve read. Enough.
BI was about the empowerment of “the bitch”. SATC was about the empowerment of the twit. :=)
Well, at this point, I’ve tried to explain myself to no avail…based on the lack of support, obviously the majority of people who gravitate here are fundamentally different from me at least where this particular topic is concerned, since I’m the lone voice in my camp. That’s interesting because most of my desi guy friends IRL would agree with me (with one notable exception, a very liberal dude who is a DBD as it so happens). No matter. Just want to clarify one thing…my objections were not about morality…I don’t judge her actions…we’ve all partied, drank, had affairs, smoked pot, etc. What I object to is publically flaunting your sexuality as a means of giving society the middle finger, celebrating your rebelliousness, relishing in it, being so visible about it, BLOGGING it…and that’s where, if my sister were to do the same thing, I wouldn’t be fine with it. Yes, there is a double standard at play, despite the fact that I wouldn’t want a brother doing it either. Even if it takes away my credibility and goodwill on this blog, I will say that I’m comfortable having that double-standard. I never party with my actual sister or female cousins, whereas I party with my male cousins all the time. At the risk of getting way too personal, let me say this…my actual sister went away to college and even after that lived away from home until she got married. I would be a fool to think she didn’t do all the things college kids normally do, or single women normally do. I don’t mind that she did them. I’m extremely grateful she never did it in my face or brought my attention to it. Nor did I ever include her or clue her in about whatever my activities were/are. THAT’S IZZAT. THAT’S SHARAM. I have no desire to join the masses of totally westernised people here who have no sense of those concepts. I was on a cruise once…this couple was there with their teen daughter AND HER TEEN BOYFRIEND. This dude was making out with their daughter right in front of them. They didn’t mind or really seem to notice. I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THAT. Even more personal info…I’m actually currently dating a white woman. It’s pretty serious, maybe we might even get married (not sure about that though). I have never so much as put an arm around her in front of her parents. And they don’t even come from our culture. THAT’S RESPECT. Whenever I’m with her dad or brothers, it amazes me that they’re so cool with me being there so openly. Much as it makes my life easier that they have that attitude, I still don’t get it. Anyway, this is ME. If I’m a throwback to the dinosaurs, FINE. If no one here can relate and you’ve all evolved so far and become so liberated, free-thinking, open-minded, non-judgemental, or whatever nice shiny spin you want to put on it, FINE. If you find my stance oppressive, repressive, dishonest, hypocritical, harmful, sexist, FINE. But it was never about morality…it was about attitude.
All these nasty personal attacks by people who supposedly believe in free thinking women tells you just how “taste” becomes a veil for prejudiced attacks. Judgements of taste have roundly been dismissed in any kind of literary theory – to see these attacks all celebrating personal taste while reviling the woman tells me a lot more about the SM readers than about eM, who I find honest, not hypocritical.
174 – Ami
I’m with you, bro. I would give my POV but I dont want to be called a “stalker”…its best if I lay low.
I see my comment about eM’s Orkut pics has created some heat.
The main point which I was making, which no one seems to have noticed, is that now that the face behind the blog is out, the mystique is no longer there.Ever noticed how people are crazy about movie stars who maintain this ‘elusive’ image ?
Another thing is now with the spotlight (however small) on her real self, how frank would eM be on her blog or in the book ?
Also, though you may not belong to that category, a lot of people reading her blog are voyeurs objectifying her and vicariously reading the details of her life. And there’s a healthy chance that the real eM does not meet the expectations of that segment. That’s sure to affect her book sales.
I personally enjoy her writings, and not in a voyeuristic way. It gives me a different perspective on what people perceive as ‘the good life’, and it’s fascinating how removed her world is from mine.
The internet is full of accounts like hers. I am a voracious reader but I would not pay good money to actually buy a book about her life. She writes well and has a sense of humour. A work of fiction would be perfect (unless her blog is one — that would suck).
I liked that poem. Yeah it was lame, but in a sweet way ;).
LOL. cite?
also, jay, please start making sense.
Amitabh, if you put it like that, I agree with you. But you are now translating izzat as respect for elders, etc , which is different from izzat as (family) honor that you did earlier. That honor thing sounded like something Amresh Puri would say in DDLJ 😉 .
Umm… Emmanuel Kant for starters. Since the 1800’s aesthetic judgement and judgements of taste are two very different things. And I think these guys do make sense, not the half assed prejudices you see spewed here.
@ Sakshi # 180 – Sakshi’s blog-
Lol. Thats cute. Anyway I like the simplicity (format-wise) of your blog, its not cluttered like others.
I’ve had discussions about sex with my brother (at that point, I had no one else to talk to). This was during my high school years, when we both took care of our little sister and our mother and helped out at our dad’s business, when I was also working 20+ hours a week at C-Town and commuting to a school that I had to work my ass off at, and when my brother was commuting to college from home and also doing his own work thing. So umm, I don’t have ‘izzat’ and am automatically an Americanized/Westernized slave to individualism because I’m open about my personal life with a relative of the opposite sex?
nala, relax. Its just a matter of personal choice. It doesn’t make you anything. Lots of guys are uncomfortable talking about matters sexual with their sisters. That doesn’t make them hypocrites: a little stuck up maybe ;). If that is all Amitabh meant, its quite harmless (IMO).
haha, thanks Jason Bourne (#182). 🙂 Last comment of the day. Bye.
jay – my point is, I was the only one who specifically used the word ‘taste’ when saying that I don’t like reading eM’s blog. That’s not a personal attack on her. I made the valid criticism that she will probably be pigeonholed into ‘representing’ something or the other by publishers and by the media, whether she likes it or not. Yes, there have been people who have personally attacked her on this thread, and that is uncalled for. But there are also those of us who have managed to criticize her writing without attacking her. …Once someone gets a book deal, that’s just how it’s gonna be.
The reaction to Amitabh is interesting, because everyone was hating on her to begin with, but somehow his reaction was illegitimate because he dared to simply come out and criticize her for being liberated, whereas others (except for the writing criticism) launched their disapproval under the umbrella that she’s not liberated enough: It was daring in the ’70’s not now. She’s really conforming to the West. Protesting media censorship would be daring, not this. Its the commercialization we’re protesting, not her. She’s a tool of the patriarchy, of capitalism, of the media, and of the west.
But Amitabh didn’t see her as a tool. He didn’t criticise the patriarchal superstructure. He went right at her. He granted her agency. And this was his downfall.
Manju – wtf? no one has actually said most of the stuff you are saying we have said. and Amitabh himself said that he’s not criticizing her for being ‘liberated’ but for her ‘in-your-face’ attitude about it.
Nala, I do hear you…every family dynamic is different…I’m just offering my personal take…if your brother is that cool and didn’t mind being so open and free with you, or that you were (possibly) having sex in high school, more power to him…it’s not something I’d be comfortable with…anyway, this is a never-ending debate we’re all having at this point…I’m sorry but I’d like to bow out now…you guys can all have the last words (please no one say something so provocative that I’m compelled to respond).
nala, you scare me — in real life, i would not want to get into physical or verbal spat with you (see ‘indian girl drama’). :/
Nala (#188)…thank you.
Manju, I don’t agree with your characterization of my views either. Good night.
Amitabh – I didn’t have the time (or confidence) to even look at boys until I was almost done with high school.
Jason Bourne – well based on your defeatist attitude I could probably take you. You’ve got nothing on Matt Damon as Jason Bourne, sorry.
I’m totally with you Manju.
Thats true. I’m weak.
I was just objecting to the implication that someone who is open about their personal life with a relative of the opposite sex must be totally americanized/westernized (which to me translates to extremely individualistic and anti-group identity, when I see myself as somewhere between the two extremes)
well, i think there are examples on this thread of every characterization i made, with the possible exception of “She’s a tool of the patriarchy, of capitalism, of the media, and of the west” which is my interpretation. Sure Amitabh said he’s not criticizing her libertine liberation, just the flaunting…but I think he’s just making his opinion palpable to the zeitgeist.
but there’s conundrum going on here, not unlike the weird relationship between sex workers and feminists, that we spoke of earlier. Somehow it comes down to Agency. Female agency is problematic. And I don’t mean to Amitabh.
I read that her book deal is with A PENGUIN !
How ridiculous…penguins don’t know Indian culture.They should remain in the zoos. And which idiot gave A PENGUIN, of all animals, access to the internet and a printing press ?!
I support their involvement with the Open Source movement through Linux, though.
Has someone up there already hypothesized that this is a media-orchestrated hullabaloo? She is a media person, and frankly, her diction and rhythm are not remotely Indian. I have two highly Westernized young cousins in Mumbai, and they just don’t use the expressions she does. She is supposed to be ‘Mumbai-based’, which is rather evasive, and the guy in the Telegraph pic looks pasty white. She has more pasty white people on her eM orkut (or fb, can’t remember which) page. Add to this her ‘meh’ attitude to all criticism – one is tempted to conclude that she was raised in the West, and that this is a somewhat disingenuous exercise.
i know. you don’t disapprove of her behaviour, just the flaunting of. I get the nuance. but in this room that’s like saying you have nothing against gays you just think the parade is disgusting. i can see that, but bigotry detectives will still lump you in with the homophobes.
so i went with your views as if you went all the way, disapproving of her, since for all practical purposes everyone else was disapproving of her but in a different way. but what i found interesting is that only you got whacked.
Manju – what are you still doing up? I thought most people on SM posted from work…