What “luscious, incomparable mangoes” you have! Now people can “go mad for the beautiful, supple flesh,” which we have “denied [ourselves] too long.” The subtext of articles and quotes from restaurateurs and political dignitaries about the re-legalization of U.S. imports of Indian mangoes is positively… fruity.
On less sweet a note, it seems that between production and transportation costs and the stranglehold exercised by Mexican mangoes (how dare they!) on U.S. distribution channels, Alphonsos may cost up to 10 times more than the plebeian mangoes currently available at your local yuppie food mart, tropical store or bodega. The pleasure of the Indian mango, it seems, shall be known by elite mouths only.
Mangoes are sexy. They are great for a sensual body buffet.
What the hell is a sensual body buffet?
Exoticising! Orientalist!
Yay for the elusive desi mango!!! Btw, I tried that wacky cube slicing technique demonstrated above and had disastrous results. I’m going to go old-skool by skinning, slicing and then gnawing on the seed.
Macaca please. We all know you use this as one of your standard pick up lines, Sid Uncle.
Yes, I get all my pick-up lines from the New York Times. Anyone got a problem with that?
Apparently, one of the companies negotiating to distribute Indian mangoes is Costco, which means: in the not too distant future I may have 50 pounds of irradiated Alphonso mangoes in a huge crate in the trunk of my car.
I wouldn’t worry too much about cost: I have a feeling the mangoes willl start out costly, and then start to get cheaper as the demand builds up.
I get all my pick-up lines from the New York Times. What a coincidence. I get all my pickup lines from the Times of India.
I’m not sure either, but after reading the following, I’m cutting to the front of the body buffet line.
I know what Bengali Chicks’ is: “Hey baby, does your sensual body buffet come with a sneeze guard?”
Oh Yeah!
Don’t the chicks get weirded out by all the pop-up windows?
I second that!
Wait is it just Alphonso? What about those yummy ones you can squeeze the juice out of one end like Italian ice? I forget the name.
More pick up lines:
Mmmmm Mangoes, would you like some? Hi I’m Alphonso, do you like mangoes? (Hapus if you are talking to a Marathi chick) Man goes to show you how it came to be the king of the fruit! I know the recipe for a fantastic Mango Body Butter, would you like to help me with it?
Eeeeekkkk don’t do that man. They’ll all over-ripen at once and spoil. You want to store them in cool dry dark places and ripen one one day at a time by taking them out in the warm light. Don’t you want to savor the mangoes one a day?
This reminds me of that scene in Bend it Like Beckham where Jess is at the tailor, and the woman says she’ll turn “even these mosquito bites” into “juicy, juicy mangoes.”
“I’m going to go old-skool by skinning, slicing and then gnawing on the seed”.
its the best way
Got to say mangoes from India and Pakistan are cheap here and my Mum goes to the shops in Southall and buys some slightly over ripe ones cheap in boxes and pickles that stuff. Never had a Mexican mango, never have, never will, I don’t betray my people and their mangoes just like that.
People, sensual body buffet is a good time. TRY IT. I’m referring to 2 kinds.
(1) Party -I was at a great party in SF where women (probably b/c they’re less hairy than men) would serve as platter (naked platter). Gorgeous girls laid naked on the floor with delicious food. You could eat off the buffet with your fingers or your mouth. Sliced up pieces of mango, buttery, velvety and smooth are perfect.
(2) Only for you and your partner -I recommend tying up your partner and blindfolding them and tickling their senses. Run various objects/food over their body. Give them small bites of taste in any creative fasion.
All fluids welcome at my kind of buffet.
Bengali Chick
What are you meant to do with the stones?
Like Ping Pong Diplomacy, this is Mango Diplomacy
Unfortunately, Not all mangoes are juicy 😉
Now you know why bengali chick’s blog is called “manifest my desire”;)
I don’t think you want me answering that question on this forum. I can think of a few things I would do with the stone.
Siddhartha has unleashed an aphrodisiacal mania with this post. Imagine what happens when you actually eat this stuff.
Personally I prefer lychees.
as my mom would say, might as well just go to india and eat them if they’re so expensive!
Alphonso mangoes – the best kind – are the only food other than chocolate (and maaaayyyybe southern Italian clams) that fall into the Better Than Sex category.
you need to try the #1 fruit of all time: mangoosteen.. #2 is lychee, and #3 is alfonso mango.
Blasphemy!!!
Don’t the chicks get weirded out by all the pop-up windows? I got technology to stop that from ever happening. Built-in. They go “Hmmm… so are you export quality?” And I go “No, no. It’s not like that.”
Yeah lychees!!! We only get icky, canned, syruppy lychees here, mostly sold at the East Asian stores (and just recently at Trader Joes). I’d give anything for those giant vats of lychees immersed in water at my grandmother’s house in Gaya 🙁
Just don’t try to seduce your date with a durian.
Dear JaneofallTrades What about those yummy ones you can squeeze the juice out of one end like Italian ice? I forget the name.
dusseris…in the north. alphonsos in maharashtra and dusseris in the north….the punjab heat is worth every mango you can eat.
sp
Unless, of course, you’re seducing a Malay.
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O h m y g o d m e l o v e l y c h e e s . . . Ok I’m fine now. I’m sick of the canned nonsense too. Might have to fly to Thailand one of these days. Does anyone know if we get these juicy wattery translucent fruit from the coconut tree called ‘tadgola’ in NY. Used to eat them in Mumbai, usually during the rainy season. You’d bite into one and water would squirt everywhere. Yummmooooo. I don’t know if they are available here.
Oye what is Mangoosteen? Me want to try if it’s #1 for the ChickPea.
.
Oh hell no nothing is better than sex!!
Sonya Dusseris are the skinny long ones right? That are meant to make ras out of? I know they were different from Alphonso. Oh we used to have these mangoes called Payari mangoes in Nasik/Poona, they were as big as one’s head and slightly tart but oh just heaven.
I thought it was the chausa mangoes you could squeeze the ras out of. Dussehris are more firm, flatter, longer and narrower with pale yellowy orange flesh.
Lychees are to die for delicious (but not better than sex). I used to get them in Chinatown in SF. The farmer markets in LA sell them too. I may have to settle for a lychee boba today.
Local Desi grocer says aam janata will have to wait for a month.
Lychees. I love lychees. I crave lychees. I still call them what my mom calls them (“rambutan”, Malay or Indonesian for “hairy”, I think).
Never really cared for mangoes much…
Oye what is Mangoosteen? Me want to try if it’s #1 for the ChickPea.
OMG, mangoostan is delicious. Like lychee’s fruitier, more fragrant cousin.
Where are the militant leaders of all things sweet and spicy? Have they nothing to say on this grave matter?
Actually Tamasha, it’s from Monsoon Wedding, spoken by the lady selling the sari. Good line though.
This thread reminds me of Jeanette Winterson’s brilliantly-titled novel “Oranges are Not the Only Fruit.”
Mr Kobayashi, what kind of militant fruit leader are you if you can’t get your mango facts right?? That was from Bend it Like Beckham.
Wrong Kobayashi, wrong. It was “Bend it Like Prince Buckingham’s Legs.”
Apologies. Mistakes were made.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
Ooops. Wrong thread. I meant to make the comment here.
Indeed, though this problem will still remain for now.
I know y’all are going to call me out for being biased, but you really haven’t eaten a mango until you’ve tried a Pakistani one. Believe me. (And they do come to Canada, damn you, our neighbor to the north! *shakes fist at sky)
JOAT:I don’t know if they are available here.
they are available here (ny/nj).. my mom gets me pounds of yummy lychees every year.. they should be coming soon!!!
So Alphonsos are here!..! !…by the time I figure out where to find them– they weren’t at Gourmet Garage or EAT… the langras will have arrived….I drool at the thought.
Apparently, one of the companies negotiating to distribute Indian mangoes is Costco, which means: in the not too distant future I may have 50 pounds of irradiated Alphonso mangoes in a huge crate in the trunk of my car.
Amardeep, you almost made me snort out my iced tea with that line.
Go go fighting mangosteens!
In Tamil there are the Mukkani (three fruits) celebrated since ancient times in poetry and prose and included in many rituals. They are Maa (Mango), Palaa (Jackfruit) and Vaazhai (Banana). Oh, the joys of summer of mangoes and jackfruit, the banana being ubiquitous and available throughout the year.
This guy goes gaga over the Mukkanigal in his blog.
Of course for ages poets have waxed eloquent over the damsels’ breasts as maankanigal (mangoes) in countless poems and modern film songs in Tamil, so your and NYT’s descriptions in such sexual terms goes well with the tradition!
I absolutely love that you posted this story, since my grandfather informed me yesterday that these mangoes have reached DC (which made it sound like a Desi Mango Invasion, so of course, being immature and all, I was thoroughly tickled).
Interestingly, my grandmother commented that she’d read a lot of people in India are concerned because sending these mangoes over may mean a hike in prices in India as well- has anyone else heard anything about this?
i kid you not, when i say that i swear i thought i was in nirvana when i first ate these delicious pieces of heaven 4 years ago while in kuala lumpur..before then, they were only legend.. since my folks and brother tabouli had told me about them from a trip taken 2 years prior..
when we saw them in the market, my dad went to the owner of the cart:
poppa bean (or baba ganoush as i like to call him): we’ll take 5 kilos.. me: what the hell is that? looks like a wannabe baby eggplant. momma bean (aka spicy falafel): beta, it’s the best fruit ever. me: (skeptical)–(my parents grow everything from the alfonso mango to sugarcane in their backyard..they know their fruit cold)
we were back the next day, and cleared out the cart–filled our carry on luggage with these things and ate them in india…
on my way back.. i ehem..
smuggledaccidently brought some into the states..to shareto scarf down.the ones in cans are crap. no fruit in a can is good. canned fruit–no justice for the lovely being.
you must try the mangoosteen. (great article in the NYT–i think we might be getting some in the USA soon ;)) CANADA has them… you should ask miss neha about how excited i got when i got my kilos of the jewels.
they are pricey… i saw some in india a few months ago.. they cost 10 US dollars for 6. gotta go to kuala lumpur or thailand for cheaper ones.
(okay, off the fruitbox)
irradiated? i’ll radiate them for you.. photons, electrons or protons dear friend? you tell me your poison ;). now my title will be radiation alfonso.