[Was encouraged to share my narrative – it’s a little different than my usual posts here. Trying something new!]
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p>She stepped on the bus wearing a neon green kurtha top bejeweled with yellow rhinestones. She gave me this knowing look and sat down purposefully in the seat kitty-corner to me. She smiled. “Where are you from?”
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p>I looked at her skeptically. I hate being asked that question. She didn’t look desi for sure, just maybe desi. I always decide in that split-second after a quick analysis how I’m going to respond. “My parents are from Bangladesh.” I paused. I thought in that sassy way, if she’s going to ask, doesn’t that give me the right to ask too? “Where are you from?”
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p>”South Africa.” There it is again! Another one from the South Asian via Africa diaspora!
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p>She first asked if I liked to shop. I said of course, but you know, I’m a student so I don’t shop, really. She then proceeded to ask me for advice on the different malls and where I liked to shop the best. She then asked me if I did anything for Halloween. At this point I realized she was just interested in speaking to someone, anyone. So I told her I did do something for Halloween. I had gone to West Hollywood on Halloween night and partook in the madness that it is known for. “Did you do anything?”
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p>”Oh no, we don’t believe in Halloween. Or Valentine’s Day. You see I’m an Indian Muslim.”
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p>”Um, I’m Muslim too. It’s just fun to dress up.”
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p>I don’t really get what there is to NOT believe. And seriously, who doesn’t ‘believe’ in Valentine’s Day?
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p>She then asked if I was married. “Um, no, not married. I’m a student.” In typical retaliatory conversation style, “Are you married?”
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p>It was easy to open her up, though once she started talking, her thick South African accent had me leaning forward trying to decipher what exactly she was trying to say. She really did just want to talk, and asking questions for people like her is just an opening for herself to talk. She was like wealth of diasporic information just waiting to explode. I asked everything about her diaspora experience, and only stopped myself near the end of the bus ride as I realized that everyone on the bus was listening to our conversation.
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p>She had been born in South Africa. They had lived there for 10 generations and she really missed it- all her family lived there, her aunties, grandparents. She moved here 13 years ago with her family. She’s 35, and she’s married to a 53 year old man. An arranged marriage with a Muslim man from Bombay. She likes him ok, “he’s nice…” she said. But I got the feeling that she married late, and was simply happy to have found someone to marry her. She referred to her husband in more paternalistic terms, and kind of led me to think she not believing in Valentine’s Day had a lot to do with him. She got married here in the US (“Hotels so expensive! We got married in our big backyard.”), and lives here with her husband and her in-laws. She visited Bombay once with her husband, but she didn’t like it very much, “So dirty,” she said. The US was the compromise, but she missed South Africa, horribly.
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p>I asked her if she lived in Durban when in South Africa. She said, yes. But then she gave me this odd shocked look and asked how I knew. I mumbled, “Oh, I uh, study the South Asian diaspora
” she kinda just kept looking confused and kept talking. Later on she said something about how she felt so alone here, and how she hated Los Angeles. “Oh right, because in Durban it’s a tighter knit community and desis live in ethnic enclaves.” I realized then just how academic I had made myself.
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p>She got off the bus, and I didn’t get her name. I was left with only one question remaining – on the racial tension she might have experienced in South Africa, but I had been too nervous to ask because of how the bus riding eavesdroppers would perceive that line of questioning. I am reminded how I used to have so many of these identity conversations with random people- I had so many especially in when traveling in India when I asked everyone and their mother where their family was during partition. The stories I collected from that trip were rich in historical narratives worthy of Dalrymple.
It’s crazy, always, to see how easily people open up and share their whole story in a matter of the time of a short bus ride. Maybe it’s because of my fascination with the creation of political and/or ethnic identities in the desi diaspora that compels me to ask these questions every time my path crosses someone remotely brown or maybe it’s because I’m still searching for my own (hi)story. Whatever the reason, I realize that sometimes as annoying as the question “Where are you from?” can be, just sometimes, it is an open door to some very interesting histories.
It might be a different matter if you lived in the UK. Sometimes it seems as though the entire Indian community in Britain is divided by less than 3 degrees of separation. I’m not kidding.
Gulab (34) and JOAT (35) – love BOTH responses.
Priceless!
| Why? It was no secret that I’m Bangladeshi!
Missed that one (IÂ’m not that regular here). I think there might have been a post where you mentioned your momÂ’s Hyderabadi (like) chicken?? And so, the logical conclusion was that you must be from there.. 😉
He sounds like a HinJew, unless his mom was an Indian Jew. I’m not talking about cute hybrids where one parent is Jewish and one is brown, i.e. like our Siddhartha. 🙂
To clarify: I was excited b/c I met someone from one of the three historic brown Jewish communities– and unlike the Jewish boy from Kolkota (whose Jews are Baghdadi and look it) whom I met at my best friend’s wedding, the guest star of our DC Meetup actually looked desi. I still haven’t found my “holy grail” though…a Mallu Jew. 🙂 If I find him, I might just elope.
I think that if you instantly wanted to scare such desis off (especially Uncles & Aunties), you could respond “Yes, I’m married to Jesus. Have you read the Bible ?”
I guarantee that’ll very rapidly terminate the conversation.
Or, if you wanted to be extra-cheeky, you could respond “Yes I am but that’s never stopped me before. How old did you say your son is ?”
:), and the bcs is back with trojans at #3… we’ll see what transpires…
crossing fingers. tightly.
The problem with telling Aunties and Uncles that you’re a chick who digs guys AND other chicks is that they respond, “But why do you want to be a gay when you can be with a nice Indian boy”? I swear it’s true; it even happened to Vikram Seth in an interview with an Indian magazine!
As a Gator fan, chickpea, I have discovered a great fondness for the Cal Bears. ;>)
Get married on the internet and e-lope
re: south african brownz, i know a chap whose parents are south african muslims. south africa is one country where islam and SES correlate positively among brown folk because the merchant class traditionally consists of gujarati muslims. in contrast, the hindus were more prominent among indentured laborers (of course, many indians have converted to christianity, especially among the tamils). anyway, gujarati muslim plutocrats have a close working relationship with higher ups in the ANC, and my impression that they are a somewhat snooty community because of their perceived higher status vis-a-vis other brownz in south africa.
Dude, I’m sure it will be liveblogged. 😉 We’ll totally webcast it.
am I the only one who asks: Taz you took a bus in LA? I real live, orange and white one with people on it? Living in LA, I’ve never had the luxury as public transport is HORRID. Kudos to Taz for getting off the freeway and giving me one less car to wait behind on the 405…and for her honest, real, palpable writing.
I was thrilled when I read yuor blog entry. I love picking up conversations with people I randomly meet anywhere. I will admit to being an extrovert by nature ( which probably is why I will talk to anyone). I draw a lot of flak and admonitions from family and friends about how dangerous this can be. The stories I hear are never earth shattering – is never a solution to world hunger or violence but I am usually amazed with how much people open up. There is something liberating about telling total strangers you are never going to meet again about how much you resent things in your life and how much you have to be thankful for. Of course there are times I am bored ( but I have perfected the art of listening but not really listening 🙂 ). But most of the time I walk away having something new to think about.
No von Mises
“…yet the Indians in Fiji refer to themselves as Fijians, don’t they? Can someone unravel as to why South Africa, & Fijian identity markers differ?”
While I can’t speak on behalf of all Indo-Fijians, I think it’s just easier to identify myself as Fijian when asked where I’m from by other brown folks. If I respond Indian, then it’s followed up with, well where in India. My family goes back 3 generations in Fiji. So it’s easier to not have to say, well you see my aji (paternal grandmother) is from here, my aja (paternal grandfather) is from there. . . .
If asked by non-brown folk I say Indian, because saying Fijian . . .well try it sometime and see how eyes light because “i’ve never met anyone from Fiji before”
i ran into some old dude the other day and when i told him my last name he was like, “common name in fiji.” he’d just been on vacation.
saira: she did indeed.. she told me when she took it..and i myself was flabbergasted (being a LA native..) it was like being told that the sky is polka dotted.. taz had car troubles.. hence public transport was the way to move…
oh mr. preston.. blah to the gators..and blah to the bears ;)… fight on trojans…still gasping.. we haven’t done too stellar this year… but i still believe in miracles..
Thanks taz that was a nice piece. I can totally relate to it. There is always something to learn about someone or yourself on public transportation. Don’t listen to loosers like “lurker”, I don’t think they get the idea of a blog
is it really that bad? i’ve never been to la but figured it was just an exaggeration ….
how many la people took public transport to the last meetup?
it’s like asking.. are people in france rude if you can’t speak french (well it has been true in my personal experience).. public transport in LA sucks.. compared to chicago, dc, nyc, even the atlanta marta has some benefit.. and don’t get me started on the bus system…never rode one in LA.. and after the movie ‘speed’ who would want to ride in one? (i’m being sarcastic.. )
i can bet 1000 cans of garbanzobeans that nobody took public transport to the meetup in LA (and taxi’s don’t count).
you live by your car. you die by your car. even if you’re stuck in standstill traffic on the 405 freeway.
But “builder” biked from the Westside to downtown! On the westsiiiide public transportation is good. In other enclaves it is good also. The problem is inter-enclave transportation. Back when all this was being planned out the MAN wanted to keep all the communities apart in their own socio-economic areas.
i have friends in LA who at one time happened to live near an express bus that took them to their downtown jobs, and for a time they often took that bus rather than drive. but those sorts of exceptions only confirm the general rule. the bus ridership in los angeles is 98% working class, african-american and latino. driving past a bus stop and seeing who is waiting (and waiting and waiting) provides a real powerful snapshot of socio-economic stratification.
abhi…doesn’t count. that is self transport 😉
Chickpea, the Big Blue Buses (Santa Monica) are pretty good for travelling in West LA/Santa Monica area. But i haven’t been able to convince myself to take Metros so far. Having lived in Boston and NYC before, i miss the T and Subway so much :(.
Abhi
True, so true.
Siddharth
However, in West LA, especially Westwood area/UCLA, majority of the people in the Big Blue Buses are Asians and Indians.
Yeah the MAN tried that here in NYC. Eventually it became a very unpopular idea. The peoples of LA need to REVOLT!
Taz, I love reading narratives about everyday encounters. Thank you for sharing this piece. To echo Mr. Kobayashi’s comment:
Hell, yeah.
I’m Muslim, too, but have no problem with Halloween. HIGHFIVE, Taz! (Oopar paanch! as my friend says.) And thank you to Travis for the Single Asian Female comic strip link, above. I hate it when people can’t tell the difference between nationality and ethnicity; it’s amusing to watch people’s faces when they ask me, “What nationality are you?” and I raise an eyebrow and deadpan, “American,” or the disappointed look that ensues when they ask, “Where were you born?” and I reply, “Berkeley.”
So, by that logic, she can only be fascinated with Christian guys? Seesh…
Go Bears! Go Berkeley! Go Maggi Noodles!
Its mostly ABDs who ask me ‘where are you from’? Most 1st genners can pretty easily place me as Goan when they hear my last name, but it throws most 2nd genners and other Americans for that matter for a loop! I have a very uncommon 1st name , which apparently in the US is a name that’s mostly associated with the Af-American community !And my last name is Portuguese .. try explaining that one on the bus..!!
e.g Hi, I’m Tyrone D’Cruz (not my real name). response: FOB girl from Bombay : Hey I’m from Bandra too ABD girl : Wha !!..are you Indian?
i’ved lived in boston and dc…and SF…bart, the T, the L in chitown, the london underground, the subways of nyc are superb…
LA public transport is horrid..
haven’t taken the big blue bus… took the chick pea mobile instead.. 🙂
There’s an assessment of buses and race in LA in the movie “Crash.” The guy who steals the SUV says that the huge windows on buses are there so the passengers can be seen and humiliated–and kept in their place.
Most 1st genners
one of the great things about SM (one of many) is that it informs us 1st genners about the diversity within brownistan outside of our parental (literally) regions. e.g., most indians are not vegetarian, south indian hindus excepting malayalis often marry endagomously, white is not always the color of death, etc. etc.
🙂
Please, sir, what does ‘endagamously’ mean? Oxford English Dictionary online doesn’t seem to have it.
Taz,
I loved this story, thanks for sharing.
Somebody please shoot “lurker” for being here.
Ennis, thanks for encouraging Taz. It really takes a lot of talent to write something so often that appeals to most people.
try “endogamously” 😉
p.s. taz: today i had 2 people ask me where i’m from….
in line at subway sandwich shop..one of the patrons asked me.. and had no clue when i asked him to guess… he’s a hospital translator and thought it was weird since i didn’t speak my mother tongue to the worker making the sandwiches..(she was bangladeshi, i am guju..diff languages ;))… since he said with his central american heritage, he sees more interaction with native tongue (his personal experience) in his culture…when they recognize each other.. interesting observation from his viewpoint…
then a patient asked me…later on… she guessed… hawaii…then somalian… huh? told her i was from the motherland like my attending who couldn’t stop laughing.. she told me i could be a spy.
spy vs. spy. mad comics. good old times and days.
LA and that part of Ca scares me for sentiments such as the above. you can see the mansions … and the castles on the hillsides … and on the others these empty warehouses, broken windows, rusty frames, barrels, … on the one side a desert, on the other sprinklers going on at 3 p.m. in a blazing hot afternoon to water a lawn the size of a football field… it is surreal.
i love public transit. i loved when the lights went out in toronto a few years back… we came together… and i loved when there was the sars scare… we still used public transit… cities are reflective of the people who live within and who one can live with. i love my city. :_)
mr. hairy d: i love your city too! tim hortons, mangoosteens, and good people..
i always make people laugh when i say.. if i was ever kicked out or deported from amrika, TO is where i’d sprout to…in an instant..
Whoa! I didn’t know endogamy meant the fusion of two female gametes! The next time my mom says it’s “morally wrong” to be a lesbian, I’ll tell her that South Indians typically marry endogamously! Hehe that’ll set her straight. Thanks razib and A N N A! 😉
the dichotomy from one street to the next is really shows the differences between class, and race in LA… it’s a very ‘foo foo’ culture… esp west LA… very sheikh, upper class…
it is surreal… not very pretty.. but the suburbs are home… when you get further inland.. it becomes more ‘real’…and less distinct.
It’s the same in NYC too and perhaps most major cities. Harlem and the Upper East & West side are literally one block apart. It’s the same in Jamaica Queens where Hillside Avenue separates Jamaica Estates to the north and it’s $1M homes and the working class and run down neighborhoods to the south.
OP:
I’ve come to hate this question…I always try to segue into something else when asked this…
OP:
Hasn’t everyone figured out by now that Valentine’s Day is an abomination/creation/collaboration of the greeting card/florist/chocolate industry?
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actually it was nice to see Taz do a different style of blogging instead of her usual journalistic-approach – haven’t read your other writings. Thanks for sharing.
The conspiracy theorists will note that this is the 2nd post to get flack for writing recently(the other was one from Anna). Are the women being held to a different standard?
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I’m in the same boat as you, but since I have little respect for one of those 2 countries (just like KXB though for different reasons), I always say I’m from the other. With the current “fear” climate blanketed upon us by the governmental-powers-that-be, I generally shy away from revealing much of anything to strangers. You never know when someone might take something you say the wrong way…
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Is there not a such animal as a female horny nutjob (perhaps minus the nuts)?
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I hope all those groups are mutually exclusive!
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Reminds me of the Russell Peters segment when he’s combining ethnicities.
This is true JOAT, but it’s not like harlem is that dangerous a place these days. I remember the burnt out buildings, drug dealers, and crime of the ’70’s and in comparison (anecdotally speaking), harlem is striving these days. i understand many US inner cities have enjoyed a renaissance since the 80’s. My gym is in harlem (the gyms are much bigger up there and they have boxing rings and everything) and i just came back from there as i type and am happy to report the place is bustling with commerce and everyone looks more than well-fed.
in fact, speaking of queens, i just happened to drop by corona the other night and i found the place to be absolutely charming. It’s a mexican and dominican neighborhood with a lot of immigrants living in these tiny packed houses. there are no $1M mansions but the place is far from poor. there’s an element there- bums and alcoholics- but the houses are well kept, there are plenty of very expensive cars, and the nightlife was bustling…which is why i was there. after some bar-hopping, i commented to a friend that if i were a smart real-estate speculator i’d buy property here rather than the overvalued manhattan. the bar owners were certainly making money.
i don’t know what you guys are scared about.
the fear is of the illness not the symptoms.
Of course we are. No need for conspiracy theories, it’s been like this since the beginning of this blog, despite what a certain misguided, disingenuous commenter might have erroneously thought.
I dont know what the fuss is about. I actually like the ‘where are you from’ question a lot.In fact I m offended if a stranger browno doesnt ask me that.
From BrooklynBrown here
Then replied razib above:
These are the results from just the first page of the search for the word “brownz”…(7 hits on the first page)
here
and here
and here
and here
and here
and here
and here
I didn’t really feel like going to the next page and onwards…
Definitely. I think Clinton setting up office on 125th did a lot for Harlem and it definitely is not what it used to be. But the upper east side is creeping up slowly and a slow gentrification of Harlem is taking place where it’s making it impossible for the lower income groups that traditionally live there to afford living there and they are being driven out. Old landlords are selling properties by the blocks to big builders. Look at how many luxury doorman buildings are north of 90th street now where they weren’t merely 10 years ago.
That’s whats happening in Long Island City right now. All these builders that bought abondoned waterfront lots along with old factories and warehouses are being torn down and luxury condos are going up. I debated a lot with myself when I bought my place about buying into that area because in another 5 years it’s going to be like Hoboken/Jersey City and will go up in price. Unfortunately the infrastructure is still lacking in LIC and the area where the luxury buildings are going up isn’t exactly safe for a single woman. But I’m telling all my guy friends to buy there. That is where the next Queens boom is.
Corona for the most part has a lot of old history and the community is constantly replenished with new immigrants because it’s a haven for new immigrants. All those folks that lived there in the 80s have long since moved out to Nassau county. It’s one of those communities like Jackson Heights and Elmhurst that will continue to have it’s rich old heritage of immigrant history but will not really rise above it to make it investment worthy.
I probably get that question more often in India than in the US. It is one of the two things a desi absolutely has to know about another, the other of course being ‘what do you do?’, ie, your profession.