Confess Away — Til You Get a Book Deal

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Via a tipster, the Telegraph (UK) has something on The Compulsive Confessor, a Bombay-based blogger:

In breezy postings, the 25-year-old girl-about-town – India’s answer to Bridget Jones – told thousands of readers of her partying, smoking and binge drinking, along with candid musings about sexual techniques and escapades. Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan writes her Sex and the City-style blog under the pseudonym “EM”, aware that although her material would not seem outrageous to a British audience, in India sex remains a taboo and anti-obscenity laws are strict. (link)

This particular article tries to play up the salacious content of the blog, and seems hell-bent on finding “controversy,” though this angle falls a little flat at certain moments:

Madhavan, a Delhi-born writer for a news magazine, Outlook, launched The Compulsive Confessor during a dull day at the office in 2004.

While her critics grow daily more scandalised, her thousands of fans believe she is changing the face of modern Indian womanhood. Her blog is among the most popular in India, receiving 400-500 hits a day, although only two per cent of India’s 1.1 billion population have internet access. (link)

(I would make a comment about how “400-500 hits a day” is actually not a lot of hits, but I’m sure that number has spiked since this profile appeared.)

The most interesting part of the article, of course, is in the concluding paragraphs, where it’s revealed that The Compulsive Confessor now has a book deal with Penguin India:

Unsurprisingly perhaps, the publisher Penguin India has commissioned Madhavan to write a semi-autobiographical novel, hoping she will rival the success of Candace Bushnell, the American author of Sex and the City, in giving voice to a new generation.

Meanwhile, Madhavan is apprehensive that news of her real identity will spread even further when the book is published, making it harder to be frank in her internet journal. “It will be harder to write when you’re no longer anonymous,” she said. (link)

Hm, she’s worried about news of her identity spreading after her book’s published? What about when she’s profiled by a major British newspaper, where the reporter uses her real name?

(Note: I hope this isn’t one of those situations where the reporter used Madhavan’s name against her wishes, thereby outing her… Something about this profile doesn’t quite smell right…)

Take a look at The Compulsive Confessor; what do you think? Is she the next Shobha De? Or merely the next Amy Sohn?

264 thoughts on “Confess Away — Til You Get a Book Deal”

  1. than someone who drinks or has a few lays.

    Any smart person, man or woman, does this quietly and discreetly without it being in their family’s face.

    My problem is with blogging it all over the internet and becoming a media darling for it. It’s just too public.

  2. Any smart person, man or woman, does this quietly and discreetly without it being in their family’s face.

    that’s not against our parampara? it seems your problem is more about the honor issue.

  3. nala, I guess I think of confessionals differently. I mean, I also dislike the voyeur in most reality shows and the stupidity of most “confessional” books out there. What I do like, though, is narratives from people who are “unfamous” if that makes sense. So not things that are sensational, per se, but stories about regular people. [hence the love of books like Found and PostSecret]

  4. Any smart person, man or woman, does this quietly and discreetly without it being in their family’s face.

    Amitabh: On a serious note, this is a problematic sentiment. You are now alluding to the family’s honor/level of comfort. We need to stop living in a culture of shame. Individual decisions when they dont impact anyone should not be imputed to the family, clan whatever.

  6. oh yeah definitely Camille – this is why I really like ‘Confessions of a Video Vixen.’ it brings to light the story of a woman we would otherwise just think of as a ‘video ho.’

  7. someone who drinks or has a few lays.

    it is well known that no one can eat just one.

  8. someone who drinks or has a few lays. it is well known that no one can eat just one.

    i think you’re getting them confused with pringles, which, once you pop, you just can’t stop.

  11. i dont give a $hit if strangers do these things. i would have a problem if my lil sister lived this kind of lifestyle. My objections would be based on things like:

    1. smoking is REALLY unhealthy. i wouldnt want to see them damage their lungs, and shorten their lifespan.
    2. I believe that there are better activities to develop ones self as a young adult rather than promiscuous sex.

    I would also have a problem with a lil brother engaging in such a lifestyle.

  12. Any smart person, man or woman, does this quietly and discreetly without it being in their family’s face. My problem is with blogging it all over the internet and becoming a media darling for it. It’s just too public.

    I completely agree. Why would a man or woman degrade themselves publicly? To use teenage lingo… are these people ‘attention-whores’?

    1. i don’t smoke (aside from the one time i tried it just to see what the big deal was… my dad started smoking in his teens and it took him more than thirty years to be able to quit, so um, no thanks) and i would be genuinely worried if a family member of mine were smoking.
    2. i don’t drink (health reasons, + control issues), and i would be worried (and, in fact, have been) if a family member or friend were binge-drinking or driving drunk or was dependent on alcohol.
    3. i don’t do drugs (aside from one time i tried something, again to see what the big deal was) and i would be worried if one of my family members or friends was attaining the drug through illegal means, or if it was a dangerous drug that kills brain cells or wears your heart out, or of they come to be dependent on it.
    4. i don’t have promiscuous sex (i’ve never understood my generation’s ‘hookup culture.’) but i’d be worried if one of my relatives or friends were engaging in drunk sex, unsafe sex without at least two contraceptive barriers, or if s/he were in an abusive or unhealthy relationship where they just got treated like plain shit by their partner.

    what’s up with all the ‘disapproval’? what ever happened to concern?

  14. 2. I believe that there are better activities to develop ones self as a young adult rather than promiscuous sex.

    i don’t think that having sex necessarily means that someone can’t also be doing something more ‘worthwhile’ with their life.

  16. i don’t think that having sex necessarily means that someone can’t also be doing something more ‘worthwhile’ with their life.

    not nessicarily. but, i think that there are clearly better things to be doing than chasing tail…

  17. my generation’s ‘hookup culture.’ not just your generation. thats been around for a LONG time.

    yeah but at no other time has it been so celebrated. especially for the underaged.

  18. not nessicarily. but, i think that there are clearly better things to be doing than chasing tail…

    hee. something i never thought i’d hear puli say. 😛

  19. Amitabh,

    With no disrespect intended, based on your comments here I can the broader rational of your near obsessive ness with language preservation. I honestly feel that having an opinion would be one thing and trying to defend it on a forum like SM is one thing. I am not sure if all the guys can honestly say that they will not be taken aback if they came across a family member’s bog like Em’s. To be honest I will equally taken aback if it was a male or female family member but I will give them their space and respect their wishes.

  20. There is something about her blog that seems a bit off. Seems like she has cultivated this outrageous persona (smoking, drinking being a party girl etc.)using the pop culture as her guide. She is 25 and probably not as worldly as the image she is trying to project. Nothing about her blog remotely lets me know that it is written by a person in India, all her references are to American TV shows, she writes about Halloween! Its been a few years since I have visited India but nobody I know (perhaps I don’t know the right people) celebrates Halloween. What she writes gets to folks who are into “family values” like Amitabh all upset, generates controversy, resulting in more hits for her blog, now a book deal and more book sales. It also generates a fan following among those who aspire to be cool and with it. Somehow I think it is an image,it just sounds to glib to me. Perhaps it is an illusion that we are seeing and not the real person which would be OK were she writing fiction.

  21. A comment like this:

    Would anyone be proud to have someone like this as their sister or daughter?

    (by Amitabh at #49) makes one groan in despair. Why oh why is it that among certain desi males, any observation about values/ethics/taste boils down to sisters and daughters ? At a superficial level, this is an awful bore because the only kind of gaali that such men can muster in moments of crisis are maan-behen ke gaalis*. . . when there’s an entire vocabulary waiting to be tapped.

    Being less superficial: the quoted comment is utterly uninstructive. Some of the critiques of “EM” — such as her prose style — may be instructive in that reasonable people can debate them; and they might be of some value to “EM”. However, have you realised, Amitabh, that all that your sister-gambit might’ve achieved is to convince people that they’d rather not have a brother like you!?!

    • The one notable exception are the citizens of Kanpur. The strategy of juxtaposing a vegetable with a body part to obtain a cuss-phrase needs to be explored more widely 😉

  22. Sure, sure, when the East proclaims its lifestyle on its sleeve (and yes, everybody is just as influenced by American TV there) its an image. But the real deal ofcourse only happens in the West, na? I’m tired of these authenticity arguments.

  23. Yogi, you hit it right on the mark.

    I am curious about one thing. Since I had already bored myself on her blog, I decided to see when she lost her virginity as that is always a fun lil voyeuristic topic. What struck me was not only did she feel pain, but even her male partner felt pain while doing it. What guy feels pain?

  24. when someone is using ‘my’ and relative terms …..u dont have the right to go against her….hope u got the drift

  26. http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/004772.html# Quote Jay, I am only giving my opinion about one person and one blog, not claiming any thing about the East or West. It is also totally possible that I am completely wrong, since I don’t know em personally, may be she is just a shy person, who doesn’t want to attract any attention or generate controversy.

  28. Oops! sorry I messed up with the quote, was trying to quote Jay while trying to get some work done.

  29. I just read the blog. It’s nothing special in terms of how it’s written, a little boring, no real wit or writing talent or bounce or real vibrant sense of fun to the prose. The novelty of a Mumbai Girl With a One Track Mind holds a certain appeal I suppose, but it’s not like mass market sexually explicit books are anything new in India with Shoba De and others, and the sheer explicit and joyous promiscuous abandon of Girl With a One Track Mind (like this) isn’t really there.

    As a story about the contrast between Indian sexual conservatism and ‘the adventures of a modern metropolitan Indian woman’ it’s a hook that appeals to the media though, a dash of tittilation and so on, you can see why.

  30. have you realised, Amitabh, that all that your sister-gambit might’ve achieved is to convince people that they’d rather not have a brother like you!?!

    Yes, I already addressesed that in #95. That’s fine…someone with a blog like that wouldn’t want me for a brother…I am not going to be cowed down here just because I’m representing an unpopular opinion. Yes, as others have alluded to, my objections ARE based on things like izzat and so forth…I grant that if these concepts are taken too far you get into the realm of honor killings and what not, which I am totally against…and I agree that family izzat is a concept that probably seems very alien to a lot of ABDs…but that doesn’t mean I would have to sit there and tacitly approve if a family member had a blog like this, right? I could certainly stop talking to the person, right? I mean, if something offends your sensibilities you can certainly avoid it, right? I don’t see what I’m saying that has people so riled up. I’m just trying to give one possible perspective here…clearly others have different opinions. Bottom line, if my sister wrote this blog, I’d feel publicly embarrassed…that’s all there is to it.

  31. Bottom line, if my sister wrote this blog, I’d feel publicly embarrassed…that’s all there is to it.

    But she is not your sister, so why are you upset?

  32. Only in India can smoking be considered cool in this day and age. God I would love to see the inside of her lungs! But seriously, is it such a big deal that a middle class girl parties in amchi Mumbai these days? I knew girls in Bangalore in the 90s who were smoking, partying and sexually active, probably doing drugs. I have not read her blog but i predict a mediocre book that will flop soon. Very few blogs translate into good books, even the Wonkette book flopped and A. M Cox was the ultimate insider in DC circles, at least she got a editor job with Time. The Julie/Julia book was major crappola too, and I think it is being made into a movie. Lets see how far a desi can go before it blows up in her face.

  33. es, I already addressesed that in #95. That’s fine…someone with a blog like that wouldn’t want me for a brother…I am not going to be cowed down here just because I’m representing an unpopular opinion. Yes, as others have alluded to, my objections ARE based on things like izzat and so forth…I grant that if these concepts are taken too far you get into the realm of honor killings and what not, which I am totally against…and I agree that family izzat is a concept that probably seems very alien to a lot of ABDs…but that doesn’t mean I would have to sit there and tacitly approve if a family member had a blog like this, right? I could certainly stop talking to the person, right? I mean, if something offends your sensibilities you can certainly avoid it, right? I don’t see what I’m saying that has people so riled up. I’m just trying to give one possible perspective here…clearly others have different opinions. Bottom line, if my sister wrote this blog, I’d feel publicly embarrassed…that’s all there is to it.

    Well I am not an ABD but I have serious issues with this izzat BS. And you are being very disingenuous in asserting that you’d be similarly outraged if it were a male relative unburdening themselves in public. How many families like yours who stick to this honorable tradition have ever been stigmatized by a philandering male relative? At best the standards of conforming to modesty are starkly different for each sex.

    And nothing ‘riles’ me like this shitty hypocricy:

    Any smart person, man or woman, does this quietly and discreetly without it being in their family’s face.

    So it’s OK as long as it is done chup chup ke? You may even carry on furtively with a relative like a sister in law but God no you can’t talk about your unperverted sex life in public.

  34. Hi all,

    I tried to get a feel of the blog by reading different posts. Personally I found the experiences that eM/Minna/Mynna/Meenakshi had in relation to adjusting to life in Mumbai versus her life in Delhi more interesting than any anecdotes of her partying/smoking etc etc. That actually gave the blog that ‘Indian’ flavor.

    As eM states on her blog, she is educated and a young professional, so she has made these choices for herself, be it smoking, having multiple sexual partners or an average of 1-2 drinks a day. While I am not in favor of any of these habits myself, the part that I was most troubled by was that she mentions going to parties getting ‘hammered’ and then actually letting her friends drink and drive. I do judge her on that and her friends!!! That is highly irresponsible, since their behavior is actually endangering the life of others!!

  35. While I am not in favor of any of these habits myself, the part that I was most troubled by was that she mentions going to parties getting ‘hammered’ and then actually letting her friends drink and drive

    Wow, I didn’t read that. Now that really is seriously f-ed up, and I really detest that kind of attitude, that it’s OK to drink and drive.

  37. Guys,

    Amitabh just expressed an opinion, just a personal opinion.

    Everyone has a right to setup a code of conduct, express pleasure, displeasure. Sure, not being cultural Ayatollah is one thing.

    Stop e-judgements, e-pc fatwas, pc-ayatollahs

    Also, I think people are comparing The Compulsive Confessor on a different scale, then they would do to an ABD, of same age, and similar confessional mode. Comparing her to SATC, NYC or any Washington staffer is little off – here culture as a confessor is very well established, and monetized. I think she is enjoying, and is being a trial blazer of sorts (Sure, she is no Protima Bedi, and it is not climbing Kanjanchenga). But still.

  38. Amitabh just expressed an opinion, just a personal opinion.

    and so are we.

    Bottom line, if my sister wrote this blog, I’d feel publicly embarrassed…that’s all there is to it.

    i am troubled by your female-centric opposition, as well as the statement in your first comment on this issue about “maybe some of you women feel otherwise” (i paraphrase). you say in a response to questions that a brother doing this would bother you too, but none of your instinctive comments seem to indicate that at all. but maybe you do genuinely feel that way in case i apologize for calling it into question.

    and this notion of doing it “in somebody’s face” being bothersome clearly means that you would be ok if it is done on the sly. it is not the “dirty” linen that is the problem, it’s the washing in public.

  39. Amitabh just expressed an opinion, just a personal opinion. Everyone has a right to setup a code of conduct, express pleasure, displeasure. Sure, not being cultural Ayatollah is one thing.

    Kush, get it straight dawg, “Ayatollah” is actually a title usually conferred only on theologians who achieve a certain level of proficiency at Qom unis.

    It’s not stepping outside the line to talk about this attitude–that all female relatives needs be Sita-like burden-bearers of male guilt over substance, sex and other sorts of culture-specific “sins.” I would celebrate such a blogger amongst my own family. Not even the men are brave enough to catalog and describe their own hijinks, but if they had I’d have realized very early on that to err was indeed human. That drinking does not make one a lush, nor does having sex make one a sex addict. Excommunication from the family, or even cutting off all communications from one person, is a punitive penalty that I think would only be merited by orchestrating genocide or being a serial killer.

    but blogging about your 20s? hardly.

  40. Even though I strongly disagree with Amitabh’s position with regards to his opinion, I still feel some sort of sanctimonious hypocracy on the part of some commentars. There are a plenty of commenters on SM who have personal blogs with similar content. The only difference may be that EM has a book deal, I feel it is unfair to judge her because we are not in her shoes. As for the content, judge away:)

  41. i would have a problem if my lil sister lived this kind of lifestyle…. 2. I believe that there are better activities to develop ones self as a young adult rather than promiscuous sex.

    How is this any of your damned business, though? I don’t know, this idea of izzat vis-a-vis someone’s lifestyle makes me uncomfortable. I would be more ashamed if I had a family member who was swindling grandmas or managing a child prostitution ring.

    She is 25 and probably not as worldly as the image she is trying to project.

    Hey, no need to hate on the 25-year-olds!

  42. How is this any of your damned business, though?

    well, im close enough with this particular person, such that each others lives are kind of each others business. she generally listens to my advice, and my advice generally makes sense.

    izzat

    nothing to do with izzat. i just wouldnt want to see someone i love take a wrong turn.

  43. Hey, no need to hate on the 25-year-olds!

    No hating, just a wry observation. What I meant was 25 is too young to sound that jaded about life and relationships.

  44. No hating, just a wry observation. What I meant was 25 is too young to sound that jaded about life and relationships.

    that depends on the 25 year old, and their past relationships. you could totally get jaded by then.

  45. Hey,

    I think it’s a little harsh to comment about this but I just checked out eM’s orkut pics (http://www.orkut.com/Album.aspx?uid=15205512941904633849) and she is quite average looking…some would even say unattractive.

    With the blog, there was this thing of an exotic, unknown stranger writing about the masala parts of her life. With her identity out, I wonder how many people will actually go for her book.

    Perhaps the thought ‘there is hope for all’ will set the cash registers ringing !

    Bring on the brickbats.

  47. I saw the pictures. Looks different from the Telegraph’s picture. But I dont agree with Doubtful’s comment. She is not auditioning to be a TV show host. It’s a book deal.

    And regardless of what you may say, average looking people like sex too.

  48. Though I do admit expecting someone looking a little different. But I will restrict my comments to her writing and not her looks unless she makes fun of other people’s looks on her blog.

  49. And regardless of what you may say, average looking people like sex too.

    really? everything i know about life i learned from p0rnos. p0rn wouldnt lie. you must be wrong.

  50. @147: You said: she is quite average looking…some would even say unattractive

    I would say it is a little harsh to be judgemental on your part. For a young woman from middle class India, I have to say she’s got balls. She blogs and people read and comment because they relate to or find it interesting.

    No comparison, but look at Howard Stern, what he dishes out is downright disgusting and repulsive…….but over 10 million Americans subscribe to listen to his show every week.

    Give the lady some credit…….will ya? the times are a changing…even in India! Go with the flow and beauty is only skin deep.