Early this month, we ran the first instalment of a conversation that DesiDancer and I are holding on the mixed-race experience: being half-desi in relation to desi cultures and communities, and being of mixed race in America today. In the first instalment, titled “Gettin’ Down with the Brown,” we discussed our relationship to desi-ness — the terms of our engagement with our South Asian cultural background, and the issues we’ve encountered in the process.
Today, in “Living the Mix,” we discuss the role of mixed-race identity in general, and mixed-desiness in particular, in shaping our experiences in American society. And as promised, the conversation reflects our take on the many fascinating comments and private messages that we received after the first post. And that’s where we begin:
Siddhartha: So, it’s been a couple of weeks since we posted our first Mixed Messages item. What did you think about the responses?
DesiDancer: I donÂ’t know what I expected, but I was really pleasantly surprised by the outpouring of honest and emotional comments, both on and off-thread.
Siddhartha: So was I. There were some themes that I expected, others less so. It seemed that lots of non-mixed folks shared quite a few of the experiences and concerns.
DesiDancer: I guess the assumption I had made from our previous conversation — that feeling somewhat outside the desi community, while being “in” it — was symptomatic to being mixed. Yet I think a lot of non-mixed people echoed the same sentiment. I never really gave it much thought, but I was interested to make that discovery as the thread evolved. Things like how we’re perceived in different situations, how things like “but you don’t look Indian” can be backhanded compliments, how people mentioned feeling uncomfortable in “desi” gatherings… I realized that it’s not just a mixed issue, and I think it raised some good similarities that maybe we’ve never explored, individually or as a Mutiny.
Siddhartha: And it may have been interesting as well in reverse: i.e., that some non-mixed folks realized that they have these same issues in common with mixed people. I was really touched by the commenter who said it inspired him to get in touch with his mixed cousins whom he had previously sort of neglected.DesiDancer: Oh yeah, Neale made my day! I think a lot of assumptions are made about mixed or 100% desis and maybe this let us share a lot of similarities in experience and feeling, which only creates more power- – to know that others feel the way you do.
Siddhartha: On the one hand, it felt like we brought to light, in that part of the conversation, a place of solidarity — a hidden solidarity or commonality of experience, in which two sets of people with nominally “different” identities (mixed vs non-mixed desis) recognized each other. And it’s all about recognition. But on the other hand, while reading the comments as they came in, and later looking back at the thread, I had a few moments of, “Hey, what about us?” Like, we were sort of moving away from the specific situation of being mixed. did you have a similar reaction?
DesiDancer: I didn’t think about it until you said that, just now. You’re right. I wonder why, though? Are the mixed desis on SM shy to speak up? Is it a non-topic for them maybe, that doesn’t need open-door discussion? Is SM an environment that they don’t feel comfortable speaking up in? There are a few mixed peeps lurking around, and I was surprised a few of them didn’t ring in with their thoughts… We’ve talked in the past (you and I) about how being mixed is really such an individual identity — I don’t necessarily feel brotherhood to ALL mixed people — I wonder if it’s so personal and individually specific, that people didn’t feel the need to put it out there and discuss it. Meaning, maybe the validation or acceptance of others isn’t a factor in their identity.
Siddhartha: Explain that last thought a little more?
DesiDancer: Umm… I have a girlfriend who’s mixed (Chinese & Jewish) and her Mixed Experience is certainly different from mine, on a specific level– though we do share a lot of general mixed experiences. (The “what are you?” questions, the hybrid vigor bakwaas, etc.) But her interpretation of mixed identity is going to be different from mine, understandably. So I wonder — there are so many different variations of mixed desis on SM; it could be that our experiences and definitions are so widely varied that maybe some of the other mixed mutineers didn’t feel it was worth chiming in on, because they felt differently, or they felt comfortable enough with their own mixedness to not have a public talk about it…
Siddhartha: IÂ’m not saying that not enough mixed people commented. In fact many did, and we got quite a few more through back channels, who, as you mentioned, didn’t want to express themselves publicly. Either because they were just giving us props for the post, nothing more, or — and this is a whole other thing — because they did not recognize themselves in the mixed experiences that were mostly being shared. Which were, for the most part, desi + white mixes. For instance, we had a sister write to us who is desi + Arab, and she was not feeling recognition at all, from either community… or from the desi + whatever mixies.
DesiDancer: True! Someone had mentioned to me offline that her desi + Pinay (Filipino) ancestry led to an entirely different set of experiences and having both parents be minority was something altogether outside the experiences we mentioned. Yet she acknowledged that in this country, most people didn’t differentiate between her parents’ ethnicities. Which was an interesting point. I think the recurring feeling I found in comments, regardless of desi + X mixing, was a feeling of disconnectedness to either or both cultures.
Siddhartha: I agree. And that is not something specific to mixed-desis people. It’s quite common among people with totally different mixes. And so that gets back to the question of recognition. You mentioned earlier that you and your Chinese/Jewish girlfriend didn’t really share the same Mixed Experience. On the other hand, there is clearly some recognition that makes you relate to her. And you’ve also explored some of the resources or groups that exist out there for Mixed People. So I wonder where the recognition lines fall for you. In my case, I have to say that IÂ’ve always had at least a sense of curiosity about people with different mixes; sometimes that curiosity actually led to recognition, sometimes it was more, well, just curiosity.
DesiDancer: I think for me, other mixed kids were somewhat rare, that I growing up I did find myself often magnetized to building relationships. But now that I think about it, there were always mixed kids around, just not the same mix as me… While I was initially curious to all varieties of mix, I realize that I had more “kinship”, if you will, with other kids who had an immigrant parent (especially if it was their dad), than other mixed kids. Something about our parents’ generation and the immigrants during the late 60s and 70s… There’s a particular mentality that our dads shared, having had their own similar experiences. My Dad always said he came with 1 suitcase, 1 briefcase, and $1,000… and IÂ’ve heard plenty of dads give the same story, with varying dollar amounts.
Siddhartha: That’s an interesting point. Not just that it’s about immigrant parent, but that it’s the male parent who is the immigrant. That’s perfectly understandable — in fact predictable — sociologically, but it does set up certain gender dynamics. In my case too, it’s the dad who is the Indian, although he was really no immigrant — he only lived in the US for like, 11 years. But there is this very interesting question about what it was that drew our mothers to these recently arrived foreign, dark men in the 1960s or 1970s. And that is a major difference with people who either have the reverse mix (desi mom, non-desi dad) or for people whose non-desi parent is a person of color in the American context.
DesiDancer: Which gender dynamic and/or boundaries are sociologically attributed typically to paternal input?
Siddhartha: Well, I suppose IÂ’d leave that question to the specialists here… But my point is about the household dynamic, I guess, more than about the father per se. A household with a — how to put it — with an Already American mother and a Newly American father, has different traits than one with the reverse. Because it’s the non-immigrant spouse who is in some way a guide for the immigrant one, as well as having the advantage of local family, community and public resources. And when that person is the woman, versus when that person is the man, you get different dynamics, especially for families that formed several decades ago. And the decision by the non-immigrant partner to marry the immigrant partner has different symbolic, or even concrete, meanings. If the non-immigrant is the man, he’s making an “exotic” or “different” choice; if it’s the woman, she’s more likely to face a certain kind of disapproval — and she may well be fleeing/rejecting (consciously or not) dynamics in her family and community. Part of the attraction for a woman in marrying a foreigner is in not having to reproduce the family structure one grew up in.
DesiDancer: Interesting point. And a good segue to the next question I had: there was a commenter who mentioned that her brother looks more white than she does, yet his Indianness is rarely called into question, despite however he looks. Yet for women, I wonder if being mixed is something that raises questions; women traditionally being the culture-keepers and purveyors of family traditions… Is it more important for women to have a strong sense of their roots, at least in the eyes of passing on our customs, etc.? And are women more scrutinized for being mixed, as if it makes you “less than,” whereas men maybe don’t have the same socio-cultural pressures.
Siddhartha: On the culture keeper bit, I don’t know. I mean, women frequently transmit cultural knowledge, but some men do too — it can be either or both, or both in different ways. but your question about scrutiny is interesting. You are asking about people being scrutinized for being mixed — which I guess is something we heard a lot of in the comment thread, where people were talking about feeling scrutinized by desis-from-Desh because they were either mixed or American-raised. and maybe that scrutiny is harsher for women, I don’t know. that’s an interesting question. But it still gets back to this problem of acceptance — IÂ’m mixed, but I don’t feel fully accepted by this community that I feel I belong to, but doesn’t welcome me. And that’s a big thread of this conversation, clearly.
DesiDancer: I guess I’m wondering if there are differences in the level or type or severity of scrutiny, whether one is mixed and female or mixed and male… or if both men and women get it the same. The acceptance or lack of is definitely something that I noticed, recurring through the last post. I’d like to hear from some of the commenters who are mixING, in a mixed couple: how they perceive their families’ reactions and the reactions of their partners’ families, and what the differences are. I think the inside-outsider complex begins with how the parents are treated, as they build their relationship.
Siddhartha: I agree. I guess that’s what I was talking about earlier, that women who “mix out” of a community tend to be more severely scrutinized than men who do. I think that’s a question for the readers. With respect to the experiences of being mixed, IÂ’m interested in moving on a little bit from the “how to get down with the brown” aspect.
DesiDancer: Yeah. Now I want to hear how mixed couples and mixed individuals can bring more to the table.
Siddhartha: OK, so, let me try to focus this. I think we are in agreement that: 1) It’s the “down with the brown” aspect of the mixed-desi experience that many non-mixed desis also found themselves sharing, relating to, experiencing 2) There are other aspects of the mixed experience that might not be as shared/recognized by the non-mixed 3) One of these is what it’s like to be the mixer — i.e., the one who went outside the desi community, and by the same token, the other one, who went outside his/her community to get with a desi. And within this topic, there is much to explore especially with regard to gender — who is who in the couple? — as well as factors like when the mixing occurred — parent’s generation, or today? — and what the other race/community involved is. 4) And another topic is how we, the mixed desis, live our mixedness today — NOT with respect to “the brown”/Desh/desis, but with respect to living in American society today. our loves, our lives, our aspirations, our frustrations, our politics, if you will… Make sense?
DesiDancer: Definitely.
Siddhartha: So, let’s talk about that last point a little. I call it “living while mixed.” We sort of left it hanging earlier in the conversation. how would you characterize the state of “living while mixed” in America today?
DesiDancer: I don’t know– like I said earlier, I think the experience of living while mixed is so personal and individually specific, there isn’t any one way to characterize it… other than exploring to the fullest of one’s curiosity, then parsing out what suits you best, from your investigations and experiences. I couldn’t say that you and I, or Bongsy or Mr. Cicatrix or anyone who commented are living Mixed in the same way.
Siddhartha: So what is it that brings together these organizations of mixed folk? Like, you’ve referred to several such groups. I guess I should ask you what they are and what they do, and then what you think is the basis they have for bringing people together, if everyone’s mixed experience is different.
DesiDancer: I think the mixed-race organizations mostly serve to raise awareness for mixed families, whether trying to gain acknowledgements in the census or things like that, to simply providing a safe space where mixed people can discuss and explore together what it is to be mixed. It’s not structured to be a one-happy-similar-family, weÂ’re-all-the-same vibe, but to nurture open discussions about what being mixed is or isn’t to you, what people see or experience… A lot of the inside-outsider phenomenon is generally similar within the mixed community, though perhaps the specific circumstances vary. I speak mostly about the organizations Swirl, New Demographic and Mixed Media Watch, as I have the most experience with them, though I know a bit about the Mavin foundation and a few other groups.
Siddhartha: What’s the Mavin foundation?
DesiDancer: They do diversity consulting, guest speakers, research & reporting… advocacy for mixed race families, individuals, multicultural and trans-cultural adoptions, etc. Anything with race diversity. They had an awareness bus tour last year (Generation Mix) where several mixed race young adults toured the country, they stopped at twenty college campuses and community centers, working with multiracial and multicultural organizations. And they blogged the whole thing.
Siddhartha: Interesting… So this gets to the point, that even though no two mixies have the same/similar experience, there is a sense that there is a shared agenda that can benefit all mixies. Something to do with recognition (by the census, by society, by school curricula, etc); but also something about connecting mixies together despite/beyond their experiential differences. There’s an underlying agenda here about forming solidarity, even if it’s not of the blood or origin type.
DesiDancer: Exactly. I don’t think mixed identity ends with these organizations, but they are a fantastic resource when starting to make our own definitions of how we feel Living Mixed. Having open discussions with other mixed couples or individuals, over time, fortifies our own sense of identity with being mixed.
Siddhartha: To be honest, we need to say here that the precursor and general model for “mixedness” in the American context is 1/2 white 1/2 black. Which is obviously heavily pre-loaded with dynamics of all kinds, many of which are quite specific to the black experience in America. When people in America say mixed, I think most people assume that particular mix, unless otherwise indicated. And it’s fair, in the sense that IÂ’m sure that it’s the most common of the mixes out there. But those of us who don’t count African American in our heritage don’t have certain extra burdens that those mixies do.
DesiDancer: Right. But as we know, mixed is more than just black and white, in fact there are people (like Tiger Woods) who are mixed of more than two cultural components.
Siddhartha: True. I have several reactions to all this, possibly contradictory. One, I somewhat resent the cooptation of the word “mixed” by just one type of mix; two, I respect that by identifying ourselves as mixed, we take on the responsibility of understanding the historical background of different mixes in American society, including/especially that one; and three, I personally have felt a lot of identification with mixed black/white people, even though that totally is not my mix. I have had many friends and some lovers from that group.
DesiDancer: While contradictory, I’d say I agree with you. A lot of the struggle and exploration of being mixed is the same, regardless of WHAT mix. And when people of different mixes can find a sense of solidarity or similarity, it creates more compassion and understanding, and strengthens us all, individually and collectively. Also, truth is, while in the US, “mixed” has traditionally meant black + white, many cultures around the world have their own words for being mixed: Hapa, to mention one.
Siddhartha: Good point. and desi-mixes don’t have their own term yet. Maybe we need to coin one… But let me get to something we’ve been circling around here. A bit earlier you mentioned the idea of being an “insider-outsider.” That’s a term you and I have used in a number of conversations we’ve had.
DesiDancer: And a feeling that’s been described in the comments of the last post, though not actually named.
Siddhartha: It seems to describe very much that mixed condition. The ambiguous belonging yet never totally belonging feeling, whether it is with one of the communities or the other, or even a third. For instance, I feel it to some degree with France, since I did grow up there, speak the language, parents still live there. In fact, in my experience IÂ’ve found that the “insider-outsider” thing becomes a whole mindset that I carry with me wherever I go. IÂ’m so used to being an insider-outsider that when I encounter entirely new settings (a new city, a new country, a period of time with people of a totally different heritage), that’s the way I come into the encounter. People always comment to me on how quickly I seem to be at home in a new setting. and it’s true, I am. But the other side of it is that IÂ’m never 100% at home in any setting. I sort of gave up a long time ago on “belonging” — although to be honest I don’t think I ever really sought to “belong” in the first place.
DesiDancer: Interesting. I’ve often received the same compliment about being able to come into any situation, with any group of people, and make everyone (including myself) feel comfortable. Yet I’ve also been told I’m somewhat aloof, in that I don’t give in 100% to trying to belong. I think I just realize that there are plenty of places I can fit into, but never completely, so there’s a degree of fluidity that allows me to move easily between cities, groups of people, situations and feel at ease. But in the end, the only place I’m entirely 100% guard-down comfortable is in my own house.
Siddhartha: Wow, very similar!
DesiDancer: And I’m sure it can’t be just us! I’ve just never articulated this feeling until you and I started talking about it, or in a conversation with Bongsy, a while ago.
Siddhartha: And if I can comment, from the way you put it, it suggests some residual discomfort: when you say that people sometimes find you aloof, and when you say that you rarely have your guard down. Those are negative terms, words that suggest the possibility of conflict, or that you are putting a certain burden of effort on yourself. At the same time, IÂ’m sure there are plenty of people out there who only let their guard down in their home, if even there. But I don’t want to have to live a guarded life. Having one’s guard up all the time is bad energy, in the long run. So that becomes a challenge we face — how to live authentically despite not “belonging.” How to relax, in a way…
DesiDancer: Not necessarily negative in my intent. I guess it’s just that I’m aware that there’s more to me than most situations can hold. I love the Diwali melas and stuff, but there are facets of who I am that don’t get fulfilled in that situation, for example. It’s not so much that I’m guarded (aloof is the word other people have used towards me) but that I rarely can be all the things I am in one setting or with one person. My very best friend in the world knows me like no one else, but she still needs me to explain certain desi things to her. I don’t begrudge her that at all, because she’s curious and loving and welcoming. But the fact is I can’t be all the things I am with all people. So maybe somehow in the back of my mind I know that there is always a part of me that isn’t being addressed or taken care of, so knowing that, I never can feel a 100% sense of belonging, because not all of me belongs at the same time and place…
Siddhartha: Yes. And when you look somewhere else to satisfy that other part of you, something else is lost, etc. So it breeds — at least in my experience — a certain kind of self-reliance.
DesiDancer: I think it’s the confidence in knowing that you exist outside of most boundaries, and not letting that threaten you, but strengthen you. Also, I think a lot of us may identify with other cultures as strongly or more so, as we do with our own (multiple choices). For example, I have Caribbean friends and I find the company of them and their families extremely comforting, often in ways that I don’t feel with my own cultures. Obviously every culture has their good and bad, but I wonder if being mixed kind of gives you a world passport in a way, a fluidity to relate to and appreciate other cultures more so, because you don’t entirely fit into your own. I may be over-romanticizing.
Siddhartha: I really like that comment. I don’t think it’s over romanticizing at all — maybe a little sappy… but I think it also translates a real truth. We’re just testifying about where/how we feel comfortable. I feel very much the same way around West African families — or in Africa, for that matter. But one thing I wanted to say is that IÂ’ve known many people of mixed background or other kinds of inside-outside backgrounds — for instance, people from the American deep south or west, working class rural folk like the people Branch Dravidian comes from on his white side — who can be very conflicted — some inside-outside people embrace that condition with its ambiguities and uncertainties, others do not. From way back, like in high school when I went to a public yet also partly private international school in France — itself an inside outside institution — IÂ’ve had friends and acquaintances who really, really, really, just wanted to feel comfortable somewhere. I knew people with ties to France and the U.S. who went back and forth for years — doing university courses and taking internships and jobs — in both countries, at the cost of doing similar degrees in both countries or having to revert to entry-level jobs — in search of “home.” And I know people to this day who struggle between embracing multiple backgrounds and wanting to “find a home,” and find these, at least in their experience, to be contradictory…
DesiDancer: I think it can be an uncomfortable or unnerving place to be: inside-outside. Not everyone feels it is freeing or positive, we’re conditioned from an early age to put things in boxes and shapes and label them, so when we find that we don’t fit into one ourselves, it can be very unnerving or raise questions of self-doubt as to “why can’t I fit in?” I could go off on a philosophical tangent and ask you, isn’t being mixed a bit contradictory in itself? it only makes sense that people who struggle between multiple backgrounds and definitions of self or home would feel a degree of contradiction in themself — it might be only natural…
Siddhartha: It’s true. And institutions always take time catching up to reality, right? So the lack of a census box, or the verbal burden of hyphenated identities, etc., are atavisms that put us on the spot (why don’t we fit in) when in fact, human experience always runs ahead of the words and institutions that come to reflect it… Even — or especially — the Dreaded Question, “Where are you from?”
DesiDancer: Or “What are you?” Because in a sense it undermines the comfort of being able to be put into a neat box or package with a concise label. Which means you’re different. (Gasp!)
Siddhartha: The regular desis who have the two-step iteration (1. “Where are you from?” “Wisconsin.” 2. “No, I mean originally” “India”) think they have it bad. What about us: “Where are you from?” “Um, it’s complicated, IÂ’m 1/2 this, 1/2 that, but I grew up in X, etc…” I can’t stand having to go through that rigmarole, it takes too long and I don’t want to blather on.
DesiDancer: Exactly. It’s too involved to give the whole family tree and points and dates of origin. 1/2 this, 1/4 that, 1/4 the other thing, one-drop something else. Parents came from X and Y respectively but their parents maybe came from somewhere else. Like if someone assumed your mom was French because she’s Caucasian and lives in France.
Siddhartha: Which happens all the time! “So which of your parents is French?” “uh, neither.” “Uh, are they diplomats?” “Uh… no. What century is this again?” Anyway, thereÂ’s one other thing I want to raise in today’s convo, if you have energy for one more.
DesiDancer: Go for it.
Siddhartha: Well, I want to talk — whether now or in the next instalment — about how by even bothering to think of ourselves as mixed, let alone talking about it in public, and claiming the word “mixed,” we are inscribing ourselves into the racial politics of our country — in our case, the US, and for, say, Bongsy, the UK. I feel a lot of — I want to call it responsibility, but I also want to call it curiosity — about race in America. It’s something that I assume is relevant, and that I assume it is not only cool to talk about, but healthy to talk about. And I think that being/identifying as mixed pushes me toward that, in a way that, say, being “just desi” might not have.
DesiDancer: Oooh great point, and something that Carmen & Jen and I have spoken about (the co-founders of Swirl, ND & MMW) a lot. I think it’s when you become aware of multi-cultural, multi-racial identity that you start to see how much it impacts a lot of our daily life in America. Race is still a highly charged topic and the elephant in the room, so to speak. I mean, we think we’re evolved to a colorless society, yet statistically our schools are more segregated than they were before desegregation and the civil rights movement! How is that possible, rather how is it acceptable. In acknowledging my own multiracial/multicultural identity, it was impossible not to notice the color bar that society carries. I do feel a responsibility to be active, educated, and speak out about race issues. Not just mixed issues, but all issues of color. Because the fact is that we’re all one incident away from being the next racial scapegoat. Today it might be blame Afghans, tomorrow, blame somebody else, yesterday we blamed someone different… my point is this. once you see it, you can’t be untouched by it. because it’s naive to think it won’t be your ass next.
Siddhartha: Do you think that mixies who don’t have any African American in them nonetheless tend to have a better understanding of the legacy of racism in America than do non-mixies? Big generalizations in that question, but still…
DesiDancer: to speak in a generalization, probably yes — like I said, the tables could turn tomorrow and nobody knows what group is next. It’s a simpatico thing. Knowing that you could be subjected to the same wrongs, prejudices and injustices tomorrow, that someone else is subjected to today makes it a little closer to home.
Siddhartha: Hopefully.
DesiDancer: Yeah, hopefully. What do you think?
Siddhartha: Well, I think that mixies in general are more attuned to race, yes, but I don’t think it really makes them think seriously about race in America (whatever the outcome of those thoughts might be) unless and until one of their mixed components has really experienced systematic discrimination. So I think that someone who is part-African American, or part working-class Latino, or for that matter part “white trash” or “redneck” or all those words for working class rural/southern white people, is more aware of the full impact of race in American life and American history. If your parents or grandparents were the victims of segregation, or were interned in the Japanese American internment camps, or grew up to constant and casual putting-down by people in power, that’ll make them, and hopefully you, aware in a hurry.
DesiDancer: You’re right. I guess I was speaking more of myself than I realized. As far as the general mixed population goes, IÂ’d say: Aware of race, yes. Doing anything about it, not so much.
Siddhartha: But a lot of the anti-desi prejudice has been pretty mild — schoolyard stuff, Apu jokes, etc — not full-on ugliness that scars and limits your life… until now. Many SM readers are of the generation and class where their parents arrived as “desired” immigrants — technically trained, etc.
DesiDancer: So no oppression or hate, for the most part.
Siddhartha: But others are not. Not so far away are the stories of desis who arrived in the 1930s or 1940s, pioneers of a kind… Nor the stories of working class desis today, like the vegetable cart sellers of NYC, who seem to be all Bangladeshi… And of course, as they say, “9/11 changed everything.” Which it sho’ nuff did, at least in this respect.
DesiDancer: Exactly my point. If people haven’t been aware/sensitive previously, perhaps they will be now…
Siddhartha: And so with respect to mixies, I guess IÂ’m saying that your “typical” white/desi mixie has some catching up to do too… While at the same time, might be much less affected because we can pass. (How’s that for another ill topic?)
DesiDancer: Passing for White? Definitely a long future post there.
Siddhartha: We code white. At least to enough people. And I think that the typical desi/white mixie posited above, just like many other upper middle class, suburban etc., desis, doesn’t get the position of people who are mixed desi/other minority. Like the desi/Arab sister. Or desi/blacks, of whom there are clearly a growing number, but who don’t get that much love in our comment threads.
DesiDancer: Agreed. Or desi/Native American, another mix IÂ’ve met.
Siddhartha: So, lots of material today, maybe we should wrap. We’re going to have to make a note of the “passing” topic — save that for another conversation, don’t you think?
DesiDancer: I think that’s something in and of itself, and not so much what we’ve covered today.
Siddhartha: Absolutely. As for today, are you feeling more mixed now as a result of this conversation? Or more mixed up?
DesiDancer: I’m feeling pretty fortunate. I feel like there are more options and opportunities than there are hurdles. How are you feeling?
Siddhartha: IÂ’m feeling good. I feel like we covered some interesting ground today. Went to the heart of things.
DesiDancer: Mixed, or mixed up?
Siddhartha: Mixed. Mixed nuts.
(Can I just say that I LOVE these thought provoking conversations you and DD have, and the discussion it generates here. Can’t comment in detail from work, but will be thinking about this and reading comments)
Hey guys,
Nice discussion but I kind of cringe at the words “mixed” or “mixed race.” To me these terms suggest that “pure races” still exist. For ex., most black people in this country have European heritage. Shouldn’t they all be considered mixed? The same with Latinos — aren’t they inherently mixed, too, being of European and Native American (and even African) heritage? My dad is Sri Lankan, my mom is Indian — does that make me mixed? Or does “mixed” only apply to people whose physical traits don’t fit into “mainstream” categories of race?
I personally prefer the term “multiethnic.” But I am no authority on the subject, I am just stating my own preference.
propz.
Perhaps one place you can belong in is among others who don’t “belong”…
My nephew Max is mixed (Punjabi and Irish, or what we call “Punjirish,” which means he’s pretty much destined to be a pugilistic alcholic…I think we can all see where the environment vs. heredity debate will end with this little guy). 😀
For instance, his first coherent sentence was: “Mommy…wine makes you feel better!” Uh boy…
He’s universally loved, because he’s a beautiful and (I’m not biased at all, am I?) very interesting, funny, and intelligent little 2-year-old. For a very-newly-arrived-on-the-scene kid, he’s definitely got his own personality.
Some of what you touch on about being the first to look outside your community would probably strike a chord with my sister (I’m forwarding her a link to this discussion now) and my brother-in-law. In their case, though, so many people were very supportive. If anything, I think Steve’s parents were far more supportive of his choice of bride than my own were of her choice of boyfriend. Things changed up a bit once he put a ring on her finger, but anyway, I’ll leave that to her to describe if she wants to participate in the discussion…
I personally love heterogeneity. I like mixes of things (be they music, foods, cultures, languages, or people), because they take the mundane and make it new again.
Amen to that. We are so NOT a colorless society. And we never will be, and I actually don’t want us to be.
Someone in another thread today said something (which mirrors what Dubya says) along the lines that the world is becoming divided into two camps: those who are Muslim vs. everyone else. Such baloney. If we’re going to make some kind of simplistic divide like that, then let’s tell the truth. The world is divided into people who like to include and accept, and people who reject and vilify.
That was very long and I’ll have to go back and read through it more carefully later. But Siddhartha, you said:
But in your particular case (my impression) you seem so knowledgable about and well-versed in Bengali identity/culture…you know the history, the achievements, the literary tradition, the characteristics of the people, and also exactly where you and your family fit in to all that. My hunch is you even know which parts of Bengal your family originally hailed from (I’m assuming they probably came from some villages prior to settling in Calcutta?) You even have experience of long summers spent in Calcutta (and other parts of India?) You have some familiarity with the language. My point is, in your particular case, why any identity crisis at all? Now on the other hand, there could be half-Bengali/half-White mixes out there who are oblivious to all that, and have none of that knowledge, awareness, or experience…THEY could have an identity crisis and maybe feel that they don’t fit in anywhere…I guess my point is I’m surprised to hear you imply you wouldn’t feel at home in a Bengali setting.
Word Siddhartha. At least some coping mechanisms have enviable side-effects…
DD, Thank you for saying that. I secretly like to believe everyone feels the same way but isn’t able (brave enough?) to articulate it.
You two have written the psychological synopsis of my life. Cheers!
Hey thanks so much for the shout-out, desidancer! I too have really been enjoying these “Mixed Messages” posts. There’s something about the conversational format that lends a great intimacy to the posts. 🙂
lavanya, we’ve come across a lot of people who feel that way about the term “mixed.” We’ve noticed an interesting dichotomy where it often seems to be the parents of mixed kids who dislike the term, whereas mixed people themselves mostly embrace it. Jen and I wrote a Q&A about it awhile back, in case you want to check that out.
Do you/like or love/either or both/of me?
Ah, Phoebe Snow. More after rehearsals, but to me this song always epitomised my beigeness. And interesting, DD, that you’ve been comfortable with West Indians; one of my favourite work colleagues, ever, was a West Indian mixie, and we shared a commonality of confusion I’ve seldom seen.
and BTW:
I’ve always preferred “sexy motherf**er” to “mixed.”
Thanks so much to both of you for your candid comments and discussion. I’m learning quite a bit from your posts. The unfortunate second side to that is your posts reveal a lot of my own ignorance. I can’t tell you how many times I thought to myself, “I didn’t even think of it from that angle” while reading your post. I also have a couple questions. I’m not sure if the answers have been covered in previous discussions, but here goes. Siddartha, how do you compare your treatment/how you are received in the U.S. v. France? Is there any difference at all? Second, and this question is for both of you from a person who is not mixed race. I know my personal growth followed a definite curve. As a child/teenager, I rejected just about anything Indian. In college, intellectual curiosity led me to study more about Indian culture and history, but I still did not really embrace it on a personal level. Today, I find myself embracing my “Indian-ness” more and more. Do you two have an analagous experience? By that I mean do you appreciate being mixed race more now than when you were younger, or do you still get upset by the hassle of being mixed? Thanks again. This blog ROCKS!!!!
and O YES! to not quite fitting in anywhere – and to me, even the confines of my own home are a constant rearrangement of “which race am I today?”
OK, now I’m late. I’m blaming the Indian half, though.
Excellent discussion. For me the discussion of “mixed” is extremely relatable and brings back some bitter sweet memories. My parents are both Maharashtrian. My mother and her entire family are pasty white skinned and blue/green eyed. My mother was the only one of all her siblings to marry a fairly dark average looking Indian man (my father) and my brother and I were the only kids that were always the “outsiders” growing up. We never fit in.
All our cousins that we grew up with were “white”…I mean shit my whitest of white friends are dark in front of that family. We were the only kids that looked “Indian” and my entire identity for nearly 2 decades was wrapped around this notion of not fitting in. I’ve unfortunately heard the word “ugly ducklin” in so many forms for so many years I believed for a long long time when I was a child that there was something wrong with me. We were treated differently.
So this conversation for the most part as much as it is about “mixed” races appeals to me very much and hits home because I always felt torn and separate from both sides of the family. We were the darkest compared to my mom’s side and the lightest compared to my dad’s side and I never would have believed anyone if it wasn’t for my own reality how omnipresent the skin color issue is in Indian families.
Thank you for the conversation. I’m looking forward to the discussion.
fitting is a function of both:
a) exogenous traits (your religion, your race, your looks, your income) b) endogenous traits (your personality)
neither is necessary, but either can be sufficient, for alienation. ticking off exogenous traits might not give you a clue as to mental states of someone….
Uh, I tripped on a banana peel and in flailing around, I accidentally deleted a comment. Sorry! You can re-post it if you like… or since it was sort of directed at one other commenter, perhaps you could send it to her directly at her blog. Sorry 🙁
when the census lets me choose that box, you’d better believe I will. Til then…
Razib,
I don’t think I’ve ever seen exogenous or endogenous used in this particular context before, applied to personal attributes instead of heriditary traits or genetic expression of substances within a cell or organism. Interesting…something to think about.
In this context, Exogenous = externally imposed or inherited via some (undefined) social or hereditary structure? Endogenous = traits which are attributable to a particular individual?
Interesting distinction.
Hmm…from a memetic standpoint, endogenous traits could be heritable, so are they really enogenous? To quote Opus the Penguin, “Well, you can just rock me to sleep tonight!”
As far as fitting in with non-desis goes, I’ve never had serious issues. I was raised “white”… and, more importantly, I look white. Most strangers assume that I am white… or at “worst” some kind of Latino or Mediterranean type. Even those who learn otherwise have a hard time really grasping that fact. Let’s just say that I already know what I’ll have on my tombstone: BUT HE DIDN’T LOOK INDIAN!
White acquaintances for the most part lower their guard around me. I’ve heard quite a few “towelhead” and “camel jockey” references directed at anonymous third persons. Only rarely did their authors sheepishly acknowledge my presence after the fact. I have encountered a few dedicated racists that wanted nothing to do with me. One of the most memorable incidents actually was a case of mistaken identity. I was introduced at a party to some guy from a prominant Dallas family. For the remainder of the night he followed me around dropping non-sequitor references to “lettuce pickers,” “wetbacks” and “greasy tacos.” It turns out that this mental giant assumed that my last name(ending in “swami”) was Mexican. Good times…
The really nasty stuff was rare, however. The typical attitude toward India and South Asia… especially pre 9/11… was one of benign indifference. Most of the really odd comments I encountered were inspired by genuine ignorance, not malice. Some people saw me as a kind of intermediary, and turned to me with their questions on the rare occasions when India was in the news or the topic of conversation. I came to dread those weekly “National Geographic Explorer” shows. After a particularly rough episode I was sure to be barraged with questions at work. “Do you guys really worship snakes?” Or more typically, “Do they really eat rats? Or do they worship the rats first and then eat them?” I noticed that people would be much more forward with such questions to me than they would with a real, “brown all over” desi.
All this being said, the ABD types I knew also had little more trouble fitting in than I did… perhaps even less. I know that the whole “model minority” trope has about as much credence in these parts as Scientology and alligators in the sewers… but there were times when it seemed very real to me. When I was new to the ABD scene, I was astounded by all these people who appeared to be more driven than me, more successful than me, better looking than me, more popular than me… The really intimidating thing was that they weren’t just better than me at being desi… they seemed to be better at being American. Of course this was all before 9/11…
I have been spared most of the post 9/11 fallout. I don’t have to worry about strangers seeing “brown,” assuming “Arab/Pakistani/MUSLIM!!!1!” and acting out accordingly. Anyone who knows about my connections to South Asia must also know that I’m associated with the “safe” part of the subcontinent, i.e. “Hindu” India. The few unpleasant situations I’ve encountered were not based on color but on grooming. I have a pretty substantial beard… and there are some folks who assume that means I’m Muslim. Not just Muslim but the worst kind of Muslim… the white convert/American Taliban/shoebomber/pod person kind… One last bit of advice. If you’re ever in Columbus… and you see one of those Brutus the Buckeye dolls… the ones that can talk and sing the Ohio State fight song… and are filled with assorted wiring and mysterious electronics for the purpose of such vocalizations… and you think that it would make a great gift for your best friend’s daughter… do NOT… I repeat, DO NOT… put it in your carry-on bag. That is all…
Exogenous = externally imposed or inherited via some (undefined) social or hereditary structure? Endogenous = traits which are attributable to a particular individual?
basically. the problem i think that sometimes occurs is that people confuse these two. e.g., i have been in situations where racial or religious minorities automatially assume that person x, who is from the dominant community outwardly, “fit in” by the nature of who they are. but, person x is shy/sensitive/maladjusted, and have as many, or more, social issues than the person of the minority community who was self-confident and accomplished. similarly, many people who say, “well, people don’t like me because i’m different,” might be conflating exogenous with endoganous factors. they might simply have a difficult personality, or be shy and unsure around people by their nature, so if they magically had white skin, were upper-middle-class, christian, etc., they might still have the same issues because the personality is no different.
some might argue that exogenous difference, whether of race, religion or sex, might necessarily be sufficient imply that one is an outsider.
Do they really eat rats?
is this about your cajun side, or the brown side? 🙂
I think you underscore an important point…for all the ‘model-minority’ debunking that goes on here, there ARE a LOT of people in ‘our community’ who fit that description…they shouldn’t be brushed off as if they don’t exist either.
They were never “brushed off”, just contextualized.
Also, Branch Dravidian, aren’t your Indian roots Tamil Christian? Unless you feel that since your ancestors were originally Hindu in the more remote past, you’re laying claim to that (which I think is perfectly valid).
They were never “brushed off”, just contextualized.
yes, contextualization is good. but the tone pretty much resembles an enraged scream from some quarters, and is a perfect mirror of the vapid triumphalism of some primitives.
interracial children more likely to engage in ‘problem behavior’ in low income seattle schools, but, important point:
Choi has yet to decipher all the factors that exacerbate multiracial youths’ “bad outcomes,” but racial discrimination is part of the equation. Kids act out in response to ridicule or ostracism. In junior high and high school, “some [racial] groups are very exclusive. Other children will push you out if you’re a racial combination.” In similar surveys in Hawaii, she notes, multiracial youths did not show more problems than their monoracial classmates. “It’s not even an issue there—so many people come from multiple backgrounds.” In the U.S. at large, interracial marriages account for 4 percent of the total; in Hawaii they account for nearly half.
I was just noting that most outsiders think of India as “Hindu” or at least “not Muslim.” Obviously that’s a gross over-simplification… but nonetheless people approach me with different assumptions from those they would have if I was half-Pakistani or half-Afghan…
I was just noting that most outsiders think of India as “Hindu” or at least “not Muslim.” Obviously that’s a gross over-simplification… but nonetheless people approach me with different assumptions from those they would have if I was half-Pakistani or half-Afghan…
i’m frankly surprised they make the distinction. i’ve been ‘hindu’ my whole life 🙂 and ‘muslim’ too.
Some folks in Louisiana swear by the tasty nutria, which is pretty much an oversized aquatic rat… but I have never indulged. I am a bit of a wimp, however, when it comes to things (supposedly)edible. I don’t even suck the heads when I eat crawfish…
BD, yeah, that’s y i made the crack. i had a cajun friend, and i visited an ex in louisiana. culinarily the cajuns on the chinese of the south 🙂
DD, Siddhartha: Nice post. The dialogue is frank, casual, and insightful. Thanks for sharing.
Re: spreading culture; one of the only places I can contribute to the discussion…I think in some ways its an interesting thing for men to transmit culture. For one, often you are transmitting a culture in which you have priviledge, and this has to be handled carefully so you are not just transmitting your priviledge, but a legitatement aspect of culture. Another aspect is that many of the spaces in which culture is transmitted are specified for men and women. For example art, there are fewer males around, and in areas are more represented by men; like cricket, bhangra, some aspects of religious worship. More neutral is language fluency.
The rest of the discussion, a point taken is, this is a discussion on the “mixed-state” which I respect as such and look to learn from.
Peas
found something on wikipedia an awesome list of famous Indian-Americans. A lot of them have part Indian heritage.
Actually I think language fluency, at least in the early years, is more from the mom. Which is probably where they got the concept of mothertongue. And, since in India, women seem to be more snobby and status-conscious than men, you have all these anglicised women, speaking English to their precious babies, who then grow up barely learning their own language; meanwhile dad is happy talking Punjabi/Hindi/whatever.
Yep. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been told “I don’t think of you as different (brown/Indian/whatever) at all! You’re so. . . normal!” I think this has something to do with our fluidity. (I continue to find it a bit insulting. How can you not notice my skin colour, and claim to know me?) I too have been told that I seem at home in almost any situation very quickly. Interestingly, all my best friends at university were foreign art students who had been raised in American schools abroad – that is, for instance, a Brasilian and a German who both spoke fluent Amerglish. They had the ‘different-but-same-ness’ about them that my siblings and I shared. And, like us, they were thirsty for somewhere – anywhere – they could be comfortable and let down their hair. With each other, somehow, we managed. We were oddballs together.
I also find interesting the differences between DesiDads and panoply of aunties and mothers. I have a friend who is a conducting student at Yale, almost my age, beige, but with a dad instead. (NB I have a master’s in same and went to school not far away, and we met at a summer programme for conductors; in short, we’re pretty similar, as far as externals go) My family life was essentially Indian with occasional interactions with my father’s WASPs. My friend’s, quite the opposite. This ranges from meals to attitudes. Amongst ye of beigeness, which parent is brown? Does that have particular effect upon your experience? What about proximity to family? We were 500 miles away, and our experience, isolated in reflective-America, was quite different from our Canadian cousins, who lived in the bosom of the family madness. Youse?
O, the anglicised, status-conscious women! O that I was relatively spared their wrath! O that I still had to read Kipling anyway, and write such odd words as Hallowe’en, favourite and colour!
there is a bias for religion in the USA to be passed down the mother’s line. this is why daniel kosmin in one nation under god reported religious retention from mother-child. re: language, that tends to be the influence of peers unless you are austistic. females tend to (cross-culturally) move “up dialect” far more than males (that is, in relation to natal SES).
and O! that the best actor Hollywood can offer is one of us. Sorta. (Ben Kingsley. That’s right, Mr. Sexy Beast and Mr. Gandhi . Damn, what range.
so does this mean if i comment incessantly like this DesiDancer chick for 3 years, I’ll get my own little column thing?!
Heya 🙂
V interesting to read the Living the Mix discussion, DD and Siddhartha! Thanks for illuminating some of the unicolours like me on the mixed race experience, sounds like a heightened emphasised version of the sense of disconnection that most immigrant/minority kids feel.
Can’t wait to see the whole ‘passing’ discussion. I have a Fijian friend who is 3/4 European and 1/4 Pacific Islander and she’s discussed the strange situation of benefitting from ‘passing’ as white but the flipside of people viewing her as a non-authentic Pacific Islander (pretty rich white girl).
I have mixed race cousins and I thought it was all light eyes and better lookin’ genes…this discussion keeps opening mine to the unique experiences of mixies (that reminds of Indian blenders) but it’s better than half-castes, the worst term ever.
off on a tangent….
I checked out your site siddhartha, I’m so crushin’ on you (intelligent men do that to me)!!!
ok, back om subject…..
You two have pretty much summed up what I feel most of the time in reference to never feeling completely “at home” pretty much anywhere that I am, yet conversly fitting in and making a home in spite of a certain level of discomfort. It’s funny cause when I tell people that I’m never entirely comfortable with anyone they can’t believe it, becasue I always seem as if I’m comfortable. I feel very uncomfortable around large groups of desis not because of anything that they do or say to me, but more simply because I feel like a fraud, because I’m not truly one of them. A few years ago, my ex ( the only person I’ve ever felt completely comfy with) encouraged me to start to learn a bit more about desi culture so that maybe I would begin to feel more comfortable with who I was, so I started to go to the different events sponsored by the asia society here in NY where I live, but I would always feel so uncomfortable that I eventually gave up. It’s very difficult to be in a group of people where you are the only one that look obviously “other”.
Like DD when I first came to the US, I tended to gravitate more towards people that were “other”, not mixed per say, but anyone with a touch of difference to them that made mine not so obvious and would be less commented on. I still tend to do that, my mum says I collect friends from all over the world.
siddhartha
In my opinion, I don’t think it’s possible. First understand that to the average american psyche, dark skinned people are not separated into groups the way that we people of colour do ourselves, we’re all black as far as they’re concerened. Where a desi/white mix will either be viewed as either white, desi, or perhaps latino or italian, there’s no denying for us (blcak/desi) what we are or rather are not, as such we experience the same kinds of racism that blacks from any part of the world experience in this country. I think that as with anything, true experience is the only thing that can truly inform a perspective. Other desi mixes can and probably will always have an intellectual understanding of the lagacy of rasicm directed at blacks in the US and may even empathize just because of who or what they are, but unless you have truly experienced, the looks, the perceptions, the being followed around a store because someone expects you to steal something based merely on the colour of your skin, then you can never really understand that particular animal. It’s such a part of the american fabric, that any new immigrant group is automatically above you on the totem pole, thus every group, either conciously or subconciously, has some form of negative stereotype directed at blacks. Since no other ethnic group wants to be the lowest man on the pole, they buy into the superiority of their own group, and practice their own form of discrimination. The racism experienced by blacks in this country is so different than that expereinced by other groups that there is no comparison. it’s often subtle and you can almost think that you imagined it, but you didn’t. So unless you’ve walked around in that skin, you can’t really understand it as well as the person that has.
sorry for the typos, i’m tired.
Agarme,
Highly unlikely if you write unnecessarily disrespectful posts like this, my friend.
Only, my dear boy/girl/thing, if you comment with wit, insight, and delicacy. Such needless bile will only get you flamed.
DesiDancer & Siddhartha,
Superb article. Thank you very much once again for being so open and honest about everything; it’s proving to be extremely enlightening. You’re both very brave for doing this. My thanks also to DD for indirectly answering the question I’d posted on the previous thread regarding what factors caused her to happily gravitate towards the desi side 😉
I suspect that your next article — “Passing for white” — may well set off some fireworks on SM, so I’m looking forward to reading that too 🙂
Siddhartha & DesiDancer, A beautiful and most insightful post. Much respect
Just three measly entries under Sports; now that, is the common bond we will all share:)
I think its interesting that usually people don’t describe famous people being of a mixed race. Salma Hayek is always described as Mexican even though she is half Lebanese. Enrique Iglesias is always the Latin lover, but not many people know he is half Filipino. And so on.
“My point is, in your particular case, why any identity crisis at all? Now on the other hand, there could be half-Bengali/half-White mixes out there who are oblivious to all that, and have none of that knowledge, awareness, or experience…THEY could have an identity crisis and maybe feel that they don’t fit in anywhere…I guess my point is I’m surprised to hear you imply you wouldn’t feel at home in a Bengali setting.”
sometimes i think the more knowledge and choice you have (and you don’t have to be “mixed,” this could also relate to all the displaced single ethnicity people living in two or more different worlds) the more confusing and/or conducive it is to either an identity crisis or experiencing the “out of place everywhere, at home nowhere” feeling. sometimes too much choice or knowledge is also hard to handle and for some (not necessarily siddhartha) it becomes a tug of war. i know some americans/europeans who grew up in india, speaking the local languages, nonethelesss always a bit out of place in india, but who, upon returning to their home countries found it very difficult to cope, despite suddenly (superficially at least) having more in common with those around them. some returned to live in india, often with american/european spouses who had never been to or lived in india.
Desi Dancer and Siddhartha,
Splendidly courageous discussion as before.
Although, one minor quibble. Perhaps youÂ’re using received terminology, and describing yourselves the way society describes you, but iÂ’m not sure what you mean by “race.” Like Lavanya, i too prefer the term ethnic because, to me, the experiences of in-between-ness seem mostly cultural rather than biological. To me, the term “race” is too reminiscent of “species,” which is how racialist eugenicists described mixed marriages–remember how the term “mulatto” is borrowed from comparisons between donkey-and-mule mating?
Someone mentioned anger when he feels that his skin color being overlooked–that response I’m having trouble understanding because it seems to foreground skin color above intrinsic human worth. Perhaps that’s because of my South Indian heritage where family can range in skin color from my fabulous, dark-as-coal grandmother who was a famous beauty in her days, to her husband, my grandfather, “pink as the proverbial Englishman.” I donÂ’t remember color ever being a big issue–and in the Desi South (unlike the Dixie South) color is never considered a reliable indicator of character, beauty, wealth, or even caste.
So yes, I have trouble understanding angst about someone ‘failing’ to see your skin color.
Ironically (as a black fly in your Chardonnay) in both my professional gigs iÂ’m painfully aware that my race (dark skin) is often my badge. As a graduate student i have to be vigilant against being used as a multicultural token; in the modeling world, iÂ’m frequently conscious of complying with my fetishization.
Amartya SenÂ’s latest is an enthralling read–and a reminder that identity crises are the result of having to describe oneself by checking boxes rather than writing poems :).
Post # 45 (Who’s God Is It)
That is my ongoing experience.
I completely agree. Anjali, do you think that your awareness of various types of racism is increased because you are mixed? I know that I tend to put myself out there more often and often deal with people who are not black. While I meet individuals who are kind, I ALWAYS come across people who make sure I remember I’m black and that being black is bad (because, if you didn’t know, its entirely possible that black people are genetically inferior and its imperative that someone do the research that will surely prove it). Anyway, its hard being told frequently, whether the words are meant to harm or not (“I could never bring home a black guy/girl, my parents would take the bridge”). If I were to surround myself with other blacks (something we are always accused of doing with malice) I wouldn’t have to worry so much about the negative attitudes of other people of color (+whites). But you, Anjali, cannot necessarily retreat to a black environment and get the same sanctuary that I could. Have you noticed this and do you wish you had that option?
Also, Siddhartha and Desi Dancer and the other recently mixed individuals (and i say this because I agree that a large number of people are mixed)
To add: I think it depends largely on the mix. In my experience the most clueless bunch… or rather, the most likely not to think about these sort of things are the hapa half white half asian mixes. And this is not to bash any particular group, but to answer your question. I have met many of these and they tend to be more assimilated into white society than any other mix group I know. This is likely because asians tend to assimilate more even if they are not mixed. I find a lot of asian people (usually the more educated ethnic groups) are unable to relate to the struggles of black, latino, native american groups. I think that being indian, or brown, is what makes desi mixes a little more aware. I’ve been reading this blog for a while, and one thing I have definitely noticed is the frequency with which the bloggers and commenters draw upon african american experiences in order to figure out where they fit in. This characteristic isn’t as present in east asian circles.
funny you bring this up.. last night i learned that nigel barker on ‘america’s top model’ is actually 1/2 sri lankan..not the british hottie that i always thought he was.. (and yeah for anchala to make it to the next round.. so all the brownies are not losers this week (in reference to the couple on amazing race))..
it’s like tiger woods–who is 1/2 thai as well..yet usually identified as african american…
it reminds me of the dave chapelle segment on ‘race draft’….the draft allowed ethnic groups to trade for people of other races that they’d always wanted to adopt (Black folks draft Eminem and trade Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice; Asians walk off with the Wu-Tang Clan)…here is the clip for those to enjoy…
happy thursday… and sid/dd–great post yet again…
I forgot to finish this sentence. I meant to ask if you experienced anything similar to what I was explaining to Anjali. I know you guys mentioned not feeling comfortable, but it seemed to be more a factor of not fitting in culturally than a specifically race based issue.