Quite predictably, my inbox was blowing up this morning and the news of a bizarre love triangle at the workplace was the only thing people wanted to talk about. It was the first item at our weekly office meet-up (under the heading “safety”). At my workplace safety always comes first. So THIS is what they mean by a “water cooler topic”:
This is the story everyone’s talking about at the water cooler today. (Fortunately, I sit right next to the water cooler.) NASA astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak has been charged with attempted murder of another astronaut, who was in a astronaut love triangle with another astronaut. She also had on diapers so she wouldn’t have to stop on the drive. Okay, so attempted murder and kidnapping aren’t cool, but if they have to happen, I’m pretty happy that astronauts are involved. [Link]
First of all, if I was a rockstar I would totally name my band “astronaut love triangle.” It’s so edgy. If you click on my first link it will lead you to the arrest report which provides details about the steel mallet, rubber tubing, knife, pepper spray, large trash bags, wigs, and trench coat involved. I will spare you re-hashing the details that have been replayed on the news all day. This far into my post I am SURE you are all wondering “where is the desi angle?” Stay with me a moment.
Earlier this week Indian American astronaut Sunita Williams (see previous posts 1,2,3) set the spacewalking record for a woman. This is an amazing achievement that took many long hours of hard work in a dangerous environment!:
U.S. astronaut Sunita Williams has now spent more time in space [outside of a vehicle] than any other woman, setting the record on Sunday.
She and a crew mate upgraded the international space station’s cooling system.
Williams broke the previous female spacewalking record of more than 21 hours when she and Michael Lopez-Alegria completed the second of what could be a precedent-setting three spacewalks in nine days. The new record is 22 hours and 27 minutes. [Link]
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p>So what do these two seemingly unrelated news stories have in common besides the fact that they both involve astronauts? Three words: Maximum Absorption Garment (MAG).
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p>The idiot civilian journalists in the mainstream press keep using the term “diaper.” It is NOT a diaper. It is, like the name says, a MAG. In both cases the MAG proved to be, what we in the industry like to refer to as, “mission enabling.” You see, there is no way that Nowak could have driven the 1000 miles from Houston to Orlando fast enough to rendezvous with her victim’s inbound flight…unless she was able to skip the bathroom breaks along the way. Likewise, there is no way Sunita Williams could have worked on assembling the International Space Station all day (while sipping Tang no doubt) unless she was wearing a MAG while doing it. The MAG helped her set the spacewalking record, which in turn makes us all proud to be Indian Americans.
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p>And now for a little confession. Remember back in the first year of our operations here at SM when I was pumping out 3 blog posts a day and often more than a dozen a week? Yeah, you know what I’m saying. Just how do you think I was able to blog for eight straight hours?
Here is to the MAG and the wonders of NASA technology. I’m a believer.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
ummm, ok, but couldn’t she have run to the little girls’ room when SHE INEVITABLY HAD TO STOP FOR GAS??? just a thought
I prefer to let all the facts surface before judging. It could be that her car ran on fuel cells (used on the space shuttle) and she did not need to stop for gas.
Does anyone know if the astronauts actually eat that “space ice cream” in space? You know what I’m talking about, the silver packet that all the cool kids used to buy from the museum gift shop during field trips in elementary school…
We used to eat it on the bus ride home? Was that all hype?
I also want to confess that Sunita Williams is my latest girl-crush.
It could be that her car ran on fuel cells (used on the space shuttle) and she did not need to stop for gas.
ah yes…fuel cells…no doubt powered by the aformentioned tang. 😉
^^ oops, meant to quote the part that I put in bold 🙁
Yes, they do (or did before good new stuff came along). There is all kinds of good stuff made in the astronaut kitchen. My office used to be right above the kitchen. 🙂
The one interesting quirk is that the space environment causes astronauts to crave spicy food. They also like tortillas and cashews. Go figure.
Um. She was fuming.
best DesiAngle (TM) ever 😉
Just for the record, no fuel cell powered car today can go 900 miles without recharging. But if she stopped only at full-service gas stations and took quick leaks….she would save time over pumping it herself and might not need a MAG. Does anyone know whether the default gas station in the South is full or self?
She works for NASA. NASA spins-off its old technologies to the car companies after they have already been developed for space. Therefore a 1000 miles in entirely possible. Gas stations in the South are self-serve.
And mostly desi, just like everywhere else…
Maybe she just rolled the windows down? That’s what I do …
dude…this is not the cool kind of “brown” to talk about….
Wow, Abhi. I was wondering how you were going to make the connection, but you exceeded my wildest expectations.
being attacked in a parking lot by a grown woman in a diaper would scare the bejeezus out of me, pepper spray or no. Does this mean astronauts lose their toilet training?
Wonder if there is room for some kind of novel psychiatric defense…over exposure to “moon beams”. Or maybe some neural parasite crawled up her nose during a spacewalk.
Abhi,
I seriously cannot believe that this was brought up at the weekly SAFETY meeting. Actually, wait, it’s NASA, I can. I mean, what the hell was the take home safety message? “You will be the safest if you do not get yourself into an astronaut love triangle. And stay away from wigs, trenchcoats, & pepper spraying the other woman.”
This just reaffirms everything I’ve told you about NASA. I think it’d be best if you return to Los Angeles now.
You see, there is no way that Nowak could have driven the 1000 miles from Houston to Orlando fast enough to rendezvous with her victimÂ’s inbound flightÂ…unless she was able to skip the bathroom breaks along the way.
Was she driving an electric car? Otherwise, she certainly had to stop for gas and in all probability, more than once to refuel her car.
Now where can I purchase these adult diapers (umm excuse me or as Abhi would say MAG)?
I’m dissapointed with this story for one reason. It happened here on Earth. This shit should have happened in space, ideally when the two women were on a space walk. How many times have you seen sci-fi movies where people get murdered in outer space, but has it happened yet? No. So this ladynaut could have made history.
Suppose there was a varmint in the garment?
Seriously, the Desi Angle for this story is fabulous beyond compare. I should look into one of those MAGs for those all-night dance sessions when I can’t go the bathroom because the DJ’s spinning my favourite song and there are coke-fiends everywhere, but I’m scared it’ll make my ass look big(ger).
How about the driving version of in-flight refueling? You get a tanker to drive along side you, extend the nozzle, fill your tank and pull out? If you can do it in the air …
There is a desi angle in everything. And Abhi you are a GENIUS!
Hehehe. Crazy space people and their awesome diapers…I always wondered about you Abhi..now we know. 🙂
Now I’m assuming that one has to go through some pretty significant and intensive psychological evaluation before becoming an astronaut. I further assume that these peeps are the cream of the crop and very intelligent, whether they be a pilot or a mission specialist. This whole episode just goes to show that the power of the libido is greater than the power to reason. Oy. I work with a bunch of lawyers and this was the first thing everyone was talking about in my office as well.
Oh wow.
Abhi, great post:) Is anyone thinking what I am? I forsee a possible reality TV show coming up on the sexy and dramatic lives of NASA employees. They could call it something like Blast Off: Life before and after the Rocket Launch. It has great potential.
You know you feel sorry for Nowak. She was going to take out her “man’s” girlfriend, catch him on the rebound. Typical love triangle…except for the part about wearing Depends and taking him to 500 Mile High Club.
This whole episode just goes to show that the power of the libido is greater than the power to reason.
So true. That is why any agreement that a man enters into when he is horny is voidable at his option as he is mentally incapacitated.
The diaper angle to this crazyNASAwoman story has been making me giggle for the past two days. A friend of mine mentioned the fact that astronauts wear a diaper (okay, okay, a MAG) when exiting and entering the atmosphere, and that there’s an exhibit based around it in the Air and Space Museum. Something involving the words “fecal compaction unit,” which is also giggle-worthy.
Abhi Sez:
Another workaround is to invest in a fairly cheap laptop and some wireless-a/b/n action or a really long ethernet cable.
SemiDesimasala Asks:
Roll down the windows. Just lift a cheek and let ‘er rip.
Ennis sez:
Didn’t the marauding hordes in Mad Max figured this one out already?
Believe it or not they used to have a Baywatch-style show about the astronaut corp. The entire proposition was ridiculous since astronauts are no more attractive than the general population and usually very earnest and somewhat geeky:
usually very earnest and somewhat geeky:
Fabulous! It must have been a hit!
Oh. Nevermind.
Three cheers for niche marketing!
Now I’m wondering if everyone in the 500 Mile High Club is incontinent, and how that might be different from being really really old wood, etc.
NASA could save a lot of money and increase the efficiency of their missions by recruiting strikingly beautiful women, as they donÂ’t crap. Take for example someone like Aishwarya Rai: It is rumoured that once in three months she wakes up to discover that her low-back Satin Slip has been filled with sweet smelling rose petals; suddenly, cherubs appear from nowhere, gather these petals and disappear. No disgusting MAG business here. NASA should be selecting more Aishwaryas and less Abhisheks.
Ha! That’s great:)
Abhi you are a genius ( I am comparing you to John Stewart). Anyway, watch “Daily Show with John Stewart” segment on this story ( simply very funny).
funny…a book deal about the astronaut/diaper/wig story has just been made. [link]
I note that the author has used a “maximum absorbant garment.” I have several friends with real world jobs that put them at risk due to the inconvenience associated with “taking a bathroom break,” so, and I am not joking, are these garments available commerically to those not associated with NASA? And if so, where? Thanks, Paul
if i was gonna be attacked by someone, i’d want it to be a woman in a diaper, but i’d rather be something a little more romantic :D.