“…given up hiding and started to fight”

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October 31, 1984

“Mummy, Daddy can I dress up for Halloween this year?”

“No.  You are not allowed to participate in this ritual begging for candy.”

“Daddy, I meant for school…we’re supposed to…”

He eyed me suspiciously.  “I thought fifth grade would mean the end of such nonsense, but if you are supposed to…what do you need to wear”

I had thought about this.  Based on what the popular girls were last year, I decided…“I want to be a cheerleader!”

“Absolutely not.  Those skirts are indecent.”

“Caroline Auntie was a cheerleader!”

“In college.  When you’re in college, I’ll forbid you then, too.”

Nine-year old me promptly burst in to tears.  Later, my mother came to my room and helped me match a v-neck sweater from my old Catholic school uniform with a pleated skirt I usually wore to church—i.e. one which went to the middle of my knee.  She unpacked a box in my closet and wordlessly handed me my toy pom-poms.  My six-year old sister glared at her indignantly, so Mom rolled her eyes and did the same for her.  I was so excited.  Finally, a “cool” costume, one which didn’t involve an uncomfortable, weird-looking plastic mask to secure with an elastic band, from a pre-packaged ensemble.  I went to sleep feeling giddy.

The next morning, for the first time ever, I was tardy for school.  I don’t remember why, but I was.  When I walked in to class just before recess, everyone froze and stared at me.  The hopeful smile on my face dissolved; this year, the popular girls were all babies in cutesy pajamas with pacifiers around their necks.  I thought the weirdness in the air was due to my lame costume, but within a few minutes I discovered it was caused by something else entirely. 

The moment the bell rang, my desk was surrounded.  This couldn’t be good.  Was I going to get locked in a closet or a bathroom again? 

“Why are you here?”
“Yeah, we thought you weren’t coming.”
“Shouldn’t you be at home crying?”
“Mrs.  Doyle said you wouldn’t come in today.”

The questions assaulted me one after the other.  I was baffled. 

"Why…would…Mrs. Doyle say that?” I stammered.

“DUH, because Gandhi’s daughter got killed.”
“Isn’t she like your queen or something?  Or a Hindu God?”
“No you buttheads, she’s like the president of her country.”

At the end of the last sentence, the boy speaking gestured towards me.  When did they get so enlightened?  Last week, they asked if I was Cherokee and said “How” whenever I walked by, or pantomimed yowling war cries with their hands and mouth.

“She’s not the president of my country.  I’m…I’m from this country.  My president is Ronald Reagan.”

They got impatient and vaguely hostile.

“No, you’re Indian.  Mrs. Doyle said you were in mourning.”
“Did you not like her or something, is that why you don’t care?”
“I heard they dip her in milk before they burn her up.”
“Duh…that’s because they worship cows.”

I put my head down on my desk, as if we were playing “heads up, seven up”.   

“See?  She’s crying now…she is Indian.”

And with that they walked off, to do whatever it was that popular fifth-graders did.

::

Spring 1987.

I was sitting by myself (as usual…it’s always awesome to transfer to a K-8 school in the seventh grade, when no one is interested in making new friends with some outsider), reading something from the “The Babysitters Club”, pretending I was Mary Anne Spier.

“Hey ugly girl…”

I looked up to see a tall 8th grader whom every girl was crushing on…he was standing with his best friend, who elbowed him and muttered, “ask her!”

“Weren’t you supposed to be aborted?

I was horrified and confused.  Horrified because these people never talked to me, confused because…

“You know, since you’re like…a Hindu and we just learned that they only like to have sons.  So we were wondering if your parents wished they had aborted you. You should ask.”

The sidekick started guffawing and both of them ran off.  I sat there, my book still page-down in my lap, unable to read for the rest of recess.  I wished I could go home.

Four hours later…

“Where is your sister?  What is she up to?  I haven’t heard any noise.”

“I dunno…reading the dictionary or something nerdy”. 

I realized my father was headed to the dining room, which is where he left the huge, so-heavy-I-couldn’t-lift-it Webster’s dictionary open for me, so he wouldn’t have to constantly retrieve it from the shelf.  I slapped half the book over, to obscure what I had been looking at…

“What are you doing?  Why did you just do that?  What are you hiding?”

“Um, nothing.”

I tried to slip my finger out from the page I was trying to bookmark, but he was too quick.  The pages flipped back to “A”.

“ABORTION?  You are looking at ABORTION?  Oh my God, why did I sacrifice and struggle and come to this country, so my 12-year old daughter could be impregnated?  Were you raped?  Did someone do something to you? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT THAT WORD!”

I actually didn’t know what “raped” meant, either.  My parents hadn’t explained anything like that to me yet.  I was still playing with Barbie and sleeping with my stuffed Persian cat; they saw no need.  I made a mental note to look up “rape”.

My mother came running, “What is this?”

“She is looking at ABORTION!”

“Why?”

“Was I supposed to be aborted?”

My parents faces fell slack from astonishment.

My Mother looked at my Father, then me.  “Why…would…you…ask…such a thing?”

“Some kids at school asked me to ask you if you wished you had aborted me.  I didn’t know what that meant…”

My Father walked away.  My Mother came up to me, looked me in the eye and said, “No.  We did not wish that.  Your Father was very excited, in fact, he always said he hoped you would turn out to be a girl and he was so happy you did.”

My Mother seemed sad.  “You don’t like your new school, do you?”

I shook my head, no.

::

Fall 1989.

“Class, today we are going to do something a bit different—we’re going to look at Catholicism’s impact on the world.”

I tried not to smirk as I recalled my Father’s rants about how Catholicism destroyed things and was rather evil.   

“We’re going to start with India, which is where Anna is from!”

Uh…

“One of the most visible Catholics in the world has chosen India, to serve.  Mother Theresa uses her faith to care for the filthy, the neglected, the unfortunate…”

Oh, sweet Jesus.

“…let’s start our discussion by asking our Indian student more!”

“Um, I’m American.”

“Yes, dear.  But you’re Indian.  What’s India like?”

“I’m just saying, I was born here, so I don’t really know—“

“Now, let’s not fib…I now for a fact you just came back from your country.”

“Well…um…yes, but it’s my parents’ country…no, wait, even they are American citizens.” 

The nun was getting impatient. “May I remind you that discussion counts for your participation grade?  Now would you like to add something constructive to this conversation?”

“Uh…sure.  Well, I did just get back from India.  I had not visited it since I was five, so I learned a lot.”  The nun nodded, with an encouraging smile.

“And tell us about the poverty you saw, the contrasts with America.”

“I…didn’t see poverty really…”

“Calcutta is very impoverished!  How is that possible?”

“I went to Kerala.  I’ve never been to Calcutta.  I’m from South India.  I went to where my parents are from and visited their families.  And Kerala is lush and green and so pretty.  The people are all really smart and the museum I went to—“

“How far is Careluh from Calcutta?”

“It’s really far.”

“So far that you didn’t see beggars?”

“I saw a few…”

“JUST a few?”

“No more than I see when I visit San Francisco.”

“That’s it young lady.  I will not tolerate your smart-aleck behavior.  To the principal’s office you will go and you’ll have detention, later.”

“But I didn’t…”

“Would you like me to double your punishment?”

I nodded miserably and walked out, reaching in to my backpack for my headphones.  Reel Life’s “Send Me an Angel” accompanied me as I dawdled on my way to the office. 

::

I thought of all of those moments, yesterday.  I’ll get to why in a mere moment. 

Besides my younger sibling, I was the only Indian kid at all of my schools except for the last one I cited. Obviously, my little sister did not accompany me to high school, but there was one other Indian girl there. Unfortunately, she wanted nothing to do with  me, because she couldn’t relate to me; she told me I wasn’t Indian enough, that I was white-washed. 

I was South Indian and Christian, I didn’t do garba or understand what she was talking about when she asked me about whether I preferred Salwars to lenghas–in fact, I didn’t even know what a lengha was…just like I was clueless about which Bollywood actor I should have a crush on. Once she realized that I had no experience with such things, she decided she had no use for me.  We didn’t speak, despite sitting next to each other, in home room.

This is now a well-known tale, this trial-by-ignorance which older 1.5/second gens went through.  I am amazed and relieved when I understand that things will never be that brutal for generation 3, not in this world where the internet sates curiosity while dissolving international borders and knitting us all together via the web. 

India is no longer so weird or foreign; today, people don’t eat monkey brains on the big screen. The little ABDs I’ve met recently who are nine, 12 and 14 are informed, empowered, righteous and sassy.  Once upon a time, if you had told me that girls in this country would wear lenghas and saris to their Junior Prom or in their Senior portrait, I would have thought you were a bad comedian.  I would have and did wear Gunne Sax, to both, way back in the early 90s.

::

I often say that I didn’t become a desi until my final year of college, which is when the ISA was allowed back on campus; nothing like “India Night” to give you a concentrated dose of culture. By the time I commenced my second semester of graduate school, in 2000, I had crossed over in to what felt like another realm—for the first time, the majority of my friends were brown. That was life-altering for a girl who lived through the three childhood situations I started this post with. The more people I met from abroad, the more I experienced, and the more I changed.

I had taken plenty of South Asian studies classes as an undergrad, but going to a hyper-International school like GW was like getting the practical experience to complement years of theory. Now, I have a rich, self-defined relationship with the subcontinent, a relationship which I’m so immersed in, it confuses and vaguely irritates my parent. She shakes her head when she catches me reading “Learn Malayalam in 30 days” or when she overhears me interrogating my cherished, fobulous friends about everything I don’t know (which is obviously a LOT).

The end result of all this is that though I’m not from India, now, I am of it. I love it, but not blindly. I celebrate it, but I don’t do so because of inherited jingoism. India is like a family member; I will bitch about it and worry and criticize…but heaven help someone else who attempts to do so in my presence. I know I have annoyed and even enraged some of you with some of my posts; some of you have accused me of being anti-India, when that is the furthest thing from reality. “I love my India”, I’ve written cheekily a few times at the Mutiny. Once, one of you pushed back; “What does that even mean? How is it YOURS?”

It’s mine because it just is, because I want it to be and also, because for my entire childhood, I felt like I was being thrown in to a deep well by my classmates, in an extreme act of othering. My sole company? No, not my Baby-sitters Club or Cheerleaders books—it was my ancestral country, which had been roughed up along side of me, before being tossed in the pit after me.

Once, when I couldn’t take the torment meted out to me, I burst in to tears in front of my Father and told him that I hated my uber-competitive, ultra-bitchy high school, where uniforms which were meant to equalize were an ineffective joke played on girls who didn’t have Dooney and Bourke backpacks, Gucci purses or polo players on their shirts and socks. I wailed that I was miserable, that I hated sticking out like the stench of patchouli in a room full of Chanel, that I didn’t fit in anywhere, especially with thick, long hair which reached the backs of my knees. “Where am I supposed to go? Where will people be nice to me?”

For once, instead of dismissing me or mocking me, he looked lost in thought, before he murmured, “India”.

Later that summer, we visited Ooty, another boarding school I can’t remember and two private high schools, one in Kottayam, the other in Cochin. Though I had hated India the first week I was there, after being terrorized by insects which looked like they had been imported from my nightmares, finding myself mired in a decades-old family feud and realizing, to my hostile resentment, that no, Indian girls did NOT have hair so long that they could sit on it, that I was the only naïve moron who lived up to that now passé ideal…I eventually calmed down.

Two weeks in to our two-month long trip, I was fluent again in my first language, Malayalam, and after my first month in Kerala, whatever resistance I felt to this strange new reality melted. I felt a peace I had never known before, because for the first time in my life, everyone looked like me, worshipped where I did and ate what I ate. I was enchanted and fine with staying; I daydreamed about waving to my father and sister at the airport in Madras, before being whisked back to Kerala by either my Dad’s elder brother or his beloved best friend.

My father realized that he couldn’t bear to leave me on the other side of the world, and that was the end of that. I returned to the U.S., to nuns who loathed non-Catholic, uncooperative me, to girls who yanked open my cardigan so that they could exclaim, “OMG, she’s still poor!” when they saw no logo prancing across my breast, to once again being exiled and alone. Daddy was troubled. Had he been selfish? “You know, you can always go to India. In a way, it will always be your home. If you are fed up…you could go back. You have that option. You are not rootless. I know you were happy, there…”

So, to me, India has always been synonymous with sanctuary. A naïve sentiment, I know, but also, a necessary fiction; it helped me survive.

How could I disparage my refuge, my roots? And could I stand by idly, when, on a popular blog, India was repeatedly tarnished?

::

Jezebel is part of Gawker’s online empire. Its tagline is Celebrity, Sex, Fashion. Without the airbrushing. When I stumbled upon it, it was love at first browse. It was smart, defiant and allergic to bullshit. It was fierce. For the first time, in many, many years, I felt like I had found the successor to Sassy, the legendary teen magazine which saved my sanity in a “YM” world. And who were these commenters?! These women who were righteous, bawdy, witty and often, hilarious? This was like the best of my sorority years, with none of the annoying idocratic declarations or pesky monthly dues. After weeks of lurking, I wanted to dive in this rollicking online hot tub…but there was one catch: you had to audition to comment!

Audition to become a commenter. To become a registered commenter on this site, you first need to be approved by our team. We’re looking for comments that are interesting, substantial or highly amusing. So write a comment, polish up your words and choose a username and password below. Your comment will only appear once (or if) you’re approved. Want to know more? Consult the Comment FAQ. [Jezebel]

I submitted my thoughts and then spent an anxious day or so wondering if I’d be deemed worthy; a few hours in to the weirdness, I realized exactly what it reminded me of—the end of sorority rush, when you make your choice and then sleeplessly wait for a bid. When my comment finally appeared on the site, I cackled triumphantly. YES! I was allowed in! I was a part of the coolest clique ever, the anti-clique, which called out anyone and everything. This was AWESOME.

Except…I started to see references to India, in their news roundups and then comments, which would inevitably refer back to the brown element of the post…and unlike the rest of the Jezebel experience…they were less than…fair. Sometimes, they were downright ignorant. Worse still, the female bloggers whom I had been crushing on pretty heavily seemed to not get it; sometimes, it seemed as if they were encouraging the ick. I have to tell you, it really did feel like being a teen all over again, right down to the confusion, the angst and the anticipation of exile.

Does that seem melodramatic ? It’s not, to me. I spend all my time here, at SM. Like a new, stay-at-home mother who is starved for “grown-up” conversation, i.e. that which does not involve poo or puking, I wanted more (and please, no stupid conflation of poo/puke/infancy with SM…sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar and a metaphor is, too.) Unfortunately, my source for what I had craved seemed less than welcoming.

And here’s where it gets all afterschool special; would I quietly observe the unfair digs at my “sanctuary” and remain mute, to protect my coveted place in that Jezebel-space? Or would I do what I was aching to—speak my mind, at the risk of alienating the popular and powerful? Yeah, you know how this turns out…

Indian actress Shilpa Shetty has been arrested at the Mumbai, India airport. Her crime? Obscenity. The act? Being the recipient of that overly demonstrative kidd on the cheek from Richard Gere. [Daily Mail] 12:45 PM ON THU SEP 27 2007 BY JENNIFER. 1,428 views
BY WARMAIDEN AT 09/27/07 12:58 PM This takes ‘blaming the victim’ to a whole ‘nother level. yay, India! (PS – Shouldn’t they be hanging those guys who drugged and raped the Japanese touristas?)
BY LOVESTOSMILE AT 09/27/07 01:03 PM My lord. I’m Indian and this is absolutely embarassing.
BY LOVESTOSMILE AT 09/27/07 01:11 PM As someone who’s Indian, I can say with all confidence that this is a matter of national shame.
BY ANDALUCíA AT 09/27/07 01:11 PM @LovesToSmile: I’m American. We won the Embarrassment Sweepstakes years ago.
BY RAINBOWBRITE AT 09/27/07 01:12 PM You’d think India would be trying to look a little more progressive these days. That “India at 60” campaign is everywhere here in NY, but stories like this one don’t really help their tourism…
BY SARAHINSASK AT 09/27/07 01:13 PM What a disgusting, filthy crime. Right? Right? Clearly India has no heinous criminal at large than Shilpa Shetty.
BY AHWANNABE AT 09/27/07 01:14 PM lovely country we’re outsourcing work to.
BY HABIBI AT 09/27/07 01:16 PM Jennifer, fix the typo – India is spelled “India” and not “Indnia”. Since when is getting a kiss on the cheek a crime? The Indian government should be embarrassed by this.
BY ANNOYINGFEMALELEADVOICEOVER AT 09/27/07 01:16 PM She was let go as soon as the cops realized the charges had been turned over months ago. Not that this justifies the act, but for a heads up.
BY CHOCOLATECOFFEEBEANS AT 09/27/07 01:30 PMIt is things like this that make me completelly terrified to travel to the Middle East at all, even though I consider myself relatively well-travelled. This combined with stories of getting hands cut off for stealing (not that I would steal) or the weird rules about things like alcohol and women’s dress. I just know it would take me approximately 15 minutes before I broke a law or offended someone. No thanks.

BY SUITABLEGIRL AT 09/27/07 02:32 PM @ahwannabe: Yes, let’s bring outsourcing in to this, it’s obviously germane. One tiny reminder: we should also bring it up when Canada or Ireland or every other country we outsource to gets brought up in any context whatsoever– that way we’re consistent.

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She wasn’t arrested, she was detained by some idiot on a power trip (not rare in India). This is not a matter of national shame, not when there are a million worse problems in the subcontinent. Is it stupid? Yes. Should this have happened? No. But let’s not go overboard, even though it is *so* fun and satisfying to snark at those unenlightened, job-stealing misogynists.

BY SUITABLEGIRL AT 09/27/07 02:34 PM @CHOCOLATECOFFEEBEANS: Right, except India is not in the Middle East. And as flawed as it is, its hassles are a far cry from Saudi Arabia, which is what you’re comparing it to.
BY SPECTATERTOT AT 09/27/07 02:40 PM @LovesToSmile: ditto (on being indian and finding this embarassing)
BY CHOCOLATECOFFEEBEANS AT 09/27/07 03:32 PM Ya know, I realized what I had said right after I posted it. I do realize India is not the “Middle East” but as has been mentioned, it is the crazy mix of government and religion that is a common thread to a lot of these countries and I would just not feel comfortable, and would be terrified of doing something wrong.
BY NARYMARY AT 09/27/07 04:10 PM This is really sad. I hope nothing awful happens to her!
BY NIGERIENNE AT 09/27/07 04:34 PM Way to set India back more than the people of Dell.

BY AHWANNABE AT 09/27/07 05:18 PM @Suitablegirl: AFAIK, Canada and Ireland have human rights laws that are at least somewhat similar to the ones we have in the good ole USA, so if the fat cats want to oursource there because it’s cheaper, can’t argue with that.

What I take offense to is when our fat cats outsource jobs to countries where this kind of abuse is considered okay, when we have LAWS in place to prevent it from happening here. That is the height of hypocrisy, and yes I will continue to bring up the subject of outsourcing until I’m blue in the face, or people get a clue.

BY SFIKUS AT 09/27/07 06:41 PM @Suitablegirl: “She wasn’t arrested, she was detained by some idiot on a power trip (not rare in India). This is not a matter of national shame, not when there are a million worse problems in the subcontinent.”

– Were she not Shilpa Shetty, and considered a bit of a national treasure, she could have faced a whole trove of other pleasures reserved for women in India – acid, stoning, etc. Yes, after all the sabre rattling, she was let off easily, but I think much of her reported reaction was compounded by her knowledge of what _could_ have happened…

BY SUITABLEGIRL AT 01:40 AM

@narymary: I think she’ll be okay.

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@sfikus: Were she not Shilpa Shetty, Richard Gere wouldn’t have kissed her…I think it’s a bit much to call her a national treasure, but hey, I also think it’s a bit much to paint this dire, sensational picture of a country which has issues– just like other countries. The horror is everywhere, India doesn’t have a monopoly on it– to me, misogyny is global.

I’m bemused that I am now in this bizarre situation where I stick up for a country I normally criticize righteously.

Want to call India out on something? How about gender-selective abortions, that I’ll agree is an India-specific problem. But acid? Double standards about women who are public figures/tabloids rushing to fan flames? Pot, kettle. As for stoning, again, that’s more of a Taliban penalty for adultery, not an “Indian” one; my concern throughout this thread has been exactly that sort of conflation. India is by no means perfect– but it doesn’t deserve to be painted by such a broad, ugly brush.

“a whole trove of other pleasures reserved for women in India – acid, stoning, etc.”

I was drawn to this site because I loved the fierce women who were creative, free-thinkers…but I’m chagrined to see less thinking and more reacting here. India is a subcontinent, with an amazing range of cultures, traditions, people…my parents came from a state with a matrilineal tradition, but that’s not part of the “India” caricature, so no one knows or wants to acknowledge that. I get sad when I see intelligent, otherwise tolerant women engage in reductionist stereotyping which minimizes and demeans.

Sorry for the extra-long comment. I’m new here, I want to make sure I articulate my position well, because that’s how much I respect this space.

Sigh. My inner teen is currently vaguely miserable. I thought I had discovered this amazing group of girls to hang out with, every day (and you know how difficult that is to do after college!), but perhaps I was so desperate to belong, I didn’t consider the totality of what I was coveting. Worst of all, why were the other two brown Jezebels okay with this? Was I wrong to be hurt on behalf of a country I had never even lived in?

That’s what really bothered me– I was the only one who was not echoing the chorus and following the mood; the choice of the other two desis, to toe some stupid line was like NaCl in my wound. Now it REALLY felt like high school. Is this how it is? You have to kowtow to be welcome? Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t do that the first time I was required to, back in 1988. I’m supposed to find it within me to do so NOW, two decades later? Perhaps I’m wrong about my orientation and I’m not a Jezbian after all.

The prospect of that is depressing. As much as I love my sepia baby, it’s nice to get out and do more than mother (and smother). The last time I tried to get in to a sorority, I was surrounded by people who were often clueless and thus, unintentionally hurtful; at least at the DG house they were essentially oblivious, what hurts the most here is that these women are aware, that they know a little something about India. But it’s just like what my Mom always says (especially after meeting a patient who has become “empowered” with drug or other info via WebMD, who is helpfully clutching a printout of such): a little bit of knowledge can be very dangerous. For the first time, ever, I wonder if it’s better to be ignorant about some things.

445 thoughts on ““…given up hiding and started to fight””

  1. it is neither your duty, nor your right, to criticize other Indians who think the Shetty incident was an embarrassment. They are not “kowtowing” because they do not share your opinion. They are simply expressing their own view.

    Wait– so I’m only allowed to disagree with non-Indians? I only have the right to be bothered, then? Why aren’t I allowed to express my view, the way they simply are? Also, I was bothered by EVERYONE, not just the Indians, if that wasn’t clear. I thought the whole thing was unfair. 🙁

    And if you were a “friend” you wouldn’t toss out this horrid line about

    Lesson learned: Do not express a differing opinion.

    You can express anything as long as you don’t violate our comment policy, just don’t accuse me of things which aren’t true, please. If you want to stop discussing this with me, I respect that. But. Your response above regarding differences of opinion is only intended to make me look bad and unwilling to have a dialogue; if I was not interested in such a dialogue, I wouldn’t have spent three hours writing this post! Lesson learned: I don’t get to clarify what I mean, when it is being misconstrued.

    Thanks for the “take care”. That was nice.

  2. 50 · rashmi Lesson learned: Do not express a differing opinion. No longer a lurker, my friend, now merely a non-reader. Take care.

    Whatever–I like a blog where we can talk openly about the conundrum’s of being an abd–it’s not all there is to life, but it’s cert. a legit. topic.

  4. By the way, when I submitted the Shetty story to Sepia, I think my comments were similar to one of the non Indians Anna referenced in her entry. Something about priorities and how embarassing it should be for so much time to be wasted in detaining someone for something so harmless. Wasn’t there some Indian celeb who streaked in Bombay in the 70s? I see nothing wrong with ANYONE commenting on India when such ridiculous things take place. It is fine to want to be traditional. And it is fine if you want to comment negatively on Gere and Shetty for that incident. But lines are crossed when people line up to burn effigies and ask for someone to be detained on account of an incident that did no harm to anyone. Desis are hypocrites. All the while they used to limit kissing in Indian movies, they used to not mind having rape scenes serve as their T&A.

  5. it is neither your duty, nor your right, to criticize other Indians who think the Shetty incident was an embarrassment. They are not “kowtowing” because they do not share your opinion. They are simply expressing their own view. Wait– so I’m only allowed to disagree with non-Indians? I only have the right to be bothered, then? Why aren’t I allowed to express my view, the way they simply are? Also, I was bothered by EVERYONE, not just the Indians, if that wasn’t clear. I thought the whole thing was unfair.

    I can’t find anything in your original post saying “the other desi commenters were wrong for not standing up to the slander”, merely “were they wrong?”, statement v question. The joys of the ‘net, context falls by the wayside like ethical concerns at a GMO corporation.

  6. it is obvious Anna’s parents never watched Indian movies at home

    My dad would have never let us see something with a rape in it– he’d watch a movie before we did and if that wasn’t possible, he’d change the channel when something questionable appeared.

    And no, we didn’t watch many movies. Probably why ende Malayalam sucks, to quote one of my fave Facebook groups. 🙂

  8. Desis are hypocrites. Yeah, we know. We’ve been told so many times, trust us we know.

    If some socially conservative Indians were scandalized by the kiss, it is their right to protest. Maybe they refuse to watch movies with rape scenes, maybe they get horny watching those scenes: that is none of my business. Which country does not have hypocrites? And which country does not have many shades of opinion? Anything any Indian does applies to all Indians, and the US can invade a country, and yet everyday I meet sanctimonious Americans: our hands are clean, we do not agree with the American foreign policy. Because Americans are all individuals, and India is just one huge mob.

  9. Anything any Indian does applies to all Indians, and the US can invade a country, and yet everyday I meet sanctimonious Americans: our hands are clean, we do not agree with the American foreign policy. Because Americans are all individuals, and India is just one huge mob.

    Sorry about a third comment. Because things go off-topic on SM v fast – this was not a comment on US policy. I know Iraq is a tangled issue: but an outsider may not be as charitable. I just wanted to point out that people are a lot more forgiving of their own failings than they are of others.

  10. If some socially conservative Indians were scandalized by the kiss, it is their right to protest. Maybe they refuse to watch movies with rape scenes, maybe they get horny watching those scenes: that is none of my business.

    `Did you even read what i wrote. I didnt say they couldnt judge. What happened with the Shetty case crossed the line of merely judging someone else.

  11. If some socially conservative Indians were scandalized by the kiss, it is their right to protest. Maybe they refuse to watch movies with rape scenes, maybe they get horny watching those scenes: that is none of my business. `Did you even read what i wrote. I didnt say they couldnt judge. What happened with the Shetty case crossed the line of merely judging someone else.

    No one harmed either Gere or Shetty. The arrest was a mistake, but that happened v recently: this thing has been going arnd for months now.

  12. `Did you even read what i wrote. I didnt say they couldnt judge. What happened with the Shetty case crossed the line of merely judging someone else.

    First, Shilpa Shetty-Gere case was thrown out by the judge months ago, it was a PI (public interest) litigation by a person who has made 40-50 similar cases in past. Indian law allows such public interest litigations very easily.

    She has half a dozen pending cases against her, and her family – most of them are hilarious, a lot of them are very trivial (like posing in tight clothes, etc.), but some of them even connected to Mumbai mafia***.

    A few days ago, she was returning from Europe, and some airport cops questioned her legality in leaving the country, briefly detained her, since she had cases pending her, and the pending case may have not allowed her to leave the country. Later, the airport authorities pleaded innocence and ignorance, that they did not know whether her Gere case had been thrown out by the judge.

    Is it due to their (airport authorities) horniness, that they wanted to give Shilpa hard time, flirt with her, keep her talking to them, plain stupidity – None of us know.

    However, it has nothing to do with “rape scenes” in 70=80s Bollywood movie.

    ***Honesty, she and her family is so rich that they do not give a damn about these cases.

  13. I know Iraq is a tangled issue: but an outsider may not be as charitable.

    One last clarification: by outsider I meant someone’s who’s not been in the US the past few years. English is not my first language so I screw up when I am angry :D.

    No hard feeling, Pravn. I understand that ABDs have to answer for all the stupid things we DBDs do ;).

  14. Official reason for the faux pas, from new reports:

    A regional court issued arrest warrants against Gere and barred Shetty from leaving the country. Bhagwagar said that while India’s Supreme Court overturned the order, its ruling did not show up in the immigration department computer system.

    Correction: She was headed for Europe, rather than returning.

  15. The arrest was a mistake, but that happened v recently: this thing has been going arnd for months now. sakshi, i read few news reports, she was not arrested.

    some airport authorities hassled her (which they should have not), and delayed (detained her for questioning) her boarding – agreed it was stupid – but it was not arrest.

    i think jaipur judge who even put a stay order on her, got transferred……..details, details.

  16. i wonder which is worse: being stopped from leaving the country because you might have pending litigation against you, or being deported, questioned or stopped from getting on a flight, in the absence of any proven cause, because you had a beard/wrong name/spoke a foreign language/just because, and not having any resort to any sort of due process in these cases.

    also, i have a question: india has a ton of these stupid cases primarily due to this public interest litigation (pil) system (not saying that pil’s are all bad). is that a carryover from a british system? does the u.s. have something equivalent? why do the likes of james dobson content themselves with shouting themselves hoarse about hollywood hedonists, instead of filing suit against their moral depravity?

  17. The arrest was a mistake, but that happened v recently: this thing has been going arnd for months now. sakshi, i read few news reports, she was not arrested. some airport authorities hassled her (which they should have not), and delayed (detained her for questioning) her boarding – agreed it was stupid – but it was not arrest.

    Paparazzi stunt.

  18. 66 dravidian lurker also, i have a question: india has a ton of these stupid cases primarily due to this public interest litigation (pil) system (not saying that pil’s are all bad). is that a carryover from a british system? does the u.s. have something equivalent

    Complicated issue–and I am far from an expert on it–but, basically, no–“standing” to bring a suit in the US is much more restrictive, in general.

  19. thanks, rob. standing does seem to be much more of an issue in cases in the u.s. two cases i remember where it was a big deal was the pledge of allegiance one which was dismissed on grounds that newdow didn’t have standing for his son, and i think it was also at least a grounds for appeal in the case demanding release of the energy industry folks cheney met with when crafting energy policy to fatten their pockets.

    while i assume this reduces the likelihood of frivolous cases, it might also mean that some legitimate issues might not be litigated (i am not wording this well – i am trying to say that pils seem like they democratize justice much more). so i wonder why the u.s. went the way it did, and india with the system it picked. maybe some (comparative) law experts can help?

  20. I was thinking about the stereotypes that the American kids spewed out about India. I think this is the legacy of British colonialism. The British had a very negative opinion of the native people of India, as you can easily see if you ever read books/documents from that time. And since America started out as a British colony, those sorts of ideas became prevalent in the American psyche as well…………There was never a real effort made to be more “understanding” of India and or Indians. I’ve noticed that Americans are MUCH MORE understanding and emphatic towards East Asians and Africans than they are towards us. Sadly I’ve met many liberal upper-middle class white American girls who have no problems whatsoever saying negative things about India to my face–in a manner they would never use with East Asians or with African-immigrants. This phenomenon needs to be explored more. How do certain Americans justify that sort of behavior to themselves? Is it because they feel threatened by Indians? Why?

    You have it ass-backwards. Its because they dont feel threatened by indians. Indians have always been easy pushovers.

    I think a positive lesson indians can learn from the racism and contempt they are subjected to in America and elsewhere is to feel empathy for the plight of the masses of untouchables in India who are subjected to far far worse treatment at the hands of their fellow hindus than anything you have experienced abroad. This was the lesson that Mahatma Gandhi learned in South Africa and it transformed him.

    I see a lot of posters here crying rivers for the plight of palestinians, burmese etc but when the far worse sufferings of a far greater number of people in India is brought up few deem it worthy of their concern.

  21. See “new Palsgrave Encylopedia of Law & Economics,” “Standing,” for a devastating critique of India’s “PIL” (not explicitly, but by obvious implication).

  22. 69 dravidian while i assume this reduces the likelihood of frivolous cases, it might also mean that some legitimate issues might not be litigated (i am not wording this well – i am trying to say that pils seem like they democratize justice much more). so i wonder why the u.s. went the way it did, and india with the system it picked. maybe some (comparative) law experts can help?

    Yeah, see “new Palsgrave” entry on standing–this is a subtle and complicated issue, and they say it far better than I can.

  23. rob,

    i am not a lawyer but it seems that PIL has origins from US, but not as misused (or made difficult) in US.

    Direct excerpts from http://www.india-news.in/india-law/public-interest-letigation.php

    It is the United States of America who in the mid 1960s initiated the PIL system. In England PIL system was followed during Lord Denning in 1970s. In India it came in the late 1970s and it received its full shape in 1980s. Justice P.N. Bhagwati and Justice Krishna Iyer are the initiators of PIL through their sensitive judgments, which made a clear path to proceed on the road of PIL.

    In the words of Justice V.R. Krishna Iyer, PIL is a process of obtaining justice for the people, by voicing people’s grievance through the legal process. The aim of PIL is to give to the common people of this country access to the courts to obtain legal redress. The constitution of India provides for the ways or remedies in the form of PIL, article 32 (1) guarantees the rights to move the Supreme Court by appropriate proceedings for the enforcement of fundamental rights. Article 32(2) states that the Supreme Court shall have the power to issue directions or orders or rights, including rights in the nature of habeas corpus, mandamus, prohibition, certiorari and quo warrant whichever may be appropriate for the enforcement of any of the rights conferred by part third of the constitution.

    NB: This is from internet, it might be all wrong, i do not know.

  24. The basic insight, if I recall correctly (I don’t have the new Palsgrave at home)is that letting everyone sue over an issue causes the issue to become a “commons”–>”tragedy of the commons.” That said, their analysis is a lot more sophisticated than what I just said….

  25. also, i have a question: india has a ton of these stupid cases primarily due to this public interest litigation (pil) system (not saying that pil’s are all bad). is that a carryover from a british system?

    No, actually PILs were introduced in the early 1980s. They were largely a reaction from the judiciary to the emergency period, when there was widespread abuse of the rights of poor and disadvantaged people, who could not afford access to courts. The idea was that any individual could file such cases as public interest cases, so long as they do not have a selfish intent.

  26. Kush,

    That seems shockingly wrong to me–but, I will look into it tomorrow, given that you are typically very insightful!

  27. rob,

    i do not know about PIL, and its history.

    i just picked from a minute google – so your insight will be useful.

    it is true in india, PIL is used as often as sneezing.

  28. 75 · sakshi No, actually PILs were introduced in the early 1980s. They were largely a reaction from the judiciary to the emergency period, when there was widespread abuse of the rights of poor and disadvantaged people, who could not afford access to courts. The idea was that any individual could file such cases as public interest cases, so long as they do not have a selfish intent.

    That sounds exactly correct–see “new Palsgrave” for the downsides of this–why US doesn’t have it.

  29. this is even further afield from the topic of the post, but while we’re at it, let me ask: people often complain that the wheels of justice turn far too slowly in india, and the usual explanation is an overloaded legal system. are pil’s a significant enough fraction of the load to matter? or is it really the “legitimate” civil and criminal cases that are too much for too few judges?

  30. Some interesting PIL info from internet. The following excerpts from “The culture of public interest litigation in india”

    The evolution of PIL in India has an interesting background. In the famous case of Kesavananda Bharati v State of Kerala[8] the Supreme Court ultimately put a brake on the arbitrary and unreasonable power of legislature to destroy the “Basic features” of the Constitution. Thus, the seeds of PIL could never have been planted had the Supreme Court not brought justness and fairness in the “Indian Legal System” in the year1973, by formulating the “Doctrine of Basic Structure”. Justice Krishna Iyer sowed the seeds of the new dispensation in Mumbai Kamgar Sabha v Abdulbhai Faizullabhai[9] and used the expression PIL and “ epistolary jurisdiction” in Fertilizer Corporation Kamgar Union v U.O.I[10].

    …………….

    The courts in India found that the oppression of the weaker and disadvantaged groups was considerably greater in India as compared to U.S.A. The political and legislative sensitivity was also missing. The Supreme Court was left with no choice but to assume a much more concerned guardian and protector of Fundamental Rights. The resources in India were always claimed to be limited, hence the financing of legal aid programme for giving a boost to PIL was ignored by the government as much as possible. This led to the relaxing of the requirement of “procedures” and “locus standi” by the Supreme Court. The court treated even a simple letter as a PIL. Since the coffers of the State were not burdened by this practice, the “Executive” did not object to the growth of PIL as a measure for emancipation of the poor and the weaker sections. Even the public at large supported the PIL drive. It is interesting to note that the tool of PIL proved to be a grand success in India as compared to its counterpart in U.S.A. This may be because the strategy for giving the poor and oppressed meaningful access to justice is not, as in the U.S.A, to provide funds so that they may participate in the traditional system on an equal economic footing. Instead the strategy is to change the system. Thus, volunteer social activists are allowed standing; a simple letter can be accepted as a writ petition, the court itself will shoulder much of the burden of establishing the facts through the commissions, and whenever possible the case will move swiftly to the issue of remedy, by-passing the time-consuming and costly process. The substantial accomplishments of Indian PIL surely prove that it is a development worthy of the most serious consideration by jurists, lawyers and judges from all societies, and particularly from the United States where the parallel and contrasts are so striking[14].

  31. Kush,

    That’s really interesting. This issue of what is a legal dispute, and who has “standing” to bring it is really, really crucial to understand in any legal regime. Let me re-read some stuff about this before I say more. Your instincts for a good issue are spot-on!

  32. 79 · dravidian lurker this is even further afield from the topic of the post, but while we’re at it, let me ask: people often complain that the wheels of justice turn far too slowly in india, and the usual explanation is an overloaded legal system. are pil’s a significant enough fraction of the load to matter? or is it really the “legitimate” civil and criminal cases that are too much for too few judges?

    Good question–I dunno–a fairly distant relative who was a judge in Hyderabad cert. always bitched about being “swamped” with cases. bottom line–law in India is a lot less “Anglo-American” than we abd’s might think–for example, “contract” law is not a fundamental subject or basis of legal liability in Desh (!!!!)

  33. by which I mean not that there are no contracts in Desh (obviously), but that you might easily meet a lawyer in India who has never studied contract law–cert. shows it’s not exactly Anglo-American law we’re talking about here.

  34. Plus the fact that the social security that such immigrants pay might actually be taking care of the gora trailer trash/teen pregnancies too really do not help.
    one issue that people of color have is that when they try to express anger over something like racism, a white person will come in and try to turn it around and make themselves the victim, calling out “reverse racism”…that kind of thing comes with white privilege. amal’s thoughts may not have been eloquently put, but it seems to be coming from a place where he experienced certain things, and not from ignorance like the boy asking anna whether her parents meant to abort her. stereotyping white people is not the same as stereotyping poc, because white people/culture are the default culture in the western world.

    The level of anti-white sentiment here really scares me sometimes. The core posters and commenters conduct themselves with dignity, but there is a steady background hum of anon responders and lurkers who express sentiments like the posts above. And no, they are not just expressions of anger over racism… they are racism.

    When I come here… or to other desi-interest sites… in the aftermath of some outrage perpetrated against browns I’ll see pretty much the same sentiments expressed from the peanut gallery as I would on Fark or Digg after some random Al Qaeda atrocity, the equivalent of “LOL!!RELIGION OF PIECES!1!” or “GLASS PARKING LOT!!” OK, we do tend to use words with a few more syllables. We are not trailer trash after all. When we really want to add a touch of class to the proceedings we can describe goras with the same language and stereotypes that racist whites use to address blacks or any other people they consider to be no better than slaves. In what alternate reality is that even remotely acceptable?

    But of course whites can’t be the victims of racism. As we all know, racism is all about affecting outcomes. Yeah, right. Anyone who can pull a trigger or swing a bat is capable of affecting outcomes. Even if you subscribe to the idea that true racism comes from within the system and not from the actions of outlaws… well, this may be breaking news, but… we ARE the system. The average desi in America is wealthier, better educated and better connected than the average white and could do far more damage as a practicing bigot… without resorting to violence or(provable) illegality. After what I’ve seen here and other places, I have no doubt that such people exist. As far as the “default” for Western society goes… in America, at least, that would refer to the professional and entrepreneurial classes, with everyone else increasingly being seen as freeloaders. What ethnic/racial group in this country best conforms to that ideal? You have three guesses. The first two don’t count…

    I’m sure this post will prompt some.. ahem… vigorous counter-arguments. However vigorous and eloquent those might be, there’s little chance they’ll convince me to accept the essential immorality or worthlessness of whites and their societies. Whatever you say, there are some realities that can not change. My mother is white. My mother’s people are white. I grew up in a place and a culture that this country has passed by, among people who have suffered fewer opportunities and much more true injustice than most folks here have ever experienced. Seriously… head down to New Orleans and ask anyone… of any color… that you see just how much sympathy they feel for your plight.

    If any of you guys have any advice on how I can reconcile any of that with the accepted reality… short of sticking my head in an oven… I’m all ears…

  35. 5

    “Hey, stop partying and come home to fix my Dell” This is what a gora told me in a pub last week. sad……

    Haha a random German couple said a similiar comment to me in a restaurant in Madrid.

    The German couple (broken English): “Excuse me….are you from Italy or India? We move to Madrid 2 weeks ago and our internet is not working. Can you fix?”

    Brown Daddy (Italian accent): “No, sorry, I’m from Italy. Don’t know about this.”

  36. Why did my previous comment get deleted? Ok, I get it, I’m not welcome at SM.

  37. Public Interest Litigation in the US:

    Federal Courts: In the US, public interest litigations are not possible in Federal Courts because of Article III of the Constitution and its interpretation over the last two hundred years wich has led to a very strict doctrine of standing (Standing is a jurisdictional requirement that a person bringing suit is a proper party entitled to relief)

    State Courts: At the state level, the justiciability of a case is determined by respective state constitutions and state rules of civil procedure enacted by State Legislatures. I dont know the law of all states, but I am not aware of any state which has anything close to the Indian Public Interest Litigation system. There are some exceptions at the state level (mostly at the State Supreme Court level) but usually they are so narrowly tailored that dont resemble the incredibly expansive Indian PILs at any level.

  39. Indian actress Shilpa Shetty has been arrested at the Mumbai, India airport. Her crime? Obscenity. The act? Being the recipient of that overly demonstrative kidd on the cheek from Richard Gere. [Daily Mail] 12:45 PM ON THU SEP 27 2007 BY JENNIFER. 1,428 views

    Warning: Digression –

    Talking abt Richard Gere, Human rights, military intervention etc. etc. here is a movie that I watched last night and recommend for the mutineers and journalists: The Hunting Party…good kitsch of comedy, social cause/human rights ( catching serbian war criminals ) action .

  40. “No hard feeling, Pravn. I understand that ABDs have to answer for all the stupid things we DBDs do ;).”

    are dbds/fobs allowed to be embarassed by NIBRDs? ; (non-india born/raised)

  41. Anna,

    Love your posts always. This one made me think. Back in India if you moved across the different states like say from Tamil Nadu to Maharashtra or vice versa you are still prone to be made fun of. Or worse still were you born in a say Bombay or Delhi and spoke a different tongue at home, there were still references to being Madrasi or gult or whatever. So long as there are inherent differences and an assumed air of superiority, there is always something that will alienate people. I feel there is something much deeper to this dark skin/fair skin stereotypes. Not just limited to the US or Europe.

  42. ANNA,

    I can’t be a lurker anymore – thank you for this post! These kinds of posts are what make SM important to me. My entire life I’ve been the only Indian in the room. My experiences have been similar to yours – it is so nice to know that someone else has dealt with this too. I’ve always used the ignorant/arrogant questions and comments as an opportunity to educate people – but it still is frustrating.

    Thank you again!

  43. I love this post! I’ve had similar internal feelings as you, but b/c because of different external reasons.

    As I’ve said before I grew up in a rural southern area, and I understand what Razib the Atheist, says that sometimes being the only brown was great b/c you were exoticized in a way that made people admire you and want to be your friend and think you were incredibly smart (which I wasn’t).

    I’m amazed at your experiences particularly with teachers – how could they say such things.

    I remember parts of my day when Indra Gandhi was shot. I went to a non-denominational Christian school and I’m the same age as you but a few months older (so that’s achi to you :)). My wonderful teacher, who was really a smart man but had Christian beliefs which i didn’t agree with but he never used that to make me feel degraded, held a prayer for me and India. We would pray three times a day – morning, afternoon, evening and he included the incident in some of those prayers. My fellow students were interested and felt they should be reverential around me. My teacher asked if I wanted to go home early and I did; I think unlike you, I always felt Indian and American and I wanted at that age for people to ask me questions about India, b/c I felt I was only so excited to tell them all the cool things I had that they didn’t b/c I was indian and just also b/c I experienced such sheer joy in my trips to India.

    My family life was not good, b/c of problems my parents had, and the love and joy that I experienced with my family in India, really sustained me as I got older and more confused about how to deal with family issues. That’s my main reason for claiming my India and so like you the end result is the same – The end result of all this is that though I’m not from India, now, I am of it. I love it, but not blindly. I celebrate it, but I don’t do so because of inherited jingoism. India is like a family member

  44. Plus the fact that the social security that such immigrants pay might actually be taking care of the gora trailer trash/teen pregnancies too really do not help.

    Trailer trash means what? Blue collar worker? Laborer?

    And sometimes teens do get pregnant by mistake and instead of aborting, choose to have and raise the child as best they can, while finishing their education and sometimes working a job as well. What is exactly wrong with that?

    And is it only goras who are on welfare, government assitance or who get pregnant in their teens?

    You are forgetting a very big demographic here. I’ll let you guess which one.

    It’s a riot to witness my desi cousins complain about hard times while driving behind the wheels of their Porsches, yes Porsches people. Some people have no idea what “struggle” is so they have to make one up.

    If a small percentage of some rich man or woman’s mega$$$ goes to help a less financially fortunate soul, so what? It’s good karma and they get punya credits for their next life.

    Rich people so need to get over themselves.

  45. I think a positive lesson indians can learn from the racism and contempt they are subjected to in America and elsewhere is to feel empathy for the plight of the masses of untouchables in India who are subjected to far far worse treatment at the hands of their fellow hindus than anything you have experienced abroad. This was the lesson that Mahatma Gandhi learned in South Africa and it transformed him.

    Good point.

    Enough talking the talk. Let’s walk the walk.

    I just returned returned from 3 days and nights of the Landmark Forum (making HUGE headway in India; New Delhi, Bangalore and Mumbai, as well), and if there is one thing I walked away from that with it was; NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR STORY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

  46. Speaking of Landmark, the major thing covered there is the traumatic events of our childhood and youth. Often people will get up and speak about how being called “dummy” in the 2nd grade by Joey MacFarlane caused them to think they were forever stupid and forego college because, “well, I’m just not smart enough”. When you speak about these things in front of a packed room of people you really get to see the ridiculousness of it all. The Landmark Forum leader further chides you till you realize that you are a 50 year old adult who has allowed a name calling in the 2nd grade to rule your life for 42 years!!! The bottom message is GET OVER IT AND START LIVING!!!!

    The Landmark Forum seeks to finish all of your life “stories” in one weekend so that you can walk out of there ready to live. When I read this, “…Given Up Hiding and Started to Fight”, Landmark jumped out from behind the screen at me. All of these things can be fully resolved in one weekend at the Landmark Forum, but then we would all have to find other things to write about, which is easy enough. I loved this piece for the sheer catharsis of it, something I just returned from 3 days of, where people really find themselves through the process of. I recommend everyone to attend in your location to work out all these “stories” in one weekend and cease to have the ghosts of them still haunt you in your adult years, even up until death and who knows, perhaps even beyond?

    The Landmark Forum helps to distinguish WHAT HAPPENED from the STORY we create around the event. What happened is that some kid back in elementary or junior high school said something to you (that’s WHAT HAPPENED), then YOU created a story around it, and 20 to 30 years later you’re still writing the story, giving it meaning (not the writer of this piece neccessarily, this is a general statement meant for all of us living the human condition). But life is MEANINGLESS AND EMPTY. Nothing has meaning except for what we assign it. We assign all kinds of meanings to things that happen, meanings like, “I’m not good enough”, “nobody loves/likes me”, “I’m a loser”, etc. Those are all “stories” we create around HAPPENINGS that in turn define us and our world. And the silly thing is most of it happens when we are between the ages of 4 and 12. Four and twelve people!!!! We have defined our identity and our living out our lives because of what 4 and 12 year olds in elementary school did or said to us!!! Go figure.

    “You know, since you’re like…a Hindu and we just learned that they only like to have sons. So we were wondering if your parents wished they had aborted you. You should ask.”

    This is a PR (public relations) issue that son preference cultures will have to deal with sooner or later as globalization makes the world smaller and brings multi cultures closer in contact.

  47. The German couple (broken English): “Excuse me….are you from Italy or India? We move to Madrid 2 weeks ago and our internet is not working. Can you fix?” Brown Daddy (Italian accent): “No, sorry, I’m from Italy. Don’t know about this.”

    german people making fun of you! its just too easy to get them back.

  48. rashmi, poor form.

    Branch Dravidian — I disagree slightly. Maybe my disagreement is just in the semantics. Just wanted to throw that out there, but I don’t want to draw things too far off topic.

    ANNA — did we go to the same elementary school? I’m just kidding, but despite the generational difference, and despite attending (most of) elementary school in the very desi Bay Area, my experiences were dramatically similar. Some things change, but some seem to always stay the same. I’m not sure about what to say w.r.t. Jezebel. I just find that my expectations of people sink lower and lower as time goes on.

  49. Or would I do what I was aching to—speak my mind, at the risk of alienating the popular and powerful? Yeah, you know how this turns out… Worst of all, why were the other two brown Jezebels okay with this? Was I wrong to be hurt on behalf of a country I had never even lived in? That’s what really bothered me— I was the only one who was not echoing the chorus and following the mood; the choice of the other two desis, to toe some stupid line was like

    WOW!!!! This is exactly how I feel at times when I read Sepia Mutiny on so many different issues. One of the most common themes by the Sepia overlords is that brown folk are totally “racist” towards people of African origin. Anna’s sees a innocous picture of Padma Lakshmi next to R. Simmons and she writes a “humorous” post pretending the community is aghast. It was unfunny, silly and cringe-inducing. Here another bizarre comment from Ennis on a similiar topic..it was so far from from left-field. Perhaps he’s extrapolating from his own family/friends.

    I guess the slack had to be picked up since “The Ill Hindu” left. Ever get the nauseous feeling the wrong people are leading…I do all the time.

  50. I just find that my expectations of people sink lower and lower as time goes on.

    Camille, and the serenity and peace of mind that comes with zero expectations is priceless. 😀