Ah, Padma.
Padma, Padma, Padma.
Potentially Mallu (I thought you were TamBrahm!) beauty, accomplished author and Television ish-tar, you speak so uniquely and that takes some talent. What sort of talent, I haven’t a clue, but I’ll credit you anyway, because I’m fond of you like that.
A few years ago, you made every Desi man’s heart beat a little bit faster, from the joy of the improbable occurring; if a supermodel would marry an award-winning, uber-protective, “distinguishedâ€-looking author, then everyone had hope (as long as they did something extraordinary. Or had a looooot of paisa). It was the ultimate Revenge fantasy and that’s exactly what it was, because the dream, it died. You and the man who defended your intellect, who insisted that you were being shortchanged by the focus on your outsides, you are…kaput.
So, what to do, except to follow the well-established mores of our culture. You don’t recall? I am happy to remind. Now comes the time when you cast your eyes downwards, marinate in the somber reality of failure and wait an appropriate time before you are back on the scene, the ultimate “Innocent Divorcee, no issueâ€. It is imperative that you be seen alone, that you not be photographed with strange men touching you, because if a potential groom from Madras or Bangalore sees that, chee, vat he vill think?
So it is paining me, Padma-akka (chechi?!) to see you emulate the controversial example of that Sarita Denzel Masala of Mississippi, especially since you chose to do that in the front row of the Marc Jacobs show, where everyone could see you! Aiyo! What’s the one thing your Amma told you, edi?
“Don’ bring home a Kala or Muslim.â€
Stop lying, you aren’t special, she totally said that. [Aside: whenever I hear that oft-repeated phrase, I wonder what would happen if one chose to bring home a KALA MUSLIM, but I digress]. I’m well aware that all of our parents ignorantly shouted this rather nonsensical order at us, in an attempt to be helpful (though I’m sure for our Muslim friends it was “Don bring home a Kala or a Hindu!â€, since the hate goes both vays).
So, what are you doing? Yes, this Russell, he is healthy, wealthy, wise. He does yoga. He is a vegan (unlike you! Naughty, naughty omnivore!) and he seems kind. BUT. He has two children! And his ex-wife will smear Vaseline on her face, take her bamboo earrings (at least two pair) off, hand them to her assistant and then CUT YOUR ASS UP. Have you not seen Life in the Fab Lane, starring Kimora Lee Simmons? Put down the bong and pay attention: you should be terrified!
Worst of all, when I was watching the Today show this morning, I saw your “friend” Russell. He was wearing his “uniform†of baseball cap, sweater, shirt, jeans, sneakers. Ek tiny problem: there was an OM symbol on his jeans pocket. Now I am both Christian and a quondam lover of status denim (Diesel, Blue Cult, James et al), so I am just slightly, less offended than half of those who are sure to comment AND I get that the kundi pockets must have some elaborate design on them, to show people you have rs.5500+ to burn on a pair of pants which was once worn by the working class…to WORK, but I was taken aback when I saw that, much as I was when I viewed this commercial. Someone who is so entranced with our culture should know better than to put a sacred image on a back pocket!
Om on pocket? Home with two kids, and a fiercely mean ex-? Far too friendly hand on your leg? What are you thinking? Who will want you, if you continue with such shenanigans? They will burn you in effigy, I tell you. Or worse. They will call for strikes. The sweatshops in Bangladesh will stop stitching Phat Farm and Baby Phat crap! There will be chaos!
I only say all of this to be nice. I am concerned for you! If you ask me, you should try to be more homely and make sure you fast on Fridays for a good husband; perhaps your kinda-boring cooking show can tape on other days? Vatewer. I care, so I advise. I am like this only. You should be, too. Hangari!
Photo via NYT. A big, juicy “thank you” to Rumor Monger, for the tip. 🙂
I am like this OMly.
::
Seriously, do I need to bludgeon people with everything I’m trying to convey? Humor. See: Pingpong’s comment @ 249, Lena. And if you don’t have anything nice to type, don’t type at all. Didn’t you learn that at OM?
😀 Couldn’t resist…
\
bring it on, omies.
no need for ad-ominem attacks.
it is whom. and nobody was asking that question when this archaeologist was dating stuff.
Never did hear “kala.” Did hear “karrupan” and “Karrupukarran” MANY times. but nothing derogatory. Like Anna’s dad, my family only reacted to the existence of a significant other (the conservative, desi family ‘slippery slope’ argument–first boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense, then baby nonsense, then homeless-yand-baby nonsense, then bankruptcy nonsense)
Speaking of dates, my calendar has got more dates in a month than I have had a year. But then it got a deadly sexually transmitted disease from somewhere. Now my calendar’s days are numbered.
but maybe you should hang out in better places 😉
Ha! But that’s where I live. It’s a part of the city (DC) which is being developed and there’s good places and bad places just blocks away. There’s a housing project only 2 blocks from my “luxury” apartment.
Hair straighteners? Because having straight hair is considered the “norm” I think his comments were spot on. No one gonna fire you for wearing “natural” hair. That is not the same thing as saying your going to be on the ‘fast track’ for the corner office either. Well I work as in the nonprofits, so I come across alot of AfAms with dreads or natural hair— but this environment is much more liberal.
And that is where the racial self-loathing, the colorism begins. Imagine a mother telling her own kala children that a foreign light skin tone is better than theirs. Pretty screwed up isnt it?
This idealization of rare light skin must have begun around the time of the muslim invasions, for before that indians depicted their gods and heroes, such as Rama and Krishna, as black/dark. Which proves that the aryan invasion theory is false.
The color and phenotype of the muslim invaders, rather than the european invaders, continues to be idealised because the muslim conquerors were more numerous and had come to stay and mingled with the natives of India, while the british were never more than a 100,000 or so and kept aloof from the native population and eventually left en masse.
and may i extend abrahamic convergence to the indo-aryan realm by adding that jesus is my om boy?
And that is where the racial self-loathing, the colorism begins. Imagine a mother telling her own kala children that a foreign light skin tone is better than theirs.
Well, I have a different opinion about this – “foreign light skin tone” doesn’t have to be foreign. Yeah, its colorism but I don’t think it HAS to be racial self-loathing.
By the way Diletante – I KNOW desis use (electric) hair straighteners – I don’t actually most people in my family (except for my little sis) and most of my friends do not. Not every desi uses a hair straigtener – sometimes it’s natural. Oh,And I try and make my hair curlier most of the time.
Well, I have a different opinion about this – “foreign light skin tone” doesn’t have to be foreign. Yeah, its colorism but I don’t think it HAS to be racial self-loathing.
well, the issue is that there is extant variation among brown people, and there are people who are tamil or bengali or whatever who have every skin tone from brunette white to black. and, that variation exists within families quite often as well. so it isn’t as simple as racial self-loathing as much as aesthetic beauty ideals which mots of the population by necessity can never attain.
so it isn’t as simple as racial self-loathing as much as aesthetic beauty ideals which mots of the population by necessity can never attain.
I agree – and as far as aethetic beauty ideals, every society has them – in the US, I’d say the ideal is tall, long rail thin bodies with boobs, black skin or white skin — how many of us can reach that ideal. For men, well I’m for Daniel Day Lewis – how many men look that hot and that angular and that cut?
The mediterranean skin tone is an exceedingly rare variation in tamil or bengali families. To idealize something that the overwhelming majority of “the population by necessity can never attain” is a classic example of racial/ethnic self-loathing.
Anna, I was not being rude…I was simply stating “WHO CARES”….when you post on a public forum is everyone supposed to agree with what you post? I think not. Razib, I stated what I felt when I read this with one comment now followed with this one to get across what I meant..I am not a post/comment whore like yourself.
The mediterranean skin tone is an exceedingly rare variation in tamil or bengali families. – well I guess we keep arguing back and forth but I’m Malyalee and it is not an “exceedingly rare variation”; Exceedingly rare would be blue eyes among desis.
“the population by necessity can never attain” is a classic example of racial/ethnic self-loathing. – so a white girl in the US who wants the long limbs of Heidi Klum has racial self-loathing, or if she takes her aesthetic liking to an extreme and becomes bulimic, wouldn’t she just have self-loathing?
Prema/Sathya/Dharma: Is that you ? 🙂
def. the prema-bot 😉 though they changed their beastly tone a bit to go under the radar.
It couldn’t be Prema – Prema would say something like:
it is amazing what self-delusions desis have! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror and seen that you are blacker than coal! All the world, the Chinese to the Africans are laughing at you and your casteist, racist society.
ps, but evolutionary adaptation. prema knows that the bottish behavior is too easy to sniff out.
I agree – and as far as aethetic beauty ideals, every society has them – in the US, I’d say the ideal is tall, long rail thin bodies with boobs, black skin or white skin — how many of us can reach that ideal.
but that’s not racial self-loathing per se.
evolutionary adaptation – oh yes, of course
he used to have one of these on his butt, but then people started rumors that he likes it up the ying yang. now they whisper, he’s an omosexual.
agree – and as far as aethetic beauty ideals, every society has them – in the US, I’d say the ideal is tall, long rail thin bodies with boobs, black skin or white skin — how many of us can reach that ideal.
but that’s not racial self-loathing per se
Oh I agree – that’s what I’m trying to say – maybe I’m not being clear ; but I’m saying that instead of racial self-loathing, it could just be self-loathing.
Prodigiously commenting is not whoring. Unless you also consider excessive belching to be a choral arrangement or snide scattershot commenting to be worth the finger motions.
It seems that the eminent archaeologist, Dr. Prema/Sathya/Dharma has returned to our humble commenting space. I eagerly anticipate his/her/hyr/hym’s forthcoming treatise on how depictions of fanciful characters are directly correlated to skin coloration and how this phenomenon can teach us how we became self-hating oppressors of the world and aren’t worth a damn, really.
Oh I agree – that’s what I’m trying to say – maybe I’m not being clear ; but I’m saying that instead of racial self-loathing, it could just be self-loathing.
well, whatever it is. i recall in bangladesh sitting outside a store with my younger brother, who is totally american and raised. he looked at me and asked why the depictions of children on the walls all had light brown, almost pinkish, skin. he wondered, “do bengalis want to be white???” he was just plain confused. so what can be normal to some is worth comment by someone who is coming into the situation without priors.
Nah. Just wheat.
at worst, maybe cream of wheat
By this categorization, Aishwarya Rai acting badly would be Ham on Rai.
I myself am neither white nor wheat, just Wry.
I suppose that one way to attract a mate is to earn a lot of dough.
Or maybe be from a well-bread family.
that some good looking wheat meat
Of course it is. Read how the portuguese, who are of the mediterranean race, described the natives of Kerala. They did not recognize any fair mediterranean types among the natives. Here’s an excerpt from a letter written by Francis Xavier from Cochin:
http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/1543xavier1.html
“the Indians being black themselves, consider their own color the best, they believe that their gods are black. On this account the great majority of their idols are as black as black can be”
He would be rolling in his grave with laughter if he could learn that keralites of today are idealizing his mediterranean skin tone and warning their children not to marry kalas!
He would be rolling in his grave with laughter if he could learn that keralites of today are idealizing his mediterranean skin tone and warning their children not to marry kalas!
white people laughing at brown people for their presumption. i think we have a positive prema-identification 😉
if she continued to act badly she’d by Rai on the rocks.
but since bollywood prefers the rye skin, if rai went out in the sun, she’d be toast.
but in that case she could always come to hollywood where she’d have a chance at being toast of the town
You were not being rude at all, you were being clueless. You thought this was about Padma and Russell, you couldn’t read between the lines and it is dishonest to pretend otherwise. No need to act nonchalant to cover your inability to recognize humor. It happens.
before the british colonized india, Aishwarya’s family name was Pumpernickel
Yes, I once knew that guy actually. His real name was X.A.V.Iyer. It was short for Ananthapadmanabhachari Vijayendraswamy Iyer, and the X was to symbolize that he didn’t know himself. As a Parkbench Pitamah once said “Everyone came from India”.
yeah, know him too. he converted to Islam and became Malcolm X.A.V.Iyer. His light skin helped him rise to the top, but some say he was anti-wheat.
This is to be expected of course. Light skin rises, heavy skin sinks.
to be fair, he was the cream of the crop.
So really, he would be LOLling in his grave?
“Stop, stop! This is no laughing matter. This is a grave issue.”
Now, those of you whose knowledge of the NOI goes beyond HMF’s kindergarten level of understanding,
If Im kindergarten, you’re a fucking fetus my friend. To put it simply, there are just a few things that no one f’s with me on, Malcolm X is one of them, it’s just a law of the land. I’m sure Malcolm’s engaging speaking ability had far more to do with his being chosen to establish temples than his color. Malcolm is such a caliber person that he’d reject any kind of benefits afforded him based on skin color. As for Malcolm receiving privilege for being light skinned, he also followed it up by saying, it’s the pathology of white supremist thinking that allows it. His entire life was dedicated to eradicating such thinking.
The point of Malcolm’s mother’s anecdote was to show that “being more white” wasn’t necessarily a blanket benefit within the black community, that indeed some people wanted exactly the opposite.
i agree this skin color thing is a grave issue. but its so shameful we should keep it underground
Ponstupid, yes maybe I did not read between the lines so I commented on what I thought it was about…how was that being dishonest? Do you always get things correct? Ugh thats the thing with you desis, you are always taking things up the a$$!! Don’t even bother replying Ponwhogivesashitwaturnameis because I have no more time to waste reading this garbage. Ciao
From PAGE 3 of the Autiobiography:
“Out in the world, later on, in Boston and New York, I was among the millions of Negroes who were insane enough to feel that it was some kind of status symbol to be light complexioned”
How about you produce a shred of credible evidence that Elijah Muhammed chose Malcolm in any real way based on his complexion, and that other more qualified, but darker NOI members would have or should have been given that position.
Then I’m honored to be able to teach such a distinguished scholar of the NOI a thing or two. I am forever in your gratitude. Perhaps I can make it up to you by teaching you more about MLK.
I’m sure it did too, as I never said Malcolm light skin was the primairy factor. I also recall elijah mentioning his facial features.
Yes and No. He was more like Pogo: “we have met the enemy, and it is us”
Note to SM Intern re comment #293:
Could you please also tell Lena that Britney Spears can be contacted at 310-860-8000, and that the derivative of (sin(x))^2 with respect to x is 2.sin(x).cos(x)?
i noticed you qualified you statement with “any real way.” So i guess you’re having doubts and are rescinding your earlier blanket statement that this was “fucked up shit.” glad i can add some nuance to your simplistic understanding of the NOI.
Anyway, i don’t know how large a factor it was to elijah. but my understanding is that it was a factor, and that elijah, unlike malcolm, was less evolved and more of a scam artist. i believe this can be found in: Malcolm X: Make It Plain. by Orlando Bagwell, Judy Richardson and i think i was a film on this on “the american experience many years ago. i believe its very sympathetic to malcolm but touches on the NOI philosphy being possibly a form of self-hate. hope that’s not too nuanced for you. you can buy the scholarly paper on-line via my earlier link
razib mentioned the movie malcom X, so maybe you want to see that or look into spike lee’s wrinting on NOI.
oops, here is the link to: American Experience: Malcolm X – Make it Plain
wow, this post is entertaining. it’s a shame how much time i just spent reading every comment when i ought to be studying! i love seeing how everyone educates/corrects each other… just brilliant!
back to the black and indian convo. i think it’s really interesting that some desi parents, who only know indians and india, would try to reinforce a hatred of people of african descent into their children’s minds. it seems weird to have a hatred towards people who you have spent little quality time with. what could these parents possibly know about people of african descent to hate them especially so?
i don’t agree with the religious hatred either, but at least there was a history of warfare etc. with muslims in india to make that prejudice a little more understandable. i think it’s funny how people can debate mixing so much, when it is the history of the world, it’s kind of funny that we keep track, but i guess it’s to remind ourselves that it’s …well….normal!
first of all the indian subcontinent ain’t that far away from the african continent. most people should know that arabs and muslims ruled over parts of india and east africa, bringing those people in contact with each other. not to mention african immigration to india centuries ago, and in more recent times indian immigration to east africa under british rule. then there’s the caribbean– don’t get me started. also, a little known fact is that many of the first indian immigrants to the US mixed quite a bit with african americans as well as whites and mexicans.
it’s true that modern black-indian examples include: tatyana ali, ananda lewis, chili, alan keyes’ family, kamala harris etc. but what i think is funniest about this post being started is that: russell simmons looks like he has some white in his genes to me, and his ex-wife kimora lee is black and korean. thus, mixing obviously isn’t an issue to them.
i think the whole whiteness obsession, which seems pervasive amongst pretty much every community of color i’ve ever known, is pretty hilarious. don’t get me wrong, i got love for white people, but i honestly don’t find them exceptionally attractive. that’s not to say that there aren’t gorgeous whites, of course there are (charlize theron, gwen stefani), but they are not my gold standard! and when it comes to indians: i think ash is great, but shabana azmi is gorgeous, nandita das is, as is parminder nagra, etc… same with african americans: naomi campbell (technically a brit), b. smith, lauryn hill, maia campbell, etc.
i think the real reason whiteness is admired so much is either bc it is (a) rare or (b) associated with the power people of fairer skin often have over the darker toned majority. i think this point should be acknowledged, so that people don’t just equate fair with lovely.
although many parents justify teaching prejudice to their children on many grounds such as social acceptance and avoiding a more challenging marriage; i think one of the real reasons underlying this practice is that many parents harbor a secret fear of seeing their future generations not looking like them so to speak.
also i think comment #230 was funny bc russell and padma are so much more successful than rachel roy and damon dash, it’s not even funnie. if they were to become a couple (which i seriously doubt they will), they would make a much more powerful one than the aforementioned.
that’s my 2 cents for now =)
i think the real reason whiteness is admired so much is either bc it is (a) rare or (b) associated with the power people of fairer skin often have over the darker toned majority. i think this point should be acknowledged, so that people don’t just equate fair with lovely.
rare? really ugly people are are 😉 rarity isn’t relevant unless it is in a direction you value, so a) is a function of b) here.