Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It

READERS are blowing up the tip line asking us to cover the story below. Here’s a sampler:

  • “Where to even start?”
  • “I think the title says enough”
  • “I think this one is fairly obvious”
  • “interesting/ridiculous contrasts between public health awareness vs. outrageous journalism”
  • “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory why this is interesting. Scientific fact? Post-colonial subjugation through emasculation? What do desi women (or gay men) think?”

You asked for it. And here it is, via the BBC:

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. …

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

This news is the top item in William Saletan’s science round-up this morning in Slate, which offers a translation of the key finding for any macacas that aren’t down with the metric system:

Thirty percent of Indian men are 1 inch short, and another 30 percent are 2 inches short.

Cue up another round of outrage, snark, statistics, exotification and sundry manifestations of sexual anxiety. As you can see, two of the tipsters left comments questioning the reporting of this story. Media hype? Colonial plot? Lou Dobbs?

Speaking of sexual anxiety: For those of you who read this site because you are considering becoming involved with a diasporic macaca, I would caution that you not jump to any conclusions about his member until you’ve had a chance to inspect it for yourself. Emigration leads to changes in diet and other health factors, which results in changes in body type. Just because your macaca’s grandpapa might have had a teeny weeny doesn’t mean your wholesome, corn fed, suburban cul-de-sac raised American desi shares the predicament. Whew!

Discuss. [Previous Sepia jimmyhat analysis here.]

444 thoughts on “Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It

  1. I’m not making any representations here, but remember that gorgeous gay word-of-the-lifetime, “versatile”.

  2. The terms “Taj Mahal” and “chutney bottle” are employed

    They also use the term ‘Curry Dick’. How charming.

  3. it’s been my experience that lighter-skinned south asian men are more well-endowed than darker ones.
    Troll alert!

    Sadly, not. I just checked the IP and this person is a regular, albeit a new-ish one.

  4. it’s been my experience that lighter-skinned south asian men are more well-endowed than darker ones.

    I have never seen or mmm…experienced anything that supports this! Welcome back ChickPea, did you gather any data from India to support this topic? 🙂 hee hee

  5. What do desi women (or gay men) think?

    As a gay South Asian, I can inform you that this new study is lies. My personal research has demonstrated that my penis is larger than every white penis I have seen.

  6. Sadly, they’re short in other departments as well:

    The average length of foreplay by British men was 17.44 minutes. This was 13.98 in India, below the global average of 15.78. [Link]
  7. I’m not making any representations here, but remember that gorgeous gay word-of-the-lifetime, “versatile”.

    Versatile, eh? I believe the trendy new American jargon is top, bottom and switch. Tell us, daahling, which one are you? 😉

  8. So how exactly is a standardized measurement obtained, given that the size variation between a flaccid and an erect member can muck with the data. Or is it an erection on demand ? “Khada karo ise!!!” Maybe visually assisted ? I need to find out how this was done.

    I bet they scheduled a free porn screening in a makeshift theater with surveyors moving around around within the rows. Man…im gonna make a movie out of this someday where the surveyor tells his story.

    “Bilaspur ka ling-naapak” (Penis measurer of Bilaspur)

    Im sorry guys!!…its a Friday.

  9. I don’t hold with these newfangled terms. Especially BDSM-related ones! Some things are meant to be discovered, not discussed.

    Well, at least not without substantial amounts of wodka and vine.

  10. Welcome back ChickPea,

    thanks CR

    did you gather any data from India to support this topic? 🙂 hee hee

    alas, the medical camp that i worked at wasn’t the one sponsored by this particular research firm.. oh i just said firm..

    ;)…

  11. Some things are meant to be discovered, not discussed. Well, at least not without substantial amounts of wodka and vine.

    It’s a good thing there is an LA meet-up next Friday in that case.

  12. JFC! How effin embarassing…who the #$%Z decided to release a press report thats so…well sensational. This just plain effin sucks. Some bihari suffers from baby #$#@ syndhrome and the whole subcontinent pays for it.

  13. “Bilaspur ka ling-naapak” (Penis measurer of Bilaspur) Im sorry guys!!…its a Friday.

    oh that so reminded me of rohinton mistry’s fine balance – i think there was a reference to bhojpuri baingan (eggplant of bhojpur) in that. hmm… i take it biharis do quite well in this space. somebody got lucky there. winkwink* nudgenudge*

  14. it’s been my experience that lighter-skinned south asian men are more well-endowed than darker ones.

    Quite the opposite for me, but I wouldn’t dare assert that the way you just have; I know that my experiences are just that. I’ve dated North and South and the three men who thoughtfully kept Tylenol by their bedsides next to the Magnums were Malayalee, Tamil and Malayalee, respectively. The three smallest were from Delhi, Kerala and U.P. It’s unbelievably stupid to assert that one region of India is going to be more well-endowed than another. There’s a range everywhere.

  15. I don’t hold with these newfangled terms. Especially BDSM-related ones! Some things are meant to be discovered, not discussed. Well, at least not without substantial amounts of wodka and vine.

    Arrey yaar, we’re all a little BDSM.

  16. Based on my (unscientific) research, this is not true. At least not with the Indian-American species of male. The smallest I had was a Caucasian male, the biggest a desi male. And, of course, girls do talk, so I know that at least two of my friends have desi boyfriends who need the extra-large variety of condom.

    Fear not my hairy, big-nosed desi boys, we girls know better…

  17. Is this some sort of record for speed with which a thread crossed 100 comments? I leave my computer for a couple of hours and people are going nuts. A can of “worms,” indeed.

  18. was it viagra or cialis?

    Viagra is the ED drug that is most preferred by Bob Dole… 😉 (haha couldn’t resist)

  19. drrrttty poonjabi ;), we’re on the same wave ‘length’..

    and yes, i call 500 comments by 5pm EST today…

    don’t let me ‘down’ 😉 or caverject use may be of use..

  20. Guys, sorry for the minor threadjack, but I have a relevant question, given the fact that desi umm.. dimensions dont always match the caucasian ones, does anyone have a specific brand to recommend for condoms?

  21. So, where does the international standard come from?

    Probably why some of us macaca’s worship the Shiva Lingam 😉

  22. Guys, sorry for the minor threadjack, but I have a relevant question, given the fact that desi umm.. dimensions dont always match the caucasian ones, does anyone have a specific brand to recommend for condoms?

    Trojan?

  23. dimensions dont always match the caucasian ones, does anyone have a specific brand to recommend for condoms?

    Are you asking about smaller sized condoms? And where are you located?

  24. There is no way this is statistically accurate, between the sample size and the way people are self-selected in for measurement.

    Perhaps men who volunteer to have their penises gauged have a harder time ‘measuring up’? 🙂

  25. Generally, I just go with the seemingly inexhaustible supply that they hand to you whenever you check your coat at Club Kali. I almost felt like I had something to prove by the end of my time in London.

    Almost.

  26. Guys, sorry for the minor threadjack, but I have a relevant question, given the fact that desi umm.. dimensions dont always match the caucasian ones, does anyone have a specific brand to recommend for condoms?

    The one invented by an Indian of course. 🙂

  27. Typical Indian men; totally consumed with themselves. ;-P

    Now, let’s discuss why they won’t do what we women would like them to do in the bedroom… or not.

  28. Ok, this is embarrassing..hmm, I am in the US and having some issues with the pill, so hubby and I need to go the condom route for prophylactics and are now lost among the myriad choices available, looking for direction..we are both desi..did not know before that it mattered while choosing prophylactics before, but apparently now it does..

  29. How does this type of research even get funded?

    Anyway, I uh, never knew this was even supposed to be a problem with Indian men…

  30. now lost among the myriad choices available, looking for direction

    Ah, the American-supermarket-breakfast-cereal dilemma now applies to condoms as well. Don’t feel lost — just try a variety on for size and see which ones you like best. No need to fret while ogling the colourful displays in the pharmacy.

  31. It is with great dismay that I am reading some comments from female (?) posters talking about their experience with desi penises. I hope you all are not having sex with these boys. I am guessing you are married. Yes, that’s the only possibility. Good desi girls wait until suihaag raat.

  32. Ok, this is embarrassing..

    not really… obviously you’re seeing way more action than the rest of us are typing away out here between meetings :-B8 i’m quite clueless and useless in that respect but wanted to cheer you on. think of me standing around under your window waving a flag when you all are getting it on. i’m sure that’ll help set the mood.

    ok peeps, help the lady out. i’m out. time to make some money.

  33. Quite the opposite for me, but I wouldn’t dare assert that the way you just have; I know that my experiences are just that. I’ve dated North and South and the three men who thoughtfully kept Tylenol by their bedsides next to the Magnums were Malayalee, Tamil and Malayalee, respectively. The three smallest were from Delhi, Kerala and U.P. It’s unbelievably stupid to assert that one region of India is going to be more well-endowed than another. There’s a range everywhere.

    I certainly wasn’t “asserting” that any region of India was more well-endowed than another. I was giving my observation on this topic as it relates to other topics previously discussed in the same fashion that you shared your personal, yet quite opposite from my own, experience.

  34. Comments should stop at 4pm. It’s Friday, use the extra hour to wash behind your ears. There’s some debunking (and bonking) to do.

    Collar down is the new collar up.

  35. Buy small packs of a couple different sizes and have him try them on. That’s about the best you can do…

    It’s not JUST a measure of length. Sometimes even an average length condom on an average organ can be loose or too constrictive depending on the other dimensions.

  36. http://www.indiansareasian.com/chart.html Guess the “Have huge penises” row needs to be re-evaluated.

    The penis is a sponge that gets filled up with blood — it’s not a muscle, bone, or hunk of fat. If poor nutrition is the cause, then it’s affecting the size of the spongy tissue or how well blood can flow into it & stay there. From most penis size studies, it seems that the standard deviation for length is ~1 in., so malnutrition would have to deal one heck of a blow (…) to the guy’s penis size to make it that much shorter than expectation. So I don’t think this is what’s going on.

    The uncertainty could be resolved by checking penis size of South Asians in GB, who have first-world nutrition and are much taller than their parents (although these are mostly from NW S.Asia). If it turned out that there was something specific to the environment in S.Asia that made S.Asian penises smaller than in GB, I doubt it would be nutrition — it would be the damage done by the basquillion germs endemic to the region.

  37. use the extra hour to wash behind your ears

    Or use the extra hour to metaphorically wash all your own mouths out with soap after all this smuttiness.

  38. now lost among the myriad choices available, looking for direction
    just try a variety on for size and see which ones you like best. No need to fret while ogling the colourful displays in the pharmacy.

    right on…the only people who know what will work for them are the ones involved…try different brands/types, try male condoms and female ones, flavoured ones…have fun…make a weekend out of it 🙂