Bring me the Head of Alfredo Wolfowitz

When I first interviewed for my current position, I had to do so at Starbucks. This was not a fortuitous accommodation of my addiction to milky coffee, it was an acknowledgement that I was a risk, a threat until proven otherwise. Why was I so suspect? Well, for once, this had nothing to do with my pumpernickelish skin or brown subcontinental roots; I was risky business because I wasn’t cleared. And until I was, I would not be allowed more than five feet beyond the very beginning of a large lobby which contained a metal detector, an x-ray machine an imposingly high desk and several cameras. Five feet from the doors I had entered, that’s where I waited for almost 20 minutes, to meet the hiring manager who would sheepishly later ask if I minded conducting such an important interview at…Starbucks.

While I waited for aforementioned manager, my nerves invaded my stomach, from where it staged a coup attempt on the rest of my body. I felt like I was going to suddenly reacquaint myself (and everyone else in this very busy, very important lobby) with the protein shake I had chugged for breakfast. Horrified, I turned to one of the four guards and beseeched him to edify me regarding the location of the closest bathroom.

“Can’t do that, miss. You’re not allowed past this line.”

“But I think I’m going to be sick…”

“Yeah, you don’t look so good…hold on—Jay!”

“What’s goin on’…is she all right?”

“No. Do you think we can let her use the bathroom…”

“I don’t know man…she ain’t allowed back there-“

“But she’s going to get sick right here!”

“True, true…all right, just this once. Miss! Come with me.”

And with that I was escorted past two different checkpoints, down a hallway, to a door I have never been happier to see.

Once inside, I washed my hands. It’s a reflexive thing, in part because I’m a clean-freak, partially because I find the sound and texture of water soothing. I tried to be mindful, to focus on the bubbles and the hand-wringing and everything else, to distract myself from my hyper-anxious state. It was starting to work. I took deep breaths. I felt a bit better. I checked myself out in the mirror—I looked horrid. Well, might as well touch-up my makeup since I’m—

“MISS! PLEASE BE AWARE WE ARE ENTERING THE BATHROOM-“

“Damnit, where is Sadie? Oh, there she is…Sadie, you go in there, I hate goin in the women’s’ room!”

What on earth? And just then, the door exploded open and a very irate woman accosted me.

“What are you doing in here?”

“I…I was just putting on…lipgloss?”, I stammered.

“You are NOT even allowed to be back here.”

“Oh, well, I thought I was going to puke, so—“

“I am aware of the situation! You have taken too long—if you were going to get sick, it would’ve happened already.” “I…I’m sorry?“

She grabbed my elbow and brusquely escorted me back to the metal detector I had already gone through. Twice.

“You NEED to stay here.”

I was shocked at the dramatic overreaction to my use of the bathroom, and at the way I was getting glared at by all five security personnel. Then I remembered that since I was brown, I look like a terrorist, so I mentally threw my hands up in the air. And then I waited. Thankfully, it was only a few more minutes before my interview began. At Starbucks. Because I wasn’t allowed on my future worksite.

Because I wasn’t cleared.

That’s a big deal in Washington, whether or not someone has a security clearance. A very. Big. Deal.

Via Salon:

Wolfowitz’s girlfriend problem: Not only did the World Bank president find his companion Shaha Ali Riza a cushy job in the State Department, but she received a security clearance — unprecedented for a foreign national.
Wolfowitz’s World Bank scandal over his girlfriend reveals many of the same qualities that created the wreckage he left in his wake in Iraq: grandiosity, cronyism, self-dealing and lying — followed by an energetic campaign to deflect accountability…
Superficially, Wolfowitz’s arrangement for his girlfriend of a job with a hefty increase in pay in violation of the ethics clauses of his contract and without informing the World Bank board might seem like an all-too-familiar story of a man seeking special favors for a romantic partner. Wolfowitz has tried to cast the scandal as a “painful personal dilemma,” as he described it in an April 12 e-mail to outraged employees of the World Bank, who have taken to calling the neoconservative’s girlfriend his “neoconcubine.” He was, he says, just attempting to “navigate in uncharted waters.” But the fall of Wolfowitz is the final act of a long drama — and love or even self-love may not be the whole subject.
Wolfowitz’s girlfriend, Shaha Ali Riza, is a Libyan, raised in Saudi Arabia, educated at Oxford, who now has British citizenship. She is divorced; he is separated. Their discreet relationship became a problem only when he ascended to the World Bank presidency. Riza had floated through the neoconservative network — working at the Free Iraq Foundation in the early 1990s and the National Endowment for Democracy — until landing a position in the Middle East and African department of the World Bank. The ethics provisions of Wolfowitz’s contract, however, stipulated that he could not maintain a sexual relationship with anyone over whom he had supervisory authority, even indirectly…
Riza was unhappy about leaving the sinecure at the World Bank. But in 2006 Wolfowitz made a series of calls to his friends that landed her a job at a new think tank called Foundation for the Future that is funded by the State Department. She was the sole employee, at least in the beginning. The World Bank continued to pay her salary, which was raised by $60,000 to $193,590 annually, more than the $183,500 paid to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and all of it tax-free. Moreover, Wolfowitz got the State Department to agree that the ratings of her performance would automatically be “outstanding.” Wolfowitz insisted on these terms himself and then misled the World Bank board about what he had done…
Riza, who is not a U.S. citizen, had to receive a security clearance in order to work at the State Department. Who intervened? It is not unusual to have British or French midlevel officers at the department on exchange programs, but they receive security clearances based on the clearances they already have with their host governments. Granting a foreign national who is detailed from an international organization a security clearance, however, is extraordinary, even unprecedented. So how could this clearance have been granted?
State Department officials familiar with the details of this matter confirmed to me that Shaha Ali Riza was detailed to the State Department and had unescorted access while working for Elizabeth Cheney. Access to the building requires a national security clearance or permanent escort by a person with such a clearance. But the State Department has no record of having issued a national security clearance to Riza.
State Department officials believe that Riza was issued such a clearance by the Defense Department after SAIC was forced by Wolfowitz and Feith to hire her. Then her clearance would have been recognized by the State Department through a credentials transmittal letter and Riza would have accessed the State Department on Pentagon credentials, using her Pentagon clearance to get a State Department building pass with a letter issued under instructions from Liz Cheney.
But State Department officials tell me that no such letter can be confirmed as received. And the officials stress that the department would never issue a clearance to a non-U.S. citizen as part of a contractual requisition. Issuing a national security clearance to a foreign national under instructions from a Pentagon official would constitute a violation of the executive orders governing clearances, they say.
Given these circumstances, the inspector general of the Defense Department should be ordered to investigate how Shaha Ali Riza was issued a Pentagon security clearance. And the inspector general of the State Department should investigate who ordered Riza’s building pass and whether there was a Pentagon credentials transmittal letter.

You think? No, I’m not bitter at all. Why would I be? I’m an American citizen with the sort of spotless record only ex-debate dorks who nerdily dream of future Senate campaigns have. Every day of high school and college, my Father barked at me to remember, “Kunju– one day you will be before a Senate confirmation committee! And they will ask you about your useless adolescent fun. And you will not be able to lie and you will be humiliated by your past! And then I will be humiliated! And I came to this country with EIGHT DOLLARS, EIGHT DOLLARS, so you think of that before you smoke the pot/sleep with any boys/go to the mall/or do anything else criminal! DON’T FUCK UP YOUR FUTURE.”

No pressure, Daddy. Yeesh.

But there was a wee bit of truth buried in all his screaming and frothing at the mouth. There are consequences to our choices. Then again, this was back in the day, y’all– when smoking marijuana DID seem like an act so naughty, it would end all political aspirations.

The point is, my record is like Outkast–so fresh and so clean. And it took me two months to get my clearance, after filling out more paperwork than I have ever had to before. After finger prints and thumb prints and palm prints. And a second set of all of the above. That was after everyone in my immediate family was investigated and people who had known me for a required number of years were interviewed about me, extensively. It took two months for an expedited process, during which I wasn’t even sure I would qualify, even though I am a born-American citizen. My little sister is an Active Duty military officer. I have already been investigated, as part of the requirements for her to work at a certain role. And I had to wait, unlike a certain foreign national who didn’t have to jump through such hurdles.

Stupid, silly me. Next time I’ll just sleep with Paul Wolfowitz. That way I won’t have to sit at home, agonizing over if I am going to get cleared and if so, when, when will that phone call come, because I couldn’t start a job I was so excited about until it did. Some people don’t have to worry about such things though. It’s good to be someone’s girlfriend, isn’t it?

88 thoughts on “Bring me the Head of Alfredo Wolfowitz

  1. Stupid, silly me. Next time I’ll just sleep with Paul Wolfowitz.

    Couldn’t possibly be worth it.

    It took me three years to get a security clearance. I remember meeting the DSA agent. He complained about all these “unpronouncible” Indian names in my application and the fact that some of these relatives lived in India. I was very polite and cooperative but I was thinking “What a jerk!”

  2. And I came to this country with EIGHT DOLLARS

    I think “eight dollars” is synonymous with desi dads. Anyway speaking of smoking, you know what tomorrow is 😉

  3. Wow, I am really surprised that his girlfriend is actually Arab and Muslim. Wolfowitz is jewish. Ha ha what you know, this world is so full of irony and comedy. Does anybody have a pic of this Shaha Ali Riza?

  4. My Dad told me that 8 dollar story more then once. But since my dad was in Canada at the time $8 dollar canadian would be around $6.50 american dollars.

    So those who had dads in the United States with $8 dollars when they came to the States. You dads were rich compare to mine.

  5. Stupid, silly me. Next time I’ll just sleep with Paul Wolfowitz.
    Couldn’t possibly be worth it.

    Seriously, have you seen the jug ears on that guy? Yeesh.

  6. entertaining how dollars are quoted when emphasizing third world penury and converted to rupees when describing exorbitant first world prices. and ‘smoke the pot’ heh!

  7. Thanks ISHEETA. She’s not really much of a looker is she? Which sucks cuz if she was he could at least she it was worth it. If he likes Arab women he should have gone for Haifa Wehbe, much hotter! I’m sure he could pull that, after all he’s the head of the world bank.

  8. I think the 8 dollars refers to the fact that India had currency controls upto quite recently. The maximum permissible allowance for students travelling abroad (not sure it was true for other types of immigrants as well)in the 1960s and 1970s was in fact $8. It was quite a process.. you produced hundreds of documents to get the money from an “authorized foreign currency dealer” and it was entered on your passport. Outside the entrance of the dealer’s office, black market operators furtively whispered “vant dallar?” “vant poand?” to tempt you to augment your $8 dollar allowance. The fact that your dads came with $8 means that they were honest guys who successfully resisted the lures of the black market!

  9. Faraz and anyone else: Can we cut out the hot-or-not misogynistic bullshit please. Thanks.

  10. Two months is a ridiculously short time to get a clearance. I actually worked for SAIC, on a Dept of Energy contract, for a total of 8 years, and for Bechtel on another for 3-1/2, and I never got a clearance. Most people who did took 18-24 months. The fastest I heard of anyone in DOE getting a clearance was 9 months. And that was someone who was editing stuff that required a clearance to read: he ended up sitting in a little room with a guard outside the door accompanying him everywhere he went outside the little room for that entire 9 months. Two months is easy work.

  11. yes # 15 correct on the $8. It had become $20 by the late 80’s and you needed a special Reserve Bank of India Permit. Yes, the $20 was technically taken out of the country’s foreign reserves.

  12. Seriously, have you seen the jug ears on that guy? Yeesh.

    and licking his comb before running it through his hair… and… using his own spit as a hair gel.

  13. Faraz and anyone else: Can we cut out the hot-or-not misogynistic bullshit please. Thanks.

    Guys that say stuff like this are SO hot. Swoon.

  14. Two months? Big deal. Try getting accredited in a teaching hospital in short order, then we’ll talk. Anyway, I’m sure national health insurance will speed things up, so never fear, the answer is near!

  15. Mr Wolfowitz has espoused a policy of “zero tolerance” towards graft and corruption in the bank’s staff and activities. The “actions of even a very small number of individuals can tarnish the reputation of an entire organisation,” he wrote in the latest report of the bank’s internal investigations unit. The unit last year found two people guilty of a conflict of interest; both were banned from bank employment. Moreover, the bank allocates aid to the poorest countries according to a formula in which “governance”, broadly defined, plays much the biggest role.

    From The Economist

    The centerpiece of his administration was meant to be; anti corruption. Heaven knows that many ills in the developing world were/are caused by Predatory/corrupt elites in the govertment . [Preston- lets call a truce on flogging our favorite book here]. But this takes the cake. “Don’t do as I do, do as I say”.

  16. There is more than one kind of security clearance.

    Different clearances take different amounts of time to procure.

    Lots of other factors come in to play, for example, did the person already have a (albeit different) clearance, etc. No need for any who-had-to-wait-more dick-waving. 😉

    The point is, Wolfowitz’s neoconcubine shouldn’t have had the sort of access she did, and it’s egregious that he pushed for her to have it.

  17. There is more than one kind of security clearance.

    Yea, what kind of clearance are we talking about, Secret? Top Secret? DOD? DOJ? FBI? NSA? What was investigation scope, SSBI? LAC? Recurring?

  18. Yea, what kind of clearance are we talking about, Secret? Top Secret? DOD? DOJ? FBI? NSA? What was investigation scope, SSBI? LAC? Recurring?

    You mean what kind of clearance Shaha Ali Riza had, right? 😉

  19. It is during serious times like these, when we are contemplating Sepia’s demise, Sunita’s thighs, and the Slickness of Wolfies’wit, that Borat needs to intervene and replace all appearances of gravitas and self indulgence with some potent corrosive humor. Do not underestimate the power of B.

    please note

    When in pain, the self contracts and language is protective. When in self love, words are like butterflies.

  20. No job in the WORLD is worth having sex with Paul Wolfowitz. Yechhhhhh.

    id rather have sex with wolfowitz than see condi naked …

  21. WSJ has a different take, although they don’t address security clearence.

    in short, wolfie informed the bank prior to joining that that he had a relationship with a staffer, and asked to be recused from all decisons invloving her. the bank asked the gf to leave b/c of the conflict and recommended she be compensated b/c of she was on promotion list at the time.

    only then did wolfie get his gf a new job with a pay rise.

  22. Wow, this thread is, er, interesting. And # 24 is slightly sarcastic.

    *Note to single women over 50 who are in important government positions, be they Condi or Hillary: by virtue of your age, or the fact that I dislike your politics, I will declare you ugly….on the other hand, one should never be afraid to make fun of a politician. The case of Condi, the particular nature of some of the discourse in progressive-o-sphere is quite interesting, isn’t it? Oh, I don’t actually have a problem with pingu’s comment in terms of it being part of the banter that goes on here, just making an observation.

  23. Of course the WSJ has a different take, and if a Clinton era official did the same thing, Salon would be WSJ and WSJ would be Salon. How does that work, exactly? Journalism is such a dispassionate sort of endeavor, I bet they draw straws or something.

  24. siddhartha on April 19, 2007 03:38 PM · Direct link Faraz and anyone else: Can we cut out the hot-or-not misogynistic bullshit please. Thanks.

    Dear Madam/Sir Siddhartha, I’m sorry that my preference, of Haifa Wehbe over Shaha Ali Riza, was offensive to you. I didn’t realize you were a [male] feminist. You are absolutely right ugly girls are just as desirable as hot ones. I stand corrected.

  25. "And I came to this country with EIGHT DOLLARS
    

    I think “eight dollars” is synonymous with desi dads.”

    So true! I think this is our version of the American dad’s “I had to walk 5 miles to school in a blizzard.” If we had major snow storms in India, that would have have been used in desi parental admonitions just as creatively as the eight dollars. By the way, there was a Hindi movie made in the 70’s called “Around the World in Eight Dollars.” I vaguely remember the theme song from it.

    On your security experience, ANNA, let me tell you that the Eighties were just the opposite – shockingly lax. Maybe they have now gone overboard with the “heightened” stuff – what an odd adjective for security! Back in 1980, I was employed by a company to develop new markets, and the US Government was one of our coveted new markets. I would go into all these defense establishments, fill out the requisite form, answer truthfully that I was not a US citizen (green card applied for), and be waved inside by half bored guards who were always on the phone, probably talking to their girlfriends. Once, while in a government office somewhere in the Midwest, a tornado warning went off. The Colonel I was visiting and I ducked under his government-issue grey metal desk and bonded like two soldiers in a trench until the all-clear sounded.

    Those were the Cold War days, and I often wondered whether the well-fed, suburbanized Americans could ever defend themselves if those hungry Soviets decided to really go after us. Goes to show – America gets so many things right. Sorry, it’s the eight dollar perspective.

  26. WSJ has a different take, although they don’t address security clearence

    Yes, they spin what they can and leave out what they cant.

  27. If word gets around that the easiest way to get a clearance is to sleep with Paul, there will be a line outside his house.

    “No no no daaddy, I am naat like that. See veeth a government job there is very good jab secoority and if I have secoority clearence, no one can touch mee. Yesh Yesh when I come back home I vill marry that girl, but phirst let me phinish this. Wokay.”

  28. haha, i like how this —

    An American and his bawdy hooker girlfriend, venture out, taking heed of a bounty set on a man’s head, heedless to the truth behind it all.

    –is the description for “Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia” very very clever. girlfriend got a BIG raise too…

  29. I think the 8 dollars refers to the fact that India had currency controls upto quite recently. The maximum permissible allowance for students travelling abroad (not sure it was true for other types of immigrants as well)in the 1960s and 1970s was in fact $8.

    Yeah, this was pretty institutionalized, wasn’t it? Wasn’t there a Raj Kapoor movie called “Around the World in Eight Dollars”?

  30. Dear Madam/Sir Siddhartha, I’m sorry that my preference, of Haifa Wehbe over Shaha Ali Riza, was offensive to you. I didn’t realize you were a [male] feminist. You are absolutely right ugly girls are just as desirable as hot ones. I stand corrected

    Faraz, its not about asserting that beauty indeed matters in this world but does every reference to a woman have to turn into a beauty contest? Is beauty the only characteristic worth using when assessing women? And, if a woman doesn’t fit your ideal of beauty must she be “not worth it?”

    Btw, I love how you try to denigrate Sidhartha by calling him a gasp male feminist.

  31. ….only then did wolfie get his gf a new job with a pay rise.

    Well,I guess if you aren’t actually holding the ummm “gun”,and you a wipe the prints with a rag and not a blue dress?

    Bank insiders confirmed reports from the bank’s staff association that Wolfowitz directed personnel officials to give Shaha Riza, his longtime companion, an automatic “outstanding” rating and the highest possible pay raises during an indefinite posting at the State Department, as well as a promotion upon her return to the bank

    wapo

    The more important issue is the wiggle room this gives everyone to back out of their commitments to development aid.

  32. Oh, karmabyte….the opinion pages all spin, or opinionate, but it’s funny how some people only the spin on one side and not the other.

  33. “And I came to this country with EIGHT DOLLARS”

    I’m guessing “eight dollars” is so prevalent because of the prevailing exchange rate, Rs. 12.50 to the dollar. 😉

  34. Kunju— one day you will be before a Senate confirmation committee! And they will ask you about your useless adolescent fun. And you will not be able to lie and you will be humiliated by your past! And then I will be humiliated! And I came to this country with EIGHT DOLLARS, EIGHT DOLLARS, so you think of that before you smoke the pot/sleep with any boys/go to the mall/or do anything else criminal! DON’T FUCK UP YOUR FUTURE.

    This is a guaranteed way to a sexless marriage and a philandering husband a la Clinton.

  35. This is a guaranteed way to a sexless marriage and a philandering husband a la Clinton.

    Well gosh, poodle…I guess we now know why I ain’t married!

  36. Bank insiders confirmed reports from the bank’s staff association that Wolfowitz directed personnel officials to give Shaha Riza, his longtime companion, an automatic “outstanding” rating and the highest possible pay raises during an indefinite posting at the State Department, as well as a promotion upon her return to the bank

    this is misleading. it was the bank ethics commitee thant insisted riza be compensating for being forced out of the world bank especially since she was on a promotion list. so wolfie did exactly that, though w/o the board’s knowledge, which is the issue.

    for the record, wolfie wanted riza to stay, since he thought disclosure settled the issue. it was the bard that wanted her to leave with compensation.

  37. Amusing. Yes, who you sleep with can drastically alter the course of your life. I did a little rant on Rachel Roy earlier today. Had she not made herself Damon Dash’s baby momma, would she have her own fashion line? I think not.

    But yeah, this is on a whole different level seeing as that security clearances and contractual ethics violations were at stake.

    I guess her junk was just that good?