“Dude, I was at this Indian Wedding over the weekend…”

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Technophobic Geek recently overheard the following at his middle eastern drum circle:

Instructor: So I was playing the tablas at this very fancy and HUGE Indian wedding last weekend. It was really quite fascinating. I haven’t seen a wedding this big in a while.
Other guy: How many people?
Instructor: At least 400, maybe 500 people. It was a really traditional wedding. Not only in terms of the ceremony, but it was also an (with dramatic pause) arranged wedding.
Everyone else: (awestruck) Wow!
Instructor: In fact, it was so arranged that the bride did not smile at all through the entire wedding, not one time.
Other guy: Was she at least over 18, I mean, she wasn’t like 12 or something, right?
Instructor: No, not at all, she was in her early 20s, at least that’s what they said.
(Everyone heaves a palpable sigh of relief). (link)

Our technophobic friend says he was rendered speechless by this (“I had no idea where to even start bridging this cultural chasm…”), so let’s help him out. The first thing he could say is that it’s striking that arranged marriage is still such a stigmatized practice in the U.S. — especially amongst “laid back dudes” in one’s social circle. Come on guys, get over it: learn something about the culture of the people who invented the tabla you’ve learned to play.

Second, it’s not necessarily the case that it was an actual, no-prior-meeting, arranged marriage (actually pretty rare these days in the diaspora). Any help from websites and/or parents is often construed as “arranging” by people outside the loop, when in fact “assisting” might be a more accurate way to describe it.

As for why the bride wasn’t smiling: uncomfortable outfit? Awkward hair? Cultural expectation?

155 thoughts on ““Dude, I was at this Indian Wedding over the weekend…””

  1. Mrssmith,

    I would be the “one person.” And the reason I said that was because I am an Indian-American male, and have dated non-Indians as well as Indians. And I’m even divorced, too. I think I have perspective in effin’ spades.

    Perhaps you simply and unfortunately picked the wrong thread. Try this one out instead.

    Best of luck, and hopefully things will go better for you soon. If that brown was bad to you, remember: there are other fish in the sea, and they come in all kinds of colors.

  4. Mr. Anand –

    for you to post a link that directs me to a website where one can browse a veritable catalog of dolled-up desi girls in mid-rumpshake at their respective weddings as they share the most intimate of details, including “group dance”, “mendhi” and “belly dancing” , is part pervy, part disturbing and wholly questionable.

    scumbag

    (thank you)

  5. I know this post is an older one, but I came across it randomly and found it very interesting…..

    “”assisting” might be a more accurate way to describe it“…

    HA! I will agree that this is sometimes accurate, but I guess it all depends on how the “assistee” perceives said “assistance”…for example, being born and raised in Canada, and coming home from work one day, to have your father tell you “You’re going to be 27 this year, we’ve already waited too long. Come this summer, we’re going to put you on every website, and have you engaged before the end of the year“….well that feels a little more “hands-on” than what you’d define as “assistance”, haha…

    Hmmm….and my response to that time-line? Well my answer was the obvious “nod and leave the room” (so as to avoid an actual confrontation, since “under rug swept” is usually the way to go), but other than that, well let’s just say I’m one of the few Canadians who doesn’t mind if it takes a little longer to get to Summer 2008… 😉