When landlords get all up in your bidness

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It’s bad enough when your parents hound you for being single and ask why you were out so late last night, but the Christian Science Monitor points to the double standard that single women renters face in India at the hands of their prospective (and over-protective) landlords:

It took Chiya Singh three months and seven real estate agents working in tandem to find an apartment to rent in New Delhi.

The problem wasn’t her credit history or salary. It was her status as a single Indian woman. The questions blocking Ms. Singh from a room of her own were a bit personal, she says. Prospective landlords wanted to know why, at age 29, she wasn’t married and why, as a single person, she didn’t want to live with her parents.

“It was an exhausting process,” Singh says, of trying to find her own place after she divorced. “I became a broken record. They asked ‘Why do you want to live alone?’ I said, ‘Um, because I think I’m old enough.’ “

That response usually netted Singh a cold expression and a vague “We’ll let you know” from the landlord. [Link]

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p>Because, I mean…why would a single woman want to live by herself?

In India, “If you want freedom, it can only be for one thing – sex,” Singh says. “You want to tell them [landlords], ‘That’s the last thing on my mind. I think I’m old enough to take care of myself.’ But for the landlord, it becomes an issue of respectability.” [Link]

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p>Right. Here is the even more messed up part. It is okay to rent to single white girls because…well, they are already slutty (or at least that is what the landlord quoted below seems to imply when she says “they are used to living on their own”).

“It’s an Indian mentality,” says Sonia Kakkar, a landlord in South Delhi. “We just feel more protective. You just feel that you are responsible.”

Ms. Kakkar currently rents the second floor of her building to two French women and prefers foreigners because she does not feel as protective of them.

“They are used to living on their own,” she says. “If they have a problem with the flat, they come to us. Otherwise, there is no interaction…” [Link]

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p>Well, to all the parents reading SM let me tell you just exactly what it is that your live-alone daughters in America are doing:

Jennifer Chowdhury just invented the hottest new game in town. Screw the Wii. Ladies, get one of these. Then invite me over (so I can blog about it for the good of the readers I mean)

428 thoughts on “When landlords get all up in your bidness”

  1. Ak- I think our problem (those of us growing up here) is that our parents left India and never thought that things have changed in India since the 1960s.

  3. While I agree with your response above in abstract, beacuse it is consistent with Western Englightenment thought and what they teach us in order to be good liberals at college, I don’t know that it necessary always applicable in real life.

    it is also consistent with a large corpus of Hindu thought. Examples, Lokayata or Carvaka philosophy. India has a loooong tradition of hedonism too (sex, wine etc.). Recognize that your “morality” is only one of many.

  4. I am having me some home made hot drumstick sambar and rice

    that is my favourite meal of all. SP – proper term? like the latin binomial name? no clue. i don’t even know what they call it in hindi – only in tamil and telugu. is it eaten outside of south india?

  5. You know what would make that meal better? Some paruppu usili. gulti girl, invoke whomever you’d like to invoke to minimize that stomach ache from hell coming your way. Ok, judge me for saying that.

  6. Recognize that your “morality” is only one of many.

    What all of you are missing is that this morality can beat up all the other moralities.

  7. I think our problem (those of us growing up here) is that our parents left India and never thought that things have changed in India since the 1960s.

    I think this is also extremely true. Since brown has correctly pointed out that I have held the same views for some time and they are unlikely to change, and I am equally unlikely to find any solidarity due to the “backwardness” of my upbringing, I will refrain from further commenting on this thread. May you all have a pleasant afternoon, and happy house hunting!

  8. AK – yes, Latin or whatever….it’s not known much outside south India, I don’t think. But I lived in Madras as a child and adooooooooooored it.

    Am a total region traitor for saying this but south indian food is so much better than north indian.

  10. Am a total region traitor for saying this but south indian food is so much better than north indian.

    I don’t blame you, SP. It is.

  11. G-Unit,

    I meant to highlight consistency of your comments to people who don’t know the history.

  12. You know what would make that meal better? Some paruppu usili.

    perhaps. but my aunt makes this amazing vazhakkai varuval to accompany. together, this is always my first and last meal in india, plus a mango if it’s the season. gulti girl, the lack of drumstick is going to make me sad all day…

  13. HMF # 192

    Furthermore my question was to elucidate that men have certain expectations placed on them, particularly in the financial realm, that women do not.

    I will not argue with the expectations bit because I know it is tru in many cases. Perhaps the reason I found it offensive is that this does not apply in my case. I have worked and even been the primary breadwinner when the situation called for it. I have a chip on my shoulder about this I think because it seemed to me to be the continuation of what I went through in college being told constantly by certain male classmates that I was “Taking up some poor guy’s place” since of course, I being a woman was not going to have a career 🙂

    Ak- I think our problem (those of us growing up here) is that our parents left India and never thought that things have changed in India since the 1960s.

    Global sanskrit: I completely agree with you.Sometimes I find myself being the only one making contra statements about India here.Probably because I grew up there and lived there as recently as 2000. My parents – who I thought were conservative- actually were much more relaxed about stuff such as my going on trips with a mixed gender group etc .Times have changed.

  15. Am a total region traitor for saying this but south indian food is so much better than north indian

    i agree, and i;m so not ashamed to say it. i am an extreme south indian food snob. and it’s sad because all most people know about south indian food is sambar-dosa-idli.

  17. brown-

    The way I understoof your comment was essentially that people holding my views which are admittedly not the norm among young people, especially ABDs, is not welcome. I have done my best to tell only the truth about my life, admitting to the many mistakes and missteps I have taken, as I am hardly perfect and do not consider myself on a “moral high ground” or anything similar. That doesn’t mean I can’t think that there is something higher worth aspiring to, and I think the great loss of Western civilization, despite its many achievements, is the removal of that aspiration and its replacement by material comfort.

    Have a nice day.

  18. G-Unit,

    Not my intent, just wanted to highlight that your views even though extreme are fairly consistent which should give others a better idea about your stand. I feel you are the other side of the coin to PG and Prema’s views. For me knowledge of this fact helps put things in perspective.

  19. I am having me some home made hot drumstick sambar and rice

    That’s playing kinda dirty, considering the insipid mac-n-cheese I just had for lunch. Now I have an incredible craving for drumstick sambar and thayir saadam with maanga urugai. Dammit!

  20. Gulti Girl, Guilt works both ways. Bust out “So you would rather trust anutie XYZ whose daughter ran away* w/ a lafanga than (theatrical hand gestures) your own daughter?” Underhanded, but works like a charm.

    • Highlighting the said auntie’s current sorry situation is very important. Most people bitching about other people’s kids usually have some red hot stuff in their own backyard.

  21. I know all this morality discussion has sort of put a damper on things, but I have one question. Are we still sleeping with each other? Please confirm before the next meetup. Thank you.

  22. I will not argue with the expectations bit because I know it is tru in many cases. Perhaps the reason I found it offensive is that this does not apply in my case.

    Well, sorry to say, it does apply in your case, and everyone’s case. because my statement was regarding expectation, and unless you lived in a society of spaceships orbitting planet earth, those expectations apply to you. In other words, you could work, make gillions, and hire mercenaries to launch an attack on the Delhi Housing comission, but the expectation for you to be the primary breadwinner will never be as strong as it is for a guy.

    male classmates that I was “Taking up some poor guy’s place” since of course, I being a woman was not going to have a career 🙂

    I’m with you here, even if you didn’t have a career, you earned that spot. it’s yours to use, or yours to “flush away.”

  23. Why is sleeping with many, many people considered immoral in any way shape or form? …other than if you’re not getting any and you’re jealous?..:) Equating sex and morality is dumb as fuck…

  24. Ak- I think our problem (those of us growing up here) is that our parents left India and never thought that things have changed in India since the 1960s.

    yes and no. my parents are actually quite liberal, and by that i mean, they are generally open/understanding of their children’s lifestyles. in contrast, my family back home is still very conservative, and going by my cousins’ lifestyles, i don’t think much has changed in our family in the 40 years my parents have been away from india. however, i do see the phenomenon you describe happening in other families.

  25. but the expectation for you to be the primary breadwinner will never be as strong as it is for a guy.

    HMF,

    Please,please tell my husband this. Then I can quit this cubicle hell and spend all day on SM 🙂

  26. I know all this morality discussion has sort of put a damper on things, but I have one question. Are we still sleeping with each other? Please confirm before the next meetup. Thank you.

    sorry, but i won’t be able to confirm anything until the next meet-up.

  27. and unless you lived in a society of spaceships orbitting planet earth

    Babylon V had the same problems.

  28. Especially Malayali food, mmmm.

    Shodan, you a Bombay boy? You have to be, using words like lafanga 🙂

  29. G-unit, back in the early 90s I attended a very conservative Southern Baptist college. The campus was 100% dry, even if you were 21+ you were not supposed to drink, there were no co-ed dorms, any women who got pregnant out of wedlock were subject to expulsion, and there was absolutely no social functions allowed on campus that had any kind of dancing. Guess what happened… people would drink off campus, move off campus after their first year, join the Greek system who all had off-campus houses, and any campus events that had any kind of dancing, they were held at an off-site location. This was no different than any other school though. People would party, people would have sex, people would do stupid campus stuff. But if any students talked to anyone on the outside, they would always maintain that it was a very conservative school and maintain that conservative image. Was it hypocrisy or lying, or immoral? I don’t think so. I think it was a respect for the traditions that seemed outdated but didn’t deserve any disrespect. People still graduated, people still led normal lives, and people stil continued to contribute to society. Now for someone like me, who’s not Baptist or even Christian for that matter, it was a bit amusing because it mirrored what it was like to be a desi born and raised in the US. We respected our parents which is why we didn’t always tell them everything, not because we wanted to act underhanded.

  30. Rahul, SP and ak:

    This was the best sambar I have ever made and it beats my Mom’s sambar hands down. All your hexes together won’t make a difference :).

    Yay to south indian food snobbery! I will never eat dosa at a place named Bombay* or India* or Taj* only Madras*, Saravana and the likes for me.

  31. Please,please tell my husband this. Then I can quit this cubicle hell and spend all day on SM 🙂

    He’s not in a hell of his own?

  32. Gulti girl, recipe please, pretty please with drumsticks on top?

    I swear I won’t threadjack any more.

  34. This was the best sambar I have ever made and it beats my Mom’s sambar hands down. All your hexes together won’t make a difference :).

    You’re about to end up with the mother of all stomach aches, ya know…

  35. gulti girl, i MUST have the recipe. unfortunately, i grew up in a south indian household where sambar was the one dish my mom makes atrociously. this is exactly why i am happy to have so many tambram aunties in the states. my attempts to improve on her sambar skills have been somewhat successful, but i could always use some help.

  36. gulti girl, I think I speak for ak, hema, et al when I say “Nalla iruppiyaa, nee?”.

  37. Gulti Girl, Guilt works both ways. Bust out “So you would rather trust anutie XYZ whose daughter ran away* w/ a lafanga than (theatrical hand gestures) your own daughter?” Underhanded, but works like a charm.

    Ha ha. This is the best piece of advise I’ve received in this matter! I can’t do the hand gestures over an international call, but will try to emote them in the voice next time.

  38. gulti girl, I think I speak for ak, hema, et al when I say “Nalla iruppiyaa, nee?”.

    rahul, not until after she shares the recipe! and for the record, gg, i didn’t hex you.

  39. threadjack? Mmmm. Jack fruit.

    Chakka varatti is the best stuff evah. Palakkad reprazent!

  40. I know all this morality discussion has sort of put a damper on things, but I have one question. Are we still sleeping with each other? Please confirm before the next meetup. Thank you.

    I need your biodatas before I can decide if we’re sleeping together. And despite HMF’s sentiments, biodata includes your salary.

  41. G-unit, back in the early 90s I attended a very conservative Southern Baptist college. The campus was 100% dry, even if you were 21+ you were not supposed to drink, there were no co-ed dorms, any women who got pregnant out of wedlock were subject to expulsion, and there was absolutely no social functions allowed on campus that had any kind of dancing. Guess what happened…

    Kevin Bacon came and taught you all how to dance?

  42. I need your biodatas before I can decide if we’re sleeping together. And despite HMF’s sentiments, biodata includes your salary.

    i would love to whip out a horoscope in the middle of a 1 night stand.

  43. gulti girl, I think I speak for ak, hema, et al when I say “Nalla iruppiyaa, nee?”.

    Translation please?

    Oh and the recipe involves my Mom’s world famous sambar powder and bean dal (dried seeds of the fat indian kind of beans – chikkudu pappu in telugu) instead of toor or mung.

  44. I’ve tried the “adverse comparison” technique in other contexts (my parents don’t get overwrought about the topic we’ve been discussing, so it hasn’t been necessary.) The depressing thing is that everybody, everybody, has some redeeming values. So the net result is that you are expected to be some giraffe like hybrid of A’s good manners, B’s academic ability, C’s discipline, D’s professional success, and so on…

  45. I am having me some home made hot drumstick sambar and rice. And I’m having malai kofta I made last night. Just to be clear Manju, that does not make me a gurl.

    Shodan, you a Bombay boy? You have to be, using words like lafanga 🙂 Bombay, yes. Boy, hardly. More like uncle.

  47. 231

    He’s not in a hell of his own?

    You mean ..aside from being married to me ?:-)

  48. gulti girl, I think I speak for ak, hema, et al when I say “Nalla iruppiyaa, nee?”. Translation please?

    A little hard, which is why I didn’t do it. Probably something like “And you think you can be happy?”. Say it in an appropriate wheedling tone.

    Kevin Bacon came and taught you all how to dance?

    Oh, I thought it was Swayze with his underground classes that ended up putting the Baby Jesus in a corner.

  49. Bombay, yes. Boy, hardly. More like uncle.

    Uncle with cool dance moves :). I remember Hobbit cafe, Shodan.

  50. Rahul, I think I might have developed a giant crush on you. Let’s go on a 60 mile walk.