Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It

Posted on by

READERS are blowing up the tip line asking us to cover the story below. Here’s a sampler:

  • “Where to even start?”
  • “I think the title says enough”
  • “I think this one is fairly obvious”
  • “interesting/ridiculous contrasts between public health awareness vs. outrageous journalism”
  • “I think it’s pretty self-explanatory why this is interesting. Scientific fact? Post-colonial subjugation through emasculation? What do desi women (or gay men) think?”

You asked for it. And here it is, via the BBC:

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. …

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

This news is the top item in William Saletan’s science round-up this morning in Slate, which offers a translation of the key finding for any macacas that aren’t down with the metric system:

Thirty percent of Indian men are 1 inch short, and another 30 percent are 2 inches short.

Cue up another round of outrage, snark, statistics, exotification and sundry manifestations of sexual anxiety. As you can see, two of the tipsters left comments questioning the reporting of this story. Media hype? Colonial plot? Lou Dobbs?

Speaking of sexual anxiety: For those of you who read this site because you are considering becoming involved with a diasporic macaca, I would caution that you not jump to any conclusions about his member until you’ve had a chance to inspect it for yourself. Emigration leads to changes in diet and other health factors, which results in changes in body type. Just because your macaca’s grandpapa might have had a teeny weeny doesn’t mean your wholesome, corn fed, suburban cul-de-sac raised American desi shares the predicament. Whew!

Discuss. [Previous Sepia jimmyhat analysis here.]

444 thoughts on “Oh, All Right. But You Asked For It”

  1. Well, I seem to remember being taught in med school that erection was something of an, er, equalizer in terms of size/breadth variation……..

  3. Some fun facts: -The bird with the longest recorded penis is the Argentine Blue-bill.

    -The barnacle is the creature with the largest penis as a proportion of its overall body size.

    -“Whales…hold the record for having the largest penises. A fact which they never fail to mention at parties, by the way. In large Rorqual whales the penis can be up to 10 feet long, with a diameter of up to one foot.” [link]

  4. If you are a male living in a hierarchically organized social system, a gorilla harem for example, then copious amount of sperm production or a long penis does not increase your chances of producing progeny. Your ability to prevent other males from sexual contact with females, by force or intimidation, positively influences your chances of reproductive success. Gorillas retain a diminutive penis and testicle size. Human males evidence sexual anatomical characteristics suggestive of a promiscuous social structure (Wilson & Daley, 1992). There are exceptions such as the asian highly stratified river/irrigation cultures who have had a highly hierarchical, patriarchal, monogamous social structures for thousands of years (Miller, 1994). [Link]

    In short, it isn’t the size of your member but the size of the bat you use to beat down any dude that looks your woman’s way that matters 🙂

  5. The penis of the male tapir is very long when erect. The tapir has the one of the longest penis to body size ratios of any animal. The specimen of tapir believed to have the longest penis ever observed is currently on display at the Koenigsberg Zoo. [Link]

    I’ve seen one of these. It looked like a fifth leg. I mean the thing literally swept the ground.

  6. More details from TOI:

    The ICMR had requested Indian Institute of Technology in Delhi to devise ways to measure an erect penis. “We had devised an automated system in which an image of the penis would be taken and the computer would interpret different dimensions,” said professor of biomedical engineering, IIT Kharagpur Sujoy Guha, who headed the project. However, this was later discarded for a simple paper-tape that was found to be more practical.

    Wow, that project would look good on any grad school resume.

  7. Some fun facts:

    the gorilla, contrary to popular perceptions has a tiny penis, way smaller than even the tiniest indic.

    size equals pleasure. NOT.

  9. Well this is intersting! In defence of all the wonderful passionate brown men, its not the size of your wand, its the magic you produce with it! All the girls love Hari Potterjee.

  11. Emigration leads to changes in diet and other health factors, which results in changes in body type.

    Keeping the hope alive?

  12. From my very personal experience, Indian-American men definitely tend to be on the larger side. Perhaps its all that McDonalds?

    straight up, what’s your N<? your p-value less than 0.05?

  13. In short, it isn’t the size of your member but the size of the bat you use to beat down any dude that looks your woman’s way that matters 🙂

    What about aluminum vs. wooden? I’m insecure as it is, so I want to make sure I have the right equipment.

  14. I admit nothing, but hypothetically, my N=10, across many different races. Although my Indian N=2, my conclusions are substantiated by what my friends have seen in their exploits.

    Sorry to say, but your girlfriend’s best friend probably has an idea of your dick size.

  16. “Penile Length in the Flaccid and Erect States: Guidelines for Penile Augmentation”

    Wessell et al. The Journal of Urology, Volume 156, Issue 3, Pages 995-997

    FYI.

  17. Something tells me this is going to be a very long thread

    hehe.. he said… llloong. hehe.

  18. 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture

    3 to 5 centimeters? while that may be interesting statistically, the real-world implications are almost meaningless. in real space that is this much distance: |—|

    honestly, that shouldn’t make that much different in condom fit.

  19. sigh. like i can post the bad-soft-porn version of the friday55 NOW…you know, there’s only so much of this a girl can take.

  20. Sorry to say, but your girlfriend’s best friend probably has an idea of your dick size

    But does she know about shrinkage

  22. this is the most emailed article on BBC, and #2 and #3 on Yahoo News. God-damnit! this is totally reckless journalism

  23. international standards

    my chest is 40″ or 100 cm orsomething like that. if i buy a shirt in india, i am a large. here i buy medium or even small. there is something to it.

  25. From my very personal experience, Indian-American men definitely tend to be on the larger side. Perhaps its all that McDonalds? straight up, what’s your N? your p-value less than 0.05?

    N=2; my indian father and my indian american little brother. And no, I don’t see them when they p, so no p-value.

  26. The small-headed boffins at the ICMR are in cahoots with the feebly endowed Indian Institute of Technology, Delhi! Clearly, now that we have the nukular agreement, they want to emasculate us! Spoorlam? Please?

  27. Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country

    TGIF.

    I desperately need Sin to weigh in on this thread.

  28. if i buy a shirt in india, i am a large. here i buy medium or even small. there is something to it.

    yeah…we americans are FAT.

  29. I wonder if this takes into account that most people in india aren’t tall as ABCD’s. (no play on words here). I don’t know if it is nutrition or what, but compared to my parents, I am like a giant, and compared to my cousins back in india, I just seem to be larger. (again NO PLAY ON WORDS HERE)… I don’t know, just a thought!

  30. yeah…we americans are FAT.

    how much of the penis is adipose tissue?

    I guess the question to ask is how large are the balls. I once saw a thatha leaning over in kerala once, and the jewels peeked down from under his lungi. we got something going there i tell you.

  32. Why do Indian companies have to follow “international” standard when manufacturing condoms. KS is the most preferred brand in India. But Nirodh is the most available. And i am pretty sure they are both manufactured in India.

  33. condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. Â…

    We are all South Asians now.

  36. Why do Indian companies have to follow “international” standard when manufacturing condoms.

    good point. maybe you should ask the absconding ms lingus. she had some thoughts on it a few months back. somebody dig up the link. i am typing with one hand as we speak. NO dont even thinkg about THAT.

  37. Something tells me this is going to be a very long thread

    Are you saying that thread length is inversely proportional to that the desi d*ck? @=)

    Spoorlam? Please?

    He was right all along…the Abrahamics, leftist-pinkos, and Arundati Roy have stolen our saffron balls!! Only Narendra Modi can save us now!

  38. you know, there’s only so much of this a girl can take.

    Y’know, there’s a off-color joke that could be made in response to that comment, but that would be far too childish for me to do. Far, far too childish.

  39. “As per international standards, most condoms are 150 mm to 180 mm in length and 44 to 56 mm in width. But data collected in Mumbai till 2001 showed that 60% of the participants measured 126 to 156 mm in length and 30% between 100 and 125 mm.”

    from slate.

    What is the sample size. Mostly these samples might be from people frequenting sex workers. People who frequent sex workers are mainly migrants.

    Ok i hereby conclude this is a baseless conclusion made by some immature statistician based on samples from Mumbai ALONE. Come on. Then why do they put “Indian men”. It should be Mumbai Men.

  40. are we the smallest? 🙁 🙁 What happened to “all men were created equal” and all that 🙂 How are saffron balls doing beneath the “peepal”, I remember GNXP had something on variation in their size too? I don’t remember the details.

  41. look, i tried on a NIRODH condom for kicks once when i was 12 and was scarred for life. true i had not reached my full manhood yet but i tell ya those govt. manufactured things are HUGE! i guess the idea is to err on the side of largeness when in doubt. there is a greater risk of breakage/spillage etc if a small condom is used on a big ding-dong than the other way round. in the economics of one size for all
    it made sense for them to be big. and at 3 for 25 paise (back in the day) people weren’t arguing. but the thing was so thick that i almost couldn’t blow it into a balloon.

  42. These 60% of Indians must have forsaken the excellent Vedic practices that can enhance the dimensions of the lingam. Witness the Kama-Raja (Lord of Love) Herbal Penis Enhancement provided on the internets that enhances release of metabolic energy to “warm the loins”.

    But wait! It is also made in Lubbock, TX. Because everyone knows, its bigger in Texas.

  44. These 60% of Indians must have forsaken the excellent Vedic practices that can enhance the dimensions of the lingam.

    I dont know why, but I read that as foreskin

  45. have they done studies in other countries, including the ones that “set” the international standards, to see how many men actually “measure up” to those standards? and how is this international standard set?

  46. We can always follow the reverse logic of women’s dress sizes. We can just call a six the new eight.

  48. have they done studies in other countries, including the ones that “set” the international standards, to see how many men actually “measure up” to those standards? and how is this international standard set?

    Exactly. look at post 39. According to slate they concluded based on findings from mumbai alone.

  49. Y’know, there’s a off-color joke that could be made in response to that comment,

    well, i’m glad SOMEONE is paying attention.