This is what a Feminist looks like.

Posted on by

Daddy's Girl.jpg

Exactly 32.5 years ago, a short man with a fearsome moustache stood at a nursery window, tears in his eyes, pride bordering on arrogance spilling forth via his words.

“See her? The one with the huge eyes? That’s my daughter.”

The strangers standing near him congratulated him and politely made remarks about his newborn’s full head of hair and yes, her eyes, which were peering around suspiciously as if she were casing her bassinet, planning a possible escape.

“She was alert, when she was born. She didn’t cry. She…uh…she takes after me. Strong.”

He cleared his throat and complained about the dust, using his ever-present handkerchief to wipe his eyes swiftly.

“Look at the other babies…they are oblivious. They’re nothing compared to her.” He had never been so smug.

My “Grandma”, who is a Russian Orthodox woman who married an Italian, who still sends me a check every January, who told me this story, stood by him, smiling.

“Oh, cut the bullshit George! Every parent thinks their kid is a damned miracle.”

She was teasing him, she didn’t mean it. She always admitted as much when telling this tale, because the next part of it involves her elbowing the woman next to her, and asking, “Have you ever seen a baby with so much hair and such big eyes? Most kids are bald. And squinty.”

My Mom was down the hall, passed out. There was still a tiny smudge of flour on her arm; she had been making chapati when I made my abrupt entrance on a Saturday night, after less than two hours of labor.

::

Much like the adorable protagonist of “Knocked Up”, my father had purchased baby books to study.

Ever the engineer, he charted out milestones and other information. He laid awake at night, unable to sleep; his brain, which already over thought everything, was now whirring even faster. He was the precursor to today’s “helicopter” parent, though he’d scoff at such dilettantes for being OCD-freaks-come-lately.

“That’s what happens when you wait until you are 38 to have a child. You really parent”, he’d explain to me and anyone else who would listen, later.

::

“You will be a book baby,” he allegedly announced to me, the day he strapped me in to the back of one massive Cadillac Fleetwood Brougham, on the way home from the hospital. “You will do everything exactly when the books say…”

…or else. Or else, what? Who knows, I’m just lucky I did it. All that amazing early achievement would buy me some leeway when I turned out to be spectacularly mediocre, later on in life. When he heard that another young couple had given birth to their own first child a few days before, he elatedly rushed to their home, which was strangely dark and quiet. He had books in his hand, his books, which he was confident he didn’t need any more, since he had studied them so thoroughly (and made his charts and notes). Perhaps this new Father might appreciate them.

Daddy looked at the doorbell and then thought against ringing it.

“Probably, they are sleeping.”

That would explain the lack of light and absence of joyful if not ear-piercing noise. He knocked, carefully.

The door swung open, revealing a man I won’t call “Uncle”, because I have never met him. He looked haggard. My father would later tell me that the house seemed eerie and that he knew something wasn’t right.

“Hello.”

“I heard you and your wife had a baby. Congratulations!”

The man shook his head.

“Babu called and told me, I was very excited for you—“

“For what?” the man responded.

“For…your child? I just had one as well, it’s wonderful!”

The man looked startled.

“Oh, I am so sorry! We would have come to see—we thought you had a daughter, Babychayan didn’t tell us you and Mollykutty had a SON!”

“What are you talking about? I don’t have a son. I have a daughter. Anna. 8 lbs, 22 inches long and already very intelligent,” he boasted.

“So we were both unlucky, then,” he lamented. “I am sorry.” He shook his head at my father sadly. “Can I get you a drink?”

“What do you mean…unlucky?” Daddy was sputtering.

“To have daughters! I told my wife over and over, I only wanted one child and it must be a son. We prayed constantly…and this is what our prayers brought.”

“You are UNHAPPY because you have a girl? Is the child healthy?”

“I don’t know…I assume so…”

“You ASSUME?”

“Well, once they told me it was a girl, I left. I was so upset at our misfortune. All I could think of is, how will I tell my parents this?”

“What the hell is wrong with you? You haven’t even seen your own child? Are you sick?”

“I didn’t even go in to the room, I couldn’t. I don’t want to see it. I left them both there, until I decide what to do. Maybe we will send it home.”

“You are a low, ignorant asshole. If your wife and child are healthy, you should be on your knees thanking God.”

“Who are you to call me such a thing?”

“I’d break your bones, but it’s not worth my effort. You fucking asshole.”

The man shoved my father and Daddy roared. After administering one stinging backhand, he angrily made his way back to our home.

::

For years after the incident, he still ranted about it, his rage unchecked. “Can you imagine? Leaving your child in the hospital without even seeing her! And then sending your own baby away, as if it were a parcel you didn’t want? Thendi, patti kazhuda mone, if I see him again, I’ll step on him and break his bones!” Thantha illatha pottan. Pattikunnan bhuthi-illathe thendi!”

He’d carry on like that for a good twenty minutes, after which he’d pointedly remind me that he only asked my mother for one child, ONE and that he hoped it would be a girl.

“My sister was the fifth out of eleven children, and the only daughter of our family. My father often said that she had the biggest andi of us all.” He’d smile, sweetly immersed in nostalgia.

“Must you be so disgusting?” my Mother would mutter.

“Is it disgusting to respect women? To value them?”

“Is it valuing to say that your sister’s…ah…thing was bigger than all of yours…chey, I can’t even think of such words!”

“Edi, my father may have used colorful language to make his point, but the point he was making is what is important—he thought his daughter the equal of his sons and in many ways, he found her superior to them. For someone born in 1885, that is nothing short of marvelous. What do you know? Your grandmother was married at age seven. Chey!”

“Don’t you insult my family!”

“Who needs to insult, when the truth is damning enough?”

And a door would slam and my father would smirk and coo about how I looked just like his Mother, the woman I was named after.

“Ada”, he began, using the masculine form of that noun. “Chakkara-kuttan. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you are less than a man, you hear me? My appan was right about my pengala—she was better than any man, she still is. You know, she thought raising children was boring, so she told me to make myself useful and look after them.” He chuckled.

“That is how I know how to braid hair. Asha’s hair was just like yours.”

“Did you also carve lines in to her scalp like you do mine?” I mumbled darkly. My father didn’t do anything gently. My partition line was more of a furrow. Stupid unbreakable black comb.

It didn’t matter, he was blissfully marinating in his reverie.

“I used to make sure that Geetha, Asha and Subash were awake and then I would get them ready before taking them to school. At first, I thought, what 18-year old has such annoying responsibilities? Then I realized how satisfying children can be. That was when I started to wonder if I should still become a priest. My desire to one day be a father myself left me thinking otherwise…then of course your Grandfather objected to that vocation, too. He thought engineering best, which is certainly hard to argue with…but Ammamma…she went to law school, just like you will. And now she is a Judge, just like you will be. But instead of Kottayam, you will be on the Supreme Court…the first Asian woman…”

And then he snapped out of it all so fast, I was shocked he didn’t have whiplash.

“Don’t you do drugs, you hear me? They will ask you all types of things when they consider you-— you think about that before you do something stupid now, which results in shame later. What does Daddy always say? You live in a world of idiots. They will underestimate you because you are a girl. So! What do you do? You score 200% and then tell them po oombe. You are better than a son. Someone asked me, ‘but what about your name, Thampy? Who will carry it on for you?’ And I said, ‘Maire, what makes you think my daughter will change hers?’ And he said, ‘her husband won’t appreciate that’. And I said-“

“You said, I don’t need to get married. I know, Daddy. I know.” I was rolling my eyes, disrespectful because I had no idea how extraordinary all of this was. Silly, sullen teen.

“I didn’t raise you to cook or clean things, you know. If a man wants a maid and a housekeeper, he can hire them. If he wants an equal partner, he can ask for you. Maybe.”

He closed by hissing, “ Asshole!” at his future son-in-law and then he waved me off. As I started up the stairs, on my way to my room, he shouted at my backside…

“Whose name are you going to have?”

“Yours, daddy.”

“No, stupid girl, YOURS. My name IS your name. Don’t you take that bastard’s name. He didn’t put up with you like I have. You put our name on your law degree, you hear me? There is nothing wrong with that! Nothing! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? Oh! What a miserable existence, to have a daughter so dense, she might as well have testicles…”

257 thoughts on “This is what a Feminist looks like.”

  2. LOL Well you make it sound like the opposite does not apply and all women are lesbians, YES you DO generalize!

  3. Guys, I think Whatever is trying to be the king of comedy. Just reread 166. How many people who really think the way Whateva does would have read Adrienne Rich?! She is not someone you just ‘come across’…A clever troll.

    Btw, Rahul, ak, Pondatti etc. Rock on. Love the wit. With you guys around, this place is getting to be like a Louis XIV literary salon.

  4. I don’t think my friends and I have EVER looked at one another and wistfully declared with diappointment, “oh, there are no men here!”. We go out to have fun with each other. Sometimes, girls night out is really about…the girls.

    Doesn’t make us lesbians, though. Even Samantha on SATC went to gay clubs with her gf- I don’t think it’s quite as much about getting laid for us, but that’s all the generalizing I’ve got for this moment. Do allow me to recharge.

  5. many women would rather that men “get” feminism and have skillz, rather than buy us drinks. to the very fortunate person at whose feet women throw themselves, people are only trying to explain the social and economic logic of why clubs might allow women to enter free (i.e., it is out of no special generosity toward women). we are casting no aspersions on the potency of your mojo. you da man, bhai saab.

  6. Lord have mercy. You’re for real aren’t ya?

    assuming he is, we can still refuse to lend credence to the “slippery-slope” argument by not responding to it.

    Anna, well-deserved kudos on your post. I took my mother’s last name long ago, to honor her wonderwoman-esque life, and to this day, many relatives think it’s actually a tribute to my grandfather who died 6 years before I was born!

  7. we are casting no aspersions on the potency of your mojo. you da man, bhai saab.

    LOL. Portmanteau, you rock!

  8. “I don’t think my friends and I have EVER looked at one another and wistfully declared with diappointment, “oh, there are no men here!”. We go out to have fun with each other. Sometimes, girls night out is really about…the girls.”

    I’m certain you never told the guys who were nice to you and bought you a round of drinks “thanks for the first round this one’s on me!” if you did send me your email ID and pictures..I would loooovveeee to get to know you better! <3

  10. I’m certain you never told the guys who were nice to you and bought you a round of drinks “thanks for the first round this one’s on me!” if you did send me your email ID and pictures..I would loooovveeee to get to know you better!

    i have, and (gasp!) i even sometimes initiate the drink-buying.

  11. You see a baby left to die in the soil, as a result of malicious intent. I, however, don’t see that malicious intent – I would have seen it in the strangling of the baby but not in this way. I see that girl growing up in poverty, on the verge of starvation, and eventually getting into some unhappy marriage because a good dowry was beyond her. Basically, I don’t see a positive future for her. So burying her like that might have saved her a lot of pain.

    But if you recall, the grandfather didn’t speak about the girl’s future. He spoke of his burden, even though she was “just a grandaughter”.

  12. ..and tell me the time when you said to your GFs “Ohh no! Those guys are checking me out, Let’s get the hell outta here (unless ofcourse they are totally creepy)I just hope the cute guy does not walk over and say ‘hi'”

  13. I’m certain you never told the guys who were nice to you and bought you a round of drinks “thanks for the first round this one’s on me!” if you did send me your email ID and pictures..I would loooovveeee to get to know you better!

    I’ve definitely bought rounds, and even gasp while on a date!

  14. ANNA, i’m joining in with my praise for this post. it was very touching. though my own father is not exactly a feminist, sometimes i am really in awe of how equal he is in his views of his daughters vs his son, considering the social and familial environment of his upbringing. it really is lovely to know that is not an uncommon practise amongst fathers of daughters.

  15. If we let the feminists have their way, the gays will start. And then the bi-sexuals, etc.

    Wait! Wouldn’t the bi-sexuals start before the gays?

  17. Manju,

    Get it straight bud. The feminists start everything going down the hill. The women slowly morph into lesbians and outwit their husbands, which is no good for anyone. The outwitted husbands turn into the gays, who then drag the rest of the culture down the drain. Anyone who is left becomes bi-sexual. At that point everyone begins hating the elderly, building nursing homes and investing in condom machines.

  18. Responding to some of the comments here:

    • A condom machine at a truck stop is not the same as one at a university. A university is a sacred institution of learning. What values do you expect to impart to children when by placing such machines in the school?

    • A town full of widowed women is not the same as a nursing home

    Ah, that reliable final refuge for bad debaters– the “you, in your posh office…what do you know?”-bit. I’m sure you’re typing this from a hovel, right? Dial-up connection via Assholes On Line perhaps? You are so right, how dare we fantasize about girls achieving things when we, too, are not living in a shack like the one you’re pretending to be in…the one which puts you within proximity of the real reality

    I don’t know how to get the point across. I’ve said it so many times. Death is often preferable to poverty. Poverty degrades you; takes away your humanity. So the situation in this merits further consideration than saying “baby in the soil”,”evil grandfather”, “long live feminism.” Thats just a naive assumption.

  19. And to some of the Desi girls here who think they’re high and mighty:

    If the US was invaded by a maurading army, you would be hiding behind your husbands. Yep, you would all be potential booty for the invaders. So shove your feminism up your —. And yes, it happened all over Europe and much of Asia during WWII (I don’t even need to mention the Moghul invasions in India), so don’t think you’re safe. Politics is a domeciled tiger waiting to pounce.

  20. If the US was invaded by a maurading army, you would be hiding behind your husbands…So shove your feminism up your —.

    How the hell do you know? Do you know each of us, in real life? No? Then take your generalizations and shove them up YOUR ass. Your comments reek of far too many odorous maladies to list.

  21. – A condom machine at a truck stop is not the same as one at a university. A university is a sacred institution of learning. What values do you expect to impart to children when by placing such machines in the school?

    Hopefully the values of “safe sex”?

    By the time one attends college, they are an adult, not a child.

    In some cultures, people’s marriages are arranged before the age of 15 and they start to engage in “socially sanctioned sex”. In my opinion, starting to engage in sex between the ages of 18 – 22 (college age), is much healthier.

    A town full of widowed women is not the same as a nursing home

    Those widows need nursing homes. They have nobody to take care of them at all.

  22. Avex,

    Tsk. Tsk. Imagine a conservative like you making reference to the booty-s of high and mighty (in just what sense?) desi girls. And using such language (ie shove it up your blankety blank). You should be ashamed of yourself.

    Btw, you do know we’re all sluts, right? Marauding warriors sound pretty good right now…

  23. How the hell do you know? Do you know each of us, in real life? No? Then take your generalizations and shove them up YOUR ass. Your comments reek of far too many odorous maladies to list.

    Whats the matter? Can’t come up with your usual half-baked rebuttal? Does the TRUTH hurt? Does it bother you to know that 90,000 German girls/women were raped by the Russians? I’m sure allllllll of the girls were perfectly capable of fighting back, since thats what feminism tells us. Come on coward. Reality isn’t as cynical as you think.

  24. Whats the matter? Can’t come up with your usual half-baked rebuttal?

    No, never said I could. You’re the master of that. Quarter-baked ones, even.

    Does the TRUTH hurt?

    Judging by your steadfast avoidance of it, apparently so.

    Does it bother you to know that 90,000 German girls/women were raped by the Russians? I’m sure allllllll of the girls were perfectly capable of fighting back, since thats what feminism tells us. Come on coward. Reality isn’t as cynical as you think.

    How about some links? No, better yet– how about YOU tell me how YOU are not a coward, oh anonymous logic-free troll. NO! Even better– how about you get a clue regarding what feminism actually IS, so that you can decipher what it tells us properly! I await your enlightenment, like I wait for the great pumpkin.

  25. What I really want to know is – where do the metrosexuals come from?

    Whateva? Are you there?

  26. Avez aka Whatever aka Parallex seems to take an eerily sadistic pleasure in pondering the rape of women. I just got goosebumps, and not the good kind.

    But anyway, this thread has gotten so off topic. Big up to Anna for a tremendous posting. It really moved me, particularly considering that I grew up with a dad who continuously spouted vitriol about girls not being good for anything and women in general having no other function than being sexual receptacles. Funny, considering he hasn’t been able to hold down a job for the last fifteen years and my mother–whose lack of a college education he constantly ridiculed–has been the primary breadwinner in that household for ages. To me, the sad and painful part about misogynistic diatribes is that they so seldom have anything to do with a woman’s economic viability and they’re more often a mask for unadulterated hatred and brutality, coupled with a desire to systematically control women.

    Anna, you keep doing what you’re doing. I never post on this blog, but all the unwarranted rude comments against you made me feel like I had to take some sort of a stand. Your honesty, wit, and compassion are appreciated by more than a few people like myself.

  27. Judging by how desi men virtually allowed the Desh to be taken over by Moghuls, I don’t think it’s desi husbands we’d be hiding behind.

    How about we know martial arts and carry hand guns? That will protect us lakhs more than any desi husband.

    Now, who will protect you from an invasion?

  28. Remembering the Screams “Sometimes the greatest danger came from one mother giving away the hiding places of other girls in a desperate bid to save her own daughter. Older Berliners still remember the screams every night,” Beevor describes. Beevor estimates that rape victims from Berlin’s two main hospitals ranged from 95,000 to 130,000, one doctor deducing that out of approximately 100,000 women raped in the city, some 10,000 died as a result, mostly from suicide.

    http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2002/5/2/80440.shtml

    This pales in comparison to the “Rape of Nanking,” however. Anyway, this is what it all comes down to. A bunch of helpless women screaming for their husbands. Unless the woman was a feminist lesbian. Maybe she screamed for her… damn, I can’t think of the word. Her strap-on?

    Okay, for the record, I am not condoning this kind of atrocious behavior. But pointing out that there are times when women do indeed need MEN… you can’t undo evolution with feminism.

  29. If the US was invaded by a maurading army, you would be hiding behind your husbands. Yep, you would all be potential booty for the invaders. So shove your feminism up your —. And yes, it happened all over Europe and much of Asia during WWII (I don’t even need to mention the Moghul invasions in India), so don’t think you’re safe. Politics is a domeciled tiger waiting to pounce.
    Okay, for the record, I am not condoning this kind of atrocious behavior. But pointing out that there are times when women do indeed need MEN… you can’t undo evolution with feminism.

    And desi men were exempt from abuse, rape, murder from the invaders?

    Who protected you at this time?

  30. And desi men were exempt from abuse, rape, murder from the invaders?

    Do you seriously think men get raped during war-time? Thats funny.

  31. But pointing out that there are times when women do indeed need MEN… you can’t undo evolution with feminism

    Men need women and women need men for the continuation of the species. Nobody is trying to undo evolution. In fact, part of feminism is sexual liberation for women to engage in lovemaking with men of their choice, safely and guilt free. Don’t know where you got this idea that feminism is completely anti-male or anti-sex. It’s actually all about love, baby.

  32. Avex, saying that “you can’t undo evolution with feminism” is such a pointless, moot statement. It’s like saying, “you can’t undo the possibility of a climactic natural disaster with civilization.” And to imply that rape is part of evolution, i.e. something innately woven into a male’s DNA, is sociobiological garble at its most insidious, not to mention an enormous insult to men who don’t need to force themselves on a woman to prove their masculinity.

    And in fact, feminism DOES mitigate some of the terrible, violent acts against women that occur in many societies. It’s been responsible for the advent of sexual harassment laws, rape crisis centers, human rights movements (and yeah, also in the case of wartime sexual assault), etc. One can argue that just leads to an overly litigious society, but at the same time, such systems have given recourse to women who otherwise would languish in shame and a sense of their own helplessness. And not thanks to men who “protect” their wives, moms, sisters, and daughters–but thanks to women and men who believed that such people shouldn’t be subjected to sexual violence, in the first place.

  33. Do you seriously think men get raped during war-time? Thats funny.

    Do you seriously think they don’t? Do the research on what happens to POWs.

    Anyway, you failed to answer my question – who protected desi men during all these invasions?

    When the invaders had superior weapons and methods of destruction, how did desi men fare in the game of war and invasion?

  34. A bunch of helpless women screaming for their husbands. Unless the woman was a feminist lesbian. Maybe she screamed for her… damn, I can’t think of the word. Her strap-on? Okay, for the record, I am not condoning this kind of atrocious behavior.

    Uh, no. With that first remark, you pretty much implied that the rape of a woman who’s a “feminist lesbian” is a laughable thing sufficient for making crass jokes. You are a seriously disturbed being.

  35. And not thanks to men who “protect” their wives, moms, sisters, and daughters–but thanks to women and men who believed that such people shouldn’t be subjected to sexual violence, in the first place.

    Not to mention that many rape victims were/are victimized by their own fathers, brothers, uncles and other men in their own families.

  36. Good point, Cervix. But of course, according to logic, the girl child should have been aborted/buried alive as an infant, to avoid the inevitable evolutionary consequence of being raped by a male family member she was supposed to trust. Darn, uppity feminists! Why can’t they recognize the facts???

  37. Do you seriously think they don’t? Do the research on what happens to POWs.

    Yep, I seriously think they don’t. Unless you’re willing to provide me some links.

    who protected desi men during all these invasions? When the invaders had superior weapons and methods of destruction, how did desi men fare in the game of war and invasion?

    I never said it was a pretty picture for Desi men. But getting whipped or beheaded is better than getting raped, I would imagine. If you’re trying to say that Desi men were helpless, well, you can fight back, but still lose. Its usually the men who fight back, however. So I wouldn’t call them helpless.

  38. But if a woman spends all her time pretending her husband is a chauvinistic barbarian, its not good for anyone.

    whatever, if you were my husband I wouldn’t have to pretend 😉

    Wait! Wouldn’t the bi-sexuals start before the gays?

    Manju, awesome, but…

    I think I am going to start a business to encourage more sex among Tamilians with a new prophylactic, Kumari Condom. PG, want to get into bed, er, business with me?

    Rahul wins the prize. For the entirety of Sepia Mutiny’s history. 🙂

  39. You guys have been spending way too much time and effort making your thoughtful comments and responding to this idiotic troll. People have been banned and threads shut down for far less than the invective this guy is dealing. This weakling (mentally, emotionally) is so angry that he can do nothing but sit there and spew his hatred for women…and perversely enjoy fantasies of mass rape. Just a hateful, immature troll…I’m not a woman, I’m not really a feminist (except in the most broad, general, humanistic sense of the term) but I feel sick reading this. Disgusting.

  40. I’m not really a feminist (except in the most broad, general, humanistic sense of the term)

    Amitabh, I take your point above but happen to be confused about what this particular phrase means?

  41. People have been banned and threads shut down for far less than the invective this guy is dealing.

    Excellent point. Done.

  42. Avex, saying that “you can’t undo evolution with feminism” is such a pointless, moot statement. It’s like saying, “you can’t undo the possibility of a climactic natural disaster with civilization.” And to imply that rape is part of evolution, i.e. something innately woven into a male’s DNA, is sociobiological garble at its most insidious, not to mention an enormous insult to men who don’t need to force themselves on a woman to prove their masculinity.

    It happens in every war. War is degrading, just like poverty. People are bound to act differently. Add testosterone fueled violence and rape is inevitable. You can’t just do away with these primal instincts by resorting to sociobiological babble. Yeah, sure, some guys can control themselves, but I am not going to kid you that a large majority, regardless of background, won’t seize on the opportunity.

    Uh, no. With that first remark, you pretty much implied that the rape of a woman who’s a “feminist lesbian” is a laughable thing sufficient for making crass jokes. You are a seriously disturbed being.

    Good try, but no. It was satire.

  43. And to imply that rape is part of evolution, i.e. something innately woven into a male’s DNA, is sociobiological garble at its most insidious, not to mention an enormous insult to men who don’t need to force themselves on a woman to prove their masculinity.

    Even should rape be part of evolution, men are still responsible for their behavior. Or else they are not human.

  44. Avex, Parallex et. al., are you Goth or Roman characters created by Goscinny and Uderzo? Some potential alternate handles for the two of you – Dix and Prix. And apologies to kannan for my comment #183, fight the good fight, man. One day, we won’t be under the thumb of the Man, I mean, the Woman.

  45. Amitabh, I’m with you. This guy is getting more attention than he deserves and is clearly insane. Please, can we all mass-ignore or close the thread? I would prefer the former, but still.

  46. Just a hateful, immature troll

    Amitabh, that was not nice. Don’t discriminate against them just because they are ugly and often hide under bridges! I think they have what is called a troll sense of humor, something Americans are not capable of understanding.

  47. It’s a case of misunderstanding the general definition of feminism, as well as the many branches of thought that fall under that title, and the many nuances of those branches.

    Usually people who have been scarred in some way by women – men or even entire families (as in India victims of 401A fraud), will take on a strong bias against “feminists” because they equate a fraudulent bahu (daughter in law), or wife, with “feminist”.

    Indian men and families — a thief is a thief, not neccessarily a feminist.

    Nevertheless, these same men and families are weeping and wailing against “feminism” and “women’s rights” because their bahu filed a false dowry case against them. The shrill and high pitched cries of these men on the internet are enough to drive one to bury oneself in sand, I tell you.

    Get over it.

    Let her go.

    Remain single.

    Join an ashram of celibate men somewhere and meditate peacefully for the rest of your lives.

  48. Amitabh, I take your point above but happen to be confused about what this particular phrase means?

    I just meant that I’m not a feminist by most conventional definitions of the term…but I (hope) I’m a humanist, and (hopefully) humanism incorporates the best aspects of feminism. I believe in equal rights, I find the treatment of Indian women to often be extremely reprehensible, I find many aspects of our culture to be barbaric, I think sons and daughters should be treated equally, etc…but I think at the same time, someone like Sahej would find me too comfortable with the status quo. Sahej, and no doubt many other men reading this site, are true feminists. I don’t go nearly as far as them in that regard. As I indicated on a thread a long time ago, some of the gentler or softer aspects of ‘patriarchy’, don’t bother me that much, and when I can get away with the ‘undeserved advantages’, I usually do so without struggling against it.

  49. Boo hoo to feminism! All these “freedoms” and whatnot that you attribute to “feminism” are really due to an increased standard of living.

    mpradxero, to be honest it’s both.

    The wealthy women of Saudi Arabia do not enjoy many of the freedoms I do, even though their standard of living is much higher than mine, in many respects. They have drivers to drive them to some of the most expensive shops in the world, but are not able to drive those very same vehicles on a leisurely country excursion with “the girls”.

  50. Amitabh – extraordinarily honest of you.

    All you guys, the troll uses the term ‘the gays’ yet manages to throw out words like ‘strap on’ and phrases like ‘shove it up your -‘. Reads Adrienne Rich and claims to hate feminist lesbians. What right wing IBD nutjob has even heard of Adrienne Rich? This is an ABD impostor, possibly female, who is getting off on everyone’s reactions.