It is time for further explorations of today’s “You asked for it…” theme, via flash fiction on a Friday: 
Jai: As someone recently mentioned on the News tab, this blog is screaming for a Bad Sex in Fiction-themed 55Friday, like a man and woman simultaneously exploding in a 2000-gigaton thermonuclear detonation of desire and mutually-assured destruction, the mushroom cloud of their passion suffusing the bedroom like acid rain in a post-apocalyptic nuclear winter.
Pooja: A N N A did respond to my suggestion with a “Hell, yes!”
We’re waiting… ;).[linky]
Wait no longer, my pets (though allegedly, if you do it’s that much better)– the porntastic version of 55Friday is here. Jai and Pooja? Membership has its privileges, because this DJ doesn’t always take requests. 😉
For those of you who are utterly confused as to what we three book-lovin’ pervs are going on about, Ennis wrote a post entitled “Good Writers Finish Last” about a dubious competition–the Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award— which inspired the comments you see quoted above.
Now in its 14th year, the award is given to the passage considered to be the most redundant in an otherwise excellent novel…
The judges said the award’s mandate is “to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it”. [linkypoo]
Hopefully you still have enough stamina to mount an attempt at some 55age, though I know some of you must be exhausted from all of that passion expended over on the “size matters” thread. You may write total fiction, obscure some, ahem, non-fiction or use Mutineers or anyone else you please in your nanofiction. Come now, it can’t take you all that long to recover. 😉 After all a 55-word story is nothing but a quickie. You’ll be done (and so very satisfied) before you know it.:+:
A note about our theme song:
1) I’m referring to IWYS part one; appositely enough, it had some of the most cringe-inducing lyrics ever and I’m someone who had pictures of Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou up in my locker Freshman year, so you know if I’m dissing it…
2) This is a bit of a departure for our 55s– I usually pick songs which I love, which meant something to me (and often, still do).
Also that final six words visual was supposed to be this: Oh! Oh! Here comes the rain!
Look, it’s not like I’ve done this before. All I know is that we need to somehow use these bungee cords and that Velcro. They also said that we have to be really careful not let any of the fluids “get away.” If they were to float about the cabin things could get really messy.
A Desi Kanya’s Six Words Adult Friend Finder Ad
(after Quizman’s beauty @ 48)
Nukia* Here! Ericshun required. Motaloda preferred.
Some Related Trivia:
Nokia has been around long enough that its name is obscure even to most Finns. In modern Finnish, noki means soot and nokia would thus seem to mean “soots”, although the plural is equally ungrammatical in Finnish. However, the name actually originates from the archaic Finnish word nois (pl. nokia) or nokinäätä (“soot marten”), meaning sable. After sable was hunted to extinction in Finland, the word was applied to any dark-coated fur animal, such as the marten, which are found in the area to this day. The sable is enshrined on the Nokia coat of arms.
No one wants to read pr0n here. If you can’t be clever then write to Playboy instead.
SM Intern — are you serious?!?!
It was much less porn-ish than some of the stuff higher up. You can’t be objecting to the language because that too appears further up the thread. The act? No way! Cuz that would be unfair judgement and I know SM stands for something higher than that.
In fact, the 55 you deleted was incredibly interesting social commentary: Gotta be willing to take it ‘fore you can get it.
I don’t remember who wrote it, but I’m with ya 😉
When I posted this week’s 55, I was in a bit of a hurry and now I regret that I didn’t wait until I had more time– I obviously needed to be much clearer about what I had in mind. I was inspired by Jai, Pooja and Anon’s opinion that we could have some fun with “bad writing”. I didn’t mean for this to be a “write 55 words about sex” challenge. 🙁 I was looking for witty more than smutty, though I’m thrilled several of you delivered just that.
The deleted 55 was much more witty than the bulk of the submissions. Its your space, you’re entitled to do as you wish but you cannot claim to uphold neutral standards then do an SM Intern has done. And you cannot invite open discussion then hope to mold it to your expectations. Unless you’re Bill O’Reilly.
espressa, I am surprised you approved of that smut given that it didn’t also include a reference to high heeled shoes.
Expressa, we make judgment calls all the time, but it doesn’t necessarily indicate bias. Cut the intern some slack, will you, he’s been doing our holiday shopping all weekend long and is weary …
it was soooooooooo not smut. and in my visual, she was wearing high heels. =)
Ennis — of course it does! Deleting a post that is not offensive to any person is a HUGE statement and, like heavy machinery, such powers should not be wielded without the clearest of mental clarity. If Intern is tired, he should take a nap.
“Its my first time would you teach me? I cant do that as I am saving it for me wedding night. But ofcourse I cant leave you hanging”
Make an O with your mouth. And just like Dyson’s famous slogan, never lose suction. Now I know why desi girls are so talented in other areas
If he did he’d probably have dirty dreams because of that smut.
“I hate having to sneak around like this. Why do we have to hide our love?”
“You know we’re different, and they hate us for it.”
“You’re both foolish. They don’t care that we’re different, so long as their moral authority is clear. They don’t even hate us, they’re just mad they can’t control us.”
Yes, Bill…err, Abhi… that was the substantive part of my comment.
Hmmm.
Wait, I don’t get. Forgive me, I’m dense. You intentionally emulate O’Reilly?
Well…maybe I’m just sparring with you so that you’ll get worked up and and angry with me. Then you will write a smutty 55 about how we “make up.” Next the intern will delete it since SM doesn’t publish smut and you’ll get pissed all over again. We go the extra mile for our readers.
[note: THAT was 55 words]
55s? Please?
Abhi, you mindreader. I heart you. 🙂
One manÂ’s expression, another manÂ’s distaste, one manÂ’s tolerance, an InternÂ’s haste… to control, dominate, regulate, and suffocate… all in the name of ….. ?
…diverse expression — brought me here. But that mission gave way when the heads of state decided to promulgate a “ L O V E M E or peace out” mandate.
Respek knuckles to Jai, Kobayashi, Non Von Mises, and all for their salacious submissions.
My arousal peeked out over my pajama top like the snout of a capybara from under the root of a giant breadfruit tree tempted by the musk of rancid payasam oozing from Rohini’s cleft, but just when I was to mount her the door opened. Mummyji!!! We were going to be in so much trouble.
Midnight’s Children: referential, or plagiarism?
He massaged her foot gently, and passionately worked his way up her leg. His hands reached her skirt and cautiously made their way up her thigh. Her legs shifted from a smooth, silky landscape, to wild, curly brush. His hands stumbled – did she really only shave her leg up to the rim of her skirt?
bhabhi did a bad bad thing
After the last customers left they scattered the dirty dishes with their vindaloo stains off the counter, and he mounts her like a Hero cycle. “He’s watching”. “No, he’s learning.” A little later. “I love.. ah.. when you taste of chilli powder.” She looks. “Mmm. YouÂ’re so well done.. tonight”. “Never a frown, with golden brown,” he smirks.
My thanks to everyone who responded to my own contribution; either you’re all very polite, or nobody noticed that I accidentally substituted “Sangeeta” for “Nisha” halfway through my 55s ! In any case, they all seem to work pretty well as standalone short-stories too, although it’s obviously supposed to be a continuous “epic” divided into 55-word-long sections.
Anyway, in the spirit of Hemingway:
For sale on eBay: One North Indian bridal outfit, worn only once. Slightly torn. Stains should be removable.
It is clearly not plagiarism — none of those phrases are next to each other in the original. Hence it must be referential 🙂 Congrats for getting it!
hairy_d (73)… that is the first time i’ve ever heard of a capybara being mentioned in among this subject matter.
Well done!
sorry it’s soooo late 😛
Pre-Marital Sex His touch was loving, soft but firm as he traced along her assets, rubbing himself gently thinking about her over-qualified, ivy-league educated mind, her likes and dislikes given equal attention, as he admired her face up against his in the mirror.
He had resisted this for years, not understanding how arousing reading biodatas could be.
He massaged her foot gently, and passionately worked his way up her leg. His hands reached her skirt and cautiously made their way up her thigh. Her legs shifted from a smooth, silky landscape, to wild, curly brush. His hands stumbled – did she really only shave her leg up to the rim of her skirt?