Q: What should one do if one really needs to get laid?
A: Go to Kerala, of course! 😉
Via the Mumbai Mirror:
Nine months after he went on a rampage while in heat, destroying his enclosure at Byculla zoo, Rajkumar, the 18-year-old elephant, is finally leaving town today to mate with his chosen partner, a similarly-charged teenager at Thiruvananthpuram zoo, appropriately called Rani.
No having the sex before the marriage, thank you:
In the best Indian tradition, their relationship will be duly solemnised and the two are to get married after Rajkumar completes his five-day journey on an open-back Tata truck.
Unlike most of my manwhores, Raju does NOT dig older vomen:
However, the road to love has not been easy for Rajkumar. Though the two other elephants at Byculla zoo were females, they are 45 and 50 years old each, and no match for the young stripling. When zoo authorities resolutely ignored mild sulks and tantrums, Rajkumar decided that a full-scale rebellion was called for and in June last year the mast haati went on a rampage, breaking open the steel gates of his enclosure and running amok through the botanical gardens, before coming out on the open road.
This bit reminds me of Madagascar, one of my favorite animated movies, ever:
He was caught by the desperate mahaout and the zoo authorities near Byculla station.
He’s from the North, she’s from the South…can they make it work? Language might be an obstacle:
Rajkumar will be accompanied by chief mahaout Jamal Khan and an assistant. At Thiruvananthapuram they will apprise the zoo keeper there of his hobbies and also train them how to give order, for Rajkumar only follows orders in Hindi.
I have seen some BS in my day, but this tops everything.
Adorable!! The TVM zoo is pretty famous, btw.
Unfortunately, his baraat to Rani’s was not all roses.
Check this news article: http://chalomumbai.com/news/city/2007/april/155149.htm
Jealous? 😉 Don’t worry– one of these days, you’ll get married too. 😀
Even the elephants think the arranged marriage system isn’t worth the 100 pounds of #$@#() that come out of their ass every day. Go Dumbo.
Hooray for elephant sex!
“Testiculus Sapphirus”??
Hahahaha, thats creative.
this image of two haathis doing it….get out of my head now! but cute story nonetheless
in the words of Borat….niceeeeeee
The elephants doing the sex, going all the ways to the Keralas too…inserting the appropriate “guess nobody teaching the elephant hath(i) mere saathi” jokes here. Can’t imagine a horny 18-yr. old elephant doing the pent-up nasty, in the middle of an idyllic Kerala grove…”Did the earth move for you, my dear?”, “Yeah, sure did, and we have 7 uprooted coconut trees to prove it!”
to get some awws…there is no language needed for love, its all in the eyes
Great story, but still so many unanswered questions.
But is it a good day for them to get married? Do their stars line up properly? What about the Rani’s parents, what do they do? Do they drive an E-class or a Lexus? Can Rani make round chipatis?
Will he walk around the fire, throw rice on each others heads with their trunks?
I hope their marriage fares better in Thiruvananthapuram than mine did!
Sounds like a typical NRI wedding. Horny male travels long distance to marry his mate already chosen by the “authorities”.
I’m not sure you want anything to do with the chapatis Rani makes…
That female elphant is going to get smashed down. I almost feel sorry for the poor beast.
There’s a Malayalam movie I remember seeing in the 80s, called Gajakesariyogam maybe. A Malayali family’s lumberjack elephant dies and they buy an elephant that used to be in a circus. They try calling its name and talking to it in Malayalam, but it doesn’t respond. It turns out that it was in a circus in North India and only understands Hindi. The parents and the daughter (played excellently by Innocent Vincent and Parvathy Jayaram) hire a tutor to learn Hindi. Hilarity and romance ensue and the Hindi tutor eventually falls in love with the daughter and ends up marrying her — a romance engineered by en elephant who only understood Hindi. Gajakesariyogam, for those who don’t know, is a configuration of planets in a natal chart that supposedly leads to prosperity and success in love; its name is clearly derived in part from Gaja, Sanskrit for elephant, but I am unsure of the exact translation.
Aside from the comic genius of Innocent, it was hilarious to watch the spotty Hindi in the movie, especially because I knew both languages. It was also a tender, warm-and-fuzzy love story. Anybody else seen this movie?
sigh, that just ruined the whole “aww” moment. poor haathi.
I predict that the wedding ceremony will be interrupted by passionate elephant humping. They just won’t be able to wait.
Some googling reveals that Gajakesariyogam (Gaja = elephant, Kesari = lion) is a planetary configuration that gives someone born under it the intelligence and magnanimity of an elephant and the majesty of a lion. Okay Vishy, enough astrological geeking out.
just don’t piss off your in-laws.
if they only taught the elephant to disengage by performing some kind of filmi dance. that is the universal language, no?
To a Haathi???
Did anyone see that Daily Show episode where the Moment of Zen was George W. Bush in an undisclosed location in the wilds of Africa, sitting in the back of a jeep when two elephants decided it was time to get it on? Priceless…
I’m pretty sure that this media obsession with an elephant’s sex life has some psychological resonance to it, but, for the life of me, I can’t work it out. Anyway, a charming story but I have to get back to reading my book: Hung Like a Haathi?: Phallic insecurity in the Asian male by Dr E.Z. Gag
This might also be a record for the biggest case of “blue balls” ever! Poor elephant, surrounded by all these females, but all to old for sex. Reminds me of the old pharse “water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink” except in this case it is……… you get the point.
I would just hate to be the mahout in charge of clean-up after the “wedding night.” It will require many mops and buckets. 18 years of pent-up energy demanding expression and all.
Damn haathi is going to find a saathi. But wait what happens if they aren’t a good ‘match’? I mean just being horny isn’t enough. Will they give it a year while they tour the new surroundings and take in a dance or two around a tree and call it quits? And since he’s moving to her home will he become a ghar jamai? (house son in law roughly translated) What’s the dowry? Will the wedding be Southie style or northie style?
I do not refresh SM for a couple of hours and this is what happens…
But to be honest, I think my folks would not mind, as long as I get married to someone. I might have to get married to a tree and kill it and all before this can happen, but still…
I for one am appalled at the level of comment here. Elephant sex is a beautiful thing. I think it’s a shocking indictment of society that people can’t have grown-up conversations about pachydermal intercourse without it becoming a target for snide innuendo and cheap jokes. I am positively throbbing – nay rigid! – with anger. For shame, Sepia Mutiny, for shame!
And don’t think I don’t know what all these references to “going down South” mean. Scandalous. All your mothers have been informed of your behaviour.
I really like that name “Rajkumar”. I think I’m going to name my next pet that, an english bulldog with the name Rajkumar would be really pimp. Great story, made me laugh, especially the part that they will get a proper marriage.
thats a band name waiting to happen…
not if rani is a nair girl. their husbands are supposed to stay with her family. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nair
just a technical question: can male mammals be “in heat”? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Estrous_cycle
Yes, it’s called being “awake”.
So you mean to tell me that I all I had to do to get laid with a nice mallu babe when I was a teenager was to basically break the door of my room and run around in the house and neihgbourhood crazy?? Damn!!!!
The article that Sonia Kaur (#17) linked to was very disturbing…they made the poor elephant STAND for 55 hours straight while they transported him. They didn’t even arrange for food and water on the way. That’s not a joke, it’s very cruel.
Anna, I have a problem with you using the word “manwhore” in your sentence:
“Unlike most of my manwhores, Raju does NOT dig older women.”
By using the term “manwhore,” you deem the word “whore,” as being solely referring to women alone. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “whore” as:
1 : a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : PROSTITUTE; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman 2 : a male who engages in sexual acts for money 3 : a venal or unscrupulous person
As a Feminist, I think it’s unfair that women get so much flack for having sex (which is what the definition is about); we get punished and are seen as immoral for having sex. Isn’t it interesting that there there isn’t a word specifically for men to describe a promiscuous or immoral man? By using colloquial words as whore, slut, hoe, skank, etc, which are geared towards women, it pigeonholes women into these various categories.
I understand that your use of the word “manwhore” in your post had no malignant intent, but it bothers me when progressive people (like I think the SM bloggers are), use words that hold misogynistic meanings to them.
Thanks, Sabrina
Isn’t it interesting that there there isn’t a word specifically for men to describe a promiscuous or immoral man?
Gigolo, toy boy, dog
but it bothers me when progressive people (like I think the SM bloggers are)
waha, waha………….
You’re right, I didn’t have malicious intent and I thank you for assuming the best about me. I adore pop culture and pepper everything I write with refs to…everything. I do take comments like yours seriously though and I’m thinking about what such casual words mean. It hurts me to know certain feminists may not agree, but I do consider myself one and I was not trying to be a misogynist; this was filed under humor and it was meant to be a cute, short blurb. I wrote it before I read what distressed Amitabh and Sonia so much and did not get to update the post.
Upon reflection (I’ve thought of nothing else for the last half-hour), I think what I’m really guilty of is hetero-normative language.
Was anyone else offended by what I wrote?
Faraz (#31):
Just don’t take it to Karnataka or they might get you and your little doggy too… [Linkage]
Somehow, any elephant-related reading is usually amusing. Can we have a daily feature? In case it comes up in such a feature, I think the elephant-equivalent of man-whore would be bull-whore since male elephants are called ‘bulls’ (females are called ‘cows’). This assumes of course that the elephant community is as sexist as the human community and would thus find it necessary to qualify “whore.”
As a manwhore, yes.
manwhores are not easily offended, If you stiff us on a payment maybe.
That subject line is all I need to read. I’m going to India.
Madagascar is one of your favorite movies…ever? Sheesh. Note to self: ignore all future film-crit-related posts on Sepia Mutiny.
I see your point Sabrina and agree with it somewhat, but here’s one way of disagreeing with it:
By positioning the younger men as the sexual supplicants, and herself as the john (pun not intended!), Anna is inverting the usual power structure of sex-for-money in a humorous way. Just as Roberto Benigni mocked Nazi marches in Life is Beautiful, without being a Nazi himself, Anna’s metaphorical turn as a john is a subtle attack on the debasing language that, as you point out, assumes that in sex-work, its the woman who’s a whore. Indeed, the hypocrisy is so ingrained in our language that mockery and unexpected role reversals might be the best way to draw attention to it.
And when society and pop culture makes references to murderers, rapists, pedophiles, serial killers, psychos, the obvious assumption is that they’re male. Can one claim these words are misanthropic and shouldn’t be used?
And I write all the above as a man- and woman-whore (depends on who bids higher).
Yes, it’s one of my favorite ANIMATED movies ever. I don’t know why you ignored that adjective, not that I need to justify my taste in anything to someone who would leave such an obnoxious comment; I’m not the only blogger here, it’s highly possible you might find someone else who writes to your exacting standards of fillum snobbery. No need to go there, especially since I generally don’t do film-crit. Note to self: ignore all future comments from 216.253.108…