Unleash Your Inner-Joan Rivers

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TMBWITW and some bad hair.jpg

One of you kind souls, who wishes to remain anonymous, sent me this picture of “India’s Brangelina“, because you were hoping we might play The Caption Game with it (ji, thanks!). Absosmurfly! What better way to draw off-topic commentary away from the Maximum Nerdery thread? 😉

Without further ado, let’s get snarky. To the left we see Abhishek Bachan and his bride strutting down the red carpet at Cannes.

Most of you are aware that Aishwarya is sometimes known by the unwieldy acronym TMBWITW. Well, now that she is part of a pair, I propose that her hubby get an acronym, too. It’s only fair, right? Damnit, I don’t want to propagate the hegemony of the pasty. Err, I meant…it’s only dark? Whatever.

How about TMFHITW? I’m sure you can guess what the third and fourth letters stand for, but in case you haven’t had two cups of coffee like I have, I’ll spare you from wondering– FH = fugly hair.

Unless your name is Esthappan and you’re rocking a puff, COMB YOUR HAIR. I’m guessing Abhishek get it from his Mama? Big Daddy Amitabh’s tresses seem a bit more manageable. Anyway, the entire point of this debacle of a post is to offer you tired, grumpy, three-day-weekend-missing mutineers a chance to play the caption game! You know how we do, and if you don’t, check out previous editions: ein, zwei, drei, vier, funf…

So, just what is Aish saying? What is her spouse thinking? Why are there suddenly so many Tamil people on SM? The answers to all this and more, will most probably not be found below, not that you’re disappointed at that. Now get to captioning!

264 thoughts on “Unleash Your Inner-Joan Rivers”

  5. TMBWITW: YOU! Over there! YEAH you! Come over here and give me a hug! Don’t think you can sneak by me like that.

    TMFHITW: Dammit! Has Ash been hitting the bhang again??!!?? I should have been keeping my eye on her instead of spending that extra 30 seconds on my hair.

  11. Fuerza, That study is mentioned on CNN too and it has my vote for the Ignobel

    Seems to be a 2 factor model, with a constraint. i.e. the desirablility of a guy is linked to height and income, constrained by the guys last name. i.e. “I want the tallest richest guy from the xyz community”.

    for guys its also a 1 factor model with a barrier and a constraint. the 1 factor being h*tness. the barrier being a max age. the constraint being community. i.e. “I want the h0ttest grl, under the age of X, of XYZ community”.

    although this is not perfect, i think it largely works to predict behavior.

  14. Seems to be a 2 factor model, with a constraint. i.e. the desirablility of a guy is linked to height and income, constrained by the guys last name. i.e. “I want the tallest richest guy from the xyz community”. for guys its also a 1 factor model with a barrier and a constraint. the 1 factor being h*tness. the barrier being a max age. the constraint being community. i.e. “I want the h0ttest grl, under the age of X, of XYZ community”. although this is not perfect, i think it largely works to predict behavior.

    Maybe we should have a desi version of hotornot to test this theory.

  17. you must of thought you were SO original 😉

    Puli, if I thought that I were that original, I would have been featured in smartornot … Thanks for the link though. Somehow I got the feeling that these sites prey on junta who are low on self-esteem or are fishing for compliments — Ooh, I was rated 6.8 by 30 ppl – man, am I a catch or what?

  18. Somehow I got the feeling that these sites prey on junta who are low on self-esteem or are fishing for compliments

    check out the message boards. all the guys are hormone crazed. all the grls are h0s born in 1991

  28. @56

    Bacchan and the soon expected Baccha …

    Unless the shots that were fired by baba Bachchan were blanks…………

  31. ach mäuschen, das war doch “eins” und nicht “ein”..zuch leetle dings catch me eye

  34. ach mäuschen, das war doch “eins” und nicht “ein”..zuch leetle dings catch me eye

    I love ven zuch leetle dings catch zee eye. Danke. 🙂

    German is the only language I flunked, so I’m not entirely sure what you typed, but I think it was “the word is eins and not ein”? Ich spricht keine Deutsch, which is why I went here for the spellings I used, maybe I shouldn’t have trusted them? 😀

  40. @61

    "for guys its also a 1 factor model with a barrier and a constraint. the 1 factor being   
h*tness. the barrier being a max age. the constraint being community. i.e. "I want the   
h0ttest grl,  under the age of X, of XYZ community".

although this is not perfect, i think it largely works to predict behavior."

    –Is this theory applicable in the context of TMBWITW and TMFHITW? (consider: she is 2-3 years older than him) If not, what could be the possible reasons for the case of TMBWITW/TMFHITW emerging as an exception to the above theory?

  41. “I want the h0ttest grl, under the age of X, of XYZ community”.

    well…the age barrier is REALLY hard to overcome, but if you can provide an EXTREME level of hotness, even age and community requirements can be bought off. ash is 1 in a billion. she can get away with a lot due to high levels of hotness. decrease her hotness to the level of a mere mortal, and it wouldnt work.

  42. If not, what could be the possible reasons for the case of TMBWITW/TMFHITW emerging as an exception to the above theory?

    bahu of Bollywood’s first-family?

  43. what could be the possible reasons for the case of TMBWITW/TMFHITW emerging as an exception to the above theory?

    power, fame, and the fact that she’s vastly better looking than most women younger than her (even though i don’t think she’s hot, per se). as for community – i doubt it matters for him – since he comes from a relatively mixed ethnic/regional background, and even though her family is south indian, she grew up in bombay. and i also assume there is compatibility that does not have to do with these superficial factors…

  44. and i also assume there is compatibility that does not have to do with these superficial factors…

    not a very good assumption. people are largely superficial. (not completely, but, yeah. largely.)

    by hotness, i mean looks. i.e. physically attractive.

  46. Since I’m not clever enough to think of a caption, I will unleash my inner wannabe-fashionista and comment on their fashion choices anyway:

    TMBWITW: Her make-up looks off and orange-y, like she applied too much self-tanner to her face. Possibly too much blush? The eyes aren’t accentuated enough (though this isn’t a close-up), and I’m not feelin’ that lipstick. Her hair also looks limp. But the dress = classic and gorgeous. But the shoes seem sorta plain and is that her purse she’s holding?! It looks like a huge eyeglasses case. I guess she went for a classic, understated look but nothing really pops either.

    Also… her ‘paunch’?! Followed by speculation that she may be pregnant… Dear god, if that’s pregnant, then I have octuplets in my uterus. (Also, they’ve said in interviews that she’s busy working for the next two years at least and will be holding off on kids… though I’m not a fan of either of them, I’m glad to see her in-laws are not confining her to her home a la Madhuri Dixit. And yes, their kids will pretty much be Bollywood royalty from the day they are born).

    TMFHITW: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH why does he have a mullet?! WHY?! His facial hair looks bad simply because it looks so uneven in terms of thickness. I don’t think Abhishek is attractive at all, except for being tall and intense-looking, but the hair is definitely not doing him any favors. Also, his shoes are really shiny and white tie + white shirt = WTF?

  47. i dont think a great predictor of superfiacial guys preferences.

    it would be for an actor – i mean, that new nuclear family of theirs is ridiculously powerful – ash definitely brings in a different element in terms of indutsry power than the bachchans alone…

  48. it would be for an actor – i mean, that new nuclear family of theirs is ridiculously powerful – ash definitely brings in a different element in terms of indutsry power than the bachchans alone…

    that could be the case.

    except for being tall

    thats usually enough….

  49. though I’m not a fan of either of them, I’m glad to see her in-laws are not confining her to her home a la Madhuri Dixit.

    i don’t think that’s fair – from whatever i have read about her, she seemed to have wanted this lifestyle – she’s stated a few times how it’s nice not to be recognised in her daily life. plus, isn’t she doing movies? it seems like the more family-oriented life was what she wanted at that point in her life

    re the fashion choices – blame it on loreal. after her first few debacles of fashion choices at cannes, they insisted on styling her if she was there as their representative. but if you saw that close-up, i’m pretty sure you wouldn;t like her eye shadow 😉

  50. except for being tall thats usually enough….

    well i also partly mean tall in relation to me. and i’m short (i tell people i’m 5’2″) so it doesn’t take much. i wouldn’t be averse to dating a ‘short’ guy (especially since i know how they feel, since my brother is one of them); i went out with a guy that was 5’6″ for a while. but i do have friends the same height as me who refuse to date anyone shorter than 5’10”. shrug