You, Too, Can Take Your Brownian Crisis To Prime-Time

As luck would have it, while at the frigid ND bunker and prancing around in nothing but her tropical New Orleanian wear, your intrepid guest blogger caught a cold and was forcibly isolated from the other monkeys and community computer for a week. Eeek achoo eeek! Hey, the New Orleanian cold front of 75 degrees and 80% humidity just hit yesterday, and this macaca yearns for a mint julep on her sunny porch.

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While mired in the hurricane-force sneezes and sea of wadded-up tissue paper, cable TV overcame me and I fell prey to such eye-searers as As The World Turns, Dr. Phil and America’s Next Top Model. Dear Supreme Geek Council, please do not oust me from your favor for this transgression. Your humble servant was merely … ummmm … getting to know the enemy … yeah, that’s it.

Anchal Joseph of Homestead, FL wishes to go beyond model immigrant; she wants to be a supermodel. This 19-year-old sports flawless dark skin, ass-length hair, blue-tinted contacts and a desire to show her people that dark women can walk that catwalk, too. With tears threatening to evict her fake baby blues, Ms. Anchal informed Tyra Banks, Jay Manuel (a planet in the neighboring galaxy is missing its weirdo) and J. Alexander (and I do not quote), “Where I come from, light skin and light eyes are preferable to dark skin and eyes. I want to show them that I am just as beautiful.” Fair enough. So, why the blue contacts? If you want to win on your looks, where is the need for the prop? Then again, Anchal is the only one out of 36 who doesn’t transform into a vavoom covergirl when adorned with that other crutch – lots of makeup. She looks pretty much her beautiful same. (Aside: Check out this definition for anchal)

Conversely, the only personal features I find appealing are my brown skin and black eyes. My hips could use several circumlocutions of the block and 5’4″ isn’t anything to write Elle about. This isn’t to say that my extended family has risen above the inanity of Anchal’s experiences; in fact, I’ve been on the receiving end of such remarks for 12 more years than her. My dark skin has never bothered me, even when met with reproachful stares from the kuppai that populates my end of the South. To each her own pathology or just another plea for Reality-TVTM attention?

Speaking of this past week’s TV, was it the NyQuil crooning or did a segment of Chaiyya Chaiyya open a scene of the Smith premiere?

203 thoughts on “You, Too, Can Take Your Brownian Crisis To Prime-Time

  1. That was definitely Chaiya Chaiya on the premiere of Smith– although it was very oddly placed, and might be the only thing about the show I enjoyed (ok, fine, there was a lot of eye candy as well).

  2. There’s no need to have a color-tussle although it seems unforuntately possible.

    But, Major Props to Anchal’s sentiment. I think its needed and true. I think most Indian people would feel better about themselves if dark skin was valued in our community. The majority of us live along a color spectrum we don’t seem to value as highly as the exceptions on one end. Thats a recipe for poor self image. Its our call; accept ourselves and fight to love ourselves if need be, or play a frank charade by which most of us deny what we see in the mirror everyday as reality, and hope we are “mistaken” for someone else. Sorry, thats just an opinion, subject to change through introspection

  3. “Chaiyya Chaiyya” was also used in the opening credits of Inside Man. I think

    it did… my frieds and i were initially confused, then were grooving in our seats 🙂

  4. Conversely, the only personal features I find appealing are my brown skin and black eyes.

    hmm, there are actually two other ones if u look closely:) the dark skin plus the caucasian features are appealing.

  5. Actually a lot of Indian models who have made it big are as brown as they come. Noyonika Chatterjee (mesmerising curls!) , Sheetal Mallar, Madhu Sapre etc. have ruled the indian runways at some point in time. But it looks like a schism has developed between the fashion and movie/advertising worlds. More about that over here.

  6. I opened this thread with some trepidation, but did expect to see one or two comments on how hot this chick is (similar to the ones re Salman’s bit o crumpet). Their absence perhaps speaks more loudly than any violent argument about colour. Alas.

    By every standard, this one’s a bit o crumpet too – so why the silence? Is there something I, as a mere female, am missing? Or does it just boil down to her being dark?

  7. Well- I noticed while watching ATM the other night, that anchal is the only girl with a FIGURE. She had boobs, and even a little bit of junk in the trunk. Comparitively, i find it immensely annoying that all the other girls have stick thin figures – (perpetuating bulimia and too skinny culture of the “Feed Lindsay and Ricci” era). It’s good to see the desi woman keeping it real with the curves. And oh, did you see the clip for next week when her inner bitch comes out and she hangs up the girls phone- I like her already.

    BUT WHY with the contacts? They make her look weird. I wonder if they’ll make her take them out as we progress. You know how Jay and Tyra get.

  8. Is there an expectation that the way to gauge whether an adult finds someone attractive is if they type the word “hawt” ???

  9. Wow, she’s smokin’…! Agree with Taz, she’s got sweeet booty and the lovely chocolate complexion to boot. She needs to lose the lenses, though – that just makes her eyes look weird.

    Ahem, o great arbiter of “Indian Standards”, you gotta get your eyes examined. The sista’s a hottie by any standards.

  10. I am going to bet anything that Tyra’s going make Anchal cut her hair in the “makeover episode.”

    My favorite part of the episode was when Tyra turns to Nigel Barker, who is half Sri-Lankan, and says something to the effect of, “You’re Indian; you know what she’s talking about.”

  11. so why the silence? Is there something I, as a mere female, am missing? Or does it just boil down to her being dark?

    Why the need for validation and I think you are being offended too soon. You want people to call her hot just cause shes dark? She has flawless skin and I love the even brown tone (a prereq for models) but I dont find her attractive. Something about the structure of her body and I can’t stand pretty much all the other skinny chicks on there so its obviously not that. The world of modeling is rigorous and a model really needs to be versatile. At the end of the day its more about how you portray whatever look you are peddling whether its makeup, hair or clothes and less about the actual face or even the tone of your skin. If African models can make it in the business I don’t see any reason why someone with her beautiful skin tone can’t.

  12. I think most Indian people would feel better about themselves if dark skin was valued in our community

    its kind of weird but all indian celebrities in america are actually dark

    k penn, parminder nagra in ER, that dude from heroes tv show, and almost every other guy or girl….

    its as if ghoras beleive that all indians are dark, or maybe only darker indians are getting into show business…

    anyway i was just trying to say that in american media, desis portrayed in general are pretty dark

    not that anything is wrong with that at all…

  13. so yeah.. even if dark skin might not be valued in our community… it appears that it is certainly valued in the amerika 🙂

  14. Nothing wrong with the skin color at all. She has beautiful skin. But the face…eh…not very inviting. Nice figure oui, but I wouldn’t approach her at a party. Her facial features might be nice for modeling but that don’t make you pretty. Rest easy girls.

  15. its kind of weird but all indian celebrities in america are actually dark

    Infact most of the American born desis are a little bit on the darker side (when compared to their indian born counterparts)..be it punjabi, gujarati, tamil, marathi etc. I know that I’m sounding quite un-PC …apologies …but I always had this question. What might be the reason for this ?

  16. I’m sorry, but Anchal is foinne as HELL! No von Mises, I agree with you that see has beautiful skin, but we have to agree to disagree with everything else. She has curves, face and hair. The woman is fine as all outdoors.

    If you don’t want to approach her, that’s perfectly fine…because I most certainly will.

  17. Infact most of the American born desis are a little bit on the darker side (when compared to their indian born counterparts)..be it punjabi, gujarati, tamil, marathi etc. I know that I’m sounding quite un-PC …apologies …but I always had this question. What might be the reason for this ?

    I believe this is because we spend more time outdoors and are not as obsessed with being lightskinned. How many Indians in India actaully enjoy going trekking, camping, swimming etc. Especially Indian women. I know I love the sun and being outdoors, but none of my cousins in India do.

  18. brown_fob:

    Infact most of the American born desis are a little bit on the darker side (when compared to their indian born counterparts)..be it punjabi, gujarati, tamil, marathi etc. I know that I’m sounding quite un-PC …apologies …but I always had this question. What might be the reason for this ?

    I really haven’t observed this. Maybe its because you subconsciously contrast them to the white people around. A bit like that one-hand-in-cold-other-hand-in-warm-water experiment.

  19. How many Indians in India actaully enjoy going trekking, camping, swimming etc.

    A lot, a lot the ones who can afford. Another, lot of them struggle for the daily roti (bread) as that is of paramount importance.

    In places like Gangotiri (in the Lesser-Middle Himalayas), trekkers have littered the place all over. I knew girls who did pretty tough treks in Himalayas.

    Don’t forget, the largest mountain chain on the face of the earth is in India/ Nepal – the mighty Himalayas. People live there – like in Leh, they trek day in, day out. Most of the sherpas in Nepal are women. They are the toughest climbers on the face of the earth.

    but I always had this question. What might be the reason for this ? brown_fob, it is very simple that you have a larger sampling in India compared to USA, 1 billion to 2.5 million of Indian/ South Asian ethinicity, that’s all. With billion people, larger number of any given complexion is present. Other thing is the background, in USA, you have a broader spectrum of complexion due whole mix of ethnicities from all othe over the world, so minor differences are not noticble to you. In India, the bandwidth is smaller, so minor differences stand out.

    I do not know where you are from, if you are a Kashmiri, then your majority complexion seen in your home is different compared to America, where are seeing immigrants from all over India/ Pakistan/ Bangladesh/ Nepal.

  20. BadIndianGirl’s explanation sounds pretty good. Kush, the number of people who hike is really small (for whatever reason) , don’t you think?

    I really haven’t observed this. Maybe its because you subconsciously contrast them to the white people around. A bit like that one-hand-in-cold-other-hand-in-warm-water experiment.

    It seems true among the celebs. In India, being dark would pretty much rule you out of celebritydom. Among common people, I doubt it’s because of contrasting with white people. I’m proposing a rather baseless theory that it’s because the well-to-do and the light-skinned intersect a lot in India, whereas most ABD’s of all colors are “well-to-do” atleast to the eye of the newly arrived. So, if you were had a fairly upper class (economically) life in India, you’d find your immediate environment in the US populated by a greater percentage of dark desis.

    However, I’m sure that when you look at the whole desi population in the US vs. whole pop. in the old country, the latter will, on an average, be darker.

  21. Kurma,

    I agree really a small percentage hike in India as it is an upper middle class undertaking. No doubt.

    However, why do we forget a woman in a village is outdoors all the time – farming, getting water from the well. Also, a poor urban woman on construction sites. Judging India from your cousin Bublee/ Guddi/ Pinky’s behavior (as BadIndianGirl was doing) is highly errorneous (as majority of Indians are not urbanizued middle class yet).

    We are also forgetting that significant population in India lives in lesser-middle Himalayas from stretching from Ladakh to Sikkim. They are really tough people.

  22. She’s very good looking, great figure, features, bone structure, everything. The hair is disproportionately long though, and drowns out her more delicate face – she needs an Aishwarya-length mane instead. Hate the coloured contacts and the pale frostly mauve lipstick – ewww. Wear makeup that suits you, girl, not some idealized J.Lo stuff.

    Interesting observation that Indian celebs in the US tend to be on the darker side – I don’t know if it really is true, but it’s plausible (though I don’t think of Parminder as darker than average). Perhaps it’s because if producers want a “distinctly” Indian character, they want someone who is as different-looking from Joe WASP as possible. I was watching a film that had Shiney Ahuja in it with a friend last night, and while I think Shiney is as Panju-looking as they come, said friend thought he “didn’t look Indian.” I’m sure the perception of what “Indian” looks like depends on whether you’ve met mostly south or north Indians. I wonder what the proportion of South to North Indians is in the States.

  23. Kurma:

    BadIndianGirl’s explanation sounds pretty good.

    I disagree. For one, the US sun is very benign in terms of intensity compared to the US. Texas, for example, is considered extremely hot by US standards, but by Indian standards it is well near the median. The latitude of South Texas is approximately that of Delhi, so the Sun hits far more directly in most of India.

    Secondly, most Americans I know do not see much of the sun on an average day. Its usually into the car, to the office, back in the car, and home. Its a lot harder to avoid the sun in India. People don’t have cars, public transport is messy, marketplaces are open(though there are a few malls now). Those who hike/camp catch some sun, but how much will it be really? Maybe 4-5 hrs every other weekend? Thats really not much.

    I really haven’t observed this. Maybe its because you subconsciously contrast them to the white people around.

    Kurma, I am not sure if you understood my remark, because I could not get how this related to celebrities, so I guess I was not clear enough. I meant that Indians in the US may seem darker because they are often surrounded by white Caucasians, who are many shades lighter. In India, everyone is the same brown.

    In India, being dark would pretty much rule you out of celebritydom.

    This may be slightly beside the point, but no, being dark does not rule out one of celebritydom in India. There are many examples to the contrary, going back like fifty years: Waheeda Rehman, Rekha, Kajol, for example. Many South Indian actors are dark. Amitabh Bachchan isn’t exactly fair either. Rahul Dravid is currently the icon of the 18 yr old female demographic, so was Kambli before he faded away.

  24. What a bunch of hypocrites on this thread. Of course, lead by our very own brown_fob. I think I speak for a substantial chunk of the male population when I say Anchal is super-hot. All the talk about dark and light-skinned desis is a bunch of BS.

  25. JOAT – take a hike. I didn’t suggest she should be found attractive cuz she’s dark. I suggested that despite the fact she’s obviously hot there was a strange silence on the fact (when I entered the thread) in comparison to, say, the one on Salman’s tartlet – a silence which might be attributable to the fact that Anchal’s dark.

  26. I think ABDs tend to be slightly ligher than the desis in India because the Sun is not as harsh here as it is in India. Hell, in most places the Sun doesnt come out as much and for as many days as it does in India.

  27. Dharma Queen (#38):

    I suggested that despite the fact she’s obviously hot there was a strange silence on the fact (when I entered the thread) in comparison to, say, the one on Salman’s tartlet – a silence which might be attributable to the fact that Anchal’s dark.

    It’s a weekend. The cats are on the prowl. They’ll be back with a vengeance on Sunday or Monday, fresh off their frustrating weekend.

  28. Dharma Queen:

    If by Salman’s tartlet you mean Katrina Kaif (I’m not sure which earlier thread you’re referring to), are you suggesting that Anchal is even remotely (like even 1%) as gorgeous as Katrina? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I don’t think Anchal is hot personally (I hope she doesn’t read SM), obviously some people find her good-looking, but I think there are some pretty clear-cut cases where there’s just no comparison to be made…unless you’re Anchal’s mom (who probably would also agree that Katrina is way hotter).

  29. All the talk about dark and light-skinned desis is a bunch of BS

    .

    I’m with you on that one. Hello we are a brown race in case anyone hasn’t noticed. The average person walking down the street in any major city in India IS dark. WHY do we question why the average person in the US is dark??? Why do we even bring up the color issue. It’s irritating as shit. And Kal Penn, Nagra and Mr Hero AREN’T abnormally darker than any other Indians, they look like any other average Indian walking down the street in India.

    And DQ you need to get a grip on yourself. Getting all flustered about why people aren’t appreciating her when obviously according to you they should be and because she’s dark is bullshit. That sounds too much like some people that make noise that they aren’t getting hired because of racism when it’s quite possible they simply aren’t competent.

  30. JOAT, I respectfully disagree. The average ABD may be darker than the average urban Indian. This is very much due to the fact that ABDs are much more fitness conscious. They hike, run, jog a lot more than their counterparts in India. In other words, they spend more time outdoors. The urban Indian tries to avoid the outdoors if at all possible. The average ABD also looks leaner and fitter. Have you seen the paunches on some of the affluent males in Delhi/Mumbai? ABDs also seem to have better skin tone and less fat on their faces and necks. I don’t know if this is due to a different diet.

  31. DesiDawg I simply disagree. I see the same brown people everywhere, we arent talking about fitness or skinny/fat I’m talking about simply the color of our skin. We have better skin/hair here than our counterparts in India but the color of the skin, the average Indian is as dark as we are and I lived there nearly half my life.

    I just find the whole discussion of who is more darker irritating to say the least. We are a dark race why is it even discussed? I wonder if Asians discuss their eyes the way we discuss the color of our skin. And this happens in all Indian forums. It is what it is, what is there to discuss? Its not like we are a white race to talk about “abnormalities”.

  32. I remember seeing this one 50s era B-grade American film about Anglo Indians living in India. At one point the main character, an adolescentish girl, is like, “Mummy, I am going out,” and Mummy is like, “You are going out in the mid day sun? But you will get dark…”.

    At that, she jumps on the back of a friend’s bike (I may be making that part up), waves good bye to Mummy, and unfurls the most memorable line of an otherwise forgettable movie (and one that deserves quoting far and wide) – “It’s not the sun that makes us brown!”

    Take that, Fair&Lowely!

  33. JOAT, Notice that I said that the average ABD may be darker than the average urban Indian. Just as I think the average rural Indian is much darker than the average urban Indian. Just a function of who spends how much time outdoors not to mention who spends more on “Fair and Lovely”/ “Fair and Handsome” skin whitening creams.

    In any case, these are just my personal perceptions with no scientific evidence to back this up.

    Skin color is a national obsession in India-note the numebr of beauty salons offering skin bleach treatments/skin lightening laser treatments. Not to mention the continuous bombardment of ads touting fairer skin as a pathway to a better husband/wife, a better job.

    You may find it all irritating but that’s just the way Indian society is.

  34. DesiDawg I get your point. I just find that despite living in the west we are still obsessed with this issue. I know the “whitening” business is huge business in India and don’t think it’s going to go away anytime soon. I recently met someone who was as dark as me but had blond hairy arms and a blond hairy face. It was not attractive to say the least.

  35. The average ABD is probably a little lighter (again, only to indian eyes) than his ethnic kin from gujarat or andhra or wherever his/family hails from. However, being that there are a disproportionate amount of indians here from gujarat and south india, the average ABD is noticeably darker than the average delhi punjabi or marwari. I am Indian born and was told by a number of white Floridians that I don’t look Indian, although I feel like I look like a very stereotypical punjabi brahmin. In India the range of phenotypes we consider “indian looking” is a lot broader than for the largely dark gujjus and southies here.

    Secondly, Ms. Joseph’s color is fine; what I don’t like about her is her chapati shaped face which lacks angles and is just wayyy too round.

  36. Desidawg, Joat etc –

    No ..I’m not a hypocrite and I have no axe to grind. I’m as brown and as “Indian” as anyone out there. You may find my question “irritating” but that’s just you. I’m not afraid of discussing “touchy” issues. I’ve been in the US for well over 6 years now..and my sample space isn’t that small.

    Kush – I’m not from Kashmir. I’m from the Hindi-speaking region..cow belt..and I’ve been all over India.

  37. Vivek, LOL.

    Amitabh, you caught me. I’m Anchal’s Mom. Don’t diss my baby.

    JOAT, take a hike. Twice. It is slightly weird, to say the least, when a thread on a girl with Anchal’s hourglass figure, youth, gorgeous hair etc doesn’t get any catcalls from the males on SM. While she may not be everybody’s favorite dish, she’s got to be a few people’s. You’re the one jumping to conclusions that I’m jumping to conclusions.