There is much in my life that the Holy Trilogy has taught me. I refer of course to Star Wars (the original, not the unwatchable prequels). As I make my way through this long and often chaotic journey, I know that I can always refer back to it for understanding and comfort in the face of confusion. Of course, as Joseph Campbell pointed out, Star Wars was really just a vehicle for the re-telling of the story of the Hero With a Thousand Faces:

A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man. [Link]

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The original Star Wars Trilogy featured Luke Skywalker as the Hero. The prequels featured Anakin/Darth Vader as an anti-hero. All this introduction brings me to the story of Sanjaya Malakar, the 17-year-old singer on American Idol. He is the one. The chosen one that will bring a balance to the force. The light must be completely extinguished and the darkness he represents must reign over us all, before the world can rise up and purge that which he represents once again.

Now, before I continue with my analysis I must state, again, that I don’t watch American Idol. It comes on at the same time as Pussycat Dolls Presents: The Search for the Next Doll, which I watch instead. I wish American Idol contestants were “hot like” the Dolls, but they just aren’t so it is an easy choice. I’m shallow like that.

Some xenophobic theories on the internet claim that the reason Sanjaya is winning is because all the call center workers from India are calling in and voting for him. As if they have nothing better to do (like ummmm…take incoming customer complaints through the night). Such racist filth masquerading as one man’s “theory” undermines what is really happening here. Likewise, pictures such as the one below, although they do make the proper Star Wars connection, miss the mark by thinking of Sanjaya as merely a Sith and not the Sith Lord:

Sanjaya Maul

No. The true comparison to make in this case is that between Malakar and Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader:

Appearances alone mean NOTHING, however! Look at the other extraordinary parallels between our two anti-heroes and their stories. Every week when Malakar gets in front of the “council of judges” he is deemed “not ready to be an American Idol.” Likewise, when Anakin is brought in front of the Council of Jedi, he too is brushed aside as not yet ready to be counted as a master. Tell me, who had the last say in THAT tug-of-war?

In the above analogy, Simon Cowell is Yoda. He is the one that sees how everything is going to unfold but is powerless to stop it. He sits back with a scowl and mild acceptance. Sanjaya’s midichlorian count is just too high, despite the fact that he will use it for evil (proving that most people have no clue what good music is and destroying the music industry). Randy is Mace Windu. ‘Nuff said. Paula is one of those lady Jedi that never actually speaks but looks really cool in the background and you wish you could meet a jedi chick like that. Ryan Seacrest, who comforts Sanjaya, is Obi-wan. He sees the truth but it is his job to advocate the young man while looking good.

Just as Anakin became Vader and hunted down the Jedi, we too must hope Sanjaya wins and vote for him. With him as Idol, American music will lose all respect. Then, a true Rebel Alliance will be able to finally take root. Eventually this alliance will defeat the “Idol Worshippers” by establishing a movement of people that listen only to good music and turns off all reality shows forever (except The Pussycat Dolls show).

I forsee that IF Sanjaya survives, he is the one that will bring Balance to the Force. Do not complain. Accept it. He is the mythical Hero With a Thousand Faces. We have all been waiting for him.